How Do We “Improve Our Deen”?

ThreeringsWhen women defend polygyny, they often claim that it’s a test meant to improve their and their husbands deen. For men it means more responsibility and that could be claimed to improve a man’s maturity and level of commitment. For women it’s a test of sacrifice. Women must fight their jealousies and insecurities and become generous enough to share their husbands.

So, does it work?

It is obvious from all the comments and e-mail I get that for most women polygyny is destructive, humiliating and excruciatingly painful. The betrayal, hurt and violation of polygyny makes many women doubt their self worth. Many women lose their sense of self and get lost in a void of self doubt and pain. For some women it means losing all religion. For others it means that they must accept misogynist dogmas, that men are superior and have superior rights, in order to survive the pain. Stockholm syndrome is common.

Does any of this increase these women’s deen? Of course not. Not unless you define deen as survival strategies under extreme stress.

What about the men?

Well, according to my experience men get a high out of feeling superior and this can be achieved by polygyny. They feel like macho men having two or more women. They also get a kick out of breaking their first wife, watching her bend to their superior rights. They get an increased sense of divine rights and superiority, combined with some exhilarating s/m ting.

Does this increase their deen? Of course not. No more so than wanking while reading 50 Shades of Grey.

So why do pro-polygynists keep claiming that polygyny is good for your deen, and for the religion of the Ummah?

You tell me.

42 thoughts on “How Do We “Improve Our Deen”?

  1. Polygamy will never be improve ones religion. Many muslim women are in denial. They wud say to others that they accept it. But when it comes to reality, they can’t accept it and will never be able to live with it.
    Yes, there are some women out there who are able to live with it, but I do believe they struggle hardly to accept it and suffer rest of their life. Polygamy bring nothing but destroy the family. And not all second wive or the third or the fourth can live with it. Cos as u know… Polygamous husband tell lies to his wives in order to “keep” them.
    In islam, it is allowed to tell a lie to wive for “goodness” sake. Well.. Lie is a lie. Means.. Its a bad thing.

  2. If polygyny is to be a test for women and make us practice our deen, what test could be equal to men? What pain and sacrifice could they be tested with that would be as bad? I don’t know anything. And I don’t believe Allah would test women and not test men. There is no test for men that is equal in pain and sacrifice.

  3. Excellent post Fiona …..you said it perfectly.And i want to remind all the Muslim women out there that “Allah” did not create polygamy ……men did & then they said it was from god. LIARS!!!!!!

  4. The problem comes from being raised or being “forced” to believing the lies of polygamy ….that it is from god. If you live in the USA you do not have to except it. Don’t marry a polygamist & don’t except his lies . Men are NOT above you or beneath you. You are EQUAL in value, intelligence , worth & are loved by God who created you to have a relationship with him . These lies of polygamy come from 2 main faiths……Muslim & Mormon . 2 false prophets …..Mohammed & Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith believed that men can become “gods” (that was the original fall of the devil ….pride …..he said he would put his throne above god’s .He would be god). Joseph Smith also said that if women did not accept polygamy that they would be dammed to hell!So you see that it is through “fear & force” that women submit to polygamy & they think that it is from god & that they are suffering to please god. In the Koran it states that women are less intelligent then men & their testimony in court is worth 1/2 of that of a mans (can’t be trusted)& their inheritance from their father is 1/2 of that of their brother & you have no choice if your husband wants to add 3 wives & its’ “ok” to beat you , deprive you of sex & he can divorce you by saying 3 times ” i divorce you” & if you want to leave the marriage he does’nt have to let you go you must get “his” permission or it does’nt stand. Plus no matter who divorces who he gets all rights to the children not you because you are a woman.Basically women are taught that they are not worth as much as a man & they must be ruled by men all of their lives because it is stated in the Koran.Lies passed down from generation to generation & all the pain & suffering taught to the next generation ……..Oh my God……..women are cursed by believing these lies & so are the men that teach & believe them themselves.

