Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

Over and over again, we hear from muslims that the fact that there are different rights and responsibilities for men and women in islam is based on the differences between the sexes. I won’t even go into the warped logics behind such a statement, but I would like to touch upon the idiocy of some of the arguments that come to light.

I will use this post from a mufti as an example:

 

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

If it were a woman’s nature to obey her husband, give up on half her inheritance, live polygyny, give up work, hide her face etc. she would do so without any rule forcing her! It is only when something is unnatural that we need a law and force to make it happen.

And in what way is polyandry impractical? As a matter of fact, it is highly practical! A woman gets the incomes of two males to support her children, it could solve the issue of over-population, the children of the family get two males to look up to and be protected by, and the woman gets to enjoy variety and the pleasure of two or more husbands.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

First of all, a woman is able to have sex as many times as she likes in a day. The same is not true for a man. So women are biologically much better suited to please several partners than men are. Men are simply inept and bound to fall short when it comes to polygamy and sex. Or how could a man fulfill the marital demands of two, or four, women who all need sex on the same day?? Nope. Men are incapable of this. Women are made for it. And this temperament issue – aren’t you contradicting your own creed? I thought this whole gender-discrimination thing was built on the claim that women are temperamental, men are rational? So of course, it is much easier for a temperamental and emotional woman to keep two or more rational and reasonable men happy, than for a rational man to keep two or more emotional and temperamental women happy! Anybody can understand that, you silly sod. As for challenges, muslims tend to defend their misogyny stating that the gender preference is because of the many challenges and the responsibility that men have to face. Now, you suddenly claim that it’s women who face challenges. So, what way do you want to go?? And as I just said, the challenges are evidently much greater for polygamous men than for polygamous women.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

Actually, it was perfect. I had two men supporting our family while I was pregnant. Two men who could support each other through my pregnancy. Two men who could help each other. One man who could take care of the house and keep working while the other staid at home with me once my baby was born. So – what’s the problem as you see it?? The lineage is no problem, easy peasy. DNA. The test takes 2 minutes. (One of my husbands can’t father a child any more, so for us it didn’t even take 2 minutes to work out). Any child could teach you how to take the test. Problem solved!

As for emotions and jealousy – again…YOU are the people claiming that women are emotional, men are rational. If that were true, of course men wouldn’t be jealous and emotional about sharing their wife. As it is, you guys are full of BS, and men are just as emotional. But the thing is, women are much better at empathy. We can handle emotional spouses much better than men can. So again, women are much better suited at being polygamous than men are!

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

No. It is clear from the above that the ruling that says females should not be allowed to be polygamous is misogynistic bullshit. And if you read the quran, you’ll find that Allah actually allows polyandry. Only misogynist men have interpreted the sura their way and contradicted Allah. And come up with crap like the BS above to excuse this crime against humanity.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Well, better than muslim scholars anyway.

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

You do know that polygyny is illegal in the US, bro?

Suddenly, I’m Not the Oddball!

imagesWe were invited to spend a few days with some old friends of the family. The man, let’s call him John, was a close friend of my brother’s while they were at Oxford even though he’s a few years older. I ran into him at the British Library, and he invited me over for a to-do his wife was preparing, to get people to donate money towards a charity race at their house. He told me to bring my husband along. I took a deep breath and told him I have two. Husbands that is.

He looked at me, sort of baffled. But then he started to laugh and said “I know”. I suppose by now, most people who ever knew my family are aware of the situation…

Anyway, John simply chuckled and said I could bring either one. Or both If I wanted. I asked him if his wife wouldn’t be offended. At that he laughed out loud and stated that she most definitely wouldn’t. And neither would his mistress, nor his wife’s lover who all live at the house…!!

It seems, my domestic arrangements are plain and tedious compared to many others… 😉

Well well, both my husbands wanted to go, so next week we’re off to Leicestershire 🙂

 

Children Have Two Parents in Polygamy Too.

flatThere was a muslim woman in the US, when she married she had a clause in her nikah-contract saying that if her husband were to choose to be polygamous, which she was ok with, she would be the one to decide on living arrangements for the family within the financial frame her husband set and provided she was fair.

