Polygamy – My Husband’s Wedding Night

S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12The most difficult night was not my husband’s wedding night.
The most difficult night was the night before.
When he was with me, but he was marrying another woman the next day.
When he made love to me saying I should never forget how much he loves me, but he was going to make love to another woman the next day, opening his heart for her to enter.
When he was sleeping beside me and I was watching his face thinking that tomorrow night another woman will be lying beside him with his semen inside her and new love for him awakening in her heart when she watches his face while he sleeps.

That was the really bad night.

On his wedding night, at least I could scream my pain.

(By: Jemima on Polygamy911)

47 thoughts on “Polygamy – My Husband’s Wedding Night

  1. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    And when you read islamic sites you find that sheiks tell men that their wives’ pain is just nafs and low deen and natural since women are week, and it can all be done fine again by giving her a gift of flowers or a compliment. *puke*

  2. My heart goes out to you Jemima.

    To me the greatest pain has always been when he comes back from her, I believe Fiona has said the same.

  3. Olivia, what these Islamic sheikhs have been doing are distorting reality, and especially the concept of God, on It’s nature, and what It wants from humanity. Contrary to what common Muslims may believe, they are far far away from knowing and experiencing the Divine. Doesn’t matter how many times they pray, or what type of clothes they wear, or how courteous they may appear, or how much “faith” they may carry.

    Islam as of today is a religion, nothing really special about it. It has some good and beautiful teachings, I agree, which I still adhere to, because they have been beneficial for me and people who come in contact with me, otherwise the collective doctrine cannot be trusted to give one’s life and living to it, or to accept human rights violation on account of it being a “test” and “you will be rewarded in the Akhirah”.

    For spirituality, I suggest you hold onto the teachings of Islam that seem good and beneficial to you, but otherwise start your own spiritual journey for the quest of truth. Many people dislike to do this, due to the time, energy and sifting that is required, and feel betrayed having to leave a more peaceful follower status to a self-leading one. Anyway, on the internet itself you can find several spiritual teachers, whose YouTube videos you can watch and books on Amazon you can purchase. You can also check out the individual teachings of Jesus and Buddha as well, minus the orthodox interpretations of them, seeing them as teachers and nothing else. Unitarian Christianity and Zen Buddhism seem to be good sects of the mainstream religions of them.

    But anyway, at least the blessing in seeing the hurtful teachings within the Islam doctrine (the major ones include women not being considered full human beings, excessive focus on belief/disbelief in this particular God and inducing fear as such, and unfair discrimination against non-Muslims) is that no matter how the religion may have been originated, it has been mixed quite well with culture and politics over time, which includes some strong ancient and patriarchal interpretations.

  4. I am currently reading this book over time. I fortunately found it for free. Even if the people don’t agree with the collective content, are suspicious, or don’t go with the story-telling (I myself am this way), they would still find strong nuggets of truths every now and then that they can resonate with and find them relieving and beneficial. Here it is:

    http://api.ning.com/files/SaZ94IumzHuRgeLm714USBuFrGMGi06LVLwj4LMI-ZQKuPNCKCT-7LyeR*ITZsUfGlTAdFEZ9ZBx5*01G2pixF7bjUNX-LM8/The_Lost_Teachings_of_Atlantis.pdf

  5. This brought tears to my eyes. I can’t understand how anybody can go through this and come out sane on the other side. I think I would go mad from all the thoughts and pain.
    And what I really can’t understand is what stuff these men are made of. Are they made of stone? How can anybody hurt their wife like this, watch her suffer and still claim her love like some kind of right?

    How can anybody do this?

  6. I have a bad feeling today.

    The woman was supposed to vacate her house yesterday (end of month) since it now belongs to my daughters.
    They are sending lawyers there today with an estateagent to look at the house and the state it is in, to see that no damage has been done to the property.

    I hope everything will be good but I am worried. My daughters hate this woman for all the evil she has done to them and me. And I know the woman hates them. It feels bad in my stomach.

    I must say, I don’t think muslim men should be allowed to have polygamy in countries where it is not legal. There is no way polygamy can be just, when everything you do in polygamy is against the law.

