Second in Polygamy

Heart-beatSo, today is Husband Swap day. We have a three day schedule, with a few adjustments made for special days like birthdays, and vacations. Usually it works just fine, it’s become normal.

This morning, I left Mark to go fetch a mirror I had had repaired, and after that I was going to Graham in the Chilterns. But just as I was leaving the shop in Slough, Mark called me and asked if I could stop by in St Albans and pick up a bag of books from a co-worker of his. I said fine, So, I texted Graham that I would be late because I needed to do Mark this favour and that was that. I thought.

When I came to the Chilterns, there was nobody there. No Tamsin, no Graham. And when I tried calling him, no answer. I called Mark and my children, they hadn’t heard anything either. I was so worried! Then, I got a text from Graham.

“Gone to the airport. Tickets for Dublin. Going alone, since you would have made us miss the flight. Tamsin’s with mom.”

I called him, over and over. And then I got another text:

“Please stop calling. I don’t want to talk to you right now. I’m going on my own, need to be alone. I want to come first in my own life for a couple of days, since I’ll obviously always come second in yours. Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.”

So, there you are.

Surprises are a bad idea in polygamy. Not keeping the schedule is a bad idea. Taking each other for granted is a bad idea.

I really don’t know what to do know. Maybe I’ll just go back to London.

Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

Over and over again, we hear from muslims that the fact that there are different rights and responsibilities for men and women in islam is based on the differences between the sexes. I won’t even go into the warped logics behind such a statement, but I would like to touch upon the idiocy of some of the arguments that come to light.

I will use this post from a mufti as an example:

 

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

If it were a woman’s nature to obey her husband, give up on half her inheritance, live polygyny, give up work, hide her face etc. she would do so without any rule forcing her! It is only when something is unnatural that we need a law and force to make it happen.

And in what way is polyandry impractical? As a matter of fact, it is highly practical! A woman gets the incomes of two males to support her children, it could solve the issue of over-population, the children of the family get two males to look up to and be protected by, and the woman gets to enjoy variety and the pleasure of two or more husbands.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

First of all, a woman is able to have sex as many times as she likes in a day. The same is not true for a man. So women are biologically much better suited to please several partners than men are. Men are simply inept and bound to fall short when it comes to polygamy and sex. Or how could a man fulfill the marital demands of two, or four, women who all need sex on the same day?? Nope. Men are incapable of this. Women are made for it. And this temperament issue – aren’t you contradicting your own creed? I thought this whole gender-discrimination thing was built on the claim that women are temperamental, men are rational? So of course, it is much easier for a temperamental and emotional woman to keep two or more rational and reasonable men happy, than for a rational man to keep two or more emotional and temperamental women happy! Anybody can understand that, you silly sod. As for challenges, muslims tend to defend their misogyny stating that the gender preference is because of the many challenges and the responsibility that men have to face. Now, you suddenly claim that it’s women who face challenges. So, what way do you want to go?? And as I just said, the challenges are evidently much greater for polygamous men than for polygamous women.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

Actually, it was perfect. I had two men supporting our family while I was pregnant. Two men who could support each other through my pregnancy. Two men who could help each other. One man who could take care of the house and keep working while the other staid at home with me once my baby was born. So – what’s the problem as you see it?? The lineage is no problem, easy peasy. DNA. The test takes 2 minutes. (One of my husbands can’t father a child any more, so for us it didn’t even take 2 minutes to work out). Any child could teach you how to take the test. Problem solved!

As for emotions and jealousy – again…YOU are the people claiming that women are emotional, men are rational. If that were true, of course men wouldn’t be jealous and emotional about sharing their wife. As it is, you guys are full of BS, and men are just as emotional. But the thing is, women are much better at empathy. We can handle emotional spouses much better than men can. So again, women are much better suited at being polygamous than men are!

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

No. It is clear from the above that the ruling that says females should not be allowed to be polygamous is misogynistic bullshit. And if you read the quran, you’ll find that Allah actually allows polyandry. Only misogynist men have interpreted the sura their way and contradicted Allah. And come up with crap like the BS above to excuse this crime against humanity.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Well, better than muslim scholars anyway.

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

You do know that polygyny is illegal in the US, bro?

“She Should Have Married Both!”

My daughter was staying over with me in London with a couple of friends the other night. They were talking about a TV show called “Bachelorette”. Obviously a young woman starts dating something like 15 men, and in each show somebody is eliminated and in the end she must choose between the final two. By that time of course, after dating and intimacy over a period of time, they all have strong feelings for each other.

My daughter and her friends were talking about a season finale. The girl was apparently deeply in love with both remaining men, and both men came to her to propose. She ended up dissing a man she had made love to, and confessed to being in love with. My daughter and her friends were all “Oh she should have kept Nick, he was much cuter and nicer, or she should have kept both. Yeah, she should have married both!!”