So when her husband announced he was getting married again, the first wife was told how much money she could spend and set about arranging housing for them all.

The day before her husband’s second nikah, the first wife met up with her husband and the wife to be. She took them to a big, beautiful house and told them this was the family home. The husband would live there, together with the children, and the wives would take turns in the house, each having a master bedroom of her own to share with the husband. The wives got a small flat each to live in on their days alone. The first wife let the second wife have first pick from two small flats.

The husband couldn’t find fault with the arrangement since it was all fair, and done according to the clause in the nikah-contract.

The first wife explained that her intent was to make sure all her husband’s children would grow up as brothers and sisters in a family, and with full access to two parental figures – half the time mom and dad, half the time dad and tia. She didn’t want the children to grow up without their half-siblings and she didn’t want the children to spend half their childhood with a de facto single parent.

This arrangement also meant that the husband could never escape from his responsibilities as a father. He had to take full responsibility every day, all day, for all his children. The mothers got to know and love each other’s children.

The husband was somewhat taken aback by it all. In stead of going off on honeymoon with his new wife, the newlyweds got to move into a house full of children while the first wife went to a spa. And the husband never gets time off, while each wife can spend every three days doing what she wants, studying, resting, going to museums or to the cinema…

I think this is a good example of how we must learn to think differently, to question old ideas about gender and how things are done. Muslim men might claim a right to polygyny, but they have no right whatsoever to be absent, half time dads.

Letter to My Polygamous Ex Husband

This letter was written by M, a woman who first contacted me in 2013. She has written to me many times since, and this time she asked me to publish her letter.

To my ex husband:

and

I loved you with all my heart.

I felt safe and protected in our marriage. We both shared in everything, when you studied we lived on my salary, when I broke my leg you nursed me, we made plans and shared dreams. You said I was your Noor, your light in life.

One day, out of nowhere, you told me you wanted to find another wife, a second wife. I remember there was a leaf brushing against the window and I sat there completely numb without being able to believe it was really happening I just looked at the leaf and tried to wake up from the nightmare. I didn’t argue, I didn’t cry, I didn’t say anything, because I couldn’t believe that you – my husband, my best friend, my soulmate – had said that you wanted me to share you with another woman. In the evening you made love to me. You caressed me and said I was the most beautiful woman in the world, you entered me and kept whispering “I love you, I love you, I love you”.

The next day we both left for work as usual, dropping our two children off at school and kindergarten first. It was as if nothing had happened, as if the shadow of polygyny had never entered. I started to think it had been a mistake, a horrible dream. But in the evening again, you said it: You wanted to marry another woman, and had I thought about it. I couldn’t say a word, I just cried and cried. You held me and cradled me and kept saying I shouldn’t be afraid, I had to trust your love, and Allah. I asked why, why, why, and you looked me in the eyes and said that you wanted to expand your heart, expand your love – not share it. You said I would always be your first love, closest to your heart. You said you wanted to be a good husband to somebody who had none. You said I should be generous. I wept for weeks, you held me for weeks. In the end I asked you to give me time, help me understand. You said yes. You found videos for me to watch, scholars who explained how polygyny is there for women, not for men, how it’s a test, a woman’s Jihad. How I would be rewarded for passing this test.

You made love to me every night, said that I must feel how much you loved me. You held my face between your palms and said that if another man ever saw my beauty you would die from jealousy. All the while, you were asking me, preparing me, to let you fall in love with another woman, make love to another woman. For the rest of my life, and in eternity.

One day you came home from work and told me you couldn’t wait any longer, that it wasn’t good for me to wait any longer. You were getting married that evening.

I fainted. I woke up in your arms, crying and screaming. You said that it would be better as soon as you were married. I would get used to it, I would stop being afraid. You had your sister waiting in the car, she came up to me and you left.

You married another woman.

I can’t even remember those seven days properly, it’s all in a daze, a turmoil of pain. I slept, I cried, I screamed, I don’t really know how I survived. You called now and then but I couldn’t bear to hear your voice so your sister told you I was getting better. Better?

When you came home, it was the worst day of my life. You came into our bedroom, smiled at me, got into bed next to me, smiled with your eyes and your mouth and said “I’ve missed you so much my love, did you miss me?” Now I know what it feels like to be so filled with rage that it’s possible to kill somebody.

