Letter From a Liar

Bonfire_NightThis letter was sent in August from a liar who claims not to be in polygamy.

But first a fatwa about liars that some people should read:

Lying is the source of all evils. It is the negation of faith. It can never exist in a person who has true faith in Allaah Almighty. It is universally condemned by all humans with a minimally sound nature. “Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness (birr), and righteousness leads to the Garden. A man speaks truths until he is written with Allaah as a truthful person (siddeeq). Lying leads to wickedness (fujoor), and wickedness leads to the Fire. A man lies until he is written with Allaah as a liar.” [Al-Bukhaari, Muslim]

Liars will end up in the Fire.

As Salaamu Alaikum, XX,

Insha Allah, you will receive this mail. I’m trying to reach out to some of the regulars from the blog. I just want to let you know why the blog shut down.

A few week before shutting down, I had received an email from Lah, saying she knew my real identity and that of my husband and was going to the police about polygamy. She’s an ignorant fool. I know the laws and the system. Prior to it, she had been harassing me by way of email, as I wouldn’t allow her on the blog. When she came to the blog, writing civilly, I allowed her to stay. Note: She was writing from XX but lied saying she was writing from Pakistan.

I then began to receive posts from some guy name “Bob” who said he knew my husband’s and my identity and threatened to contact my husband’s employer to get him fired.

At that point I decided to temporarily shut the blog down for a while, which I put a notice on the blog to that effect. The next day I visited Fiona’s blog. Low and behold my real name is on it, my husband’s name is on it, an article from the newspaper about my husband is on it, so is my Facebook page and Google plus page – oh, and the obituary of my husband’s mother.

I immediately contacted my wali/bestess who took everything associated with polygamy  off the internet. I shut the blog down completely.

I suspect my husband’s ignorant, uneducated wife revealed my name out of spite not knowing they’d investigate and find out about him, as well. Anyhow, he won’t believe she did, but what else is new when it comes to that straight up kaffur liar.

Nonetheless, I read some of Fiona’s blog, only to find that Kim also known as “unchained” on Fiona’s blog and Jenny also known as “happy” on Fiona’s blog had their hands in the investigation of me.

I contacted Jenny by email and tell her that I’m aware of what’s been going on and I will take the article that is in the newspaper online (that a commentator from our blog sent me months ago) will put it online with her comments and expose her the same as she has done me. Well, Jenny insist it was “C” who did it and told me to do this, that and the other. She said she’d email Fiona, and will ask her to remove the information. She sent Fiona a weak email asking her to remove the information, as my family and I were being threatened. Fiona asked Jenny why I hadn’t contact her (Fiona) herself. Jenny emailed me saying she didn’t know how to answer. I only said “Thanks” to Jenny and it ended there. Note: I have no intention of doing what I said I’d do to Jenny.

Well, there you have it. I will not re-open the blog, at least not until my husband retires, which won’t be for another three years.

XX, I felt you deserved to know what happened. You’ve been a wonderful sister and I can’t begin to thank you for all your input on the blog. I am blessed to know you. I pray the best for you and your family. Insha Allah, we’ll stay in touch.

Much salaams!
A

18 thoughts on “Letter From a Liar

  1. I could never understand why she refers to her wali (who I understood was a male, as he should be) as a ‘bestess’, typically a reference to a female companion. Either way, a wali is not supposed to be a best friend, or any kind of intimate friend. A wali, when he is a technical non-mahrem as is the case with many converts who adopt one, is supposed to fulfill a very formal and mannerly role. Not one of comfortability and familiarity.

    So….to me, the fact that she is capable of blurring those boundaries, all the while spouting off about the need to stick to strict Quran and blasting “unbelievers” (though they are muslim, as she admits), reduces her credibility with me to below nothing and I could not give a lesser care to the drama or details of her misguided life.

  2. *sigh*
    For the last time – C didn’t reveal your name, Robin. Jesus H Christ that woman is dense. She says she came here and read the blog…we who DID out her identity explained how we figured out who she is….and that she left freaking neon lights for a trail.

  3. The bestess may possibly refer to the wife of the wali, as she refers to them as her Muslim family. The irony of condemning Fiona for having 2 husbands, when she approximates the same but without the sex has not been lost on any of the readers here.

