…Because of What They Spend on Their Wives

Taliban_beating_woman_in_public_RAWAIn islam, a man is head of the household. The husband is the head of his wife. The reason being that he is the one who spends on his wife, he maintains the family. “Men have authority over women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.”

The muslim ideal is for the man to work and provide, and for the woman to be the homemaker. And since the husband brings home the bacon, the wife must obey him devoutly. And if the husband divorces his wife, or wives, all she can claim is her mahr since the family income and everything that was bought using that income belongs to the husband.

Picture if you will a man who wants to pick pears. The tree is huge, and the pears are too far up for him to pick. So, he orders his wife, or wives, to carry him around on their shoulders so he can reach, and pick the pears. Day after day, she, or they, are commanded to let him stand on their shoulders so he can pick the pears.

What islam says, is that because the man picks the pears, they belong to him. When he shares the pears with his wife, or wives, this makes him superior and his wife must obey him. And if he divorces her, not a single pear belongs to her. The fact they she, or they, carried the husband around on her shoulders all day every day is of no consequence according to islam. Her work is of no value – after all, HE picked the pears.

This is the sick and warped view on family dynamics in islam.

There is a certain amount of work that has to be performed in every family. There is cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, childrearing etc and there is also the necessity to work to have an income. In islam, the only work that has a value is the work that brings an income, the picking of the pears. The enormous amount of work that is necessary to take care of a family, the nights with crying babies, the washing of dirty clothes, the cooking and washing up, the cleaning – it is all valued at nought. His 8 hours a day of work means all the money in the family belongs to him and he is the head of his wife. Her 14-18 hours of hard work cooking for him, cleaning up after him, taking care of his children, doing his laundry, washing up after him – Β only means that she must obey her husband and own nothing should he divorce her. This is also why a man inherits twice as much as a woman, because he “spends on his wife”. This is how islam values women.

This is the sick and warped view on the value of homemaking in islam.

This is also one of the truths behind the misogyny of islamic polygyny. Four women can carry a man on their shoulders all day every day. But a single woman can’t carry four men on her shoulders all day every day. And since muslims can’t imagine the roles of the genders any other way, they can’t understand how polyandry would be possible.

If the woman is busy taking care of more than one husband, which one would she obey, taking into consideration that people differ in their nature and character? One wants to travel and the other wants to stay where he resides, one wants to have sexual intercourse with her at a specific hour, and the other wants the same at the same time. One wants hot food and the other wants it cold, and other unlimited matters. So how can life be acceptable with the above conditions? In addition to this, she has to fulfill the need of her husbands whether in relation to sexual intercourse or else. If we assume that their needs are at the same time, how can she fulfill them? (Source:islamweb.net)

159 thoughts on “…Because of What They Spend on Their Wives

  1. Those are some interesting comments in the last paragraph of your post Allie. I don’t think the National Guard cares about adultery, as a stand alone issue. But should it arise in the context of a greater complication which embarrasses the National Guard, and should it become a justification to not give an employee a pension, yes that ought to be a concern for the employee and his wife. How Ana relates to that fact is something she may not have fully considered as you pointed out.

    As an aside, Ana’s personal life is one of adultery and loss, plain and simple, just like many other people in her shoes. There is nothing special about it, and no religious explanation will make it special. Wearing an hijab doesn’t make her special either.

    My issue here is not so much the insidious advice she gives women, some of whom are more disenfranchised than others, but it is the evil interpretation of female sexuality that she copped from religious cannon, and then lent her own voice to. Though she wasn’t speaking to me, in that matter, she didn’t have to.

  2. I will def enjoy reading your book extract unchained. Good on you for pursuing something you always aimed to do. I really hope great personal satisfaction comes to yoy from it.

    Allie, Mariam, Laila, Dale really good points made. This blog has always made me think about human nature, what we as people are willing to see, or what shut our eyes, hearts, minds to.

  3. Awesome, I hope you enjoy it πŸ™‚

    It’s a romance. NOT my forte, at all. I write dark stuff, and this is for Harlequin, which is like, the antithesis of my wheelhouse, but I’m giving it a go. It’s a romance, but it’s gritty. And I suppose it’s a little dark. I can’t change my spots that much, I guess πŸ™‚ My hope is that the editors take notice because it IS different. No cowboys and Susie Homemakers or doctors and nurses, and NO multi bazillionaire CEO’s with mommy issues and dumbo college grad virgins LOL

    I just wrote the first erotic scene the other night. I THINK I did ok with it. The imprint I’m writing under allows for bedroom scenes, but with taste. I hope I was able to write it within that framework. Guess we’ll see.

    If you read it, please create an account though, because that way the feedback, via votes and comments (and reads? not sure about the read count) are counted when registered users visit the story. Plus, well, I admit it, I love getting feedback, especially comments because it’s more interactive πŸ™‚

    LIG, I swear, if I couldn’t write, I’d die. It’s that important to me. That’s why I about lost my mind while married to asshole. I tried to write, would get a couple of paragraphs in, and he’d start bitching. Polygyny should have been the perfect time for me to write since he wasn’t around for a block of time, but during that time I was so fucked in the head I couldn’t think straight and my creative energy was just…gone. I’m so happy to have this most vital part of me back, you don’t even know ❀

  4. Unchained, congratulations for doing what you love! this itself is the biggest success and anything that comes along with will be an added benefit. I have registered on the website and followed you with “Laila”. I hope you got the notification. I will read it sometime soon. For how long its open for voting and comments?

  5. It’s open pretty much forever. In terms of boosting ratings prior to it going to the first round of judging, that’s 9/21 at 5pm Eastern, I believe.
    IF I am so fortunate as to make the top 50, the entire manuscript will be read by the editors at Harlequin and Mills & Boone. They’ll put the top 25 through, and then there’s another round of public voting. The top 10 will be posted and again, the public votes for their favorite to determine the winner πŸ™‚

    If I don’t win (and I really don’t expect to), I’m still going to try to get “Faces” published.
    Thanks for registering and following, Laila ❀

  6. I have read your 11 chapters now – you are such a great writer! I tried my best to vote, god knows if I succeeded :/ The site was a bit tricky πŸ™‚ I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you! Did you ever consider writing about what happened to you and M?

  7. Aw thanks! I thought that was you! Yep, I got notified of the votes, so it worked LOL…yeah, it’s not very polished (first draft) and I write from 10pm to 7 or 8am during overnight hours and sometimes I’m REALLY sleepy and just going on the caffeine buzz, but I do what I can. I’ll have some time for revisions should it make it through the first round. I want it nice and pretty by the time it reaches the 2nd round πŸ™‚
    I do think I write pretty well. No false modesty, I think I’m publish-able. I’ve just not had anyone really encourage me, and M definitely DIScouraged me and said I’m wasting my time and will never be published. Like that illiterate fool knows anything -_-

    I have considered writing what happened in my own marriage, but honestly, it really doesn’t strike a chord of inspiration enough for me to do it.

    Now, a novel based on YOUR story with Mark and #2 and Graham? THAT would be a great read πŸ˜€

  8. Ha ha, I’ll mention the idea to Mark next time I want him to break a sweat πŸ˜€

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