Polygamy is Not a Threesome

ThreeringsEach marriage is separate and unique.

I am my husbands’ wife. They are both, separately, married to me. My husbands are not polygamous, they both have monogamous marriages with me.

I try never to take anything with me from one marriage to the other. It’s difficult.

If I have had a conflict with one husband, it’s difficult to completely shut the door on it, and the bad temper, when I go to the other husband. If I’m worried about one husband, it’s difficult to hide it from the other.

Mark is having problems right now with the concern and worry I feel over Graham, what with the stroke and the depression and everything. And Graham is hurting over how our intimate life together has been disrupted by the stroke, and by his medicines. He’s jealous, and it adds to the depression.

Suddenly, I feel the urge to have my husbands talk this out together. Find the way back to seeing each other as friends, not as rivals. But they don’t want that.

They both say polygamy is my problem. I’m polygamous, they’re not.

190 thoughts on “Polygamy is Not a Threesome

  1. Sots,
    I too wish you the best. I wish your husband would wake up and realize how deep and true you are, and I wish you would wake up and see through rationale you have veiled yourself with.

  2. //If they want more than what a married man can provide then they need to find a single one.//

    That applies to yourself as well, does it not? I mean, if your husband doesn’t agree to give you and your kids all of those daytime hours including the days in which its your co’s night, then maybe it’s time to move on.

    I’m not bagging on you, Sots, seriously, I’m not. It’s just that you’re an example of why this whole thing is so f’d up – for you, for your co, for the kids. It’s true, according to Sunnah it’s sundown to sunup that marks each wife’s time beginning and ending. But he’s supposed to be just and fair. I don’t think hanging with one wife over another beyond the night requirement is just and fair. Whether he was giving all that time to your co or to you. That’s why it’s better he does his own thing during the day, sans either wife.

    My ex worked hellishly long hours so that shouldn’t have been a problem. BUT there were times either I or the co went to the restaurant (he was a front-of-house manager of an Indian restaurant) and helped out when it was busy. That got my panties in a twist when she went there, and she was pissed when I did. On a few memorable occasions, we both worked there at the same time. That was interesting….

  3. Assalamu alaikum Sisters

    A man does realize and respect the pain a wife feels when her husband marries again. No man is made of stone! It is adab to make the situation as easy and barable as possible for the wife. But even if we do, of course we realize that there is still hurt and jealousy. We have hearts, just like you. But we also see the benefits of polygamy, the plurality of children and the care and love for women who might otherwise not have had a husband.
    I told my wife before marriage that polygamy might be an option. But she was still very upset when I told her I would marry again. I took much time to reassure her, to tell her how much I love her. I had almost decided not to tell her until after the marriage because I was so afraid of her reaction and also very much not wanting to go through the grief. If women accepted polygamy in a good manner, there would not be so many secret second wives and lies…After all, polygamy is permissible, But I knew the pain my wife would feel and I hurt much inside because of it. But I wanted to have two families and the rich life of polygamy. I took my wife for a drive to the ocean and told her my love was just as big as the ocean and Allah’s understanding of men’s heart too, and I wanted to marry again. She cried and I had not wanted that but expected it and comforted her best I could. After that I married as fast as I could because reality is never as bad as the wispers of Shaytan. My wife says she is grateful I have shown respect and be honest. But I know she is still sad. But if polygamy was not beneficial it would not be allowed. And I am a better husband now because I am more aware of my responibilites.
    But don’t say men don’t understand the hurt. We weigh that in, and we are grateful to our wives for their sacrifice if we are good men. Don’t make us out as bad husbands!

  4. Faisal.

    I’m sooooo tired of men saying they understand the pain. You don’t, not even a little. You will never know.

    //After that I married as fast as I could because reality is never as bad as the wispers of Shaytan//

    Yes, it is.The reality is, your husband is having sex with someone else, loving someone else. While you lay crying. If that wasn’t happening, there would be no need to be upset, no matter what Shaytan whispers to you. It’s the reality that hurts not the whispers.

