In a way, it’s really nice to have both my husbands together. I can speak to both at the same time, we can agree on things directly instead of me always having to be the mediator, Tamsin LOVES having us all together – and Graham and Mark enjoy watching rugger together and cooking together.
But – and this is a big but -we are having big privacy issues.
Yesterday when I was in the kitchen with Mark we were laughing and joking together over some silly looking carrots when Graham came in. I felt myself blushing over the double entendre of the jokes I realized Graham must have heard. I could see that both Mark and Graham were uncomfortable too.
And the other day, Mark and Graham were watching TV and Tamsin was already asleep. When she’s around, everything is easier somehow. Now when I came into the room I found myself wondering: where do I sit? With Graham because it’s his day? Or with Mark because the white sofa is bigger? And I stood there hesitating until both of them realized what the problem was and it all turned silently awkward. And I have had to make a habit out of always going to bed early. That way I can go to the right bedroom and the husband whose night it is can join me there later. Because getting up together and leaving towards the bedroom while saying goodnight to the husband who is “off” is simply too darn hurtful.
And I can’t spontaneously hug or kiss my husbands – I always have to look over the shoulder first.
And now I’ve noticed that Graham isn’t feeling well. Well, physically he’s doing great. But this thing has made him realize that he is mortal, and he’s obsessing over dying while Tamsin still needs him.
So, I’m looking forward to next weekend when Graham is moving back to the annex.
Polygamy isn’t about being one big happy family. No way. I’t about having different, separate families. Or at least separate marriages.