Polygamy and Christmas

imagesI have always loved Christmas. When I was a child we used to gather the entire family, aunts and cousins and everybody, and spend Christmas eating, singing, playing and reading. It was wonderful!

When our children were small we had started spending Christmas with just the immediate family. Less fuss, more quality time. Still wonderful.

Now of course, my first son and daughter aren’t children any more. When polygamy happened, they demanded Mark spend Christmas with #2. So I spent Christmas with my children, and later with my children and Graham. Mark went to Bimbo, and I suppose they didn’t celebrate Christmas at all. (Mark always loved Christmas). Last year, Mark used his X-mas time off to go to Oman.

This year, things are a bit more complicated.

Mark and #2 are divorced, so he won’t be going to Oman, won’t be spending the holiday with her. And since I now have a little girl, we want to celebrate Christmas in style – the entire family including my son’s fiancée, toys and horseback-riding, a Santa, all of it. So we’re going to spend Christmas in the Chilterns.

So, what about Mark?

According to the schedule, I’m to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Graham, Boxing Day with Mark. But I don’t want to go back to London until New Year’s Eve… And I don’t want Mark to be alone in London all Christmas, while all the rest of us are in the Chilterns. But I also know Graham doesn’t want Mark to invade his privacy in the Chilterns.

So I don’t know what to do.

6 thoughts on “Polygamy and Christmas

  1. The intelligence and sensitivity of a woman does make her a better polygamist, while it also makes it more difficult for her. I don’t envy you Fiona, there is no way out of hurting your loved ones while in polygamy. Due to some things that are happening in my life I ended up finding a book by a 19th century mormon lady named Fanny Stenhouse. Tell it all. Did you read it? You should! Love as always, Jenn

  2. I agree with JennOJenn. The intelligence and sensitivity of a woman is what makes her a better polygamist and keeps family members more together. Polygyny I think is mostly for those who want to live a survival type marriage, where providence and maintenance, along with some spousal comforts, is what matters by itself. I have been watching some videos on polyandry in South India and Tibet, and even the men defend their type of marriage, and many of them live with love and mutual comfort. Not what the mainstream society would elect to have anyway, but I appreciated how the women kept up their polyandrous marriages. I am sure you would come up with something in your case Fiona.

  3. That is difficult! Has your son’s relationship improved with his father? Could Mark stay in a hotel in the Chilterns so you could spend Boxing Day with him but still be away for the holidays? Perhaps you and your children could have a delayed Christmas celebration with Mark on Boxing Day?

    I do not envy your decision but it is wonderful to have so many people to love and spend time with.

  4. Christmas is actually a time of a lot of loneliness, for many people, in many different situations. What about considering, after this year, that Christmas will be, not a day on the schedule, but a day for everyone in the whole immediate family, (all of whom have to manage some degree of loneliness about some thing in their lives) to be together?

  5. Aaaah! Fiona, you’re back! Tacklehug!

    What is said above is very much so. Christmas is a very lonely time for a lot of people. Of course it would be most loving for you to bunch everyone together and have a giant christmas celebration with your whole family. (and with you as the centerpiece in it, which must be quite a nice idea. Maybe a bit petty too, but that is human. Maybe I am wrong but I can imagine it would be a bit like that for me, if I were in your shoes.)

    But the truth of the matter is that what I take from you, polygamy is lonesome very often too. Maybe it’s not so bad to just accept that and let Mark be alone, and accept that this is the way it is. Ride out the wave of loneliness you have when missing him, and the same goes for him. Sure, that is not nice. But life is painful. It will never be perfect. It can still be good, even with those pains happening sometimes. I truly hope it stays good for you, and for everyone involved. Even for Mark.

    By the way, Bimbs is divorced, I recall something about her being a bit of a pain about that with wanting to keep her mahr and wanting extra moneys from you. But how did the divorce came to be? Did Mark let her go to be happy with a man that can be there for her and make babbies, or was it something else?

    Oh, another option: Mark goes to his family to say hi. He probably can use some quality time with his mum and dad too, after all this upheaval and a divorce. Would that be a solution?

  6. So happy to read more from you again! I hope you’re doing well and that your daughter enjoys her first Christmas. 🙂 This is a tricky situation no matter what. Did Mark ever make up with his parents? If so, he can spend Christmas with them to avoid being alone and you can avoid feeling guilty (Although you have no reason to! He’s drowning in the hole he dug that’s filled to the brim with the pain he caused everyone, even Bimbo!). If not maybe he can stay at a hotel near Chilterns! I wish I had seen this before today so I could actually be able to give some advice that would work. Please let us know what the outcome was.

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