Two Wrongs Don’t Make One Right in Polygamy

S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12According to the main body of muslim scholars, muslim men have a right to marry up to four wives.

Most of these scholars also agree that men don’t need the consent of a prior wife to marry another, nor are they required to inform their wife that they have married another, even if it might be considered good manners to do so. Isn’t this wonderful? That his could be regarded as ethical is completely beyond me, but this is the religion of rights my friend where we all should want for our sisters and brothers what we want for ourselves – wives excluded of course.

Some people try to argue that marrying another wife without informing the woman you’re already married to isn’t really honest, or just. But muslim scholars simply say that it must be regarded as just and honest since it is allowed in islam – because anything allowed by islam is inherently just and honest. Voila! Some people even dare argue that marrying another woman behind your wife’s back might actually be a violation of wanting for your sister what you want for yourself. But if this is what you claim you’re wrong. You see, wanting for your sister what you want for yourself only applies to women having to accept that other women want to be fucked and maintained by their husbands. It does not apply to men and any idea that men should want the same kind of honesty, fidelity and respect for their wives as they want for themselves. Noooope. Because you see, this is islam. Rights are for men, sacrifice is for women.

But then again, women have a right to keep their own money, don’t they? Men have to support their families with what they earn, women can keep every penny they own. After all, this is given as the reason why sons inherit twice as much as daughters. And women are told they must obey their husbands in everything and fuck him whenever he gives the order because men are the maintainers and protectors of women because they excel over women and because they spend on them. So women should be allowed to keep what little money they have, don’t you think?

Well, think again. Suddenly, muslim scholars say that well yeah, men are supposed to maintain their families. But women are supposed to want for their brothers what they want for themselves. So she should not be niggardly, but share her wealth. And if her husband uses her money to marry another woman and maintain her using the money of his first wife – well she should remember to want for her sister what she wants for herself.

If a woman stands on her rights in islam, she is niggardly, mean and unwilling to love for her husband and his other wives what she loves for herself.

If a man stands on his rights to marry other women without informing his first wife or asking for her consent – he’s a real man who takes care of the ummah. Even “moderate” muslims agree polygamy is a man’s right, so he is not accused of being greedy if he marries woman after woman to have as much sex as he wants, he is not accused of being greedy if he uses his first wife’s money to keep his second wife, he is not accused of being insensitive and mean if he causes his first wife lifelong misery and pain by giving half his life away to somebody else. But a woman who stands on her right to keep her own money – oh, she is mean, niggardly, cruel, insensitive and simply a bad muslim.

A man is right and has rights, a woman is wrong and has no rights. In islamic polygyny, there are only wrongs, and for women – not a single right.

28 thoughts on “Two Wrongs Don’t Make One Right in Polygamy

  1. So true and heartbreaking. I’m glad to have left this disgusting religion after years of brainwash by my converted mother. No amount of white-washing and political correctness will change what’s wrong with Islam. I salute you, Fiona, for being the strong woman that you are.

  2. Yes is true. Many times I hear women should not make life hard on men by keeping all their own money. I always helped at home with my earnings for the family but when hubby married my co I stopped. I did not want her to live off mine money. He was very angry and said then I get no money from him but then I had the people from masjid tell him he would come loopsided to jannat so he started pay again. But when this happened and I was so sad and wrote to polygamy411 they tell me a woman must be generous to husband and give him money even if it is for other wife. And I see they say it again now. This is against Islam. It is not like they say that men can keep their right and women must give up their.

  3. Exactly.

    When men find they can’t support two families, instead of coercing women to give up their money, the husbands should be made to look upon it as a beneficial test, and be reminded that what they need to give up in order to submit to Allah they should not miss. And they should be reminded that even if they hate giving up on polygamy, they may well hate that which is good for them and love what is bad for them πŸ˜€ Why is the BS women are fed to make them accept polygyny never thrown back in the face of the polygamous bastards?

  4. Hello Fiona and everybody

    Doens anybody know, where in the US can one turn of the husband becomes polygamy? I live in Chicago and I know polygamy is illegal here. My husband just married a new wife after I have argued about it for months and he just anyway went and marriy. Now he has a house for her also I see in his computer and I think he has took from our common moneys for this. Can I go to the police? Thank you for answer.

  5. Hello Debi!

    I am from India and don’t know much about the laws in U.S. but surely its ILLEGAL there and comes under Bigamy act which when reported will surely take your husband and may be New wife since she is well aware about you to prison & through court if you choose to divorce you can surely have yours as well as most of his money and property.

