Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman: Part 2

Taliban_beating_woman_in_public_RAWAOne of the most frequent lies from muslim polygamy apologists is that polygyny is natural based on the differences between the sexes. The topic has been discussed on this blog several times, proving the absurd falsehood of this argument.

A muslim scholar wrote:

Lastly, there is the component of rebellion. It is human nature on part of man that he simply cannot tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with his wife. In the case of polygyny, the jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband. In polyandry however, both men are on equal footing. As has been noted above, besides gender any other impartial variable available is absent which gives rise to a vacuum ready to be filled with adversity. When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.

A woman can not tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with her husband either. It is inherently evil to us, disgusting and nauseating. Women “tolerate” it on the same basis people tolerate being beaten, raped, enslaved. Women tolerate it to survive. Women tolerate it in order to keep from going insane. Women tolerate it out of fear. Women tolerate it to be allowed paradise after death since they are doomed by polygyny to live in hell here on earth.

If a man is chained to a wall, physically or psychologically, he “tolerates” somebody making love to his wife too, even while he is obliged to watch.

That’s the basic truth.

“The jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband”. How, may I ask? How did the mere presence of my husband’s leadership curb my jealousy? Did you, dear scholar, ask any women about this? Any single woman? Because this is such major BS I can’t believe you managed to get it out of your head and down on paper. It isn’t “the leadership of her husband” that makes a woman try to survive polygyny. Nor is it her love for her husband. Do you want to know what it is?

“When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.”. This is actually an argument in favour of polyandry and against polygyny. Yes, men go to war. Men kill each other. Men beat and kill women. So, any loving and wise god would make MEN submit to polyandry and sharing and working on their lower instincts, since they are obviously the ones who need it!

The falsehoods, misogyny, heresy and sanctimoniousness of muslim scholars never ceases to amaze me.

But even more, it amazes me that women buy into this nauseous toxic goo.

Because Allah has Made Some of Them Excel Others

White people have authority over coloured people, by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous coloured people are devoutly obedient, guarding in the white people’s absence what Allah would have them guard. But those coloureds from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], beat them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

Since coloured people are to obey their spouses, coloured people are only allowed to marry white people. White people are the leaders and guardians of coloured people, since they are weak in reason and religion. This is in the best interest of coloured people and a heavy burden on white people.

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Coloured people are only allowed to work if their white spouses give permission. The white spouse must provide for and protect the coloured partner, and hence has a right to prevent the coloured spose from having a job, or even leaving the house, or receiving friends at home. The white spouse also has a right to forbid the coloured partner from speaking to people on the phone or using the internet. This is in order to protect coloured people from harm.

A white person has a right to marry up to four people, coloured or white. Coloured people are only allowed to marry one spouse, and this spouse must be white since coloured people must be lead and protected by white people. A baby born to a mixed couple is coloured. White people can marry up to four coloured people, and they don’t need permission from former spouses, nor need they inform them of subsequent marriages.

White people can divorce by simply uttering words to that effect. Coloured people are not allowed divorce, since they are run by their emotions and can not be trusted to make rational decisions about their lives. If a coloured person needs to divorce an abusive spouse, they must go to court and prove the abuse, and pay to be released. This is to protect coloured people and keep them from being deserted and unprovided for. Coloured people must be grateful for this, and remember that if any person were to be commanded to prostrate himself before another, it would be coloured people before their white spouses.

A child belongs to its white parent, unless it’s in its infancy. If the coloured person remarries, it loses the right to any prior children. A coloured person can not be a judge or a political leader or a religious leader, due to their lack of reason and religion.

Coloured people are by nature emotional, irrational, vulnerable, loving and caring. This means that they easily get used. So no coloured person is allowed to be without a white legal guardian. This is to protect the rights of coloured people and make sure they aren’t taken advantage of.

White people can find coloured people attractive. To protect coloured people from the stares and advances from white people, coloured people should stay in their homes. But if they have to go out they must wear black baggy jumpsuits, full length ponchos, balaclavas and diving masks. This way they will be protected, hidden gems, and their modesty will make them proud of themselves.

