Why Allah Allowed Polygamy for Women

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

If I were to order anybody to do sudjud to another I would order husbands to prostrate before their wife, because of her immense rights over them.

In the Quran, Allah limits men’s right to polygamy. It says a man can only marry plural women if he: a. is sole caretaker of several orphans b. can be 100% sure that he will never ever be unjust to one of his wives, c. can provide for all of his wives.

Women however are given free access to be polygamous in the Quran. There are no moral obligations on them, nor are they limited in how many men they are allowed to marry.

The Quran allows women to marry as many men as they like.

The only requirement is that she give herself entirely to every man she marries, so she becomes what is described as what his right hand possesses. This of course is the same requirement that is part of a christian marriage vow: “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish”.

Women are better at communicating than men. Women have the physical ability to be intimate with as many men as they choose on any given day. Women are better at forming emotional bonds and building relationships. Women are better at staying cool and keeping their anger and frustration in check. All these are probably reasons why Allah has permitted polygamy without limits for women.

The fact that islamic tradition has chosen to falsely overlook this clear permission to women to be polygamous is only proof of religion’s patriarchal tradition. It does however have nothing to do with the permission that has been expressly granted:

And also prohibited to you are married women except those your right hands possess. This is the decree of Allah upon you. And lawful to you are all others beyond these.  An Nisa 4:24

23 thoughts on “Why Allah Allowed Polygamy for Women

  1. Fiona, with your posts now you got me fantasizing on having several men 😀 Anyway, I do owe you lots for shooting up a number of us women’s self esteem and confidence to speak up like nothing else 🙂

  2. Oh sister

    It does not matter how many times you shout the world is flat, it does not make it so. MashaAllah, polygamy is only allowed for men. Women want to stay pure and dedicated to their husband only unless they are unatural. Men want to protect and guard and can protect many and also father many children. MashaAllah this is the order of nature. Muslim women would never want polygamy for themselves. Granted most muslim women do not want polygamy for there husbands either because of natural jealousy. But that does not hide the general good of this permission for men. And no woman would want to be a slave which is the meaning of the passage from An Nisa. No woman would read the text like you do. So you are only in adultery not in polygamy, dear sister. Do not fool yourself.

  3. Amir, keep on telling yourself that polygamy for men = good, natural, beneficial, beautiful and polygamy for women = bad, unnatural, sinful, no woman would want it.

    You’re fooling no one but yourself.

    So girls….oh man….

    So right now aside from D, is another amazing man, B. Long story….I have no clue how or why I got into this (potential) situation. When it rains it pours? HELP!!!!!

  4. @Amir: How do you know what is the order of nature? And what exactly is the general good of this permission for men?

    For me the only one who gains something are the few men who can have sex with several women. Everyone else is loosing not only women and children, but also lots of men who have to stay single because there are simply not enough women on this planet.

    “Men want to protect and guard and can protect many” Wonder were you are living where women need a guard and protection… And how this can be done when husband is only here part time because he has other families to care for… To father many children is also one thing to raise them properly is another…

    This also sounds as if the reasons for polygamy are noble because it’s just “to protect and guard”. But it’s a selfish decision where only the husband gains something and the argument that it is permissible can not change that.

  5. Hello Amir,

    Dear brother, you are making a whole lot of assumptions regarding the female gender and what they want and expect from men. It is partly due to the brainwashing done by the patriarchal interpretation of the religious doctrine. So Inshaa Allah I am hoping you would pay attention to women’s voices here as well on what reality actually says.

  6. Sister Miriam

    I understand the blogowner was hurt by her husbands choice to marry more women. That is understandable. But in stead of practising deen, and dealing with her nafs the blogowner is spreading false Islam and is a threat to racticing Muslimahs who need support and guidance in submitting to the Shariah. So the blogowner must be told that she is incorrect.

  7. I am sorry Amir. Seeing your lack of humanity and common sense in favor of Islam to take over and blindfold you from seeing plain reality, I will have to disagree with you. Shariah Law at large is not written for human beings. They are written for a series of human robots who only know to submit.