  5. No one can judge anyone’s imaan or level of deen.

    Those who do so have not even a basic understanding of the authentic principles of Islam.

    As for the polygamists, many of them are former adulterers who cheat on their wives with a secret mistress behind her back. When they fear getting caught, they marry the mistress as a second wife to glorify her. See: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-15032947

    Thats their high iman for you.

    Lets not even get started on the number of men who are neglecting their first wives and children due to the arrival of a new wife.

    Anyways, if piety was to be judged by the number of one’s wives, then the monogamists would clearly be judged as more pious, since limiting yourself to one woman is better in Islam.

    Here is a fatwa from the reputable Sunni institution if Deoband advocating this.

    http://darulifta-deoband.org/showuserview.do?function=answerView&all=en&id=38097

    (Fatwa: 776/655/B=1433)

    According to Shariah, it is lawful to keep two wives at the same time but it is not generally acceptable in Indian custom. Here in India it is like to invite hundreds of problems to keep two wives. Moreover, the husband generally cannot maintain justice and equality between two wives. Hence it is better to have only one wife as the Quran said:

    فان لمَ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَاحِدَةً

    You should discard the idea of second marriage; otherwise you would feel sorry later.

    Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) knows Best

    Darul Ifta,
    Darul Uloom Deoband

  6. Any hardship a person experiences can either make them or break them. I think a muslim woman growing in her reliance on Allah and becoming a stronger person is a byproduct of poly, but I don’t think this is the intention of the practice and it’s problematic that someone seeks poly (or claims to) to basically put themselves in hardship bc what if someone isn’t as strong–what if a man’s wife loses her Eman bc of his poly choice harming her psychological well being? It worries me that men are so cavalier.

    One thing I think many muslims have gotten wrong (and I say this as a happy poly muslims who chose poly for herself) is that poly is not considered an act of worship: it is a lifestyle choice and muslim men are warned against choosing it lest they end up harming their wives and accruing sin for their oppression simply for the sake of a lifestyle choice. I would think a man who *truly* feared Allah would veer away from poly.

    Too many times we Muslims act like poly is like fasting or some other worship and it’s meant to be hard and cause growth and must be done for religious reasons.

    Trials in this life are not something a Muslim should seek. Marriage is meant to be a source of tranquility and mercy as mentioned in the Quran. If someone’s spouse is being deprived of this basic goal of marriage by their spouses choices to take another wife, something is wrong with this scenario.

    If a man wants to improve his deen he should fast, pray or do some act of worship bc that is what the acts of worship are intended for.

  7. Sorry I meant to say muslims have gotten it wrong that they claim poly is an act of worship^^^

  8. Being devil’s advocate here I think most human beings do grow and emerge stronger after harrowing emotional experiences. The old saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

    However, that only happens when it’s over and you reflect back. Many women will remain trapped in polygamy forever with no opportunity to leave.

    It’s just so cruel. Will men doing this ever realise how cruel they are being? Even when a wife reluctantly agrees, will her husband ever understand the suffering he chose to inflict?

    Does a husband see the hurt, the craziness, the mental and emotional sickness he causes or is he just too selfish?

    Polygamous men – a question for you. Do you see the hurt in your wives eyes?

  9. Fiona,

    I just have to post this to show people how some of these losers try to get 2nd wives.

    X years ago I worked in X muslim country for 2yrs. My boss was married with young children. He tried to start an affair with me and when that didnt work he suggested a secret 2nd marriage! Loser.

    Usual story, he said he’s only with his wife for the kids etc, her family will attack and kill his family if he leaves or she knows etc.

    Fast forward to today, many years later!! So he hears on the grapevine Im not with my husband. He sent me 5 emails all at the same time. The rubbish starts all over again….I cant forget you etc etc. Im still in love with you. Lets get married. I want to divorce my wife.

