He Doesn’t Sleep With His Other Wife

Füssli_-_Symplegma_eines_Mannes_und_einer_Frau_mit_helfender_DienerinPolygamous husbands lie.

They lie to make things easier for themselves, to avoid conflicts and to please their wives.

They lie. And islamically, they are correct in doing so. And since it is islamically correct, no muslim can believe they’re wrong in doing so, or can they?

Islamic hadiths and fatwas tell men they have a right to lie to their wives, nay really an obligation. This is what it can sound like:

It is nothing new for your co-wives to argue and fight with one another. Upon you is to make each one feel as if she alone is the special one, the sweetest one, and the most beautiful one. And there is no harm in you lying in this regard. As the Prophet (saw) said:

“Lying is permissible only in three cases.” And one of them he mentioned was: “A husband (lying) in order to please his wife.“

So let each one of your wives feel as if they are the one who you love the most. Backbiting is indeed impermissible, so saying words like, “Honey, you do know I love you more than Faatimah and Safiyyah right?” Or when she does something which pleases you, say how she is the only one who can please you like that. And use your imagination, however make it sound as realistic as possible (I hope no sisters are reading this, lol).

Or:

It was narrated that Asma’ Bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘It is not permissible to tell lies except in three (cases): when a man speaks to his wife in a way to please her; lying in war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1939)

So muslim polygynists are taught to lie, they are taught to believe it is right to lie to their wives. Since muslim scholars also teach that women are weak, emotional, brittle creatures who should not even be allowed to leave their houses without a guardian, of course a muslim man has no problems believing it is his right to lie to his wives to “protect” them, as well as lock them up and beat them.

Forced polygyny is hell on earth, torture and unimaginable pain. Is there any wonder that women tend to cling to the lies they are told, in order to ease a fragment of the pain?

I have seen so many wives in polygyny claim that they are the favourite wife. They believe he loves them more, enjoys them more, that they are his best friend. Who can blame them? And the men know that by telling these lies, they keep feeding crack to their crack-whore wives. And islamic websites keep providing muslim polygynists the crack.

As far as first wives go, the usual lies seem to be “You are my first and only real love”, “You know me better, so you know better how to please me” “We share more memories and more love, and no other wife will ever catch up” “I only married a second because I pitied her”.

As far as second wives go the usual lies seem to be “My first wife and I haven’t loved each other for years, we just stay together because of the children/family” “My first wife is an ugly shrew, I never loved her” “My first wife is just a friend, we married for convenience”

And the most common lie all categories is “I don’t sleep with my other wife”.

(Or at least “..and if I do, I don’t enjoy it!) (…as much!)

When I see a woman in a polygynous marriage claim “My husband doesn’t sleep with his other wife”, it breaks my heart.

When I see somebody claim that something islamically correct can not be evil, it breaks my heart.

180 thoughts on “He Doesn’t Sleep With His Other Wife

  1. I think there’s a huge difference between a small (thank god!) extremist group (terrorists), and the vast majority (who consider polygyny halal and believe Aishah was 9 – more than 4/5 you said yourself). Don’t you?

  2. Polygyny is not only a threat to the institution of marriage, it is also a major cause of suicide in some countries, and of mental illness and apostasies. And you believe a booty call is worse?

  3. Many muslim nations have laws against apostasy, some even punish apostasy with death. You should bring up your point with e.g. the government in Sudan.

  4. I’m not going to debate this issue. I will side with all victims of violence, if I choose, thank you. I am however baffled by the fact that you believe that the BBC give a skewed picture of this conflict while the sources you rely on do not! 🙂 LMAO

  5. I also have problems understanding the final part of your comment. Are you trying to be ironic, but hindered by the language?

  6. This comment is completely incomprehensible. The Israelis are not to the Palestinians what the nazis were to the jews. Do not presume to make such an abominable claim.

  7. Sometimes I wish you were a boy from Guildford or York. That you could spend a few years at a good UK university. It would be very interesting to know what would be the outcome 🙂

  8. // The Israelis are not to the Palestinians what the nazis were to the jews.//
    Nazis were mass murderers of Jews and Israilites are mass murdrers of Palestinians.
    my sources are not propaganda machines. yours are convicted liars.
    who lied about weapons of mass destruction and destroyed Iraq. they blanket USA’s atrocities all over the world. And Israils in palestine. these weapons of mass deception contributed to the death of million people in muslim world.

  9. Ok.

    The Hamas does not equal all Palestinians.
    Israelis have killed large numbers of Palestinians. Palestinians have killed large numbers of Israelis. Jews never killed large numbers of nazis. Please, don’t use that disgusting comparison.
    Why do you assume I study only UK/US media? I don’t. “My sources are not propaganda machines” – How do you know?