    There’s a blog known as USLEGAL.COM please do visit there, its free and you can have all kind of your legal queries solved.

    Please polygamy is the worst way in which a husband chooses to hurt his wife and that too for a lifetime, by showing that you are worthless for him he has proved that he doesn’t deserves you, go ahead show him how worthy you are and prove him right in thinking he doesn’t deserves you. Apparently he has forgotten the difference between a wife & a doormat, do remind him and since they are newly weds and so in love surely they would like to give all their love, attention and time to each other without any distractions, Which place can serve their purpose better than PRISON!

    Go talk to any attorney and get rid of him and his crap..

  6. This has been a hot topic over at 411 the last couple of weeks.
    I hate the term “niggardly”, btw. Robin uses it all the time and it always bugged the hell out of me.

    Oh yeah. I remember dealing with this issue….after M got #2 and half his earnings went to her, and even so, she was screaming for more than half his income – because she worked a near-minimum wage job part time and I worked fulltime at double the wage she made – therefore it wasn’t fair that he was dividing the money equally since our household was better off. Yeah, well still, our finances took a hit. I ended up taking a 2nd job to try to make up the difference.

    Then asshole decided she should get a big chunk of our income tax refund. OMG. First of all, I told him the reason we get as big of a refund as we do is because of the kids – MY kids, not OUR kids. Second of all, our return was filed jointly – my income plus his income, MY tax credits due to the kids. I busted my ass all year and paid in money from MY work.

    After much back and forth and being accused of being selfish and greedy and uncooperative, I finally agreed to let her have $300 of our federal tax refund. *sigh*

    I wish I knew what kind of insanity took over my brain that I tolerated this bullshit for as long as I did.

    Diba, it’s only bigamy if your husband tried to marry the new wife legally, i.e. a marriage certificate filed with the court. I don’t know how Illinois treats these cases, but I imagine you do have some recourse. Is your husband a US citizen? If he isn’t, and he’s here on a green card (possibly some certain types of Visas, too), you can nail him to the wall. One of the conditions for receiving a green card is that you don’t intend to practice polygamy.

  7. Yes scholars agree that a man has a right to be polygamous and conduct himself in the manner stated in your article. However the part about a woman’s money is not a mainstream idea. She may choose to help her husband financially but she is not obligated to do so. She has complete authority over her wealth. She can choose to spend her income frivolously and he would still be liable for her upkeep and she is not responsible for the maintenance of additional women. He needs to be able to afford another wife. Islam is a religion of female empowerment but empowerment comes from being educated and informed. Obtaining information about your rights as a woman from a small minded religious scholar whom it serves best to undermine your rights the way he does his wives. Just won’t cut it.

  8. Hi Laylah, welcome.

    Actually, there are a lot of scholars who agree that polygamy in the Quran, just like slavery, was only allowed in a certain time, under certain circumstances. Just, the salafi and conservative scholars are so much louder πŸ™‚
    About money – I agree. However, if you start browsing islamic websites you’ll find that while many maintain that a man’s right to polygamy is somehow absolute, a woman’s right to her own money is not. Wanting polygamy is seen as apart from morals, and hurting your wife and children is not immoral since it is allowed. However, a woman keeping her own money is suddenly immoral because it might harm her husband or children… That’s the paradox of islamic misogyny!

  9. I am not really a fan of organized religion. It inhibits free thought and natural humanism that is inherent in human beings. One downfall of organized religion is people trying to squeeze through whatever they can through the long list of rulings present within the doctrine (some of which make sense, and some others which don’t).

  10. Theoretically Laylah, yes, women do have the right to their own wealth. However, in reality we all know that often isn’t the case. The wife is expected to share her money and she feels obligated to share it also. Many muslims tell the wife it is sadaqah and she will be rewarded for it – the same way she will be rewarded for her suffering in polygamy I guess.

    The problem with saying a man can only marry again if he can afford another wife is:
    1. In western countries he doesn’t have to pay for another wife, the state has to! He sets no.2 up legally as a single parents and she claims benefits
    2. All a man really has to provide is food, clothing, shelter which can be of the most basic nature if he chooses. He is not obligated to keep his first wife in the lifestyle she is accustomed to.

    We have heard many examples of men taking life savings (that his first wife contributed to) to pay for his second wife. The most recent example that springs to mind is the man whose wife supported him and their kids in the UK on her earnings, while his income went to building them a holiday home in his home country. Then he decides to marry a second wife in the home country, and gives her the house for her mahr.

