I am sorry if I tell a long story but I think I must explain some to make my point. I am English but of Pakistani descent. I got married to my cousin when I was only 18, it was a marriage my parents decided but it was not forced I was really happy to marry somebody I knew and felt safe with and I was happy to have a family within my own. We had a good marriage I thought and two children and we moved to another city but my husband still allowed me to work and visit my family and I was happy in all. But then my husband started to act different. He came late from work and sometimes called and had strange reasons for staying away and he also was distant and moody. I thought maybe it was trouble at work and that he had to work harder and so tried to be supportive and not ask and nag. But then one day he told me he had married another woman. At first he did not want to tell me much he just said he did not want to answer any questions but bit by bit I understood that he had always married me most for family even though he was happy with me but he had wanted more to fall in love and he had done so with this other woman. I can’t tell you how this felt to me. Maybe we had not been falling in love but I had felt love was in our marriage and he said yes but not the love he wanted. We tried so many times to understand each other but he was guilty and angry and I was angry and so sad and we just never made an end of it and I just came more and more to hate him and he stayed more and more with the other wife and I was happy for him to stay away. But he would not divorce me he said he would never shame our family so and would not divorce me. He would also not give me Khul. I read here and many places that people say women can get khul but khul is only possible if the husband says yes. My husband would not accept mahr back and khul. So I applied for faskh. That is divorce against my husband’s will. I went to the Muslim Arbitration Council. It was three years ago. I am still not divorced. I have been to five mediations and my husband refutes valid ground for faskh and I have been given different tasks of making my husband happy with me to make our marriage work, to pray certain special duaas, to meet with counsellors and so on. I have been told I am not allowed to leave my husband’s house until faskh has been granted. I have been twice in talks about khul but my husband refuses. Now I am still married to him and the council has aksed me to enter more proof of physical abuse, of not being maintained or of my husband having deserted me or being unable in intimacy. Otherwise I can not get faskh. So I am still here in this prison marriage with my polygamy husband who is saying this is a lesson to me that polygamy is allowed and I have nothing. I would ask this blog to caution all women that they must make sure in written in nikah contract that they are allowed talaq if the husband is polygamus and also that the wife has a right to have delegated talaq.
In the UK it doesn’t matter that women can divorce, because they will not get an Islamic divorce. Please help me get this told. Please. Thanks.