    Btw, this is an interesting source of information. Maybe you could find some new knowledge here: http://www.pij.org/details.php?id=104

  10. I’ll give that article credit for acknowledging the power plays of the west, namely the UK, that had self-interests written all over them. And that it was Zionism that fucked everything seven ways from Sunday. The Arabs of that time weren’t stupid; they knew giving the Zionists an inch would eventually mean the whole yardstick. Of course by resisting, (and who wouldn’t?) it became something of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

    “The Israelis are not to the Palestinians what the nazis were to the jews. Do not presume to make such an abominable claim”

    Actually….they are, in many respects.

    http://www.jpost.com/Jewish-World/Jewish-News/British-Mandate-boss-said-Jews-were-like-Nazis-311235

    Are their actions identical? No, though there are remarkable similarities. Hitler didn’t extinguish 6 million Jews (plus just as many others) overnight. He could have, without the whole world watching as we are now the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. It was slow and methodical. I’ve yet to see gas chambers in the West Bank or Gaza, though that Willy Pete in 2008/2009…anyway. Are the extenuating circumstances identical? No. Is the ideology behind Israel’s actions the same? No. The Zionist ideology, however, well……it’s racist, it’s power-hungry, it views Palestinians and all Arabs (Muslim or Christian) as “vermin”, and it is a professional victim spouting nationalism. Dissenting views among its subjects are quashed immediately. All sounds quite familiar.

    http://mg.co.za/article/2014-07-30-a-self-hating-jews-guide-to-answering-zionist-talking-points

    ^from a non-Zionist, Jewish perspective. Obviously, the whole “self-hating-Jew” thing is tongue in cheek.

    Marek Edelman, a Warsaw Ghetto Uprising commander, was an anti-Zionist, quite critical of Israel’s policies w/r/t the Palestinians, and compared the Palestinian Resistance movement to his experience leading the Ghetto uprising.

    The Zionists hijacked the Holocaust for the Jewish cause, not only to push for the broader establishment of Israel in Palestine. To hear them speak, one would believe, as I did for a long time, that the Jews were the only ones exterminated during that horrific time. They weren’t. I debated this once with a Jew/Zionist during the time of the Second Intifada, pointing out the fact that other groups were killed. Greeks, Gypsies, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses, mentally and physically handicapped, trade unionists, Ukrainians, Yugoslavians, prisoners of war of many nations, and still others whose identity may never be recognized. There are official records of this.

    For my efforts I was called a Holocaust denier and an anti-Semite 😦

    To which I told this blue-eyed blonde woman, let’s compare ancestry and see who actually is Semitic. Neither one of us. That Arab over there though? Whose people you Zionists scream “ANTI SEMITE” at? She’s a Semite.

  11. //Sometimes I wish you were a boy from Guildford or York. That you could spend a few years at a good UK university. It would be very interesting to know what would be the outcome //

    i don’t see how it is relevant.
    let us just say that i am not as lucky and privileged as you and other first world people are. that doesn’t change the fact that there are bigger problems (like political instability, chaos and anarchy, Extremism, world wide muslim genocide and terrorism) than polygyny.

  12. //Polygyny is not only a threat to the institution of marriage, //

    how it is a threat to islamic institution of marriage? kindly explain.

    // it is also a major cause of suicide in some countries, and of mental illness and apostasies.//

    //Many muslim nations have laws against apostasy, some even punish apostasy with death. You should bring up your point with e.g. the government in Sudan.//
    how government of sudan know If a person has renounced his faith? Unless that person announces it in public, in that case he himself is inviting trouble.

    My point is most of the time these are revert muslims who accepted islam not because it made sense to them but they were to marry a muslim but later on there muslim husband opted for polygyny and it was painful for them so they hated religion too and left islam and it is perfectly natural because they were not believers. So these reverts are not living in muslim dominated areas where punishment of apostasy is death (personally i believe it is not islamic). What is the problem? even if they are living in muslim areas, don’t announce it in public, problem solved.

  13. //The Hamas does not equal all Palestinians.//
    Hamas represents Palestinians.

    // Palestinians have killed large numbers of Israelis. Jews never killed large numbers of nazis. Please, don’t use that disgusting comparison.//

    how easy it is for you to say that palestinians have killed large numbers of israilis. i find it more disgusting that it is too much for you to condemn israils terrorism. in fact i should ask this Question.
    DO YOU THINK ISRAILS CURRENT ONSLAUGHT ON GAZA IS TERRORISM?

  14. The hate and racism that flourishes is like cancer.
    I see hate and racism on both sides here, muslims are throwing stones through the windows of jewish kindergartens i Europe, jews are painting nazi swastikas on mosques.
    There is no excuse. There is no justice.
    There can only be peace, and at least some kind of life, if people are willing to stop killing each other, no matter who is “right”.

  15. Then how is it relevant where I come from? You know no more of the first world, as you call it, than you believe I do about the East.