    So we have a mutual FB friend. I asked her to look on his page and less than 2wks ago theres a photo of him and his wife with him saying “Im so happy you’re in my life”.

    So I challenged him on it. He was shocked “oh oh its just for my children I said it”!!!

    Well, I said, its going to be hard to divorce as you pretend to your kids everything is great?

    I’ve blocked him. It makes my skin crawl.

    Thats how some of these guys wing it.

    So anyone thinking of being a 2nd wife – dont believe a word of what he says about his first 🙂

  10. 🙂 thx andrea

    I agree with Saad that Opul is pretty offensive.

    Auburn, you explained it perfectly, especially this:

    “One thing I think many muslims have gotten wrong (and I say this as a happy poly muslims who chose poly for herself) is that poly is not considered an act of worship: it is a lifestyle choice”.

    Thats why I get angry when muslim women are told they have weak iman for struggling with polygamy.

  11. Fiona, this article is great and to the point. That is real life that is going on in the world. I personally could never understand how free-hand polygyny right is good for increasing Imaan, or is a test of Imaan, or whatever, that too for both men and women. I do agree that on the women’s part, Stockholm’s syndrome and accepting misogynistic dogmas is what makes them overly defensive for free-hand right of polygyny for men or to continue the lifestyle if it has been forcibly imposed on them in some way. I don’t blame the women who are taking this path for survival mode a lot though, for some their environment, family, financial constraints, the way they were raised, or even the ‘crack whore’ factor etc are the things preventing them from leaving or so, hence to cope they may be using more of survival strategies.

  12. Ola Fiona, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. But you say yourself that for muslim men, polygamy is highly erotic because they get to break the first wife, bend them to their will, which is a sexual rush like none other. I think you described it like that somewhere else on the site. Now, Graham knew what he was getting into, and Mark apparently had said ‘I would accept it if you were to take on another guy’ when he tried to coerce you into polygamy. (…which obviously he didn’t mean, because of how nuts he went when you actually did that, but…. digress.) So I don’t feel particulairly sorry for both of them. However, YOU did not agree to anything. Your pain was the source of Marks’ biggest turn-on tingly wee-wee whoopwhoop with Bimbi. ….He’s the only remains of your past, you’ve explained, and I get that before all this he was a wonderfull husband, but …..Well, I have not been in your situation but I cannot imagine that after such a painfull event, I would ever find it in me to forgive or move on with that person. Getting horny from my pain? Getting off while I cut myself? No. With a friend like that who needs enemies?

    *sigh* of course a lot of people bring this up and I’m sure it’s not fun to hear, and you have your reasons, but man, that I do not get. Living with two men? Hell, yes! More power to you for pulling that off! But one of them being such a cruel rearbehind? How could you ever forgive him? (I could not. I’m not the most forgiving person out there. Hm.)

    On another note, any news from Bimbs? Mark and Bimbs? She still tucked away safely far away? (I do feel sorry for her, a bit. More for her than for Mark, she never broke a promise of fidelity to you. She’s still not my favourite person of this blog, though.)

    Also, I hope that Graham and Tamsin are doing well. And your other kids, too, of course.

  13. Graham and Tamsin are slowly recovering from the flu. We’ve all been through an awful period of coughing our hearts out 😦
    You’re right, Mark did something unforgivable. I wish love would be reasonable, but it’s not. So, I’m still married to him. But you know, the pain/lust thing is not conscious. Mark didn’t admit to me, or even to himself, that power/pain had anything to do with his being aroused by polygyny until after we had been to see a therapist for quite some time. She made him realize the truth, and it disgusted and disturbed him, but finally he recognized that it was indeed the truth. I’d say 95% of all polygynist husbands would have great difficulties recognizing this truth to themselves, and they would prabably never be able to admit it to their wives.
    Mark is awfully worried about Bimbs, especially with the situation in the Middle East being what it is. I know he’s been looking into different mo:s of bringing her back here. Don’t know any specifics though. He wouldn’t tell me 🙂

