The Muslim Handmaid’s Tale

Salaam

When I was nine years old, my mother gave me an abaya and a niqab and said they were my token of honor. She said every honorable woman wears them, to let the world know she is protected by Allah. I wore them with pride.

My brothers went to school. My parents kept my sister and me at home, using the permission to home school that many muslims use in my state. My parents told me it was a privilege to be able to stay home and learn only what’s important, my sister and I were hidden pearls, too valuable to be allowed to go to school. I thought it was wonderful to be so precious.

When my brothers came home from school, my sister and I always had to prepare food for them, serve at table, and afterwards we did the dishes and the laundry and brought our brothers tea and cookies. I asked my mother, since my sister and I were more precious than our brothers, how come we had to wait on them and not the other way around. My mother told me that it was another kind of precious. My sister and I were precious as gems for our future husbands and mothers of our future children and being obedient and modest was our value, while our brothers were precious because they were men, leaders and our protectors. My mother told me never to want anything other than what a woman should want, to be pleasing to my husband anda modest and good mother.

When I was 16, my father and mother told me I was to be married. I should be proud because my husband was a scholar, a respected man in the community. He gave me a heavy gold necklace. I felt proud. And I hoped that this would mean new experiences, a new world opening to me. We were married. The women celebrated up stairs, the men downstairs. In the evening, I was taken to my husband’s house. We spent two hours praying. Then, without speaking a word to me, he made me his wife.

My husband is a very religious man. We have no radio, no TV. I’m not allowed to listen to music. We only have religious books, and my husband keeps them in his den, and sometimes gives one to me and tells me what to read. I’m not allowed to leave the house without him or my mother in law. We have talked about it many times, I even asked my father to talk to my husband about letting me go for a short walk on my own, or maybe to the shops. But my husband says no, and my father says I should be grateful really since my husband is so eager to protect me. I had a son a year ago and my life is better now since I have a purpose and something to do with my time.

Half a year ago, my husband told me he was going to marry another wife. It shattered me. I do love my husband, and he and my son is all I’ve got. And since I only see my parents a couple of times a year, and my mother in law once a week when we go shopping, my husband is my only connection with the world. I begged him to allow me to go to the masjid alone, told him the Prophet allowed it, but he answered it is only allowed when the world is completely safe and it is not. So I cant go. So every other week I sit in our apartment alone with my son. I can see the neighbors through the window but I can’t talk to them. I have nobody to talk to, days go by without my using my voice. I don’t want to call my parents or my sister, I’d break down and cry and I don’t want that. I wait until they call, and then I just tell them everything is fine.

My husband only sleeps with me those nights when he believes I could become pregnant. The rest of the time, he tells me he is fasting and can’t be intimate. I guess he gets what he wants from the other wife.

So here I am, a prisoner in my own home, in the middle of America. I live in a country that is free, but my religion has made me a prisoner. A couple of nights ago my sister called me. She is married too, and her life is very similar to mine although her husband is only talking about polygamy, he hasn’t actually taken another wife yet. My sister had seen this series on TV, called a Handmaid’s Tale. She said it was about christianity, but she said she felt it was about us. It was a story about how women were taught they had to obey their male owners and dress in modest clothes like nuns and perform ceremonies to have children with men who had wives and concubines. Women weren’t allowed to go outside without being watched, and they weren’t allowed to read. And it was all made to seem like they were respected and protected.

This is us. We are the muslim handmaids.

My sister said the handmaid in the story had said that “They shouldn’t have made us wear a uniform if they hadn’t wanted us to form an army”.

I put on my abaya and my niqab and wait for my mother in law to come and fetch me to go grocery shopping. My husband won’t be home to use me for another three days, he is making babies with another woman in the name of our religion.

“They shouldn’t have made us wear a uniform if they hadn’t wanted us to form an army”.

 

Polygamy and Blasphemy

Islamic advocates of polygyny fail to understand why westerners not only dislike polygyny, but oftentimes hate it. They fail to understand that to a westerner, polygyny is blasphemy, of the worst kind.