I’ve been browsing the net, and realize most people out there talking about this show seem to agree. They say, she should have kept both guys. And they say it because they saw that she was very much in love with both men, and they with her. I’ve even found women on a muslim web forum who say it!! And they do so intuitively, because of the romance and the love. Of course, they aren’t serious. But subconsciously, they recognize that it is not disgusting when a woman loves two men, is intimate with more than one man. No – it’s all in the packaging!

I know many friends of mine who have said the same about Love Actually, that Keira Knightley should have married both men. Because it’s so romantic….. It’s all in the packaging! It’s amazing really how islam manages to package polygyny as good, caring, moral and allowed while at the same time make polyandry out to be disgusting. And people buy into that, just like they buy into the newest fashion, or for that matter just like they bought into jews being untermensch during WWII.

I had a look at season 11 of The Bachelorette. It was fascinating. The thing that struck me the most is how the men there sound and act exactly like wives in polygamy. All the insecurities, the jealousy, the fighting over who is the favourite, while all the while having to force themselves to accept the situation with a smile, or else they’re out. So fascinating!! And perfect proof that everything muslim scholars try to deceive people into believing about the differences between men and women and our reactions to polygamy is an utter and blatant lie!!

Gee, I had no idea reality TV can be so enlightening!

 

The True State of Polygamy

imagesAs you probably know, my second husband Graham had a stroke a while back.

It has been scary, hurtful and it has opened our eyes to the value of life, just as it would have had our marriage been monogamous. But some of the issues we’ve had have been specific to polygamy.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that one of my husbands could die, while I’m with the other husband. How would I feel if Graham had died from the stroke, while I had been off having a romantic night out with Mark, or making love to Mark? What would have happened if Graham had been all alone and unable to get help? What if he had been brain damaged, and the doctors had told me that if he had received help in time he would have been ok, but since he didn’t he’ll be living his life unable to communicate, eat or move…How would I live with that on my conscience?

I have realized that I can never be a half time wife to two husbands, I must be a full time wife to two husbands. There is no emergency I can decline attending to, there is no request I can turn down, there is no moment of sadness, loneliness or fear in my spouse that is not my responsibility to alleviate.

I have realized that had both my husbands had young children, I would have had to give up on polygamy. It would have been a 48 hours a day job, just to be a full time mother. No way could I have been a full time wife also. Any man who opts for polygamy with children in both his families does this knowing that he is forfeiting fatherhood and husbandhood in order to be polygamous. He chooses polygamy over his wives and children. Any spouse of such a man must be aware that this is his choice. Polygamy is more important to him than you are, than your children are.

It’s also been agonizing to see that my love for the other husband is still so painful to both my husbands. I think they’ve both lulled themselves into a calm life of make belief, where they both disregard my life with the other husband and my love for him. Like, each husband believes I have a love marriage with him, and a marriage of duty with the other. Ok, I can see how they build that scenario in their minds and hearts. But it keeps all the pain and hurt alive and raw, since all make belief  Potemkin villages are torn down and the truth comes out whenever life has me show my love openly.

You know, in one way or another, I believe the only way to survive when your spouse is polygamous is by building some kind of make belief around the whole situation. You make yourself believe you are the favourite. Or you make yourself believe that your spouse is just off to work when she/he is actually with another spouse. Or you make yourself believe this is what god wants. You make yourself believe you’ll be rewarded somehow if you can only make it through the day.

Polygamy is a matrix. It’s the Truman show.

 

Polygamy Hatred

1013483_354648064665525_279483948_nI get a lot of people who come here only to condemn my lifestyle, to tell me I’m going to hell and that my poor deluded muslim husband will join me there (obviously most of these people hate the fact that Mark has accepted my being polygamous while they don’t really care about Graham). One woman wrote me a whole load of e-mails telling me I’m tempting muslim women to be disobedient against the word of god, and their husbands which seems to be the same thing, and that I have fallen into the arms of Satan. After a long exchange we realized we both live in London. So, I offered to meet her. After a while she accepted. Last night we met at a coffee bar and talked. I was a bit nervous, I must admit.

She was a woman in her mid forties, Asian, and she wore a hijab. She seemed to be just as nervous as I was. We had a very interesting talk. She started out telling me that polygyny is difficult enough without people like me tempting women to question the word of Allah. She told me I made polygyny worse on women, not better. And she told me that she was worried that my muslim husband would end up in hell because he accepts being a cuckold.