  4. Where I live I see many lives destroyed by polygamy like mine was. Women who live their lives in the cold bitterness and hate of polygamy and their children are painted by this bitterness and by a ruined family. The men simply leave or marry more if their wives dont please them. The men beat their unhappy wives and we learn to be silent. When Ana says turn to Allah I know I have done that so many times and I am told it is the only thing a woman can do. But if women said stop to polygamy we would be able to stop it. men never will, Men want many women, obedient women, the right to divorce without duties and hassle, they want to stay in the bed where there are no screaming children and no angry or sad wife. And they will never doubt their right to polygamy. Ana and women like her are their handimen, they are the worse culprits. Ana is a liar, a proved liar and will go to jahannam and she knows it if it is true she is muslim. For lying she will go, but also for false teachings of islam.

  5. Ana often said that Allah told His followers to say “salaam” when they meet each other. She complained that her husband’s second wife never returned these greetings. So here, she opened and closed this letter correctly, and according to the will of Allah. Sandwiched in between this ostentation, is a diatribe which blames the unexpected experience of being outed on a multitude of other people. (Quite incorrectly.)

    A general thread of Ana’s blog was to explain painful events as being a consequence of choices made by the victim. She thus explained the familial murder of a woman outside a Pakistani courthouse as being the result of ‘things about her life.’ She did go on to say that the murderers would be held accountable. But fundamentally, and in many different ways, she described the death of this woman either as a simple logical consequence, or as an act of retribution for her previous life.

    I really don’t know what her further thoughts are on this, but it is very dangerous to say such a thing. Nobody knows why such evil happens, and if Ana thinks she knows then she has walked into one of most dangerous pitfalls of religion; thinking you know the unknowable. The danger lies not just in the impact of such moronic ignorance on oneself, but also in the social consequences that unfold when these people coalesce together into a group.

    Ana, also asserted that the rains fell on New Orleans because of the sinfulness of the people. Ana, regardless of who outed you, if you want to know why you were outed, use your own methodology, and take a look at your own behaviours. People who have been hurt, and treated unfairly, react. So don’t hurt people, and don’t treat people unfairly.

  6. //The irony of condemning Fiona for having 2 husbands, when she approximates the same but without the sex has not been lost on any of the readers here.//

    Lol, true.

    //A general thread of Ana’s blog was to explain painful events as being a consequence of choices made by the victim. She thus explained the familial murder of a woman outside a Pakistani courthouse as being the result of ‘things about her life.’ She did go on to say that the murderers would be held accountable. But fundamentally, and in many different ways, she described the death of this woman either as a simple logical consequence, or as an act of retribution for her previous life.//

    I see such superstitious ideas being quite common among religious people. In case of Muslims, they usually pride themselves at being more non-superstitious and logical than many other religions. But superstitious mindset comes in various forms. And collectively it looks like Muslims are among the most superstitious people in the world. I am not comparing Muslims in general with Ana though; Ana and her character seems to be unique even among Muslims.

    //I really don’t know what her further thoughts are on this, but it is very dangerous to say such a thing. Nobody knows why such evil happens, and if Ana thinks she knows then she has walked into one of most dangerous pitfalls of religion; thinking you know the unknowable. The danger lies not just in the impact of such moronic ignorance on oneself, but also in the social consequences that unfold when these people coalesce together into a group.//

    That’s very true.

  7. I must admit I was shocked by this. I always believed Ana to be truthful in her faith and I see her as a friend on the net. I don’t understand why she lies. It can maybe be something else? Maybe she means that C is not her husband’s legal wife. But then why call her wife here? And a nikah is legal if one is a believer so to deny that C is a wife is a lie. I am very sad by all this. I believed Ana wanted to help but now I don’t know.

  8. @Nina

    I don’t blame her though, she is afraid to get sold out on her details (despite leaving a trail herself). And this selling out can lead to harassment or actual direct penalty from the law. She didn’t want to take the risk, hence have to do coverup in this regard, for the time being at least.