To christians, marriage is a sacrament, a holy act. A husband and a wife become one flesh when entering into the holy state of matrimony. Christians believe it is a sacred covenant and the marriage ceremony is a sacred ceremony and assembly before God. As the church is the bride of Jesus, the woman becomes the bride of the husband. It is a holy and sacred union before God. To Catholics, it is eternal, inextricable.

Until the 1960’s, a couple who were divorced would be shunned by society and regarded as social lepers. The Catholic church does still not accept divorce, it simply does not exist since marriage is sacred.

Thus, westerners with a view on marriage based on christian tradition oftentimes feel a slight contempt towards islamic marriage. A contractual agreement on cohabitation and financial issues that is easily dissolved by simply uttering the words “I divorce you” is far from the sacred matrimony of the christian church. So many westerners don’t really regard islamic marriages as marriages at all, simply as contractual co-habitation under rules that make women slaves to their husbands, not least sexually.

Polygyny in itself is a horrible slight to the christian concept of holy matrimony. To defile the sacred union between husband and wife, the exclusive and holy wedlock, is blasphemy to christians and westerners with beliefs based on christianity. Islamic polygyny is blasphemy.

Islamic advocates of polygyny often wonder why people who are against islamic polygyny bother about the choices muslims make. Why not simply let muslims practice polygyny should they choose to? Even in the West where it is a crime? Why bother reading blogs and islamic web-sites about polygyny, why write hateful posts?

The answer is simple: because islamic polygyny to a democratic westerner or a christian is blasphemy of the worst kind. To practice islamic polygyny in the West is like painting a picture of the prophet Muhammad on a quran, carrying it into a mosque simply to ostentatiously piss on it. Repeatedly.

Would the islamic ummah of the world keep silent if westerners started making piles of pictures of the prophet and qurans in the streets only to piss on them? So why be surprised if democratic and equal westerners won’t keep silent when muslims piss on holy matrimony?

Letter: Dying while Polygamous

My father introduced my mother to polygyny the way so many men do, by having her find out from another relative that dad had married again, a woman 15 years younger than my mother. I was ten years old when mum found out. That morning, before she found out, was the last time ever I saw my mum happy. The last time ever I saw her laugh.

She did what so many women do, she wept and raged. She wailed in the night when she thought we were asleep. My father just kept repeating that it was his right, that she had to come to terms with it, that she would destroy their marriage and family if she didn’t accept it. My mum tried to find help from the Quran, from the Masjid, from scholars. They all told her that my father had been wrong the times he had lied about his doings, but that he had been right in taking another wife, in doing it without informing her.

My mother chose the path of doing nothing. Just allowing her heart to go cold and her life to turn into a void, a nothingness. She stopped hugging us, stopped allowing anybody near her, stopped talking about anything but chores at hand. She just gave up on life.

Two years ago, my father was diagnozed with cancer. He had surgery, but the cancer had spread. Now, he’s receiving palliative care. He’s bedridden, and uses diapers. He’s in constant pain, and gets his nourishment through a tube. They say he may have another six months to live..

We all live in Norway. Dad doesn’t have to stay in a hospital, because he can get all the care he needs at home. It’s his urgent wish to die at home. Problem is, where is that? My siblings and I don’t know what to do now. We keep arguing about taking sides, about how to help. My dad has asked us to plead with mum. I won’t do it. I could write pages about the pain he’s caused us, about all the times he’s forced his “rights” on us. And about how much I still love him.

My mother says this is the punishment dad gets for polygyny. She has had people over from the masjid telling dad that he is not allowed to stop giving each wife her time unless the wives agree. And they don’t. Mother says she will never give up her nights, and she says he must go to his other wife during her nights because the other wife is obligated to care for him. The scholars agree. So my father has to be taken by ambulance from one wife to another. The doctors say this might kill him, and it is causing him excruciating pain. The health care system also refuses to pay for the constant transports so it’s very expensive. They have all tried to talk to mum, tried to make her show some mercy. They keep telling her that having a right doesn’t mean that claiming that right is the right thing to do. We should be merciful. Mum just keeps saying that this is exactly what Allah swt wants to prove, and that is why he is giving this punishment to my father.

