Living Polygamy

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My name is Fiona.

I am not muslim, but my husband is

I was a happily married woman. Our two children had just left home for university, and I was looking forward to being a wife again, spending more time with the husband I loved.

Instead my husband comes home one day, and tells me he has taken another wife.

Since then we have been living polygamy.

There are a lot of other people out there who are in polygamous marriages too. Since it’s difficult to talk about polygamy, what it’s like, the taboo questions of intimacy, jealousy, the every day life in polygamy, I wanted to create this blog to talk honestly about all the things we want to know, want to discuss but find it very difficult to open up about.

I will share my story here, and I hope you’ll stay and maybe share yours.

Welcome!

 

Warning: 

I am writing this blog to tell the truth.

I want to tell the truth about my life, about my experiences and polygamy.

I will call a spade a spade.

If a word that describes the truth contains four letters, I will use them.

161 thoughts on “Living Polygamy

  1. Please stay on the site and have a read around Rose. I think you’ll find you enjoy the discussions. There’s alot of variety and differences of opinion, muslim and non muslim.

    The one thing we do have in common is trying to understand polygamy. No one here (I think) accepts the simple explanation “it’s allowed”. There’s so much more to understanding polygamy than that.

    And whether or not anyone agrees with Fiona, doesnt matter, factually she knows more about Islam than most muslims I know.

    If we believe something, we shouldn’t be afraid to scrutinise it.

  2. What do you call him ?
    Do u state your issue to him ask him what he’s done and with what conscience?
    You really think he did this for Islam or with Islam in mind?
    Hes married a non muslim is she a widow,or does she have orphans, was he and is he fulfilling your rights as before or has he taken away from you to give her other than him self.
    Did he have a relationship with her before marriage he still should get his punishment if he hasn’t he will.
    That’s not just for being unequal.
    im not trying to hurt you .If i did im sorry i read the blog a long time ago i am not judging the women on it, as i have no right to.
    It may seem i am on one side for this idea of polygamy but i have seen what it does and i will say if done wrong which in most cases it is then its very conception in that marriage is wrong but I’ve also seen it done right.
    It benefits so many too so we cant abolish it but the men who do it don’t think about its consequences or what he will say to God, and i feel that that’s the bit your missing, if your hurt or he is doing you wrong don’t you think God see’s and do u not think he will recompense you with so much more.
    I suppose not all people get that this is a short cut to our real existence on earth which is ever lasting we get so stuck on here and now we forget what its all for.
    If men have manipulated hadith for there own benefit then they will answer to there creator. Im using a hand held device so cant refer back to your response to give equal answers to you.
    Islam does state he must follow the law of the land so would you have been ok if he had divorced you then married her?
    In the end he’s hurt you and he’s using Islam to justify it, i would get rid of him and find anew single man worthy of you.
    Yes if he is in USA the law is that he has one wife but we know people in the US do have groups that live outside those laws.
    I thought the west is all for freedom of expression and gay marriages, long term extra marital affairs, sex changes, if so why is polygamy the big sore?
    Polygamy is practised in other cultures/ religions too in western countries like UK just no guidelines rules or validation or consequences are placed into it Islam at least offers that.

  3. Rose,

    Can you please explain what you think “if you fear you can’t deal justly with the orphans then marry women of your choice, 2, 3 or 4” means.

    How do you interpret the opening sentence about orphans?

    You are ignoring the first part of the verse like most men in polygamy do.

  4. I will do, may i suggest a good feel good movie for all ladies who have been dooped watch scorned its a fantastic film lol

  5. You seem to have gotten quite a few of the basic facts here wrong, about me and about the polygamous life I live. Maybe you’d better check it up, before you start assuming things that are totally wrong? What do I call my husband? I call him by his name, most of the time. My husbands sidegig has a name beginning with a B, but I happened to find out that he calls her Bambi, so it was a natural thing to call her Bimbo. I can assure you, she calls me much worse! 🙂

  6. I believe it means to deal righteously with those who don’t have anyone guarding there interests.ie the orphans

  7. So a statement that says “If A, and only if A, you are allowed to B” is according to you just a general statement about C?

  8. Again he allows her to call u names u see that’s what annoys me not the fact that you retort it with a name.
    The issue i cant get my head around is his respect for you not hers to me she is a byproduct of his actions against you and your relationship.

  9. So what does that have to do with marrying 2,3 or 4 women? It’s part of the same sentence so must be related?

    I just posted a link under the Goblin thread that looks a bit at this. A masters thesis written by an egyptian student. Not groundbreaking but at least she acknowledges a relationship between the 2 parts.

  10. That’s what completely threw me too. How a man, who has been a wonderful friend, husband and companion can suddenly lose all respect for his marriage vows. For life as we knew it.

  11. Seems you didn’t read my following comment, so I’ll post it here:

    “My mistake … it would seem that in order for the husband to require permission from his wife it would need to be specifically stated in the Nik’ah (my sheikh included it in ours).

    Awkward. -.-”

    Also, “What is religion but akhlaq?” -The Prophet (PBUH). You may know the Quran front to back but you’re very unpleasant.

    Additionally: benefit of the doubt. “Pick and choose”? I may not know everything – I’m no scholar, and I don’t claim to be – but if I hear something from a credible source, I don’t deny it, even if I don’t like it or understand it. That was a bold accusation on your part, I mean you’ve never even met me and you claim to have some idea of the way I operate.

    It’s people like you that turned me away from Islam in my youth … thank goodness I discovered Muslims with akhlaq, or I’d still be agnostic.

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