I just wanted to share my story with you.
I got married to a muslim guy from Pakistan who is a UK citizen, just like me. We were married in Pakistan, a nikah only. My husband didn’t want it registered, because he wanted the nikah to sort of stand on its own. I felt, ok it doesn’t really matter. I’m not a muslim but sort of christian but I’ve never been very religious so it wasn’t a big deal for me.
I was happy and I think we were happy as a couple and we had a baby boy and life was good. Everything was just normal you know. Until one day he told me he was getting married again, to a second cousin of his from Pakistan. And he told me he was registering that marriage, so she could come to the UK. I just couldn’t believe it. I mean it was like absurd totally, just bloody absurd. And he kept talking about it like it was normal, and everything was fine. I went psycho on him of course and he had his mom come to the UK to tell me it was fine and everything was normal and they all respected me and a load of crap and the weird thing is after a while I started to feel like I was the one who was crazy, not them. It felt like the Matrix you know, when you don’t know what is real anymore. I had my normal life and everything was fine, but he kept preparing for a new wedding and buying gifts and disappearing with his mobile and he was sort of like sucking up to me too in a strange way, it was really horrible. And suddenly she was there and they were getting married. If you ever tried to imagine what the worst nightmare would be, I can tell you that watching your husband get dressed to get married, kiss your son goodbye and stand in the hallway and look you in the eyes and tell you how much he loves you before he goes off to marry another woman – that’s about as bad as it gets. Or was the worst moment when his mom and brother came over to offer me a piece of the wedding cake?
I don’t have to tell you guys what it was like, the images in my head, the wait, the coming home, the trying to live my life bit. It was all just horrible. But I tried, I did. But as you know you just can’t find a way back.
Anyway, to make a long story short I met another man. We had an affair. Not really difficult since my husband was away half the time. The man I met was married too, but his wife knew about us they just staid together while their kids were small. I was kind of happy. And I got pregnant. My lover divorced his wife, and we got married. Since I only had a nikah with my husband, that wasn’t a problem. But I didn’t want to leave my first husband, because I still loved him in a way and I wanted to be absolutely certain about what I wanted. My first husband thought the other boy was his too. And later, I had a girl. But when my first son by my second husband got sick, I had to tell him that the boy wasn’t his. And soon he would have been able to talk better so I would have had to tell him anyway.
How do you tell your husband that you are married to another man, and that your son and your baby girl aren’t his children but your other husband’s? Well, straight out was what I opted for. I can’t even begin to tell you how angry he was, I’ve never seen a person go mental like he did.
He divorced me of course, on the spot. But there was nothing he could do about the children not being his, he’s allowed to see his son on holidays, but not the other two because they weren’t his to begin with.
I wonder how many muslim men in the UK have kids that aren’t theirs, and wives who are making good use of the time their husbands are off with another wife?