 

So here we are, in a merciless dance around love and hate, rights and mercy. And I am completely lost.

Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman: Part 2

Taliban_beating_woman_in_public_RAWAOne of the most frequent lies from muslim polygamy apologists is that polygyny is natural based on the differences between the sexes. The topic has been discussed on this blog several times, proving the absurd falsehood of this argument.

A muslim scholar wrote:

Lastly, there is the component of rebellion. It is human nature on part of man that he simply cannot tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with his wife. In the case of polygyny, the jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband. In polyandry however, both men are on equal footing. As has been noted above, besides gender any other impartial variable available is absent which gives rise to a vacuum ready to be filled with adversity. When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.

A woman can not tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with her husband either. It is inherently evil to us, disgusting and nauseating. Women “tolerate” it on the same basis people tolerate being beaten, raped, enslaved. Women tolerate it to survive. Women tolerate it in order to keep from going insane. Women tolerate it out of fear. Women tolerate it to be allowed paradise after death since they are doomed by polygyny to live in hell here on earth.

If a man is chained to a wall, physically or psychologically, he “tolerates” somebody making love to his wife too, even while he is obliged to watch.

That’s the basic truth.

“The jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband”. How, may I ask? How did the mere presence of my husband’s leadership curb my jealousy? Did you, dear scholar, ask any women about this? Any single woman? Because this is such major BS I can’t believe you managed to get it out of your head and down on paper. It isn’t “the leadership of her husband” that makes a woman try to survive polygyny. Nor is it her love for her husband. Do you want to know what it is?

“When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.”. This is actually an argument in favour of polyandry and against polygyny. Yes, men go to war. Men kill each other. Men beat and kill women. So, any loving and wise god would make MEN submit to polyandry and sharing and working on their lower instincts, since they are obviously the ones who need it!

The falsehoods, misogyny, heresy and sanctimoniousness of muslim scholars never ceases to amaze me.

But even more, it amazes me that women buy into this nauseous toxic goo.

Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

Over and over again, we hear from muslims that the fact that there are different rights and responsibilities for men and women in islam is based on the differences between the sexes. I won’t even go into the warped logics behind such a statement, but I would like to touch upon the idiocy of some of the arguments that come to light.

I will use this post from a mufti as an example:

 

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

The religion of Islām is a practical religion that also considers nature in directing laws and obligations. Polyandry is impractical for a woman and will place unbearable burden upon her. Thus, the prohibition of polyandry for a woman is based on care and compassion for her.

If it were a woman’s nature to obey her husband, give up on half her inheritance, live polygyny, give up work, hide her face etc. she would do so without any rule forcing her! It is only when something is unnatural that we need a law and force to make it happen.

And in what way is polyandry impractical? As a matter of fact, it is highly practical! A woman gets the incomes of two males to support her children, it could solve the issue of over-population, the children of the family get two males to look up to and be protected by, and the woman gets to enjoy variety and the pleasure of two or more husbands.

How will a woman fulfill the marital demands of more than one man, his intimacy needs, his temperament, and various other challenges? When a woman with one husband experiences so many challenges, imagine the burden with more than one husband.

First of all, a woman is able to have sex as many times as she likes in a day. The same is not true for a man. So women are biologically much better suited to please several partners than men are. Men are simply inept and bound to fall short when it comes to polygamy and sex. Or how could a man fulfill the marital demands of two, or four, women who all need sex on the same day?? Nope. Men are incapable of this. Women are made for it. And this temperament issue – aren’t you contradicting your own creed? I thought this whole gender-discrimination thing was built on the claim that women are temperamental, men are rational? So of course, it is much easier for a temperamental and emotional woman to keep two or more rational and reasonable men happy, than for a rational man to keep two or more emotional and temperamental women happy! Anybody can understand that, you silly sod. As for challenges, muslims tend to defend their misogyny stating that the gender preference is because of the many challenges and the responsibility that men have to face. Now, you suddenly claim that it’s women who face challenges. So, what way do you want to go?? And as I just said, the challenges are evidently much greater for polygamous men than for polygamous women.