    /My wife says she is grateful I have shown respect and be honest.//

    What your wife really means is: the fact that you was honest is the only good thing I can say about you. I hate you.

    //She cried and I had not wanted that but expected it and comforted her best I could//

    If you didn’t want her to cry, then you should have sacrificed your desire to re marry. You slit her throat and gave her a plaster.

    //And I am a better husband now because I am more aware of my responibilites//

    Your wife, more than likely thinks your an awful husband.

    //Don’t make us out as bad husbands!\\

    We didn’t make you bad husbands. YOU did.
    //I took much time to reassure her, to tell her how much I love her.//

    She doesn’t believe you, she’s working on not loving you.

    //But don’t say men don’t understand the hurt. We weigh that in//

    But your need to sleep with another woman weighed heaver than her hurt. No surprise there.

    Your selfish fasil.

  5. ‘ But if polygamy was not beneficial it would not be allowed. ‘
    Well and what exactly are the benefits for your first wife and all of your children?

    ‘the care and love for women who might otherwise not have had a husband.’ Oh so it’s some kind of charity because men are so scarce on this planet and women are lost without one? Does your second wife know that this is the reason you married her?

  6. Faisal:
    I can see how impressed with yourself you are. That’s all. I’m just glad that you are not a part of my my life.

  7. Faisal, you say “After all, polygamy is permissible, But I knew the pain my wife would feel and I hurt much inside because of it. But I wanted to have two families and the rich life of polygamy”. So its all about what YOU want. Dont go around making excuses that its for providing for women who otherwise wouldn’t have a man in her life.

    Faisal, What exactly you meant by “rich”? Money wise you would be richer when supporting one family instead of two. Emotionally and relationship wise you will be richer when you are not knowingly hurting your loved ones and have more time to spend with your children and their mother. Looks like you have a very twisted meaning of “rich” possibly it means to be able to sleep with more than one woman, show it off to other men around you, feel good to have a lot of children, get admired by family elders/religious leaders for your contribution to increase Muslim population.

    But the reality is you can have more children but you have only 24 hours in a day. Is the number of children important or the time you can spend with them. Reality is that polygyny will ensure that you are surrounded by a large family where nobody really loves or respects you. Your first wife has already lost love and respect for you. She might go through a phase to compete with other wife but the only way to adapt to polygyny is that she emotionally distances herself from you. I am sure very young children can understand their mothers hurt. It will only get worse with time. Your daughters will eventually lose all respect for you once they are grown women. Your sons will hate you too once they group because they will know very well what you did is all about getting more pussy. Enjoy the illusion of “rich” life while you can!

  8. Sots, i hate what polygyny is doing to you. You are losing focus. The reason you say you accept polygyny is because its allowed to Muslim men. The day you accepted this you accepted that your husband as a Muslim man has right to have upto 4 wives. A muslim man can only spend so much time with family. His main role is to provide for and lead the family i.e. keep you all focussed on your family and religious responsibilities. In addition to his role in family he has a responsibility to stay involved in religious and political matters, donate part of his earning for betterment of ummah and be available to fight for religion when situation demands it.

    He is not supposed to be your equal partner. He is your leader. He doesn’t have to be physically there to help care for children or lead prayers. He is more like your supervisor/boss so dont treat him like a team member.

    I personally dont believe in all of the above but this is what you signed up for. Your demands are modern thats why you are so conflicted. If you want to really accept polygyny as a part of Islam then the only way to accept is to accept all of the above. Good Luck!

  9. Wa Aleikum Asalaam Faisal,

    You’ll only understand what wives in polygyny go through if one of your wives finds another husband and lives polyandry. Til then, you won’t know. You can’t possibly know.

    These ladies are right – your comment is all about you and your wants and is so condescending toward your first wife it makes me ill. I feel horrible for her – and your second wife, though I assume she knew she was stepping into an established marriage so that sort of tempers any sympathy I might have.

    Ugh….if there’s anything I despise, it’s a self-righteous man trying to excuse away abusive behavior.