I couldn’t let you touch me. I felt ravaged and soiled by your presence. You had proven to me that you had the heart of a whore, no worse. A whore sells pleasure, you just took pleasure and sold pain. Days and days passed, weeks and months. You left, and came home, left and came home, smelling of another woman, smiling at secrets textmessages, demanding I cut down on my spending on the children since you needed to support her. You other wife. I saw in your phone (yes I snooped) that you sometimes called her Noor, light of your life. You were getting angry with me because I didn’t adjust, because I couldn’t have you touch me, because I didn’t make your life easy. You had a councillor from the masjid over to tell me the angels were cursing me for making my husband angry, that I would enter Paradise through any door I choose if I would only obey my husband and accept polygyny. Everybody said it was a test, a test to see if I had faith, if I was a true mumin, if I had trust in Allah.

My children were suffering. They were hurt by my pain, they were hurt by their father being gone, they were hurt when their father told them he had given up on half their lives to love another woman and eventually her children.

Eventually, I gave in, I gave up. I said I accepted her as my co-wife, I allowed my children to go to her when you wanted it, I let you have my body, I was obedient. You were happy. You gave me a beautiful pair of earrings with diamonds and told me they would remind me of your pure and eternal love for me. I prayed and prayed for help, for some kind of sun to melt the ice in my heart. I felt abandoned, deserted even by my faith, by (forgive me) Allah.

I kept asking: Why did you do this to me? Why was this test sent to me? I begged for help, for mercy. And it came. I found Fiona. I found a friend. And through her I found the courage to search my faith again for answers, and I found them. “Whatever misfortune happens to you, is because of the things your hands have wrought, and only He grants forgiveness” The answer was there all along, I simply hadn’t seen it. The Quran says it loud and clear – mercy and fortune is of Allah, misfortune is created by ourselves!

Yes, polygyny is a test. It is a most horrible and difficult test. Allah asks us: Do we trust in him, or do we trust in our husbands? Do we prefer to cower in misfortune with our husbands, or do we leave in search of true partnership and the marriage Allah promises us, where husband and wife is a garment to each other? Do we really believe Allah would negate on that promise by wanting us to stay in polygyny, with only half or 25% of a man to protect us and our children? No!! If fear of loneliness, fear of not being able to provide for ourselves and our children make us bow to polygyny – we fail the test!! This is the true Jihad – do you have enough trust in Allah to leave your whoring husband and throw yourself on the mercy of Allah? He has given us permission to leave, and the true and ultimate test is if we dare trust upon Him. “No reason have we why we should not put our trust on Allah.Indeed He Has guided us to the Ways we (follow).We shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us.For those who put their trust should put their trust on Allah.” I understand now what it means. We must leave, and put our trust in Allah and patiently accept that he will provide – we do not need the husband. Allah wants us to show courage, trust and patience by believing he will provide for us. Those who stay in unhappy polygyny are the losers – they who fail to trust in Allah and His promise that our husbands will be our garments. Some people say it’s Shaitan’s whispers when a woman feels hurt and betrayed when her husband betrays their marriage by taking another woman. But the words of Allah are loud and clear, he never causes us misfortune, we do it ourselves. The whispers of Shaitan come from the evildoers who say polygyny is a right of unjust husbands who have soiled themselves with plural women, so women should try to think of this misfortune as coming from Allah, they say this even though Allah says no misfortune comes from Him! Woe to these evildoers who tell lies in the name of Allah! The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Beware of lying because lying leads to dissoluteness, and dissoluteness leads to Hell. A person keeps on telling lies until he is written before Allaah as a liar.”

We have been told that we should not stay in pain, hurt and anger, we should trust Allah. We should not let our children be bereft of a full time father, protection and love. We should not stay with husbands who hurt us and humiliate us, simply because we fear that Allah will not save us from loneliness and poverty. Allah has made divorce permissible and he has told us that women are allowed to choose whom to marry. This is the true test of polygyny – do you trust Allah enough to leave and put our life in His hand, knowing that he will provide for us? Knowing that he has made a promise that marriage should be a garment for husband and wife, and not leave us naked half of our lives?