What will a woman in such a relationship do when she is pregnant with one man’s child? How will the child’s lineage stay secure? Consider the emotions, jealousy, etc. she will have to undergo from the other husbands.

Actually, it was perfect. I had two men supporting our family while I was pregnant. Two men who could support each other through my pregnancy. Two men who could help each other. One man who could take care of the house and keep working while the other staid at home with me once my baby was born. So – what’s the problem as you see it?? The lineage is no problem, easy peasy. DNA. The test takes 2 minutes. (One of my husbands can’t father a child any more, so for us it didn’t even take 2 minutes to work out). Any child could teach you how to take the test. Problem solved!

As for emotions and jealousy – again…YOU are the people claiming that women are emotional, men are rational. If that were true, of course men wouldn’t be jealous and emotional about sharing their wife. As it is, you guys are full of BS, and men are just as emotional. But the thing is, women are much better at empathy. We can handle emotional spouses much better than men can. So again, women are much better suited at being polygamous than men are!

It is clear from the above that Allah Ta’ālā’s ruling of prohibiting females to have more than one husband reflects the hikmat and wisdom of Allah and His compassion for women.

No. It is clear from the above that the ruling that says females should not be allowed to be polygamous is misogynistic bullshit. And if you read the quran, you’ll find that Allah actually allows polyandry. Only misogynist men have interpreted the sura their way and contradicted Allah. And come up with crap like the BS above to excuse this crime against humanity.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Well, better than muslim scholars anyway.

AbdulMannan Nizami

Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA

You do know that polygyny is illegal in the US, bro?

“She Should Have Married Both!”

My daughter was staying over with me in London with a couple of friends the other night. They were talking about a TV show called “Bachelorette”. Obviously a young woman starts dating something like 15 men, and in each show somebody is eliminated and in the end she must choose between the final two. By that time of course, after dating and intimacy over a period of time, they all have strong feelings for each other.

My daughter and her friends were talking about a season finale. The girl was apparently deeply in love with both remaining men, and both men came to her to propose. She ended up dissing a man she had made love to, and confessed to being in love with. My daughter and her friends were all “Oh she should have kept Nick, he was much cuter and nicer, or she should have kept both. Yeah, she should have married both!!”

I’ve been browsing the net, and realize most people out there talking about this show seem to agree. They say, she should have kept both guys. And they say it because they saw that she was very much in love with both men, and they with her. I’ve even found women on a muslim web forum who say it!! And they do so intuitively, because of the romance and the love. Of course, they aren’t serious. But subconsciously, they recognize that it is not disgusting when a woman loves two men, is intimate with more than one man. No – it’s all in the packaging!

I know many friends of mine who have said the same about Love Actually, that Keira Knightley should have married both men. Because it’s so romantic….. It’s all in the packaging! It’s amazing really how islam manages to package polygyny as good, caring, moral and allowed while at the same time make polyandry out to be disgusting. And people buy into that, just like they buy into the newest fashion, or for that matter just like they bought into jews being untermensch during WWII.

I had a look at season 11 of The Bachelorette. It was fascinating. The thing that struck me the most is how the men there sound and act exactly like wives in polygamy. All the insecurities, the jealousy, the fighting over who is the favourite, while all the while having to force themselves to accept the situation with a smile, or else they’re out. So fascinating!! And perfect proof that everything muslim scholars try to deceive people into believing about the differences between men and women and our reactions to polygamy is an utter and blatant lie!!

Gee, I had no idea reality TV can be so enlightening!

 

Because Allah has Made Some of Them Excel Others

White people have authority over coloured people, by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous coloured people are devoutly obedient, guarding in the white people’s absence what Allah would have them guard. But those coloureds from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], beat them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

Since coloured people are to obey their spouses, coloured people are only allowed to marry white people. White people are the leaders and guardians of coloured people, since they are weak in reason and religion. This is in the best interest of coloured people and a heavy burden on white people.

maleslave

Coloured people are only allowed to work if their white spouses give permission. The white spouse must provide for and protect the coloured partner, and hence has a right to prevent the coloured spose from having a job, or even leaving the house, or receiving friends at home. The white spouse also has a right to forbid the coloured partner from speaking to people on the phone or using the internet. This is in order to protect coloured people from harm.