I told her, my blog is about empowering women. It’s about letting women know that there are other ways to live your life, to survive polygamy, and to interpret the word of god. My husband has actually accepted that the quran allows polyandry. We have met other muslims who have too, after reading this blog. I told her this is about more than polygamy, it’s about human rights, about the right to be loved equally.

She asked me why I hated polygyny. I asked her why she hated polyandry. She answered: because it is disgusting and horrible and immoral and makes me sick to the stomach. I said that that’s exactly why I hate polygyny. What is inherently evil to you is inherently good to me and vice versa. Maybe we must just accept that somebody not agreeing with you doesn’t automatically make them evil, or stupid. We sat staring at each other. Finally she said: Ok, yes I see. I see what you mean.

So we talked. For a long, long time. And when we parted, she said that she could actually respect me and my choices. She could see that there are actually a lot of advantages to making muslim men aware of the power of women, and the fact that women can manage polygamy too. She giggled.

My Beauty is Only For My Spouse

Both my husbands are very attractive men.

My first husband used to be boy-band material, a really pretty boy who turned into a very beautiful man. My second husband isn’t pretty at all, but very attractive in a more scruffy kind of way. I know that many women find them attractive.

Younger women seem to fancy my first husband. I can see how they look at him, smile, touch their hair. And he is very responsive to that, always has been. I know that he takes immense pleasure in being adored. Most women who show interest in my second husband are more of my own age. Intelligent, strong women who recognize an equal, and are attracted by that.

My two husbands?

My two husbands?

Most of the time, I quite enjoy it when other women show interest in my husbands. The admiring look, the cute smile. I take pride in being married to attractive men. I know, my husbands feel the same way when I get appreciation from other men.

But then I read blogposts from people discussing the hijab. They say things like “My beauty is only for my spouse”, “Modesty is the best character trait”, “A pearl must be hidden so nobody will try to steal it” “I won’t stoop to being a sex-object” “We must hide that which is most precious”. And I’m starting to think, maybe they are right.

I should tell my husbands to wear niqab, see how they feel about it. They shouldn’t be out there tempting other women with their beauty. And muslim men should definitely wear niqab – since they can go off and marry other women as they please there is an ever greater necessity to keep them out of tempting sight! Don’t they feel belittled by the way women check them out?

I’m going to have a talk about his with my two gems, maybe it’s time for them to become hidden?

Islamic Polygyny – A Stanford Prison Experiment

The Stanford Prison Experiment is a world famous, or infamous, psychology study, meant to research into how people react in a game of dominance/submission.

Ordinary, sane and well educated middle class young men volunteered and were selected for the experiment. Nine were to be prisoners, nine were guards. The guards were instructed to try and rob the prisoners of their individuality and to break them into submission using special clothing and mental force. The Experiment has been analyzed in oh so many ways, but what is obvious is that the prisoners submitted to abuse and their personalities changed into passive submission with bouts of angst and rebellion. The guards quickly grew more and more aggressive in their treatment of the “prisoners”, and they soon started to behave like their superiors, their torturers.

Islam, and islamic polygyny in particular, is simply the Stanford Prison Experiment turned into religion. One group of people are told that they are the guards, with a degree over the other group, and the other group are told that they are the wards of the Guards, that they must obey every order and that they have no right over their own bodies but must have sex whenever so ordered, and become pregnant whenever so ordered et.c. The guards are told that they are allowed to starve and beat the wards if they are disobedient. The guards and prisoners are also told that the prisoners must wear clothes that hide their “shame” (awrah) from the world, and take their identity away.  In islamic polygyny, the Guards are told they can marry plural women without telling their other “wives” or asking their permission, and they are told that they can discard these women when they want, simply by uttering a couple of words. The Prisoners are told that they must submit and obey, and they can not leave if they aren’t set free by their Guards or by the Prison Council.

So – islam and islamic polygyny is nothing but a huge Stanford Prison Experiment. (SPE).

I read a blogpost the other day, where a muslim woman asked why so many men abuse polygyny. The answer is simple – these men are humans. And the SPE shows clearly exactly why muslim men abuse polygyny – because they can. Muslim men abuse women in polygyny for exactly the same reasons nazis abused jews. Muslim polygyny, the SPE, and the Holocaust are all based on the same principle – a person who believes he is above another person, the guard, the power – will abuse it. The SPE Prison Guards enjoyed being better, being above, being in power and they used it. This is exactly what muslim men are doing in polygyny. The muslim polygynists are simply nazis, or SPE Prison Guards.

Do you really think that you can tell a man “You are the head of your wife. She must obey your every order. You have a right to chastise her if she disobeys you. You have a right to strike her. She must have sex with you whenever you command. You have a right to take other women without asking her or telling her. You have a right to keep her locked up in your home. You have a right to demand she never shows her face to anybody but you. If she disobeys you, she will go to hell for it” – without seriously corrupting this man????