Coloured people must have sex with their white spouse on command, or else the white spouse has a right to lock them up in their homes and beat them or divorce them on the spot. A coloured spouse has a right to sex once every four months. If that right is not fulfilled, the coloured spouse can go to court and ask for a divorce. If granted, the coloured person must wait three months before he or she can remarry, they must pay for their release and give up their rights to any child above the age of 7.

Do you find any of this offensive?

I do.

It is all offensive beyond measure.

So why isn’t the world screaming with outrage, when the above is applied to women? 

Polygamy Prison

S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12Hello

I am sorry if I tell a long story but I think I must explain some to make my point. I am English but of Pakistani descent. I got married to my cousin when I was only 18, it was a marriage my parents decided but it was not forced I was really happy to marry somebody I knew and felt safe with and I was happy to have a family within my own. We had a good marriage I thought and two children and we moved to another city but my husband still allowed me to work and visit my family and I was happy in all. But then my husband started to act different. He came late from work and sometimes called and had strange reasons for staying away and he also was distant and moody. I thought maybe it was trouble at work and that he had to work harder and so tried to be supportive and not ask and nag. But then one day he told me he had married another woman. At first he did not want to tell me much he just said he did not want to answer any questions but bit by bit I understood that he had always married me most for family even though he was happy with me but he had wanted more to fall in love and he had done so with this other woman. I can’t tell you how this felt to me. Maybe we had not been falling in love but I had felt love was in our marriage and he said yes but not the love he wanted. We tried so many times to understand each other but he was guilty and angry and I was angry and so sad and we just never made an end of it and I just came more and more to hate him and he stayed more and more with the other wife and I was happy for him to stay away. But he would not divorce me he said he would never shame our family so and would not divorce me. He would also not give me Khul. I read here and many places that people say women can get khul but khul is only possible if the husband says yes. My husband would not accept mahr back and khul. So I applied for faskh. That is divorce against my husband’s will. I went to the Muslim Arbitration Council. It was three years ago. I am still not divorced. I have been to five mediations and my husband refutes valid ground for faskh and I have been given different tasks of making my husband happy with me to make our marriage work, to pray certain special duaas, to meet with counsellors and so on. I have been told I am not allowed to leave my husband’s house until faskh has been granted. I have been twice in talks about khul but my husband refuses. Now I am still married to him and the council has aksed me to enter more proof of physical abuse, of not being maintained or of my husband having deserted me or being unable in intimacy. Otherwise I can not get faskh. So I am still here in this prison marriage with my polygamy husband who is saying this is a lesson to me that polygamy is allowed and I have nothing. I would ask this blog to caution all women that they must make sure in written in nikah contract that they are allowed talaq if the husband is polygamus and also that the wife has a right to have delegated talaq.

In the UK it doesn’t matter that women can divorce, because they will not get an Islamic divorce. Please help me get this told. Please. Thanks.

People, Polygamy, and Prayer

400px-Young_Saudi_Arabian_woman_in_AbhaA woman I used to work with is muslim. She is a great person, smart strong and funny, I always enjoyed working with her and we’ve kept in touch.

She reads my blog. Sometimes she has sent me private messages, commenting on posts. She has given me lots of support, but chided me at time too. That’s fine, we’re friends and some of the times she’s right. She has told me several times I should come with her to the masjid, listen to the service try to understand and see for myself the beauty of islam.

Finally I said yes. Yesterday I went with her to the masjid. Dressed in a headscarf and a black coat, I tagged along, trying to keep my mind open.