  10. Sots, I am sorry if my comments are harsh but i fail to understand your reasoning. Why do you think you deserve different treatment than your cowife. What about accepting polygyny as part of Islam and wanting for your sister what you want for yourself.

  11. The fact you knew how much pain you would cause and did it anyway is an absolute disgrace Faisal. Polygamy is not even compulsory, so you caused your wife terrible pain for something you didn’t have to do.

    Understand this:
    1. Your wife does not love you as she did previously,
    2. She is disgusted when she has to be intimate with you.
    3. She has images in her head of you having sex with your mistress (sorry, 2nds are not wives).
    4. She has lost respect for you.
    5. Your children will see, better than you, how you broke their mother’s heart even if she puts on a brave face they will see and feel her pain in her eyes. Kids see everything and recognise truth.

    So congratulations on becoming half a husband, half a father. I hope one day you regret losing your wife’s and children’s unconditional love and respect.

  12. “I took much time to reassure her, to tell her how much I love her”.

    Doesnt matter how many times you tell her you love her. Your desire to take another woman was stronger than your desire to protect your wife from pain. She knows that. And she has less love and less respect for you because of that.

    And let me guess…you didn’t marry an older woman, a widow, a divorced woman or a woman with children? You married either a younger virgin or a revert?

  13. Sisters

    It feels like you have decided already to turn everything I say against me. I will try to make myself better understood. Polygamy is a choice for a man. It is a heavy responsibility and I had to be very sure I could care for and maintain two families. Men are by nature made to want a challenge. We climb mountains and take to the sky. We are different from women who want safety first, we want challenge first. I wanted to rize to the challenge that Allah gave me when he made polygamy permissible. Polygamy was my Mount Everest. A steep, dangerous, painful climb but when you make it – you are on top of the world. Yes I wanted that. And I told my wife right from the start, I never lied. She just thought that love would make me change my mind, but it didn’t since love and safety was not my issue. And sex was not either even though you imply that! I know I caused my wife pain, and yes I had not realized the full extent of that pain. I honestly thought women could see polygamy as Mount Everest too, I know that there are women who can and who grow from it. But I also did not know that I would keep sliding and climbing, sliding and climbing all the time. But I do everything to be a good husband to both my wives.

  14. Faisal, I think we would be more understanding if you were just totally honest about the ups and downs of your polygamous life. Instead it felt like you were lecturing us, which we’re all very tired of.

    We could learn from you and you could learn from us, but you need to be genuine and very honest, don’t hide behind “polygamy is halal”. We talk about hard, raw feelings and the damage polygamy can do to the first marriage. You must have issues with polygamy like we do, that’s what brought you online.

  15. Faisal, first of all thanks for sharing your views. We hardly see men discussing polygamy. Having said that, i think it doesn’t make you any better rather worse like a criminal trying to justify the crime. There is nothing wrong with seeking challenges and thrill as long as it doesn’t involve emotionally abusing and torturing others.

  16. Faisal:
    “It feels like you have decided already to turn everything I say against me.”

    No, that’s not the case. It is the case that you view yourself as a mountaineer heroically climbing Mt Everest, and have assumed that others would therefore view you through the lens you have picked out. I view you as a man who is pretending he is a mountaineer climbing Mt Everest.

    As LIG said; “don’t hide behind ‘polygamy is halal’ “. Did you ever consider the possibility that the self-appointed Everest climber might be viewed by others as a coward for the same actions he is so proud of?