Islam, polygyny, SPE – why on earth do muslim women wonder about why muslim men abuse polygyny??! The answer is obvious.

Muslims – Do They Exist?

MosqueMore than 20% of the world’s population call themselves muslim. Muslim being the word to identify a person belonging the the religion islam. Islam is an Arabic word meaning something close to “submission to God”. Muslim also is an Arabic word, meaning “one who submits” or “one who surrenders”. One should think then that there is a community of people in the world who believe in the same religion, islam, and recognize each other as believers, a belief that is enhanced by the use which is common among people who call themselves muslim of the concept “ummah” which is supposed to encompase the worldwide fellowship of muslims.

The problem is though, that no such fellowship exists.

Most muslims recognize the quran as the word of god. If however, a person claims to follow the quran only since all other parts of islam are man made, this person will be ostracized by most other “muslims” for being a “quranist” who has defected from islam by rejecting the sunnah and islamic tradition. Many “muslims” believe quranists should be put to death, the “proper” punishment for “khufrs”.

Then, there is a group – the largest group – of “muslims” who call themselves Sunni. Sunnis believe that the first four caliphs were the rightful successors to Muhammad; since God did not specify any particular leaders to succeed him and those leaders were elected. Sunnis believe that anyone who is righteous and just could be a caliph but they have to act according to the Qur’an and the Hadith. They have their own set of hadiths, that they recognize. There are plenty of other hadiths, but if you follow them you are a khufr and should be put to death according to many sunnis. Sunnimuslims are known to claim that no so called muslim nation today is really muslim. When challenged on why “muslim” nations in the world who follow the shariah aren’t perfect, they will answer it’s because no ruler today is truly “muslim” So obviously, being a muslim according to these people is something only you and a couple of your closest friends who believe exactly like you can achieve. This is something one can easily gather from e.g. Umma Forum on the net.

Then there are shia muslims. While the Sunnis believe that a Caliph should be elected by the community, Shia’s believe that Muhammad appointed his son-in-law as his successor and only certain descendants of Ali could be Imams. Most people in Iran, Iraq and Bahrain e.g. are shiamuslim. BUT – according to sunnimuslims the shiites aren’t muslim at all. Many believe they are satanists, and should be put to death for being khufr.

Then, there are some ten other forms of “muslims”, who all hate each other and claim that the others should be put to death for being khufr.

Among christians e.g., there is the possibility to have an ecumenical approach, since all branches of the church can respect each other if they choose. This is the common approach.

In islam however, this is not possible most of the time, since islam teaches that other religions can be allowed (christianity e.g.) but apostates must be put to death. This means that true “muslims” whatever branch of islam they belong to, will have a tendency to hate all other “muslims”, turning “islam” – whatever you might believe that to be – into a perpetual war amongst “muslims”. This of course means that the utopia of a muslim state can never be anything but the nightmare we now see spreading across the Middle East.

I spent an evening this week listening to a panel discussing the issue “The Muslim Nation”. There were eight participants, all muftis and imams from different branches of islam. They fought over almost everything, but they did agree on a few issues: They all agreed that there is no, nor ever has been after Muhammad, muslim nation. They all agreed on the fact that the other participants on the panel held deviant beliefs and were khufrs, and they all agreed on the fact that all other branches of islam than their own must be abolished before a true muslim nation could be created.

Amazing

Most “muslims” however are smart people. They prefer living in the West, or escaping to the West if they can, where they can enjoy human rights, welfare and peace, and in stead they live their lives as “muslims” mainly on the internet, weeping for the non-existent true islamic state and calling down death on the khufr and the depraved West – blaming them for their inability to live in peace.

 

Law Against Polygamy

Finally, Canada has recognized in law that polygamy is a barbaric cultural practice.

Part 1 amends the Immigration and Refugee Protection Act to specify that a permanent resident or foreign national is inadmissible on grounds of practising polygamy in Canada.

Her Majesty has only to sign to turn the Act into Law.

I now wish with all my heart that the rest of the Western world will follow. Any decent nation must recognize that polygyny as practised by certain muslims and mormons is indeed barbaric and polygamous men should not be allowed to enter any democratic nation.

– But you are polygamous! you might say. Yes. But the Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices Act forbids oppressive polygamy, not free and equal polyamory.

The next step would be to make sure that all democratic nations also recognize spiritual marriages (nikah e.g.) as grounds for a bigamy sentence. And consequently make sure that all barbaric men who practise islamic or mormon polygamy, and the women who enable it, are sent to prison for a long time, having committed a crime against humanity since it is difficult to find any other crime that causes such pain and long time suffering to women and children.

Thank you Canada!