There was a long line of people entering the masjid. Or no, my mistake – a long line of men. They were queueing up to enter the beautiful main hall of the mosque. My friend and I went aroung the corner to a back door where a throng of women were trying to get in through a very narrow doorway. Many wore niqab, a cluster of unidentifiable people. When we finally got in, a narrow flight of stairs led to the first floor. A small room without any kind of beautification was full of women sitting everywhere, most of them on the floor or on folding chairs. My friend took me up front and showed me that through a kind of roster I could see a couple of people below – the imams. We went to the back of the room and sat down. And so the service began. We could herar through loudspeakers what went on downstairs. Still, it was kind of difficult to hear since many women had brought little children who found it very difficult to keep from playing and talking. Some of the women mumbled quietly to themselves, others sometimes clapped their hands. I could hear the man downstairs talking, sometimes in Arabic, sometimes in English. It was on the importance of zakat. When the service was over, the men downstairs crowded around the imam, to discuss religion said my friend. Of course, the women were not allowed downstairs for this. Some of the women handed out bread and candy. A small group of women were sitting around a young woman who was crying. My Arabic is good enough for me to be able to understand that she was sad because her husband doesn’t allow her out of the house except for the occasional visit to the masjid. Another group of women that I had noticed before because they had changed places mid service were talking angrily amongst themselves. My friend explained that the women were angry because a new wife had chosen to come to this masjid, the masjid of the divorced wife who had not wanted a divorce. They were saying she came only to flaunt herself before the first wife.

My friend was very silent. Afterwards, we went for a coffee. We sat silently, drinking bloody expensive Starbuck lattes. Suddenly she looked me in the eyes and I could see she had tears in hers. “Look” she said “I have never before seen my masjid through somebody else’s eyes. I did today because you were with me. And it hurt. I could see us huddling upstairs in that ugly little room, shut out from taking part, shut out from being a part of it. Just a sorry group of malcontent women. I’m sorry I brought you.”

“If that is what you finally were able to see” I answered “I’m very glad you brought me. That’s exactly what I saw too”.

Natural Differences, Natural Inequality?

darwinIslam is a religion of gender apartheid.

The focus of islam is sex. To be ritually clean is a basis for religious purity. A woman’s biology is used as an excuse to make her subordinate. Islam claims that a woman is lacking in religion because she has periods and lacking in intelligence because she is a woman, or “the other” as de Beauvoir would say. How to have sex, when to have sex, what to say when you have sex, how to clean up after sex and rules making women slaves under their husbands’ craving for sex, making her a tilth for him to plough however and whenever he chooses is at the core of islam. And hey – islam even grants women the right to take turns having sex with their husband at least once every four months so even a woman has some kind of right.

To keep women’s bodies under male control is the basis of gender apartheid. A man must have a right to keep his wives locked up, hidden, covered in a tent if she is allowed out. He must have a right to beat her if she ever disobeys him or if she denies him sex. She must be denied the right to divorce him and she must be denied the right to be her own guardian. He on the other hand must be allowed the right to divorce anytime he likes, to marry other women without asking his wife or informing his wife, the right to fuck as many slaves as he likes because of course he is allowed to keep slaves and fuck them just like Muhammad did.

Islam considers all of this equity. Not equality, because that is not just, no there should be equity not equality. And the great gift of being able to bring new life into this world is used by islam to make slaves of women. Or prisoners, which is what islam explicitly says – women are their husbands’ prisoners. Such is the honour islam affords women.

In this horrific article by Khalid Baig you can see how a muslim misogynist hypocrite tried to defend islamic discrimination and oppression of women. As you can see he claims that natural differences between men and women make equality a joke. I wonder what he thinks about racism? Science proves that there are many intellectual, emotional and physical differences between the races. Europeans have larger brains than coloureds, and less testosterone than Asians. Europeans have much better results in IQ-tests than coloureds and are less aggressive and hence less criminal because of their lower testosterone. Coloured races are better sprinters but worse swimmers because they have a heavier bone-structure. And coloured men are worse at anger management and staying calm in a crisis because of their hormonal levels. This also makes coloureds more in favour of hierarchies because those structures go better together with high levels of testosterone. So, if we simply look at biological differences, there are actually larger differences between races than between the genders. So racism would be even more justified than islamic gender aprartheid. I wonder what Khalid Baig has to say to that? Well, islam allows slavery after all maybe we should reintroduce colonial slavery then, since people like Khalid Baig say that biological differences justify inequality?