  7. //I must say, I donโ€™t think muslim men should be allowed to have polygamy in countries where it is not legal. There is no way polygamy can be just, when everything you do in polygamy is against the law.//

    That’s a good point, on injustice of polygamy when it is being against the law. Although I would say, then living in non-Muslim countries is good for Muslim women. So these countries are being saviors for the women, not the Muslim ones, emotionally and psychologically as well. This by itself should raise doubts in one’s mind that there is something really wrong with the Islamic doctrine, where it talks about God being Most Compassionate and Most Merciful, and yet gives rulings that do not protect the health and sanity of the people following the doctrine. Just saying.

    Although I understand due to following a moral system which otherwise feels comfortable is why people usually try to remain silent or give one-sided reasoning for the rulings that don’t make sense.

  8. My wife is a priestess in The Order of the Star. It’s not really weird in any sense, it’s just people trying to live in harmony with each other and the Earth. They are in favor of polyamorism and the priestesses often live in formalized polygamy. I’m fine with the idea really. I’m just not fine with sharing my wife yet. And this post struck home.

  9. Salaam

    Have you read what happend to this woman Ina over at 411? poor sod, she the one whose usband gave they house they bought to his second wife. No wifey turns out has lied and pretended to be a man who sends pics of second wife, of husband’s hard-ons, of cyber sex and what not to Ina and now second admits it was her all along. And hubbs says will “punish with talaq and take her back” ๐Ÿ˜ฆ OMG So sick and disgusting…. And women at 411 say NOO – no talaq. Talk it out and become friends ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Well, since second has sent pics of her pussy to Ina, at least now Ina knows what it looks like when hubbs brings home germs from it to Ina… :p

  10. I too am following Ina’s story. I think the husband knew it’s the second wife’s doing. Sending their personal pictures of sexual nature to Ina. The only event that prompted him to suddenly start taking it seriously and suddenly start listening to Ina’s complaints is that his second wife recently hit him during a fight. She attacked him physically and fight was so loud that neighbors called police. Husband had visible marks and the second wife also was in police custody. Ina’s husband stayed silent until he got married to this younger woman and was getting sex. Now she attacks him physically and he suddenly starts listening to Ina’s complaints. He is planning to divorce to punish second wife for hitting him not because of what she did with Ina.

  11. Edith,
    I’m glad to see you are still reading, because I wanted to respond to your earlier dilemma which was about when to have notified your husband’s second wife that he had passed away.

    As others on this blog have pointed out, marriage is not just between individuals, it is between families. Although in diluted form, this is also true in the West. When the families of 2 people undertake a marriage, they accept life long responsibilities. If his family and her family shirked their responsibilities, that is to say, basic communication about his death, it is their failure not yours, and you are under no contract to do their work for them.

    I believe that you had no obligation to tell his #2 that your husband had passed away, not then, and not now. If you are troubled over how to addresss the intrusive attempts of others to define your “proper” relationship to her, then IMO, whoever recruited you into this system of thought is still renting out space in your brain. Do you want those lodgers there? If yes, then continue running around in circles trying to please them. If no, then kick them out, and take back your mental real estate.

  12. and what’s most interesting is that no woman at polygamy411 brought up that Ina’s husband is only threatening divorce because his own ego was hurt when his favorite new wife crossed the line by hitting him.

  13. Edith, Are Muslim men allowed polygamy is Nowray? If not then I don’t understand why your daughters didn’t take legal route earlier when your husband was alive. I mean why they didn’t report their fathers and his illegal second wife for causing them so much distress. How come they suddenly become aware that laws are there to protect their rights. Didn’t they know earlier that they can protect themselves and their mother from this whole situation.

    I don’t understand why women tolerate their husbands who force such painful lifestyle on them. On top of that they will go on and on about how bad the other woman is. Without your husbands wish that woman will not even be in your life. The lesson to be learned here is to take action before you get entangled in this type of lifestyle and become crack whores. And if you become one then first step to the right direction is acknowledging that you are one (a crack whore) and it’s wrong To be one and no one can get you out of this except your own will power.