  14. To be honest, a similar thought has come to my mind for quite some time now. When reading your blog, there is so much to process. So much “what happened next?” curiosity when rushing through “the story” that it is not yet perceivable what will stick the most for each reader. When I had finished everything, the part where Mark for probably several months left you miserable, with a bucket next to your bed in case you needed to throw up, at one point cutting yourself, only to come back – and leave again to hit it off with the (supposedly) 18-year old. His life partner and mother of his children in severe pain at that time. That part dawned on me, personally, late in its “outshining” – or maybe a word like “outburning” would be more accurate for the damage – quality in your story. Sure, everything turned out exceptional for you. Graham sounds like someone extremely special. Someone extremely special who is willing to share you. You must be very happy to have him, and still be with the person you grew up with.

    But I guess for someone who does not know your 1st husband for decades, to read the part of the story I described above, there is no way not to think: What kind of monster does this to his love. Incredibly selfish? Yes, with emphasis on incredibly. And incredibly evil, actually. This only shows your grandness in character – how incredibly good of you to still love him. To forgive him so much, maybe never entirely, but already so much more than the vast majority of people ever could (should?). Tough stuff, love and decades of memories together. So long as you are happy, more power to you. But I guess the shock and disgust strangers feel at your story (him in your story, to be exact) will always be more raw, less diluted with history, but of course also limited in knowing predominantly one – the ugliest – side in this man.

  15. Yes. There is so much more to Mark than has come across on these pages. I have described here the most painful experiences of my life, maybe I should also take the time to describe the other side of Mark, the gentle, sensitive, intelligent, romantic wonderful man he is. And I ask myself – what is there to Mark, the ugly-side-Mark, that isn’t also a part of every other polygynist husband who decided to marry again without the complete and explicit consent of his first wife? Nothing! Mark is, in a way, every polygynist man. In Alex e.g., we could see so much of Mark. Remember how Ana described her initial reactions, their first couple of years, the phone-calls from Alex when she was to sick to stand up while he was on his way to C? And have you read the “From Monogamy to Polygamy” posts here? In that book, we can see that even this rabid pro-polygynist describes the horrible pain, the weightloss, the hairloss, the complete maleficent nature of polygyny.
    But maybe it’s time to ask Mark to introduce himself here. In his own words.

  16. Fiona.

    Polygamy 411 is coming back. *shaking*

    I just saw there link today.

    http://polygamy411.com/

    And I thought it had been the end of that story.

    Do something Fiona. Expose her with old stuff, even her un-orthodox Quranism, and keep that as a sticky.

  17. “Parse error: syntax error, unexpected end of file in /home3/oliveoil/public_html/www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/themes/optimizePressTheme/themes/2/comments.php on line 67”

    Ana needs help with her blog, among other things. 😉

  18. LMAO!! I guess so. The new structure is pretty funny….it certainly is a reflection of Robin’s narcissism that was displayed on the old blog.

  19. I read the post ‘polygamy in Islam’ in the new website, and the post is written in such a simplistic and theoretical way, that it is hard to believe that it is written by someone who is in a polygynous setup themselves. The reasons why men engage in polygyny are written as though the men making the choice for polygyny are all chivalrous, want to help destitute women, increase the birthrate for children in a family, or fulfill the dreams of single women who want to get married (doesn’t matter whether the man is already married and hence becomes wife #2, #3 or #4 apparently). Nowhere I have seen any mention of any other reason for going for polygyny by the husband apart from such chivalrous reasons, nor any mention of discussing with the existing wife before taking such a step, even if to be chivalrous in her own terms.

    Another line she wrote:

    “Some believed polygamy healed the wounded heart of a woman whose husband died in battle.”