  8. Amir, I am glad you came back after your first comment. I hope you will continue contributing to the discussion. You are at a very different place than many of us but i dont blame you for having these views. You didnt make these up yourself you were told this is what the truth is. I am guessing you were also conditioned to think this way. If you really want to understand what is natural then think about things that are given to us by nature not taught to us by humans. Why do you think a woman can have multiple orgasms. What does that mean. It means once she had sex with one male she is still ready to do it again NATURALLY while the man is not. This is because nature wanted her to have intercourse with more than one man. After mating with multiple males the strongest best sperm will make it to the egg and increase the chance of pregnancy and formation of a healthy embryo. What use it is for a woman to be sharing husband with 3 other women. She has a narrow window to get pregnant every month. Nature allowed her to make most it. Nature doesnt want her to be sitting and waiting for her turn to be with one
    man she is restricted to unnaturally.

  9. “Granted most muslim women do not want polygamy for there husbands either because of natural jealousy.”

    This is an interesting line. Jealousy isn’t natural. From what I’ve seen posted by other women, it’s also not the first reaction. I get that inspiring jealousy is a form of power, for both men and women. Most people find it feels good to make someone else jealous. But natural? No. Jealousy is a weapon, not a feeling, and it’s inspired in other people to cause great harm.

  10. That’s an interesting take on jealousy. I will disagree with the idea that it is unnatural, however. It is a very natural emotion found to some degree in every living creature.

    I don’t find it good to inspire jealousy in others and I hate when I experience it myself but it occurs without conscious thought…as natural as swallowing.

    My own situation resolved itself apparently and I believe I did the right thing. I couldn’t do what Fiona does…a tiny taste of it was fraught with major stress….

  11. I agree Unchained, jealousy is a very natural feeling for both men and women. It is interesting when Muslim men come here on a polygamy blog talking about jealousy and how it is a women’s problem and brush it aside that its natural for women to feel that way.
    Muslim men, Look in the mirror and ask yourself why do you want your women to cover, not leave the house without your permission, not have rights to initiate divorce and have equal right to polygamy. You are the most scared and jealous men on earth.

  12. This is soooo wrong. Allah says women are to be chaste and keep their adornment only to their husband and also that the most important thing for a child is to know its father. A woman showing her adornment to several men is against the law of Allah and so a woman can marry only one and of course have a child with only one. Please take this post away. it is very offensive. Polygamy is allowed to men only!

  13. I think you need to read the comment by Laila just above yours, Arab guy. IF Allah says this, the fundamental question is WHY. Because you men are so insecure and weak you cannot fathom the idea of sharing your wife, yet you fully expect women, who you subjugate and treat like animals, who Allah commands to “obey” you, to be tough enough to take sharing her man (and not be jealous or go through agony in the process). Who is really the weaker sex here?

    What the hell is it about you people who come in here and saying polygamy is allowed to men only? Fiona isn’t a Muslim. She is married to a Muslim. I don’t know why that simple fact is SO hard to understand.

  14. The idea that anything, especially polygamy, “is allowed to men only”, is extremely offensiveness to anyone believing in justice, fairness, equality and humanity the world over.

    Get used to it – more and more humans the world over wake up to the cruelty and degradation of such traditions. And do not take religious people’s propaganda any more, nor are they interested in being sensitive toward the insensitive any more.

  15. Arab hero, subjugation is offensive. People are not property. Life would be so much easier for everyone if all women were given the chance at a full education, job opportunities, and a choice of whether or not to marry and raise a family. It’s been proven that women who are allowed to go out and do things, make their own choices, help raise the living standards and health of their families.

    Why wouldn’t anyone want their living standards and health bettered? Why suppress half of the population and by doing so make their family poorer, less educated, less healthy (because who can afford a doctor when you’re at poverty level)?

    Equal relationships between men and women, including allowing both genders to choose polyamory, helps economies grow and societies thrive. There’s nothing wrong with everyone getting to choose how they love and how they live, except when it deliberately hurts other people.

  16. Oh man, where do you even begin? The more I read posts like this Fiona, the more I realise how vital your blog is. At the very least it makes people think about their beliefs. They may never agree, but at least you’ve made them consider something they’ve always taken for granted.