  17. Hi Faisal, the woman lost and u gain, so its not a happy Mount Everest project. U lost also but these things are not important enough for men.I see many insecurities in case when somethings happen, like the stroke Fionas Husband had experienced. How will u be there when somebody need u more. Or even a child is ill. Ur Wife have to be there day and night without any break. U cant be there, the same with u, what if u will be ill and the wives dont cooperate together. When i imagine a wife goes to chemotherapy, then comes home, nobody is there she sleeps alone nobody who spends a little bit comfort. Thats heartbreaking. But its cultural and the woman there should not expect to much from the husband. He is the provider, the rest is luck.
    In my Opinion polygamy works only when there is a good support system beneath the marriage, Family, Friends who can hold and help u and give u emotional stability and all person accepts polygamy. And then the woman has to be undependant from the husband, she must open her heart for other relationsships(woman if muslim) and not search the happiness firstly in her marriage. But realy that i cant understand, thats what men want,or? For mens its not so important that the wife loves him deeply, a special love. Because most of woman say they becomes detached from the husband in polygamy even if they are pro polygamy, its normal, is that nothing what men bothers? And why there are no men who talks about their polygamy marriage and give and seek advice? I remember the blog about 75 percent single? its privat now 😀
    I dont want to be mean to u sots but i think if u realy accept the rulings in ur faith and love ur god u should find a way to see the wife as ur sister in islam an wish her the same like u want. There are many variables why a woman accept to be a second wife. She is not more to blame like the men. Alone the opportunity that she can marry a married men. Its the same like the men know i can… . Then culture views like divorced and elderly woman cant find easy a husband. Also Men can very good lie and talk smooth, and some young woman have not a clue what it means to be in love with somebody (i mean not the woman who marry to destroy the other marriage and take the husband for herself). What i see is that often the second wives wakes up after marriage and see oh they are also woman with heavy emotions, and regret and fall in pain. Only the husband has the best place in this situation. Its difficult to understand other cultures only when u live there u can better understand. Marriage is there often not romantic love, thats what the muslim woman have to see also, its reality. Few days ago a tamil woman told me how forced marriage was normal in her culture, and how happy she was about her sister who can marry her big Love. It was something very special for her but here in the west its normal. I think the romantic love marriage is luck also in the west. There are lots of people who stays in a marriage for different reasons, i dont jugde or say find somebody u love but we should not so much expect generally that “one” or other person are responsible for our happiness.

  18. Faisal,

    Women aren’t different from men in that regard, despite what you’ve been taught. Women like a challenge, too. There’s an old song that goes “anything you can do, I can do better”. Polygyny brought that to the forefront of my mind. #2 wanted to run me out of my marriage and I met that challenge head-on…at the expense of my mental, physical, and emotional health. I aged 10 years in a matter of months.

    I’d have been better serving myself and my kids if I had channeled that competitive spirit toward something beneficial. Such as, challenging myself to hold my head high, maintain my dignity, and walk away to a better life. Yes, I did finally do that, but by then the damage was done.

    You crave a challenge. Ok. I can get on board with that. I’m still one who likes a challenge and I meet them on a daily basis – in ways that do not hurt anyone else. You don’t understand that your wife will never, CAN never, look at you or herself or people in general the same way again. Ever. A very dear price was paid for you to climb your own personal Mount Everest, and it cost another human being — one you purportedly love — everything she held dear.

    Once you conquer a challenge, Faisal, that desire isn’t satisfied. It wants more. Then what? I suggest you buy yourself some mountain climbing gear and book a trip to Nepal.

  19. There’s a major flaw in your comparison of the ‘challenge’ polygamy with the climbing of the mount everest. If your challenge is the mountain then you climb it on your own so it’s your challenge only. But polygamy is a challenge for everyone involved so it’s more like dragging your wives and kids to the top of mount everest with you…

  20. Alice, you said it perfectly. I would add that its a much much bigger and impossible challenge for wife. I think its more like wanting the wife to carry you to the top of mountain. I think Fiona wrote a post with similar theme. Men wanting the wife to carry them on shoulders so that they can pick and enjoy the fruit. Their justification “the fruit is halal” totally ignores the fact they are a burden on someone they should protect and provide for.

  21. Laila.

    I didn’t find your comments harsh, at all. I liked your overview of what a husband is, In islam. I had been struggling to work out how we are supposed to be. I’m still learning. I suppose, because me and my husband are converts, and was together a long time before we could have kept our usual relationship. Now Im starting to understand that when a man practices polygamy, you realise that everything you thought you could keep, you actually can’t. Your right, I did sign up for it. And I’m not against 2nd wives in general, I’m against 2nd wives who enter expecting to have a full time husband,then have the cheek to complain. I guess the same could be said for myself, by getting married in the first place. At least I didn’t knowingly hurt another woman.