  14. Hi Gwendolyn,

    Yep, just now read it. I’m having massive flashbacks to my own experience with polygyny in my former marriage. My ex-co was a LOT like Ina’s, and my ex-husband was just as much a clueless dolt as Ina’s husband appears to be. I’ve got triggers going off in every direction in my head right now ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    I’ll be back to address the OP (another flashback striking from that) and David soon.

  15. Every bit of advice Ana gives is distorted by self-preservation in dealing with her own husband’s polygamy.

    She can’t say Ina’s husband should divorce no2 for sending pics of his erection because Ana’s co sent pictures of his erection to her. Her husband still wouldn’t divorce his second. Even when she blogged here he didnt divorce her. Ana can’t face the truth so she finds a way to live with it.

    That’s why Lily’s post got deleted (I think), too close to home.

    She will not allow any real discussion of the ethics of polygamy because then she may have to accept her husband betrayed and destroyed her willingly. It’s easier to pretend Allah did it all. Same with divorce. Ana won’t accept polygamy is reason for divorce because then she would have to admit the reason she stays is because all she has in life is her husband and her blog. That and sheer stubborness not to let her co “win” thr husband. What a vicious cycle of misery.

    Sometimes I feel very sorry for her, but then I think of all the damage she does to people with her skewed advice.

  16. Understand you pain and distress. But if you see the big picture, the wife who has agreed to share her husband with another women is making such a great sacrifice. And with every sacrifice is a great reward from Allah. Have shared my point-of-view on this topic here [ http://goo.gl/WAm64N ] that summarises four key areas:

    โ€“ Negating a divine decree from Allah;
    โ€“ Polygyny is an option;
    โ€“ What a wife needs to understand;
    โ€“ What a husband must understand;
    http://www.fearthehellfire.com/2015/05/does-polygyny-violate-basic-rights-of.html

    May Allah reward you for this sacrifice and elevate you in Jannah.

  17. Hey lifeisgood, nice to see you back on the blog! ๐Ÿ™‚ And yeah, I agree with your points. If Ana was a woman who is less concerned with her own self-preservation (on coming in terms of her own reality), and was less psychologically damaged herself, especially through Stockholm’s syndrome, her advice would probably have been better and more humane.

    Another problem is how the people on the blog, despite calling themselves Quranists, cannot read the full verse in 4:3 and choose to be half-quotists. And then call all their woes of husbands straying or cheating on them as decreed by Allah. *facepalm*

  18. FearTheFire, welcome.
    I believe you will receive answers from more friends of this blog, but to start out with you – like most of your sort – tell a lie by just quoting half the surah. It’s an “IF…THEN”, surah but you turn it into something different by leaving out the if. Aren’t you afraid of the Fire, using the Quran to cherry-pick opinions like that? :p And you say “the wife who has agreed” – to my knowledge her consent, or even knowing about it, is not required now am I right? So it’s like saying that a person who is robbed at gunpoint is making such a great sacrifice to help another. Such hypocrisy! And further: in the Quran Allah makes polygamy an option for women too: in surah An Nisa 4:24 where he says married women can marry more men (without limits) if they simply agree to being what the men’s “right hands possess”. So why hasn’t islam incorporated these words of Allah into their religion, while doing everything to try to justify bending half a surah into allowing polygyny? And furhter on, the statistics you provide are dead wrong and out right lies. And using statistice, would you want to allow every woman in Qatar to marry 2,85 men? because there are 2,85 men to every woman in Qatar. And in Europe e.g. in the countries where there are slightly more women, it’s because women live 10 years longer. So men in their twenties who want more than one wife should marry widows over 85 for statistics to make sense! Please feel free to read more posts here, on the real truth of islamic polygyny. Than you can see who is really set out for Hellfire ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. And to say Jemima “should see the big picture” is just plain evil. Evil.

  20. Thanks Mariam.

    Fireball,

    Do you even understand what Fiona wrote? Somehow I think not.
    The conditioning just runs too deep.

    Can’t the husband sacrifice polygamy and be rewarded in heaven for it?

    Why does the wife have to be the one to sacrifice?

  21. I’m always sceptical of people whose motivation is avoiding hellfire.

    It speaks volumes that their only incentive to do good deeds is self-interest.