Allah kept his promise. He gave me the courage to leave you. He provided me with a good husband. A husband who loves me. I have given him all of me, and he gives me all – not 50% or less. He loves me and tells me every day how grateful he is that I came into his life. He spends time every day with the children, loves playing with them, helping them with the homework. Every time our eyes meet, he smiles. I had been so badly burnt by you, that I asked him how he feels about polygyny. He said it is revolting – a practice for men who are handicapped and have such disabled souls and hearts that they can’t allow them to be full of love, in stead they keep searching to be complete by pretending polygyny is still allowed in Islam.

There is one thing I regret.

When I told you I had filed for divorce, and for Khul, you started to beg and cry. You told me you loved me more than anything, that your other wife and the child she carried didn’t matter the least to you, that you would divorce her three times on the spot if I just promised not to leave you, that I could come with you right away and watch you give her a triple talaq. You said it over and over again, how it had all been a mistake, how you felt nothing for her, how you only wanted me. You obviously didn’t realize that you were saying that you had put me and our children through hell, hell, hell for nothing. I regret recording it all, and sending it to her. She didn’t deserve it, it was mean. I am sorry.

I am enjoying life now. My love, my soul and my beauty belong to a man who is deserving. Our children love him. Maybe some time in the future they will want to see you, but I’m not sure. They love him. They call him daddy.

 

And He provides from sources (we) never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.

Polygyny in Islam

This post on Polygyny, by Sheikh Taqiuddin and Nabhani, is so deceitful and downright evil that I must reblog it, with a comment.

The “sheikh” claims, built on analysis of An Nisa 3 that polygyny is permitted without conditions . He claims that not even justice is a condition, and he reasons thus: “Indeed, it should be known that the justice mentioned here is not a condition for marrying more than one wife. Rather, it is a ruling for the man who wishes to marry a number of wives that he must observe in the event of marrying more than one wife, and an exhortation to restrict himself to one wife if he fears he will not be able to deal with them justly. This is because the meaning of the sentence is completed in the verse by His (swt) saying:

“Marry women of your choice, twos or threes, or four” [An- Nisaa`: 3] This means there is an absolute permissibility of marrying more than one wife. Thus, the meaning of the sentence is completed. In another statement, He (swt) said:

“But if you fear”. The phrase:

“But if you fear” cannot result in being a condition because it is not linked with the first verse as a conditional clause. Rather it is a resumption of a new statement. If Allah (swt) had wished to make it a condition then he would have said: Marry women of your choice, twos or threes, or fours if you can deal

with them justly, but that is not the case, so it is established that justice is not a condition, rather it is another Shar‟a ruling different to the first ruling.”. The “sheikh” argues that had there been an “if…then” sentence this would have made a binding condition, but since there isn’t one, justice is not a condition. However, all trough the text this “sheikh” tells a horrid lie by actively leaving out the first part of An Nisa 3: “And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry …” The “sheikh” not only fails to include the entire passage, he actively lies about it by quoting “(Marry) women of your…” Hence, by using a capital M telling the lie that this is how the sentence begins. Thus, the “sheikh LIES and WILLINGLY TWISTS THE WORDS OF GOD – making himself a LIAR and a munafiq and, according to islam muslims should make takfir on him since he uses the words of God to lie and deceit and tell falsehoods.

The “sheikh” himself says that had there been a connection between sentences, the first part of the sentence would have been a condition. As we all know An Nisa states that “And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry women you choose…”. So, according to the “sheikhs” own reasoning, the condition here is clear. This is why this cursed “sheikh” has to lie to support his argument, leave out half the quote, and by using a capital M pretend that this is how the quote begins. THIS “SHEIKH” LIES ABOUT ALLAH; ABOUT THE WORD OF GOD – how can anybody, any true muslim, believe in anything such a man says???