Of course, this is pure bullshit. Evil, stinking bullshit. Islamic toxic misogynist bullshit. Racism is evil. Gender racism is evil. It’s just sad that islamic misogynists like Khalid Baig are so utterly stupid and morally warped that they don’t even realize that their disgusting arguments for gender racism can just as easily be used to justify the worst kind of racism.

Khalid Baig and the likes of him are the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Women Have a Very High Status in Islam

9151-beautiful-submissive-woman-prostrate-on-floor-chris-maherWe hear it often.

Women have a very high status in Islam

Western women are oppressed. We have to look good, work, take part in society. But in Islam, women are elevated, respected.

This claim always makes me wonder. “Women have a very high status in Islam.” High in relation to whom? Hermaphrodites?

How is this high status women hold in islam expressed?

* “Were I to command anyone to prostrate to someone I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband.” – in Islam the role of the wife is one of submission to her husband who holds the authority over his family, and this hadith accentuates that. So women are of such high status, they should really be prostrating before their husbands, if it weren’t for the fact that we should only throw ourselves on the ground before god.

And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. Men are superior. Women are inferior.

Men are the protectors and heads of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend to support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient to their husbands, and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them, refuse to share their beds, and  beat them, but if they return to obedience, seek not against them. Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great. Women in islam hence are so high in status they must obey their husbands in everything, be governed by their husbands and be beaten by their husbands if they are disobedient.

Once Allah’s Apostle went out to the Musalla (to offer the prayer) o ‘Id-al-Adha or Al-Fitr prayer. Then he passed by the women and said, “O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women).” They asked, “Why is it so, O Allah’s Apostle ?” He replied, “You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.” The women asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?” He said, “Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?” They replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her intelligence. Isn’t it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?” The women replied in the affirmative. He said, “This is the deficiency in her religion.” So women in islam are told they are deficient in intelligence and religion and less than any man. Women in islam are told they are more likely to end up in Hell – because they are inferior. That’s how high in status they are.

“Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah among the Children of Israel had to do with women. I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” Women are awrah – shameful. Women are fitnah. That’s how high their status is.

 Women have a very high status in Islam – beneath everybody else.

 

Polygamy and Istikhaarah

Muslim_woman_in_YemenA married woman writes to a muslim forum to get advice. She has fallen in love with a man who also loves her. He wants to marry her. The woman is already married, happily so, and she is feeling confused. She obviously loves both men.

The woman and her new love have both prayed istikhaarah. 

They have both felt that the answer to their prayers have been favourable, that Allah approves of their love and marriage.

As I see it, the solution is simple. She should avail herself of the permission given to muslim women to become polyandrous that we can find in 4:24 Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess. If a woman gives herself in marriage so that she becomes what the man possesses, the quran clearly permits her to have plural husbands – in fact she is not restricted to only four the way men are.

Is this the piece of advice she gets? 😀 Oh no:

To explain further: if a Muslim woman prays istikhaarah about marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and family, and praying istikhaarah about hurting her children, and praying istikhaarah about hurting a husband who is treating her well and taking good care of her. So she is praying istikhaarah about betraying him and stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and hers will be destroyed at her hands. She is praying istikhaarah about responding to great kindness and good treatment with a great wrong and denying the rights of one who has treated her well.

All of these factors and many others apply to the istikhaarah prayer that you offered.

As for the positive result that you say your friend got, undoubtedly this is a case of the shaytaan making following one’s whims and desires appear attractive.

A man with a similar problem however gets this advice from the same site:

It is permissible for a man to marry one or two wives, up to four, if he is able for that both financially and physically, and he thinks that he will be able to treat his wives fairly.

It is not essential for him to have the first wife’s permission in order to take a second wife. Most women would not agree to plural marriage and they think that it is impossible to live with it.  This is due to many reasons, including the biased media which regards plural marriage as a crime and an action that will make the first wife feel that there is something wrong with her.