    Based on that, I think jannah will be filled with narcissists with no insight, example above.

  22. I believe Fiona answered well enough. I posted this following comment on his blog, and I will post it here (a rather long comment), in case he decides not to publish it:

    “Thank you for your article. But I must say, you, like many others, are a half quotist. Seeing the following verses:

    4:2 GIVE THE ORPHANS THEIR MONEY; DO NOT REPLACE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD, AND DO NOT CONSUME THEIR MONEY TO YOUR MONEY, FOR TRULY IT IS A GREAT SIN!

    4:3 AND IF YOU FEAR THAT YOU CANNOT BE JUST TO FATHERLESS ORPHANS, THEN marry those whom you see fit from the women, two, and three, and four. But if you fear you will not be fair then only one, or whom you already have contract with. So that you do not commit injustice and suffer hardship.

    I capitalized the portions that are almost always ignored in the Quran. There is an if-else condition for polygamy. Check this if-else condition for tayyammum as well:

    4:45 …AND IF you are ill, or traveling, or one of you has excreted feces, or you had sexual contact with the women, and could not find water, THEN you shall select from the clean soil; you shall wipe your faces and hands.

    Which is similar to 4:3 verse’s if-else phrasing:

    4:3 AND IF you fear that you cannot be just to fatherless orphans, THEN marry those whom you see fit from the women, two, and three, and four. But if you fear you will not be fair then only one, or whom you already have contract with. So that you do not commit injustice and suffer hardship.

    Then the condition for tayyammum is kept intact, but strangely it is striked off for polygyny case. Why? Unless some scholars with high libidos have been interpreting the Quran since the early centuries after the Quran was written? And to enable this woman abuse and violence, they dragged Allah’s name to their side to religiously give them an upper hand to continue this perverse practice of taking multiple wives for no condition at all, with or without consulting or taking permission from the first wife.

    Quranically from what I see, the men who are in charge of the caretaking of orphans, have their property under them as well, and have a REAL AND ACUTE fear of being unjust to the orphans if they don’t marry their mothers or the women taking care of the orphans, are allowed polygyny in the first place. After this, if they have ANY FEAR of being unjust in the area of polygyny, whether towards the wives or the children involved, whatever it may be, then they are supposed to stick with one wife. It’s plainly and simply written, and could not be plainer.

    Yet throughout the centuries people have twisted and turned around this verse, and even outright cancelled the condition for polygyny for Muslim men, or changed the meaning of the clearly written condition! In other words, they consider themselves superior enough to censor Allah’s words, or change the meaning. And then say they are the ones being holy and Muslim, and people who don’t agree with their interpretations are non-Muslims!

    In the light of this, I would like to quote your summary words back here again:
    ‘Make your worldly decisions judiciously. It has an impact on you and your family in this world, in the grave and in the Akhirah.’ “

  23. Fiona said:

    “And you say โ€œthe wife who has agreedโ€ โ€“ to my knowledge her consent, or even knowing about it, is not required now am I right? So itโ€™s like saying that a person who is robbed at gunpoint is making such a great sacrifice to help another. Such hypocrisy!”

    I fully agree with this. This is only common sense. But then this type of thinking itself is often swooped away from a person’s mind, depending on their conditioning. It’s how reality often is. And yeah, the Quran did not specify on taking permission of the original wife, but only mentions justice. Basically the concept of taking permission or consulting with wife is taken lightly here, under an open-ended word of “being just”. Hence these words cannot really be from a Being who claims to be Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, Most Wise, and Most Just. The whole concept of polygyny in the Quran looks man-made.

    Anyway, like I said, the main trouble of Muslims, after they got over their fear of Hellfire, is on the moral system of Islam, which is quite good otherwise and keeps one in restraint over themselves and in helping develop a good character, despite a number of flaws in it. So, many common Muslims try to cherry-pick the words of the Quran anyway. The more fundamentalist type ones make it a problem though.

  24. What big picture, exactly, should Jemima see that she isn’t already seeing? Her entire world is about to be ripped out from under her and irrevocably transformed into a living hell on earth. She’s seeing that, hence her torment.

