I love them both dearly. Not in the exact same way, but equally.
I try to be fair in all my dealings with my husbands. I try to keep my marriages separate. I don’t want to flaunt my life with one husband in front of the other. I don’t want one husband to fear an invasion of his integrity by knowing I might share our secrets or intimate bonds with the other. I want both my husbands to feel safe in my love and friendship.
True, polygamy sets boundaries to our lives together. I must be very careful so as not to hurt their feelings by comparing, being unfair or taking from one to give to the other. I must be very careful so as not to accidentally divulge details from one marriage to the other. So, I keep secrets. I cut some discussions short. I know my husbands find this painful, because they both know that when they run into the wall of silence, my love for the other husband is on the other side.
I love making love to my husbands. I love the strong bond that develops from making love, the moments of total seclusion and extreme intimacy. I also know that both my husbands suffer because even in our most intimate moments the image of me with my other husband might invade their minds, their hearts. I can’t help that. It’s just the truth of polygamy.
I love sharing moments of joy with our daughter with both my husbands. They have managed to find a way to share their love for her, and I love them for it. She calls her father papi, and my other husband athair, as she has heard her second cousins do. It’s all good. If you could see my daughter and the way she loves her two fathers you would understand why islam allows polyandry!
We share our lives, our love, our pain. If you listen to male polygamists they often claim that what you share is not a husband’s love, but his time. This is not true. You can not share a spouse and say it’s only about sharing time. No, that’s a blatant lie!
In polygamy we share love, lives, body-fluids, mistakes – all of it.
We can not however share secrets or dreams. That’s the brutal truth.
I’m still happy I found two loves.
I didn’t choose polygamy. Now, I can’t see myself living any other way.