The wise man must look at his family and how prepared they are to accept a plural marriage; he must weigh up the settled life that he has now and what may happen in the future, and think thoroughly – without emotion – about whether he needs a second wife, and how able he is to take care of two households and two families. He has to pray to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah) before making any move towards marriage, and he has to make a good choice, so that he will not feel regret. (Source: islamqa)

That a man is only allowed polygamy if he is sole guardian of orphans and failing in caring for their wellbeing is not mentioned here… Nor the fact that women hurt just the same as men, that mens’ polygamy ruin their families just as bad, that mens’ betrayals are stabs in the back and just as horrible…. No.

Men have rights, women have duties. Men are allowed to twist the words of the quran however they please. Man’s every desire must be fulfilled and woman must pay the price. That is what this islamic website preaches.

Read the quotes above and tell me, how many of you believe that islamic misogyny is created by men, how many of you believe that islamic misogyny is shaytaan making following one’s whims and desires appear attractive?

Can an Intelligent Woman Accept Polygyny?

Topfer_Feminines_Corrections_2A while ago a woman, a woman living polygyny, claimed that she would only discuss polygyny with people who are intelligent. She  specified that “intelligent” in her book meant that they were pro-polygyny, muslim and willing to bow to her superior knowledge. She stated she would not discuss polygyny with any unintelligent person who’d resort to “name-calling”, e.g. say things like “you are worth something better than a man who’s sleeping with somebody else” 🙂

Since this woman repeatedly has stated that women are to subject to their husbands, be devoutly obedient and polygyny is a path to heaven for true believers, I didn’t really give her statement much thought.

But then again, the question of intelligence is interesting. Is accepting polygyny a matter of intelligence?

Since I was forced into polygyny, I’ve had the privilege to meet – both IRL and online, a lot of women living polygamy. Some of these women are happily polyamorous and living equal polygamy. All good. Most women however are living in unequal polygyny, sometimes even forced polygyny. These women are of all kinds. Some are highly educated, some are almost illiterate. They’re located all around the world. Most are muslim,.

Many of them seem to be highly intelligent.

Some of them have found pragmatic reasons to accept polygamy. “He provides for me, and as long as he coughs up he can fuck whomever he wants”. Ok, if that’s enough for some, it’s up to them. Others are staying because they have no choice. Theirs is a life in perpetual agony, unbelievable pain. They accept it because survival in hell is better than death.

Some women survive thanks to the Stockholm syndrome. They start defending polygyny, saying things like “My husband didn’t do this to me, God did”. They claim that whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, that it’s a test. They turn viciously against anybody trying to open their eyes. They defend their keepers and tormentors, because admitting that they are victims of a horrible crime is even more painful than denying it.

They start reading the quran the way the devil reads the bible. I found e.g. a site where a woman who was obviously intelligent defended polygyny saying: “Polygamy is allowed unconditionally (so long as the husband treats his wives equally), unbound to time, place or people. To accept this fact is a part of my faith, whether I like it or not.”

This woman can read. Still she isn’t able to see the conditions explicitly stated in the quran. E.g. it says: You shall hand over to the ORPHANS* their rightful properties. Do not substitute the bad for the good, and do not consume their properties by combining them with yours. This would be a gross injustice. If you fear that you will not be equitable towards the ORPHANS*, then you may marry their mothers. You may marry two, three, or four. But this woman. like thousands of others, can only read the last seven words. It’s incomprehensible.

I believe an intelligent woman can accept polygamy. I believe an intelligent woman can accept polygyny too, if she sees it as a means of survival. She may choose to accept polygyny to survive. Her psyche may also choose any means available to survive, e.g. the stockholm syndrome.

For an intelligent woman to accept polygyny however, she has to give up her integrity, her mental health, her freedom of thought and expression – her soul.

So the interesting question is, can any intelligent man accept polygyny?

 

Muslims Must be Made to Understand What They are Saying When they want Polygamy Legalized!

imagesMany muslims in Europe and the US are fighting to have polygamy legalized.

One of the arguments they use is that gay marriages are lawful. They say that if any kind of union is to be accepted by law, polygamy must be lawful too.

Problem is, gay marriage is in accordance with human rights. Polygyny is not.

Read it again: Polygyny is not. Polygyny is based on the concept that one partner in a marriage has rights another partner does not. This is not the case in gay marriage.