    Want for your sister what you want for yourself. Yes, I did. It’s the hadith that pushed me to agree. I had a lot of expectations in the beginning. Like communication between us, having someone to help with the daily stuff, I had visions of helping with the kids when she’s sick, sending ‘tasters’ of a new recipe. Homeschooling the children, days out as a family ect. None of that happened, she married my husband and cut me and my children out, also I haven’t been around their kids for ages and I miss them. Shes such a cruel woman. Shes had time to adjust and iv given leeway, but she’s taking the p now. And I’m not having it. She not a woman just like me, she’s the complete opposite.

    She wasn’t offered 2nd place, she harassed her way in. She was proposed to on several occasions by other men. There’s so much you don’t know.

    Shes a horrible, miserable woman.

  22. I also dislike people who walk around like polygamy is a bed of roses. Especially men who put on that macho, I’m a leader crap. I know for a fact he sat with his head in his hands crying over what a mess he made.. A little proding and both the men and women reveal the truth. I’m not one of those women. Obviously I accept it’s allowed, but you will see that sometimes I lose it a little. The other day was one of those days. Life is about being real, not fake.

  23. Do you really think “Want for your brother what you want for yourself” is about polygamy? Then why is it directed at brothers? And isn’t it true that what you really want is a husband who is married to you only, the complete friend and trusted love you had before? And a full time father of your children? Isn’t that what you should want for your sister then? Or do you really want, for yourself as well as for your sister in islam, a husband who is crying with his heads in his hands over the mess he’s made of your lives? A husband who can never be your best friend anymore, who can never be a full time dad, who can never have your family as his number one priority, who can never share his innermost thoughts and dreams with you? Who gave up on the marriage you had? Is that really what you want? And hence should want for your sister?

  24. Fiona,

    The husband crying with head in hands was just my imagination, I don’t know they do but I expect when no-one looking they do. Lol

    At the time I only thought as far as she wants a husband and and so do I. I never…. Well couldn’t think it through properly. There’s so much more to it……I was tired, mentally exhausted I just wanted it over and done. She wasn’t giving up. I may send you the full story as I can’t post it here.

    I think in the hadith it address male and female.

    I’m feeling too sad to make sense right now.

  25. Faisal!

    We all know there are no words or actions, no situations or circumstances and surely no feelings and emotions that can ever justify polygamy. It begins, revolves around and at last comes down to a single statement that is “POLYGAMY IS ALLOWED “. And as much as you men and even many women will hate to admit it but the fact is It’s not only allowed by your religion but by your wife too, surely Islam allows you to be able to lead a double life but it isn’t without your wife, basically playing the enabler.

    Yes, you must have weighed and found you can remarry and that too without losing anything that actually matters for you but if your wife would have made it crystal clear not only with her words but her actions too that yes! you can choose to remarry, you are free to take decisions about yourself but you are not free from the consequences of your decision… You can have a new wife but for that you must lose her, your children, your already established marriage, more or less everything that you ever had or built with her instead of making her pay the price of your decision by snatching away everything that is dear to her, surely you must have used a better weighing scale and invested far more time and energy in the process.

    There’s one thing in which any man who cheats or remarries without wanting a divorce is far better compared to his wife and that’s your assessment and analysis of a person’s true nature and character. I mean look at the number of wives who choose to stay as opposed to those who divorce.. Something their husbands realised beforehand.

    In reality, if your wife is sad and may be miserable according to you because of your decision, I don’t know what exactly you are in her eyes when your expressions of love make her question is she even lovable… Your touch and intimate acts make her feel disgusted if not used or cheap…and surely her attempts of being happy with you have made her realise never to take happiness for granted… Hmm Pathetic maybe?