  17. “Men want to protect and guard and can protect many and father many children ”

    If that’s the case and it’s all about her safety then shouldn’t a man feel liberated and free when his wife is
    Safe in the arms of another man especially in his absence? also I wonder does fathering a child equals Sperm donation?

    According to me Jealousy is nothing but love and hate for the same person at the same time. And as far as I have experienced it’s been always this way, love out of my feelings for that person, what I assumed him to be and wanted him to do out of his feelings for me and ofcourse our relationship and hatred for hurting my feelings, disappointing my expectations and proving my assumptions wrong but Jealousy undoubtedly indeed is a very strong driving force. But then again for me respect and trust come way before love simply because I cannot love anyone wholeheartedly If I.do not respect and cannot trust him and until now I haven’t done anything just because XYZ or without passion.

  18. Guys, “Arab Hero” is nothing but a troll, making stuff up. But it doesn’t matter. The world is filled with people who actually have the point of view that he brought here.

    And this, “Please take this post away” says it all. They would destroy all humanity in pursuit of a belief. And then they would have nothing.

    My own caution, for myself is, don’t get tangled up with these people, they will suck you in, that is their agenda. Build your own life, that is the message, for me, of this blog.

  19. Hello

    Taking care of babies is hard work yes. But having a boss and the strain of competition that is in an ordinary job is so much worse. And also when baby is asleep you can relax. When a husband is with the other wife also a woman does not need to cook for him or clean after him or do anything for him so in a way this is less work for the woman. But the husband still must go to his job every day no matter which wife he is living with. This is important to remember. And when the babys grow up the woman need only care for her husband so her work is almost nothing. But the husband must still work the same.

  20. I’m a corporate attorney (litigator), one of the most stressful jobs there are. We do not have one or two bosses, but dozens at a time (clients), add to that the stress exercised by judges and of course are lovely colleagues in the trade. I have no eagerness to raise children at all. People who do it – people who I’ve seen put in 80, 90 hours per week for a decade and more in a lawfirm without so much as a wrinkle – age by years in months of child-rearing. And that is only the externally visible train children put on you. A group of children exercises the same nerve-wrecking noise as industrial machines, work psychologists and neuroscientists have found.

    I’ll take the job – competition – over childrearing any time. But I’m honest to acknowledge people raising children (especially the ones doing it alone) are basically super heroes.

  21. Well said Chris! My husband’s work place is well known for their aggressive work culture. Many of our close friends who are my husband’s colleagues have new or young babies. Some of the couples both husband and wife for same company. Most couples ask for their parents support to help care for the new baby. Once the parents go back to India men have to take time off from work to care for the baby. This is when the men realize how much work it is to care for the baby all day alone. One of these men have begged the wife to take a break from career and stay home. When she refused to be financially dependent on him he even offered to deposit all his salary in wife’s account 🙂 They are both working and woman’s parents are here again helping with the baby.

    I think these men who comment are unaware of what it takes to care for a child 24×7. I bet they are either single or leave childcare work on their wife and parents/parents in laws. Coming home from work and playing with baby in the evening is actually refreshing but caring for baby all day and night, feeding, bathing, changing diapers, picking up after them and keeping eyes on them every second is a whole another level of work and responsibility. On top of that these men expect their wife to cook, clean and take care of the husband too. Its time that women don’t get treated like bonded labor anymore.

  22. Fares, you’re right about much of what you said. I’ll be the first to admit that. When M was gone, IF I could ignore the complete and total disgust and hurt I felt over where he was and what he was doing during his absence, yeah, life was pretty decent.

    But after awhile, I realized why that was.

    1. I didn’t need him at all. I could do perfectly fine on my own. Better, in fact.
    2. That I really, REALLY enjoyed my days away from him, which led to the conclusion that:
    3. The love that had once been there was gone. It got to where I didn’t even want him to come home. Why? Because the damage he’d caused our relationship by becoming polygynous was irrepairable.

    The problem with your comment, Fares, is you reduce the role of a wife to near non-personhood. That she exists only to pop out babies and to serve a man. That’s not any kind of loving marriage. That’s slavery.

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