They lie to make things easier for themselves, to avoid conflicts and to please their wives.
They lie. And islamically, they are correct in doing so. And since it is islamically correct, no muslim can believe they’re wrong in doing so, or can they?
Islamic hadiths and fatwas tell men they have a right to lie to their wives, nay really an obligation. This is what it can sound like:
It is nothing new for your co-wives to argue and fight with one another. Upon you is to make each one feel as if she alone is the special one, the sweetest one, and the most beautiful one. And there is no harm in you lying in this regard. As the Prophet (saw) said:
“Lying is permissible only in three cases.” And one of them he mentioned was: “A husband (lying) in order to please his wife.“
So let each one of your wives feel as if they are the one who you love the most. Backbiting is indeed impermissible, so saying words like, “Honey, you do know I love you more than Faatimah and Safiyyah right?” Or when she does something which pleases you, say how she is the only one who can please you like that. And use your imagination, however make it sound as realistic as possible (I hope no sisters are reading this, lol).
It was narrated that Asma’ Bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘It is not permissible to tell lies except in three (cases): when a man speaks to his wife in a way to please her; lying in war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1939)
So muslim polygynists are taught to lie, they are taught to believe it is right to lie to their wives. Since muslim scholars also teach that women are weak, emotional, brittle creatures who should not even be allowed to leave their houses without a guardian, of course a muslim man has no problems believing it is his right to lie to his wives to “protect” them, as well as lock them up and beat them.
Forced polygyny is hell on earth, torture and unimaginable pain. Is there any wonder that women tend to cling to the lies they are told, in order to ease a fragment of the pain?
I have seen so many wives in polygyny claim that they are the favourite wife. They believe he loves them more, enjoys them more, that they are his best friend. Who can blame them? And the men know that by telling these lies, they keep feeding crack to their crack-whore wives. And islamic websites keep providing muslim polygynists the crack.
As far as first wives go, the usual lies seem to be “You are my first and only real love”, “You know me better, so you know better how to please me” “We share more memories and more love, and no other wife will ever catch up” “I only married a second because I pitied her”.
As far as second wives go the usual lies seem to be “My first wife and I haven’t loved each other for years, we just stay together because of the children/family” “My first wife is an ugly shrew, I never loved her” “My first wife is just a friend, we married for convenience”
And the most common lie all categories is “I don’t sleep with my other wife”.
(Or at least “..and if I do, I don’t enjoy it!) (…as much!)
When I see a woman in a polygynous marriage claim “My husband doesn’t sleep with his other wife”, it breaks my heart.
When I see somebody claim that something islamically correct can not be evil, it breaks my heart.