Polygamy, however, can be a completely different matter.
A muslim polygynous man knows that his wives have no alternative but to submit to sharing their husband. When he leaves to go to another wife, they must pray for help to endure, they must cry alone at night, they must care for their children and their home alone while he is off fucking another wife, being waited on hand and foot. The wives must smile and be sweet and compete for his favour by offering the best service and the best sex. They also know he has an islamic right to beat them if they don’t.
In polygamy on the other hand, the spouse who opts for plural husbands/wives knows he or she must work at least twice as hard to keep his spouses happy, since they could choose to get plural partners too if they aren’t satisfied – or they could just leave (remember that in islam a wife is not allowed unilateral divorce, and polygyny/forced polygyny is not considered a valid reason for divorce by sharia courts).
Equal polygamy is simply a completely different ballgame. There’s still pain, as in any relationship, but there are a lot of perks too.
What do I get out of being polygamous?
1. I get to live two love stories. I share the wonderful memories, feelings and moments of two loves-of-my-life and it makes my life richer.
2. I have learned more about love itself. Love and relationships somehow become clearer and more comprehensible when love is separated from the single object. I know now that Mark is not the embodiment of love, marriage and happiness. I have become able to look at love more objectively, and it makes me better at tackling it. This in itself also makes me a better wife.
3. I live a much more active life now, since I have two lives to lead. I keep fit, and I don’t get bored.
4. I have more variation in my life now. With Graham I visit museums, concerts and exhibitions. We have a great set of friends who all enjoy the outdoors. With Mark it’s restaurants, sports and a more jet-set crowd, and weekend parties with childhood friends.
5. When I fall out with the one, I can simply head off to the other.
6. Yes. I enjoy having them “compete” over me. A bit. And I enjoy the sex. There.