    Okay, I really don’t know the significance of this line, it might have been centuries back in exceptional and specific circumstances where it may have been applicable, but in today’s day and age even quoting such a line is laughable and makes no sense.

    I have seen under the topic ‘about’ she wrote she is her husband’s only wife. Why is that so? Did any fallout happen, or is she hiding facts to prevent people from misusing them? Don’t know.

    In the few comments I have seen, it is the people having a ‘welcome back’ talk, and as usual, how polygamy is just as halal as monogamy. Good old days when her blog was closed for sometime.

  20. Mariam,
    One of the things that has puzzled me, as an outsider to Islam, is the way polygyny gets explained.

    An apologist, who happens to maintain a Qur’an-only interpretation, will say “because Allah permits it”. But then, they follow up on that claim by providing the reasons WHY Allah gave permission. (All of which, as you point out are one dimensional in as much as they assert certain human realities and deny others.) But that selective explanation notwithstanding, my question is, are those reasons stated in the Qur’an? If not, what gives a Qur’an-only Muslim the authority to state them?

    In addition, if these reasons are not explicitly stated in the Qur’an, isn’t it a little blasphemous for the believer to claim that she or he KNOWS what was in Allah’s mind when this permission was given?

  21. Mariam,

    I started reading over to see what you were referring to and it’s just jibberish. It’s a very poor attempt to refute the very intelligent and logical arguments Fiona raises about polygamy. None of it makes any sense.

    I see the first out of the woodwork are those creepy polygamous men….yuk it sends shivvers up my spine.

  22. Dale,
    That’s some interesting questions you raised. I myself am still learning about my own religion, and trying to figure things out.

    A person who maintains a Quran-only interpretation, from a Quranic perspective, should quote what the Quran specifically speaks on that matter, or matters which are related to it. In the case of polygyny, in verse 4:3 of the Quran specifically, the conditions for polygyny have been given. Another verse 4:127 seems to be related to that verse as well. The meaning of the first half of the verse 4:3 though, have been traditionally distorted by a lot of people, particularly men, throughout the centuries. As for the second half of the verse, the meaning of the word ‘justice’ seems to have been confined to justice in terms of time and money only, instead of taking a more broader meaning according to the people, time and place and considering a more ideal approach to it. So far I know of no other reasons explicitly mentioned in regard to polygyny.

    Sometimes people quote that Prophet Muhammad himself married a young girl who is not a widow, and not even an orphan in any way who requires protection. One reason given is that the verse on polygyny was revealed after he already married, not before. I am still learning though more on it.

    It looks like Ana put those reasons why men go for polygyny not as something written in the Quran, but as something she thought out herself, or read in history. There is one line though she wrote that I don’t know what she means by:

    “There were, there still are, and there will be people who misuse what Allah has given them… The man who misuses what Allah has given him carries the blame.”

    What does she mean by ‘misuse’? Is it misuse in terms of justice? Or misuse in terms of not having a reason for polygyny as under the ones she wrote? Ana looks like ‘half-a-quotist’ as well, where she blatantly ignore the condition of “If you fear you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans, then marry women of your choice, two or three or four…”, and simply states Allah permits men to go for polygyny, under the strict rules of justice (in terms of time and money only).

    And what if a man decides to have other reasons for polygyny, the much more common ones, such as for having relations with other women, for variety, for power, to feel ‘macho’, to demonstrate patriarchy in his family, to alleviate boredom, etc? Is that a ‘misuse’ of polygyny? Doesn’t look like it, seeing Ana’s repeated referencing to how polygyny is halal, allowed, can be just as difficult as monogamy if not more, etc. What if the permission of the wife is not taken, many a time not even inform her, is that not violating justice? What if the man after going for polygyny has his first wife and family end up in a lower status home and lifestyle, due to constraints in being able to provide as well for two or more families? What if the wives have to end up working? Divorce him then? Is it that simple, or a wholesome decision? Why go for polygyny in the first place or even think about it if in a worst case scenario of polygyny not working out properly due to multiple hits to a person and/or family, the family has to consider divorce? No idea what these people are thinking.