One is a crime against human rights, one is not.

Isn’t it symptomatic when pro-polygynists can’t see the difference?

I read an article where muslims claim that polygamy should be legal. Problem is, they are liars. They don’t want polygamy to be legal, they want polygyny to be legal. They aren’t looking for marriage laws to be equal even though they are using that arguments based on gay-marriages being lawful – they just want to be allowed to pracitise misogynist polygyny.

Amin, a sociology instructor at Sojourner-Douglass College of Baltimore regularly discusses polygamy in his classroom. Not only does he note its religious significance but the benefits it can have in American society, particularly in areas like Baltimore city where the poverty rate is high and many women find themselves on the welfare roll.

“We have in the world more women than men and if a man has the ability to take care of more than one women he should be able to do that,” said Amin. “As far as legalization, I think they should…We should strive to have it legalized because Allah has already legalized it.

You  see – he says polygamy but he is lying. He is only speaking about polygyny. And he is lying in his arguments too – there are more men of fertile age in the world than women. And this honest truthful gentleman says nothing about lonely men – how will he care for them? How about areas of the world where there are three men to every woman? Huh? What about many cities in the US where women have work in schools, hospitals, shops, while the men are out of work because the factories have closed? Shouldn’t polyandry be recommended there?

NO!! Once again we see the lying, misogynist, munafiq face of islam.

Muslims must be made to understand that if they live in a nation where human rights are respected a call for making polygamy lawful must be exactly that – POLYGAMY, not POLYGYNY.

And any muslim entering a polygamous marriage should then have to take this marriage vow:

I marry you, NN, as my second (third, fourth et.c.) spouse with the full and written consent of my prior spouse/spouses. By doing so I proclaim, before Allah, you and all of mankind, that I wholeheartedly and willingly accept your absolute and equal right to enter marriage to more men or women if you prefer. I pledge myself to encourage and support you in polyandry/polygamy and I declare before Allah, you and all mankind that I do this with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind, holding your rights in every way to be the same as mine. My spouses’ equal rights in every aspect of life, I do hereby declare to be a law of Allah, a law of nature and a law of society. I will accept any spouse you, or any of my spouses, may bring into our polygamous family as your legal spouse and my co-spouse. I hereby declare that if I ever retract, verbally or mentally or by any kind of act, any part of this oath, if I have, or ever have, any proviso, restriction or reservation in giving this oath and keeping this oath, I commit my soul to burn in hell eternally. Ameen.

Georgie Porgie Puddin’ and Pie

7c565-keep-calm-and-you-can-do-it-13Yesterday Mark, my first husband, texted me in the early afternoon.

“I need you”

Just so.

I called him. He was having difficulties talking, I could hear his voice almost breaking into sobs even as he answered the phone. I was really worried and asked what had happened. He said he didn’t know. He was just so low.

Ok. Reality had set in. He’s back from Oman and he knows things over there won’t change in the near future. I’m with Graham, and we’re back on our three day schedule. Loneliness got to him.

He said as much when I ran over to see how he was. He felt lonely, miserable and jealous. He had been picturing me and Graham, thinking about everything he has lost. He screamed at me that I was still trying to get back at him for marrying #2, that I was happy just to torment him. I sat there in the kitchen, letting him rave and get it all out of his system. I know the pain. I know he needs to vent, needs to know I see his suffering.

I held him, comforted him. I told him I understand. He just needs to readjust, try to find the polygamy routine again and not let it get to him. I know it’s difficult. I told him to remember, the fact that I have to leave him, that I love somebody else, have responsibilities in another relationship, doesn’t mean I love him less.

I reminded him he’s free to leave should he wish. It made him angry.

When I came home again, Graham said he would understand if I spent the night with Mark. He said he could understand what he must be going through reentering orbit. I said no. This need to work according to what we have agreed on or not at all. I can’t allow us to play mind games, power games with each other. Graham must know his time is his, Mark must be able to trust that his time is his. There’s no other way.

If I had been a muslim man, forcing this lifestyle on my first wife – the guilt would kill me.