  11. I kicked out thousands of dollars to India, presumably for our dream house, for my husband’s business, etc etc etc. This was my money, earned from my work, from my income tax refund with credits claimed for MY kids (not his kids, mine from previous marriage). I paid his tax bill out of my share of the tax refund on top of that.

    My return on that was exactly 0, because guess what? He married again. To a woman of the same nationality as he, at least in part. Thus she has legal claim on the property more than I do according to the law over there, even though over here, I was his legal wife and she wasn’t. He just has to show up with her, wave around the piece of paper her Imam signed and they signed, and she’s his wife. Boom. A beautiful, sprawling, 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom house which I helped to pay for is now possibly HERS and his.

    Did that actually happen? I don’t know because I don’t speak to him, and she disappeared off the face of all social media right about at the same time he hopped a plane to go back to India. Rumors have reached me that they reconciled. I don’t know. I only know that there’s a bigass house and a crore or more worth of shop inventory that my money paid for because he and I were supposed to be partners for life, to work together and live together, until…THIS….happened.

    But…whatever. It’s only money. Yeah, I’d sure love to have it back, I could use it right now in a huge way, since I’m literally broke, but the tradeoff is, I have my freedom and my sanity is relatively restored. I’m able to devote my time to my writing career and get that off the ground, hopefully (that was impossible while married to him) and from a personal joy standpoint, that’s priceless.

  12. Unchained, I very much applaud your courage, hard work, intelligence and persistence. Please know you are helping other people through what you have gone in your own life. Even though obviously we don’t usually set out to have life experiences for others too.

    Organized religions which try to have static narrow-minded limited rulings which ultimately harms everybody involved. Which is why people should opt for secular law which seeks to serve justice rather than religious law which stuff limitations in the name of “faith”.

    By the way the racist law in his country is purely cultural. Why not try to sell the house to get the deserved money out of it? Have you decided on how to split joint property, including the ones in his country, yet?

  13. There’s no such thing as “almost the same country”. There’s no bias. If you have something to prove that you have paid for all that, you might get the money back.
    A marriage based only on a religious ceremony is never legal. And he should have a valid reason to marry again. Otherwise it’s considered a crime. So, if your divorce is not yet finalized, you can get back your share of the property.

  14. Divorce was final over a year ago. I let him have all of the India property and furnishings because there’s no way I could get my hands on any of it anyway. He’s Kashmiri. Law in Kashmir is that only a Kashmiri can own property there. Article 370 of the Indian Constitution I think it is. Anyway, I let him have it. Sure, at first I screamed that I want half of it back but honestly? I just wanted it over with and no delays miring it down. I do have proof of everything I wired from the US to India, yes. But as far as I know, you can’t send money from India to the US anyway….so there’s not much chance of seeing a single rupee even if I did try. So I didn’t bother. Whatever…as I said, it’s only money.

    Honestly, I came out ahead.

  15. Unchained, you could have decided to sell the property in Kashmir, the part that you helped share in the money? Because it sounds like you gave up quite a lot of property. And isn’t there any chance you could have kept a savings account in Kashmir to keep the money? Anyway, I was just wondering, obviously you know what happened in detail and what could have been done. I am glad you are coping quite well though, and feeling free after all that happened.

  16. @Mariam, nope. I only had a visa, not a PIO card. I couldn’t have a bank account there. India forbids money transfers to the US for anything other than on a business basis. I could have probably set something up that may have been marginally illegal by Indian law, but I didn’t want to deal with it, as I said. I just wanted it over. My freedom ASAP was far more valuable. I think I did the right thing, though I’m extremely cash-poor now.

  17. Anyways, once you finalize a divorce it is very hard to re-open it. Most jurisdictions would require you to prove you were basically unfit to sign a contract, provided it was a settlement. If it was a family court verdict, the bar is even higher once the period to seek remedy has expired.

    In this sense, there seems to be no good at all in tormenting oneself with what could have been done, what should have been done.. Better to let it go for once and for all, and make peace with what good has come of it (definite resolution).

  18. Unchained, I think its already too late but if you had proof of sending money to India you should have claimed that before the divorce. Did you ask him to pay back your hard earned money because you are not going to live in that house anymore. Why did you let him go so easily. My blood boils when i hear all these Men taking advantage of western women financially and for immigrations purposes. I like Ana’s blog for at least one thing that its making western women aware of this serious issue. When you lived in Kashmir did you know of any village council or elders or someone influential his family always listened to. If so that might be your last chance. get in touch with them explain your situation and put social pressure to get your hard earned money back. You should also get some legal advice because in a way you were a victim of abuse and were not in your right mind to figt for your rights. you just wanted your freedom. Maybe there is some special consideration for such situations because it takes long time to heal after such experiences. you can make a case that you suffered from PTSD after going through such painful experience and you were not mentally fit to advocate for yourself. I don’t know any rules i am just thinking out loud here. Money can be easily sent from India to US. When i was new in US my parents sent me money without any problems. I know other people sending money to and from India with our any problems.