  23. //In addition, if these reasons are not explicitly stated in the Qur’an, isn’t it a little blasphemous for the believer to claim that she or he KNOWS what was in Allah’s mind when this permission was given?//

    Yeah, definitely. If that’s the way it is written. Ana though wrote those reasons from the top of her head, not as a part of Islam. Most of which do not even come close to the real life reasons why men nowadays would choose such a lifestyle.

    I don’t even know why she needs to mention reasons. If polygyny by itself is permissible, as long as the man can maintain fairness between the wives, a countless number of reasons for polygyny can exist. She hence shouldn’t be ashamed to write reasons such as “Because the man felt like it. That’s it.” Or “He needs to take a break from the reality of being with his first wife and family by being with a beautiful and pleasant woman every alternate day, who doesn’t have much additional baggage. Of course he is allowed this privilege because he is a man and it is allowed for him.”

  24. @Mariam “He needs to take a break from the reality of being with his first wife and family by being with a beautiful and pleasant woman every alternate day, who doesn’t have much additional baggage. Of course he is allowed this privilege because he is a man and it is allowed for him.”

    Interesting thought, and very true.

  25. @lifeisgood
    I feel all of Ana’s posts so far have mostly gibberish content, even compared to the previous 411 website. They are almost childlike in their simplistic way of approaching and solving matters, as well as very theoretical. She says in her latest post that a woman should depend on Allah alone when she finds herself in the trial of polygyny, and to remember not to place her happiness and needs in the hands of another human being. I agreed with the dependence on Allah and getting it right with Him to achieve fulfillment in other areas of life. But then, I wonder what’s the point of getting married and having dreams for it when your husband will end up saying the same things to another woman and depend on someone else as well for his own happiness. For no other reason except ‘it is allowed’.

    Ana says the only valid reason against polygyny is the one who marries for lust. I think in her dictionary every man would marry for the chivalrous reasons she stated. Anyway, perhaps if women there were more open with their stories, instead of watering things down or hiding things, we would be able to see how others’ lives are being impacted by polygyny in a clearer way.

  26. “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect” (Quran 30:21).

    Surely then marriage is meant to bring peace and tranquility. If a husband knows his wife cannot accept polygamy, then he is going against this ayat?

  27. Mariam,
    This is in re your conclusion: “Anyway, perhaps if women there were more open with their stories, instead of watering things down or hiding things, we would be able to see how others’ lives are being impacted by polygyny in a clearer way.”

    Actually, I believe that blog is the clearest possible demonstration of how polygyny impacts (and deforms) women, as demonstrated by the shallow obsessive emotions, the one sided saccarhine language, the simplistic illustrations about what things mean, and the competition for male attention.

    Muslim women, for whom I assume that submission to Allah is core, have the freedom to feel heightened devotion about the fact that Allah never said “you must accept polygyny.” To be able to exercise that God given freedom, Muslim women must develop economic independence. The only thing that will enable Muslim women to freely submit to Allah, as they believe they are asked, is to be able to support themselves economically. Until a man sees that you can walk away from his dishonest, lascivious life style, no amount of discussion about what the Quran means will change anything.

  28. @lifeisgood
    //Surely then marriage is meant to bring peace and tranquility. If a husband knows his wife cannot accept polygamy, then he is going against this ayat?//

    You raised a very interesting point. And yes, definitely, that’s how it looks like. I also feel a couple ought to do what they can to safeguard these signs of Allah in their marriage. By allowing something that clearly from before looks like will be something that will destroy the tranquility in a marriage, which is allow a third party into their marriage, it doesn’t make much sense for the same couple or one of them to later lament about their so-called fate, once there is indeed loss of tranquility.