    When I first found out my husband was cheating/polygamous, all I could see was “the big picture”. I’m not talking about some fancied “Jannah” or its counterpart. But the counterpart was what I was being hurtled into, so I suppose that was part of my “big picture”, yes. I was seeing my entire marriage had been a lie. That my worth as a wife, a woman, what and who I was to my husband was called into question. I saw my future as one long dark tunnel full of schedules. No freedom to be who and what I was, no spontaneity in my marriage any longer, a half-time widow. The plans we’d made, that we’d both invested time and money into, gone. Well, for me at least. I imagine if they salvaged their joke of a “marriage” (I suspect they did) she’s now reaping the benefits of my sweat.

    Worse yet, I knew deep in my soul without ever having had dealings with this other woman, that she would make my life a living hell, that beyond her mere existence but in a far more direct way. (See Ina’s posts at 411 about her co for a taste of that).
    So yeah…I had a full grasp of the “big picture”. It was drawn clearly.

    I screamed out my pain on their wedding night. I’m glad my kids went to the “wedding” so I could be alone in that horrific nightmare of anguish. I screamed, I cried, I prayed to a god who had gone deaf and dumb and remained so throughout the course of my polygamous marriage. In the time to come, as my marriage fell into a routine of scheduled nights on/nights off, punctuated by vicious battles with a psychopathic “co”, and a clueless husband who didn’t know how to deal with the situation he created, I became a shell of who I’d been.

    If that’s what some god demands of me to enter his “kingdom”, I think I’ll go the other direction. I was already there, after all. Besides, any god who is that sadistic, that misogynistic, that cruel doesn’t deserve anything more from me than a spit in the eye. Worship that? Never.

  25. Lifeisgood made good points about the concept of heaven and hell. Quite an accurate observation. Although not everybody acts because of self-interests,even if their doctrine implies so.

  26. I appreciate Unchained’s perspectives and her stories. In a number of ways she is more direct than any of us blog readers. Sometimes it gets some of us somewhat uncomfortable, lol. And yeah, calling a god who demands such weird hardships from human beings to enter It’s kingdom as compassionate, merciful, wise and just is just plain, stupid. But then again, matters related to the metaphysical is not as easy to understand at all, to make quick judgements about it. Which is why many people genuinely interested in spirituality is more slow to draw answers on it. Not talking about polygyny though, especially Islamic polygyny, which is clearly a man-made concept and has nothing to do with a god. And also matters related to misogyny.

  27. Miriam,
    I apologize if my directness makes you or anyone else uncomfortable – it’s not my intent at all.

  28. Lol Unchained, it’s not a problem, we appreciate your perspective on matters and your life stories a lot ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep them coming please ๐Ÿ™‚ Sometimes some plain honesty is necessary for us to see things in a clearer perspective.

  29. Sister Unchained: Assalamu Alaikum

    Have you read the story of Asiya the wife of Pharaoh/Firon, the tyrant? The Prophet (pbuh) mentioned her as one of the 4 greatest women of all time. She never lost faith in Allah and remained steadfast in prayer and belief despite her husbands tyranny. I would recommend you to read Asiya’s story, if you haven’t.

    With what you have narrated above, if it’s true (Allah knows best), then it seems Allah has sent your husband astray (Quran 39:23) for what he has done to you. As for you, I’d say this is a test of your life. And know that The Prophet (pbuh) said “If Allah wants to do good to someone, He afflicts him with trials” (Bukhari 75.5) and “The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves people He tests them.โ€ (Ibn Majah 36.106). Allah loves you and wants you to be successful, hence, perhaps, the trial you are in. http://goo.gl/v1diqC … We all go through trails in some phases of our life – “Allah does not burden a person beyond his capacity.” Quran 2:286

    Lastly, The Quran says (79:46) “The day when they see it (Qiyamah), it will seem (to them) as if they had lived (in this world) only an evening or a morning” Given that statement, our life in this world as compared to the everlasting life in the hereafter is nothing. So highly recommend that you don’t despair. And if you have few mins listen to the first 3 mins of this 10 mins talk http://goo.gl/XeFdyg

    May Allah mercy and guidance be with you. Ameen.

