I have been reading your blog eagerly. My husband is about to marry again. We have been through every possible issue regarding polygamy and we have tried to agree on practical problems so as to minimize friction, like the schedule, moneys, holidays, talking to each other on the other wife’s day etc. I’m still worried though. I’m trying to keep my nafs in check but I’m worried about envy, jealousy and losing out.
But what worries me the most is losing his love. What am I to do if he loves her more? How am I to cope with watching him fall in love? I am HORRIFIED when I think about it, having my husband in my home, my bed but falling in love with another woman. And I do understand that he will, that it’s inevitable.
So I wanted to ask you, is it possible to love two people at the same time? To love them equally? Or will I be losing him, when his love for her grows?
Thank you for an answer,
You’re in for the mother of all pain.
Watching your spouse falling in love, deliberately opening his heart for another woman to enter as a visitor here put it, is the most soul wrenching experience one can ever go through.
Will you be losing him? Probably not. A man who can have two women who love him won’t give one up if he doesn’t have to. You will however lose what you have now. Never again will you be his number one or only priority. Never again will you be the only one he turns to late at night to talk about happiness or sadness. Never again will he be an equal partner to you, one who invests as much of himself in your relationship as you do.
It is possible to love two spouses at the same time. Equally? Well yes. 2+3 equals 5, and so does 4+1. I wouldn’t say that 4+1 and 2+3 are identical, but they are equal and they both add up to 5. I don’t think you can ever harbour the same love, or identical love, for two spouses but you can love them equally.
I wish you didn’t have to go through this. I shudder at the thought of what lies ahead of you.
Every person is worth being loved as much as he or she loves.