    @Dale
    You raised some very good points, and I appreciate them. I agree that economic independence is a big step for a Muslim woman to make free choices, and hence also freely submit to Allah more, if she is not being trapped into accepting dishonesty, especially from the one person who is supposed to be her closest companion. That, and also if a Muslim woman learns more about her faith, and the choices she is able to make, and find more like-minded people who support her, the better.

    I was recently checking out some Law of Attraction books online lol. Basically we attract what we are ready to receive. Sometimes we may have conscious and subconscious blocks which prevent us from receiving what we want, and which once cleared, can help us achieve what we want. So yeah, I got curious, to see if I can use them for myself in some way.

    It is interesting to also see that many of the women in polygamy411.com for example, have limiting beliefs about themselves, what they deserve, etc, which might have also worked to bring them the life situations that they are now struggling from. And they are still unable to admit that they are indeed struggling from them. If they do at least somewhat admit, they might be able to make better decisions about themselves from there and their lives.

  29. “Until a man sees that you can walk away from his dishonest, lascivious life style”…

    True Dale, the financial and legal ability to leave is significant.

    Mental, emotional, societal ability to leave is a whole different ball game.

    I think many women who have the means to leave (eg the western reverts so prolific you know where), choose not to leave due to a sick and twisted competition with the other wife.

    I thini both wives think if they sit it out for long enough the other wife will leave. Before they know it, 10yrs has passed!

    I think at some level, subconscious or not, even Fiona is caught in this. To divorce Mark means the 2nd could come to the UK and why would Fiona give her the satisfaction after she destroyed the marriage Fiona once had?

  30. I agree Life. Psychiatrists could earn a lot of money on the lecture circuit trying to explain why western reverts agree to be #2. And it isn’t just agreeing to do it, it’s the fantasy world they have sketched out all around it. And thank you for quoting that Ayat, that is the kind of thing that actually makes me want to read the Quran. I do own one. It looks good on the shelf.

    And yes Mark, I agree about Audrey Hepburn. She was a true beauty, in every way. And thank you for supplying us with a name other than Bimbo. Sports and cars-you lost me there.

  31. That’s what makes that demented blog so screwed up Dale.

    It is NOT NOT NOT ok just to take HALF an ayat saying marry 2, 3 or 4 and disregard everything else the Quran says about marriage.

    Only an idiot would do that surely?

    Mark, I’m pleased you’ve popped in. At least you’re taking it on the chin. Most vile polygamous men have no insight into how grotesque their actions are.

  32. @Dale
    It is interesting that you own a copy of the Quran. One of the main things I am trying to find more about, which would probably take a lot more time on my side, is figuring out the authenticity of the additional secondary sources or traditions, for example, the Hadith, or the sayings of the Prophet. If they have to be collected and followed, their authenticity needs to be verified a lot better by the scholars doing the collection, and the first thing even before checking the authenticity is whether the Hadith go fully hand in hand with the Quran or not. If there are a lot of additional laws that need to be followed besides the Quran, or contradictions with the Quran itself, the authenticity of those particular Hadith falls flat.

    This is something that a lot of our current scholars are having issues with though, unfortunately. Another reason why I listen to the teachings of the modern scholars with more caution. Basically our main and primary source of Islamic knowledge is supposed to be the Quran itself.

  33. The nonsense that “people” spout about husbands having no responsibility for a wife’s bad reaction to polygamy is pure rubbish. Please show me any evidence stating a husband has no responsibility for his wife’s feel

    I assume it’s because “she” cannot bring herself to accept her husband chose, with his FREE WILL, to betray, hurt and humiliate her by shacking up with an ex-girlfriend.

    As Quran says there are signs for people who reflect. The only conclusion for a man that chooses polygamy knowing it will devastate (permanently) his wife is someone who cannot reflect. And women who support that are the same.

    They are unable to weigh up everything about marriage in Quran when considering polygamy. You could argue it’s the less intelligent muslims that embrace polygamy.

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