  30. This brought me to tears, and heartache…
    I wonder why some muslim women let this thing happen to them? They let their husband to be married with others, and behind him they grieve saying that they are hurt. Still wonder what do they expect from someone who hurt them.
    Divorce him. Take the kids with u. U deserve to be happy, unless u want to live with it n face the reality that ur marriage is broken into pieces…

    *I tears…

  31. Dear Fear,
    โ€œAllah does not burden a person beyond his capacity.โ€ Quran 2:286
    The truth is… Allah does burden a person with polygamy.
    โ€œThe greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves people He tests them.โ€ (Ibn Majah 36.106)
    Too bad…. when a woman let her husband become polygamous, she will get tested by Allah until she goes crazy n end up divorcing him. Polygamy is a greatest trial? Sure it is a greatest trial that WILL BREAK SOMEONE MARRIAGE N HURT THE CHILDREN.

    norfolkfiona on May 3, 2015 at 9:35 am said:
    And to say Jemima โ€œshould see the big pictureโ€ is just plain evil. Evil.
    — Fear,
    I do not think u do understand wat Fiona said. Typical Muslim… smh..

  32. Hi FearTheFire,

    hmm I would really like to know where you got the information about the gender ratio… Because this is only true if you look at the population aged over 65: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

    Most men imagine that in a world of polygyny they will end up with several wives. But the opposite is true looking at the sex ratio chances are much greater that they will end up with no wife at all. So polygyny is a much greater trial for the men ending up with no wife and for the whole socienty in having to deal with legions of single men with no chances for a family.

    “Scarcity of women leads to a situation in which men with advantages โ€” money, skills, education โ€” will marry, but men without such advantages โ€” poor, unskilled, illiterate โ€” will not. A permanent subclass of unmarriageable men from the lowest socioeconomic classes is created. The result is a significant increase in societal, and possibly intersocietal, violence.” http://reason.com/archives/2006/04/03/one-man-many-wives-big-problem

    I wonder why this topics are never adressed when promoting this lifestyle…

    I found no religion which was able to explain the reason for the evil and suffering. For me there’s a logical issue about all the arguments:
    “But if an evil is necessary because it secures a greater good, then it appears we humans have no duty to prevent it, for in doing so we would also prevent the greater good for which the evil is required. Even worse, it seems that any action can be rationalized, as if one succeeds in performing it, then God has permitted it, and so it must be for the greater good. From this line of thought one may conclude that, as these conclusions violate our basic moral intuitions, no greater good theodicy is true, and God does not exist. Alternatively, one may point out that greater good theodicies lead us to see every conceivable state of affairs as compatible with the existence of God, and in that case the notion of God’s goodness is rendered meaningless” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Problem_of_evil

    Yes maybe some may find solace in thinking that this is a trial and that they will be rewarded in the afterlife. But I think this also a dangerous mindset leading to people resigning to their fate instead of fighting for a better life here and now.

  33. Hi FearTheFire,

    I appreciate your words, but as I am not a Muslim, it’s kind of pointless to discuss it with me from that perspective. However, to answer your question, I am familiar with the story of Asiya, yes. Faith is a wonderful thing, for those who have it and use it judiciously. I can’t get with everything being Qadr, since I’m not Muslim in the first place, and in the second place, we’re not robots. We’re not puppets. What’s the point of testing us if everything is predestined? That makes no sense to me and never has. I also am not sure where accountability comes in if everything we do is preordained anyway. Or where free will comes in. Some don’t believe we have it, so it’s Alhamdulillah for everything no matter what that thing is. I don’t go with that.

    I have no doubt my ex-husband strayed off the beam; no matter how one looks at it – from whatever religious perspective or no religious perspective – he definitely did. Well, except for Islam; there’s a prevalent school of thought that would say he did nothing at all wrong.

  34. Sister Unchained:

    Say we have two children. One bright in studies who gets the concepts quickly, is able to articulate well and we know is going to do well in exams and will excel in his career. The other is not-so-bright, cannot concentrate, is not able to understand the subjects and we know for sure he is going to fail in exams the way he is taking it lightly.