    Just so you know the view from Mount Everest for you might look like a rainbow, covered in unicorns and sparkly sprinkles of goodness though for your wife your climbing itself is made up of lies, deceit, pain, hurt, empty and broken promises, shattered dreams and can-can whores, which she has to find her way through.

  26. Dear Sots,

    Women who go looking to be second wives are vile creatures. I’m not surprised your husband’s second acted all nice and religious then turned into a selfish cow.

    Honestly, if I were you I’d ask your husband to divorce her. I know you don’t want to take on the burden/sin of their divorce, but damn it, do what’s best for you and your kids. She hasn’t kept her side of the deal, why should you?

  27. I believe sots once said that her husband had said that rather than have sots leave him, he would divorce his other wife. This means that their divorce is in sots’ hands. I’ve been thinking about it, honestly, and the way sots feels and the way her husband and his other wife behave/have behaved I’d tell him I’m ready to be divorced rather than stay in this marriage. Then, it’s time for hubby to choose.

  28. Hi!

    Did you read about Robin’s “book”? 😀 Gee, can imagine what kind of crap it is! And if it’s about coming out, why is it written in the name Robin Johnson??? Why not Langst*n? 😉

  29. Interesting Olivia. Wonder if it’s a guide to polygamy (clearly that’s worked really well for her 😉 ) or an autobiography. My hunch would be the former because I don’t think she’s honest enough with herself for an autobiography let alone with others.

  30. ////Hi!

    Did you read about Robin’s “book”?😀 Gee, can imagine what kind of crap it is! And if it’s about coming out, why is it written in the name Robin Johnson??? Why not Langst*n?😉////

    Did I miss something over in the asylum? And I went to see what y’all are on about and I got a database error. Did Robin crash her blog? LOL

  31. @ Unchained

    Wow! You was on the right track about Robin coming out; that’s why that Gorilla B!Tch took her anger out on you directly.
    “What the fuck” that stupid ass lollipop cock sucking no teeth (denture) crazy alcoholic b!Tch! Is coming out with a novel… SMH

    @ Olivia

    Dumb Dumb is using her maiden name hoping that the book want affect her husband’s job before he retires from the U.S. Army.
    If that arrogant b!Tch keep going at the rate she’s going, she won’t have a pot to piss in.

  32. Self published. Which means she forked over a chunk of change for editorial services and to get it formatted for eReader and print. Plus cover art and an ISDN number. Shell have to do every bit of the promo and marketing, and the hard copy will be print on demand only. It’ll be a bit til she gets a return on the investment.

    I’m not dissing her achievement though. As a writer myself, I know how much work it is. And im not published yet….I’m going self pub as a last resort.

  33. I relented and had a look at her announcement of the book. Gees I felt like crying for her. After the torture her husband put her through all these years and she still can’t even write her life story as a true story. She has to write it as a ‘contemporary fiction novel’ to continue protecting his military career. Still lying to hide the fact he is polygamous.

    It’s not often I feel sorry for her, but I actually feel really bad for her now. He made her go totally insane and writing her experience as a true story could have been very healing for her. But no, John’s career and his priorities come first. He was all man enough for polygamy, but not man enough to publicly own up to it.