  19. Unchained, Now i am thinking why he didn’t register your marriage in India and made you a legal spouse there. US marriage license is recognized in India and can be easily used as proof to get marriage registered in India. Its relatively difficult to do the opposite. This is the reason why my husband and I registered our marriage in US first. If he really wanted you with him over there he could have registered your marriage their and made you equal partner in property and bank accounts. I am afraid he and his family might have had this plan all along i.e. to keep getting easy money as long as they can and then marry him to a woman of his own ethnicity.

  20. Nope – It wouldn’t have mattered. Kashmir law regarding property ownership is completely different than in greater India. You have to be a State Subject to own property in Kashmir. I’d have to have a PIO card to have a bank account. I only had an Entry Visa. Had we gone back as planned, THEN I would have had a PIO card. On his Indian passport I’m listed as his wife (unless he’s changed that by now). And his family is plenty wealthy enough so money had nothing to do with it. Our marriage was done here in the US and registered there as well, yes. We lived there for almost 2 years. Came back to the US, shit hit the fan and bimbette appeared in the mix. I tolerated it as long as I could, then got the hell out of the marriage as fast as I could.

    The only way I know of that money could transfer to the US from India is if you had something like a debit card from a bank there and had someone fund an account, from which you could pull funds out of an ATM with here in the US. That was something I told him he needed to do, was put half the money I’d invested into a bank account there so I could have access to it here. You can imagine how well that went over.

    I could in theory still twist an arm or two over there if I wanted. I’m choosing not to take that route right now.

  21. Unchained, I would twist an arm or do whatever it takes to get my money back. I would rather donate that money than leave it with someone who betrayed me. If you really want to move on you need to finish all business with him. and It doesn’t make sense why he would keep your money if he is from a wealthy family.

  22. He says it’s because #1 We’re square, since he paid for airfare for me and my boys to go there in the first place, and provided a good percentage of our maintenance the time we were there (including the boys’ school fees and such), and provided the flight back and paid our first months rent and deposit on the place we rented when we came back to the US.

    #2 because he purchased the home with the assumption that we’d live there, and it was my choice to leave the marriage, and refused to remarry him when he *claimed* he and #2 were for sure done and over with.

    Honestly? I don’t really give a shit anymore. I don’t want it, don’t want to bring it up with him or his family, and don’t really care either way about it. Valuable lesson learned, period, the end.

  23. Unchained I am so glad you left your ex-husband. The property you had with him is big, but the continuing hurt due to his misbehaviour, one-sided reasoning, coldness, immaturity, superiority complex, etc would have been much bigger. Frankly, such a man can screw off. If you don’t mind me saying.

    I am simply unable to understand what runs through the minds of these men. At least what I see is that highly patriarchal men aren’t just annoying, but downright dangerous, an example such as with their emotional and psychological games and hurts which can transcend towards the physical as well.

  24. Unchained, if you have had that discussion with him then good. It feels like you had a chance for some closure. At least you can feel content that you paid back all that he spent on you or kids while you were together.
    I remember you mentioning that you are writing a book. How is your writing going.

  25. But it’s interesting he would count maintainance while married as a loan. Aren’t Muslim men supposed to be responsible for their wife’s maintainance!
    Maybe I am still relatively young and bit immature to believe this way but I would be very tempted to reply to this man. Yes I cannot use that house myself but I would like rent a portion of it out to recover my cost πŸ˜€

  26. LOL! Yeah, I think I said something along those lines, as well as stating “had I known you were going to turn this marriage into a living hell and install a revolving door on our house, I can guaranfuckintee that you wouldn’t have that 5 bedroom 5 bathroom house in India nor the thousands worth of inventory for your shop.”
    No wonder he tried to keep it quiet. He knew what would happen.
    Ah, the writing. Yep, still at it. I have two manuscripts in progress still. At over 130K words on the second one; the first one I sort of stalled out on but hope to get it going once I get the second one done. I came up with an awesome idea for yet a third. No clue when I’ll get that going, since both first drafts I have in progress require revision and rewriting and editing and blah blah blah. The REAL work starts after the first draft is done πŸ˜›

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