    Given that background, can we say the 2nd child is doomed for failure hence there’s no point in helping him out cause we know his fate? Do we let him go? Or do we provide the second child with additional help required for him to be able to get through and at-least pass? Do we give-up? No. Why not when we know he is gonna fail. But contrary we do everything possible to make that child succeed.

    Secondly the freedom of free will comes with the way we want to choose to lead our life. I was not a practicing Muslim earlier, but I am one now Alhamdulillah. However if I decide to go astray I have the free will to do that. No one stops me to become (lets say) a hippe and enjoy all the pleasures of this life (if you know what I mean). Why should I bother on morals if I believe there’s nothing called resurrection? Today you are a non-Muslim. But tomorrow if you decide to accept Islam (your free will), will it mean it was predestined that I go astray and you become a believer?

    We all strive in someway or the other to find a meaning to life, the purpose of our creation and why we were created. If our Imaan was so weak and we wouldn’t fear God, why would we care for the weak and the poor if we believed it was their destiny to die of hunger, thirst or lack of healthcare? We are commanded to strive – help our families, help our neighbors, help our society in whichever way we can. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “He is not a Muslim who eats his fill while his neighbor is hungry” (Al Bayhaqi 19049) … In the another narration he said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families” (Tirmidhi 3252) … He also said “The best of you are those who are best to his wife.” (Tirmidhi 278) … “The best thing in Islam is to feed the poor” (Bukhari 79.10) … and so on !! One can argue there are some Muslims who don’t comply to this (and Islam is nothing but evil; thanks also to the mainstream media), but that doesn’t change how Allah (our creator) wants us to conduct our lives.

    Also when we say everything was predestined then we should also contemplate this – what was the need for Allah to provide guidelines via The Quran and through the teachings of the Holy Prophet (pbuh) since He knew who would be successful and who not? Or why should the school test the 2nd child if he was destined for failure? Or why should he even appear for the test at all.

    Salam – peace be upon you. Have posted another blog. http://goo.gl/IMgQ7W
    Criticisms welcome ๐Ÿ˜‰

  35. Typical religious fundamentalists, bringing in metaphysical claims and persuading people to believe in them and follow as such, but refuses to respond on the clear oppression and injustice in several religious rulings through real life evidence and science.

    How about you respond to Fiona’s remark on your initial comment, as well as a number of comments by the rest of us?

  36. Hi Fear the Fire,

    For me this sounds contradictional… In your first post you say “it seems Allah has sent your husband astray (Quran 39:23) for what he has done to you” Now you say there’s a free will. So what was it now for the husband free will and choices in life? Or Allah’s will? ๐Ÿ˜‰
    If you put it this way and include the free will then in case of polygamy the “trial” from Allah would not mean to endure it and life in pain. Then the “trial” would mean to fight for peace in life again and leave this situation.

    Where I strongly disagree is this sentence from your post: “Why should I bother on morals if I believe thereโ€™s nothing called resurrection?” In my opinion Religion does not have much impact on morality: young children the world over share very common intuitions about moral behaviour regardless of what religion they are brought up in, and in adults religion has less effect on morality than cultural, familial and local moral traditions. In fact it seems like for us evolution as a species of co-operators is sufficient to explain the actual psychology of moral reasoning.

    “A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hopes of reward after death.”
    โ€” Albert Einstein, 1930

  37. Free will is something that religious fundamentalists are unable to answer properly at all. So I usually try to use my own reasoning on it, instead of depending on their theoretical ideas on it.

  38. Yawn. These people sound all the same after a while. They must read the same websites and regurgitate their diatribe.

    Fire, could you please use your free will to reply to Fiona’s and Mariam’s posts about half-quoting the quran?

    Afterall, criticisms welcome here too ๐Ÿ™‚

  39. You are right Alice. Fire is contradictory, which is typical of those who cherry pick what comes from Allah and what is their free will.

  40. Cherry picking would be the right description ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Well if there’s a free will then something like polygamy can never be a trial from Allah because then it’s the man’s desicion to take another wife… And if there’s no free will then the whole concept of God and religion doesn’t make any sense.

  41. Pingback: Polygamy in Australia: We offer everything from outrage to a pat on the back | zoe forbes

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