As four his 5 stupid and ignorant reasons why polygyny is good, they only go to show why this munafiq is so eager to lie to make polygyny permissible without conditions – he is obviously peverted and sexually warped.
1. Men have a higher libido than women in their 20’s, women have a higher libido in their 40’s. Hence, from this point of view, women in their forties should marry plural husbands in their mid 20’s – not the other way around.
2. Men are barren too. Women who are married with infertile husbands hence should be allowed to marry other men. The more men a woman marries, the more likely is she to become pregnant whenever she wishes.
3. A women can have sex as many times as she wants, every day all her life. This is not true of a man. A woman can satisfy 20 husbands every day should she wish, a man can’t. A man who is sick can’t earn his living. So if a husband is sick, it would be beneficial for the family to have another husband or 2 to earn a living.
4. Wars sadly kill women too. Especially now when islamists murder women and children without hesitation.
5. There are more men than women in the world.

SO this “sheikh” is not only a liar, a munafiq, a kufr and an evil bastard, he is also an idiot.

(I ask you to please excuse any mistakes in this text due to the fact I’m writing hastily on my phone with the bl***y autocorrect on!

Ahkaam Islam

Allah (swt) has said in His Noble Book:

“Marry women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or what your right hands possess. That is more fitting so that you do not deviate from the right course”. [An- Nisaa`: 3]

This verse was revealed to the Prophet (saw) in the 8th year of the Hijrah. It was revealed to limit the number of wives one can marry to four. At the time of revelation of this verse, there was no limit to the number of wives one could marry. On reading and understanding the verse, it becomes clear that it was revealed to limit the number of wives to four. The meaning of the verse is: marry of the women, two, three or four who are permitted and agreeable to you…

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Oxford Union: “Feminism has been hijacked by white middle-class women”

Interesting.
I argue that likewise, feminism has been hijacked by middle class muslims. If my white privileges make me unable to understand the struggle, and show solidarity with the struggle, of muslim women of colour, the same is true in the opposite direction. If white feminists look down on muslim women who try to become equal within their own cultural setting and belief frame, the same is true of muslim women who claim that their struggle for equality within the belief frame is of higher value, as here. Every woman who claims that gender segregation is her right, not a means of oppression, fights for a world where women are considered as OTHERS, a world where my right to walk side by side with men, pray side by side with men is trampled. Every woman who claims her RIGHT to be secluded in her husband’s home and says this is equality, is hijacking the concept and arming patriarchal men who want to say I am an unnatural woman for wanting to work. Every woman who claims the veil is her right and a means to be equal, is giving weapons to men who claim that women are the OTHERS and must assume responsibility towards the sexuality and morals of men and must behave and dress differently because she is the OTHER. Every woman who claims that a difference in biology should also mean a difference in society is claiming that racism and apartheid is intrinsically right. So the sisters in the global south who are claiming women’s OTHERNESS is a right are contributing to the on going subjugation of all women. In this article, white women are called to respect the cultural frame works of the global south. We are asked to respect people and not come and project. So why not call for muslim middle class women to respect our cultural frame work and not come and project? There are plenty of well educated, middle class muslimahs who are not individually oppressed, but have a choice. Why should not they, when they come to my space, show solidarity with my struggle within my cultural sphere but in stead scorn the struggle for equality that I have to endure? No – to all muslimahs in the West: If you come to my space, respect me, do not come and project!

myriamfrancoiscerrah

This is the transcript of a speech given by Myriam Francois-Cerrah in an Oxford Union debate on 12 Feburary. She was speaking in favour of the successful motion “This House believes that feminism has been hijacked by white middle class women”, alongside Ava Vidal and  Linda Bellos OBE. In opposition: Inna Schevchenko from FEMEN, Michael Kaufman and Natalie Bennett (Green Party).

Ladies and Gentleman, it is a pleasure to be here with you this evening.

I know, I know – the apparent irony of my being a white middle class woman who believes feminism has been hijacked by white middle class women will, I’m certain, not be lost on you.

But – it is in many ways a vindication of my case.

After all, I am a minority within my own community – unrepresentative of Muslim women either here or in the global south, in terms of my either socio-economic profile…

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Je ne accuse pas

Javad_alizadeh_-penetrating-penThe world is getting smaller.

We all build shelters to protect us from the wind, from the dark, from each other.

Old walls have been torn down, new ones are erected.

Ideas don’t kill, people do.

It’s not a matter of perspective.

It’s not a matter of guilt.

It’s not a matter of rights, justice or obligations.

Ideas don’t kill, people do.