  16. My God, Saad! You have heard the stories from women here, the soul wrenching stories of women who have tried to kill themselves, who have lived their lives in the prison of an islamic Josef Fritzl basement, the agony, the cries for mercy and still you can’t see that in a modern society, a world where women are allowed to study, to work, to build a life for themselves, this torturous phenomenon is a threat against the islamic institution of marriage? Then I pity you!
    As for Sudan you obviously don’t read the news. In Sudan, a woman who marries a christian man if her fahter is muslim (she needn’t even be muslim by her own choice) is sentenced to death! So women only need to get married to be proven apostasies. Please, there is always a way isn’t there?
    My blog stats show me that about 80% of all my readers, and the women who write to me asking advice, live in muslim countries.
    So living a lie is your answer?

  17. Define terrorism.

    Are you really denying that Palestinians have killed large numbers of Israelis? What world are you living in?

    And please tell me where I have ever condoned terrorism, if that is what you are implying.

  18. //Define terrorism//

    i have already defined it for you in an earlier thread.
    in case you don’t remember “Use of violence and intimidation in pursuit of political aims”

    i will not talk about muslims here because every body knows terrorism is attributed to Islam and muslims. so people are clear on terrorism’s connection with muslims.
    This is what USA and NATO forces have done through out the world and this is what Israil is doing in Palestine. But Nobody calls them terrorists because BBC CNN and FOX news are on their sides.
    word Terrorism is defined in dictionaries but terrorists are defined by these media houses. moreover their terrorism is sanctioned by their puppet UN.

    //Are you really denying that Palestinians have killed large numbers of Israelis? What world are you living in?//

    What is Palestine who does not even have a military compared to Israil?
    Is it a war we are witnessing?
    i think systematic killing of ANY nationality or ethnicity or any group of people is called genocide and word war is used for conflict of two relatively competitive countries.
    it is amazing that 1492 palestinians have been murdered by israili forces. Out of which 85% are civilians(who didn’t took part in hostilities) but you give totally unemotional statements like you side with victims instead of condemning their murderers. But you are quick to criticize nazis killing of jews.
    may be we should curse Zeus for inflicting horrors on palestinians if criticizing israili forces is too much.

    http://www.pchrgaza.org/portal/en/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=10491:statistics-victims-of-the-israeli-offensive-on-gaza-since-08-july-2014&catid=145:in-focus

  19. //Then how is it relevant where I come from? You know no more of the first world, as you call it, than you believe I do about the East.//

    because here i was discussing with Laila about muslim societies. Their are many problems in muslim societies. for example polygyny is a problem but i think palestinians are facing bigger problem than polygyny as a society.

    i have said it many times, i know nothing of first world or west that’s why i always ask you ‘Questions’ about it.

  20. by the way Fiona what do you think if i had born in Guildford or York and graduated from a good UK university how it would have improved me? please frankly tell me what my short comings are 😉

  21. That’s the thing. Somebody as intelligent and inquiring as you would certainly have gone to university. Maybe you would have enjoyed Oxbridge? 🙂 it’s fascinating to imagine what view of the world you would have had, I am certain it would have been hugely different from what it is. Just as mine would have been, had I been born in rural Yemen.

  22. //So living a lie is your answer?//

    If you are asking me than i already told you i don’t see apostasy a sin or crime in Islam.
    Leave Sudan, country where i live government does not have to “punish” apostates. We have our crazies and vigilantes and they do a cleaner job. their are many Atheists living in pakistan and nobody knows about their beliefs except their trusted circle. so it is not really living a lie.

    //My God, Saad! You have heard…….//

    LOL it does not bother me even if Pakistan bans polygamy in fact i would be happy. because it does not effect me in any way and it will be good for Pakistani women.
    i know how polygamy effects first wives, but than here we are talking about non-consensual polygamy isn’t it? so we are talking about selfish men who don’t care for the feelings of first wives. When they jump in polygamous relationship after killing their first wives emotionally do they care what happen to them later on? let us say first wives leave them, they still have another wife another family.

    i know all of it sounds selfish but polygamous people are selfish in most cases.

  23. “killing their wives emotionally” – thank you Saad, for that perfect description.

  24. I went to the concert and they played the song. I was a mess, but I managed to capture it on video 🙂
    2 nights in a row of rock concerts and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Ears ringing, feet hurt, neck is killing me….I’m too old for this kind of stuff anymore 😛

  25. You should go get a good rub down, buy some chocolates and a box of dvd classics. 🙂

    Graham and I are halfway through Orange is the New Black, I say, do Americans really treat the English language like that in real life? 🙂

  26. //Feeding the poor through charity…..//

    Sadly In Islam’s case even that can be approached negatively.

    Zakat is fourth Pillar of Islam. islam makes it compulsory to give charity to poor after a year, on muslims who are able to do so.

    So i can give all my wealth if i wish in charity but why i am FORCED to pay alms to poor? it is my money to do what ever i want. so it can be seen as injustice.

    Thanks anyways.

  27. Sorry I just saw this question. I miss posts sometimes.

    Good parts? In my opinion fasting is good for the body; charity good for society; marriage is good for individuals and society. Modesty, patience, being content with what you have.

    Yes, people dont need religion to do these things.

  28. Agreed! I read there’s a group who have turned Winnie the Pooh into religion and are living their lives according to Pooh. Works just as well I gather 🙂

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