    These multiple marriages by Muslim men make marriage look light and like a joke. No matter what the reason may be. A person does not necessarily need to marry someone to help and support them in their life, and of their children. It looks more like to feed their sex drives as well, or feed their instinctive need to have companionship with the opposite gender person. In that case it should be a two-way street. Otherwise it is just plain nonsensical.

    For those people who may say that the Quran’s ayah 4:3 is for the past only, or only for war and natural disasters where the number of males rapidly fall, I didn’t see such a ruling included in the verse. And the world’s male-to-female ratio is still above one, despite the wars and natural disasters in the world that is happening, for now Seeing real world evidence, this whole polygamy issue in the religion has been a “natural disaster” by itself I would say.

  9. Hello Nina,
    I don’t recognize your name, either here or on Ana’s blog. Have you been a long time reader? What is it that you are shocked about?

    You said “a nikah is legal if one is a believer.” Are you an American? If you are, then you know that while a Nikah is an Islamically correct marriage, if it takes place between a husband and a second wife, while he is still married, it is not legal in the United States, regardless of any beliefs that the principals may hold.

    Ana now writes “I am my husband’s only wife”. One could assume this means that Alex ended his relationship with Carolinah, but I don’t think he did. I think instead that Ana is a very complicated person. Her religious beliefs (which some of the Muslim readers here state do not represent mainstream Islam) enable her to believe that she can create or destroy things by the way she talks about them. I believe that during the trauma of her blog shutting down, she came to terms with the fact of Carolinah, by just eliminating her mentally.

    She also wrote: “previously on Polygamy411, I related a story depicting some characters whom I intend to one day write about in a novel perhaps. For now, I have retired the characters whom I spoke of on the older version of polygamy 411”. After this, she gave no other specifics. She must believe that her readers will interpret that cryptic remark in just whatever way she wants them to, and have no need to make any sense out of the Carolinah who was once the reason for the blog, and now doesn’t exist. Silly.

    Nina, you must have a reason for being a reader here, or there. Tell us what it is.

  10. Dale,
    I know that a second marriage is not legal in the USA but I meant that in the eyes of believers the nikah is valid and legal and Ana should recognize it as such even if it is not registered. I have read this blog ever since Ana first posted about it after Fiona was banned. I thought it was wrong to ban Fiona so I was happy to find her again and I think this blog adds a perspective that makes polygamy more understandable and less painful to me, just like Ana’s blog. I need to feel I am not alone in this and both blogs help. But I use another nick at 411 because otherwise I would not be welcome there anymore I think. You have always helped me Dale with your kind as warm wisdom.

  11. Welcome here, Nina. I do hope this blog helps you in your polygamy situation.

    I personally think things like one-sided polygamy citing one-sided reasoning why it is justifiable end up confusing people and particularly women, whose self-esteem can drop like a stone in such matters, especially when they think such a thing is mandated by God himself (so much for such a God being called “Most Merciful”).

    Religious based bullying is one of the worst bullying possible to mankind, since all other bullying can still be corrected using sound reasons and real-world evidence to help the other person understand, if possible, but in case of religion the person may get questioned back on whether they think they are better than God for trying to reason through. Another bullying though in a similar type case could be the culturally accepted one, where the person questioning them might be considered the one going against the majority.

    All I would say as people we need to uphold our conscience, reasoning, and usage of five senses to see real-world evidence, since these are the only real tools we have to navigate ourselves and the world. And also we need to educate ourselves on necessary matters, since other people may not do that for us.

  12. Thank you for responding Nina. I was being a little harsh when I said “what is it you are shocked about” because I already knew the cause, plus you had already said why. But I was trying to use the question to get you to look at the facts in a fresh way, rather than being driven by your own wishes, and then being disappointed by finding a dead end in a blind alley.

    I also knew that you were talking about Islam when you called the Nikah legal, but my point was the same. You have done me a favor by your posts, and I think for Fiona’s blog as well. That is because you have highlighted a problem that Fiona has been trying to say ever since she started this blog, and I may not have placed as much value on it as I do now.

    Ana called Carolina a “straight up kaffur liar.” Yet, Ana is using the non-Islamic, secular invalidation of bigamy in the United States to deny the existence of Carolinah. So who is being the “kaffur liar”?