A white person has a right to marry up to four people, coloured or white. Coloured people are only allowed to marry one spouse, and this spouse must be white since coloured people must be lead and protected by white people. A baby born to a mixed couple is coloured. White people can marry up to four coloured people, and they don’t need permission from former spouses, nor need they inform them of subsequent marriages.

White people can divorce by simply uttering words to that effect. Coloured people are not allowed divorce, since they are run by their emotions and can not be trusted to make rational decisions about their lives. If a coloured person needs to divorce an abusive spouse, they must go to court and prove the abuse, and pay to be released. This is to protect coloured people and keep them from being deserted and unprovided for. Coloured people must be grateful for this, and remember that if any person were to be commanded to prostrate himself before another, it would be coloured people before their white spouses.

A child belongs to its white parent, unless it’s in its infancy. If the coloured person remarries, it loses the right to any prior children. A coloured person can not be a judge or a political leader or a religious leader, due to their lack of reason and religion.

Coloured people are by nature emotional, irrational, vulnerable, loving and caring. This means that they easily get used. So no coloured person is allowed to be without a white legal guardian. This is to protect the rights of coloured people and make sure they aren’t taken advantage of.

White people can find coloured people attractive. To protect coloured people from the stares and advances from white people, coloured people should stay in their homes. But if they have to go out they must wear black baggy jumpsuits, full length ponchos, balaclavas and diving masks. This way they will be protected, hidden gems, and their modesty will make them proud of themselves.

Coloured people must have sex with their white spouse on command, or else the white spouse has a right to lock them up in their homes and beat them or divorce them on the spot. A coloured spouse has a right to sex once every four months. If that right is not fulfilled, the coloured spouse can go to court and ask for a divorce. If granted, the coloured person must wait three months before he or she can remarry, they must pay for their release and give up their rights to any child above the age of 7.

Do you find any of this offensive?

I do.

It is all offensive beyond measure.

So why isn’t the world screaming with outrage, when the above is applied to women? 

How to Cope With Polygamy

5758f-moveA lot of people who come to this blog do so after googling “How to cope in polygamy”. I get like 10 people every day who google coping with polygamy in my stats. It breaks my heart.

So here’s a post to all of you copers out there:

If you are looking for a way to cope with polygamy, that in itself proves to me that you should get the hell out of that polygamous marriage! Leave! Now!

Marriage should never be about coping.

Marriage should be about living life to the full, about love and trust, equality and happiness. Marriage should be about friendship, laughter, caring for each other, honesty, about being that one person to each other who is always there for you who is always ready to put your happiness above his or her own.

Marriage should never be about coping.

So if you came here looking for advice about how to cope with polygamy, here it is:

Don’t.

Leave, and allow yourself the opportunity to find a real marriage. A real relationship.

Don’t ever let anybody force you into believing you are worth anything less.

How do I Win a Man’s Heart When I’m In Polygamy?

wives7Question:

Hi Fiona!

 

Love your blog! I married a man who was already married. We are both muslim and I’m trying to become more pious to find peace in polygamy because it really is hard! I thought that my husband would become infatuated with me, and that I would be special. But it’s not happening. He is always sharing his time and everything absolutely equal and he snubs me when I call on her time for something or if I question his love for me. He says I must be content with what I have and that he will never love one of us more. It hurts so much because I don’t want to be one of many, I want to be special. Just like he is special to me. So I wonder, how do I win my man’s heart?

//Farah

Answer:

You can’t.

His heart wasn’t yours to win, nor his to lose. He has already decided that nobody will be special in his life, no love will be special, you will all just be one of many. He decided never to give special love, or all of his love, while demanding it from you. That is what you accepted when you became a second wife. The sad thing is that by doing so, you aided and abetted him in reducing his wife from special to one of many.