  34. Hello

    I’ve been reading the blog on and off even if I haven’t posted for over a year. I’ve been reading 411 too. And I agree with LIG, I feel sorry for Robin. That husband of hers is a manipulative son of a b. While he was off ordering his men to put themselves in harms way to protect women in Afghanistan and try to spread democracy there, he was all the while torturing his own wife, as she described in the old blog. That blog can still be read on the way back machine. She describes how she cried and screamed, how she couldn’t breathe, how he dumped polygamy on her out of the blue and denied her divorce with the help of Naim Samad who told her women can’t divorce solely because of polygyny. She described how she couldn’t eat, how her husband became violent on her on occasion, how her husband left for the other woman and phoned home to check on her because he thought she might be dying from the pain. She described how her husband tortured her for years with telling her how he loved all his wives, how he let the other woman manipulate the schedule and send porn-pics of herself. Tells us something about the Lt Col, that he enjoys having his so called wife send him porn pics of herself on the phone…And while he sent his men off to maybe make the final sacrifice for their country, he himself flaunted both natinal law and army code by becoming a bigamist of sorts, a man who took a mistress and had his wife flaunt in on the internet 😦 AND – this man has the nerve to object to what he feels is discrimination from the army due to his color, while he himself is breaking the law to torture his wife!!! He claims equal rights for himself, but denies equal rights and the protection of the law from his wife. It is SOOOOO DISGUSTING!!!! http://www.nj.com/politics/index.ssf/2015/03/senior_nj_national_guard_officers_allege_toxic_com.html He is a disgrace to the flag, and he is an embarrassment to the armed services. All who have served to keep the USA safe and equal are shamed by a person like him.

  35. Hi Carmela,

    Yeah I think you nailed it. I remember those old posts. At first I thought John/Alex was simply clueless (and that may have been the case to some extent), but the emotional blackmail her so-called friend/Wali/whatever guy, that Naim did, he was and is a piece of work. It’s clear he is the biggest influence on Robin, and given that he’s a pure quranist who initially offered to marry Robin and have her be his second is kinda yuck.

    The old 411 blog is what roped me in. Robin’s story. I identified with so much of what she went through in those early days, including becoming semi-suicidal. As an aside, she ripped me apart when I mentioned how I was tempted to drive my SUV over an embankment and end the horror once and for all…when I pointed out the hypocrisy – that she too had broken down and said she didn’t want to live, she went psycho on me, coming just shy of calling me a liar. When I pointed out her own post in which she said much the same, she said I completely misconstrued her words. Some support system over there. But I digress – except to wonder if she’ll include her suicidal wish in her novel.

    LIG, I think even writing it in a novel form would be therapeutic – IF she were of a mind to accept that kind of healing. Unfortunately she’s not. I know this because even on the blog she now references the characters (herself, John, and C) in her true story as just that – characters. Not real life people. She’s already disassociated herself. I expect she believes she’ll make bank by selling it, and who knows? She might. The odds are overwhelmingly against it, though, in part because I’m almost certain it’s self-published. The books that sell on this subject are the memoirs that were bought by big-name publishers, and the authors were agented — the stories of women who got out of polygyny. Flora Jessop, Elissa Wall, Rebecca Musser, and Warren Jeff’s nephew, Brent, a “Lost Boy” who wrote a horrific account of life in the FLDS.

    I guess we’ll see. I admit, I’m curious as hell to read it.

  36. I highly doubt the book will be as authentic and ragas the old blog. I expect it to be a boring-er version on the new blog. I think she would have focused more on what sounds good and what she should say rather than the truth. It would have been tormenting to drag up old feelings,thoughts and situations. I had tried to write myself, but it proves difficult when your trying to explain but can’t stop crying.

    It will only be successful if she is truthful, women who have lived polygamy will see straight thought the bull crap and throw it in the trash.
    I do hope she includes the conversation her husband had with c. C asked if his wife (ana) would be upset if her married her, Alex replied yes and he doesn’t care. She cried on the phone to him, repeating that he didn’t care, until she fell asleep.

    Is the book available yet? I’m going to buy it, if it’s under £5.

  37. In a funny way it’s almost Skakespearean with manipulative characters and elements of tragedy, betrayal, comedy and insanity. It could be well suited to the stage if written with raw honesty.

    Unchained, Sots and others you are so right about truth and facing it head on to be able to heal. It’s upsetting being lectured to by someone in full on denial. You see that sort of thing in autobiographies often, those that are being fully open and laying it all out and those that use language to absolve themselves of any responsibility, the ones that paint the picture to make themselves look good and explain away any poor behaviour. It’s like the people that come here saying “it’s halal, men are different from women”, it’s takes alot more insight than that.

    In a way polygamy reminded me to be brutally honest with myself, being able to look in the mirror and feel ok with who I was and how I was living.

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