    Whether there was a Nikah or not, everything about Ana’s current method of dealing with that difficult situation is out of synch with 6 public years of orthodox preaching to women who are in pain on her blog, telling them what they should and should not do, and how they should and should not feel. And talking about hell fire, and acting as if she knows what the afterlife is all about.

    You are not alone Nina, and I think it was very brave of you to write in. I understand why you are using 2 different names, you are not alone in that either. But that whole division, causing people to feel that their salvation depends on relating only to “believers” and using that dogma to terrorize people into lying about facts is one of the negatives aspects of religion.

  13. Ana is a kuffr who denies ahadeeth. If she didn’t she would know: “The Prophet (ﷺ) said: He who is two-faced in this world will have two tongues of fire on the Day of Resurrection.”

    As for this blog and hers it is obvious who is sinning: “When two men abuse one another, what they say is laid to the charge of the one who began it, so long as the one who is wronged does not go over the score.”. Ana called Fiona vile things first and is the guilty party in this. However, polyandry is not allowed and I wish for Fiona to mend her ways. Best wishes to you all.

  14. //Ana called Fiona vile things first and is the guilty party in this.//

    Yeah that’s true.

    //However, polyandry is not allowed and I wish for Fiona to mend her ways.//

    I am still surprised why people like to impose their own religious laws to Fiona. Fiona is not a Muslim, only married to one. She is entitled to follow her own ethical rules as she sees fit. She sees nothing wrong with polyandry and is doing a very good job in it. So why do the Muslims still have issues with her polyandry? Either they have nothing better to do, or they have a superiority complex where they feel Islamic laws are the “natural” laws which should be set for everyone, since it makes “sense”. Looks like both.

  15. Mariam…..he is just being “nice” to you & following his Muslim laws…….If you did this in an other country where Sharia law ruled……both you & your 2 husband would be killed

  16. *sigh*
    Her latest blog post. She tells the depressed woman whose husband takes another wife to completely disassociate from anyone who doesn’t share her religious views, and hit the prayer rug. In essence, she must completely isolate herself. GREAT advice for someone in agony, in severe, unable-to-function depression.

    Well. When a wife finds herself in this hell, she’s already feeling pretty f’king isolated. I know I never felt so alone as I did when it happened to me. I’m a total introvert by nature and work through my stuff without a gang of people around me, true, but had I heeded that advice, I’d have probably made good on the impulse I had to drive my truck off the side of the bridge and into the Mississippi River.

    And associating with other Muslimahs ain’t the answer, I know that from first hand experience. Most of them want nothing to do with a woman in plural marriage, because I was representative of their worst nightmares. I did go to halaqas, I did go to the mosque. They were like high school all over again; and the majority of the women didn’t speak much English to begin with. The one lady (Pakistani) I confided in stepped back like I had Ebola and never came near me again. One could argue that the fault is in them, not in the institution of Islamic polygyny, but think about it. There’s a reason it’s universally repugnant. Before she ostracized me, the Pakistani lady said she’d thought she was safeguarded from becoming “wife #X” by being in the US where it’s illegal and where greencard applicants had to sign something or other stating they won’t take another wife. (not sure about that, I never heard that from M).

    So, hanging with the Muslim girls was out.

    My kids saved me during those days. My kids and my best friend. None of them Muslim, all of them either atheist or agnostic.

  17. Okay I take that back. It wasn’t the latest blog post (that one is full of the usual drivel about how malcontent is the wife’s own fault). it was the “Feeling Depressed Polygamous Blues” one that I’m referring to.

  18. Reading on such Muslims stories and sometimes talking to them in real life on some matters makes it obvious that they are trying to play hide-and-seek with their own religious doctrine; agreeing and holding onto the whole doctrine, but trying to step away and disappear from the parts that they don’t like, instead of researching more on those parts to find out why they should exist or at least be practised still, or having the guts to speak out against them. I am willing to bet many of their marriages are also survival type marriages, where the partners are good to go on the surface, but they avoid talks on deeper details on life to avoid making their marriage into jeopardy.

    My description on Islam’s practice sounds also the description for a number of other religions too. But then Islam is also different in a way, because I doubt other religions take their scripture as literally and to be implemented as they are as Muslims may do.

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