Tidbits

Approaching_Valley_End_Farm_-_geograph.org.uk_-_557752Here I am.

Richer in experience, an appendix poorer.

Crikey – that hurt!

Graham said I should think of it as an alternative method to lose weight, an organ at the time. πŸ™‚

Right now, I’m looking forward to convalescing in the garden, having my husband wait on me hand and foot. I can point to where the work needs to be done with a virgin daiquiri.

Sadly, I lost my milk. I simply dried up. I was told there is a slight chance I might be able to get it going again, but it hurts like nothing else when I try to nurse Tamsin, I’m beginning to adjust to the thought that I have to give it up. Luckily she seems happy to substitute me with a bottle.

Mark has called several times. We pretend he’s next door, not in Oman. It will have to do for the time being.

37 thoughts on “Tidbits

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your appendix. I think I can speak for more people than just myself; we were worried about you! I hope you feel better. I can see that Graham has a sense of humor. Anyone who can make one laugh is a comfort!

  2. I’m sorry to have you worried. I wasn’t allowed to use my cell, and too tired to walk down to the lounge where the computer was. But now I’m home!

  3. Glad that you are back. i kept waiting and waiting for some updates and was worried too. Hope you are feeling better. I looked up the picture that you posted. Is this your and Graham’s house. Such a lovely and serene place to live!!

  4. πŸ™‚ Thank you! No, it’s not our house, but one very similar. Ours is slightly bigger, and has Tudor chimneys.

  5. Oh dear….

    VERY glad to know itt was not more serious, though I know appendicitis is the 7th circle of hell. I get very anxious and worried when you disappear though! ❀

  6. I had my appendix out 3yrs ago, I was surprised how painful it was actually.

    Do you find you feel bloated Fiona? I found that and a friend mentioned it may be related to the way keyhole is performed. Something to do with being puffed up with air???

    Mariam, thank you for some of the links you have posted. I like challenging my thoughts and some of your ideas I’ve found interesting. I have lots of thoughts about life/world/religion swirling around in my head and I appreciate new perspectives.

  7. Is Mark calling more than he usually would when he’s with her?

    Maybe he is feeling insecure especially after leaving in a bad note?

    I still don’t know how all 3 of you manage it Fiona. I’d just be too emotionally exhauated I think.

  8. ❀ I'm sorry! How are things at your end? M? Love? Future? πŸ™‚

  9. Oh yes, I feel bloated. However, I have felt bloated ever since Tamsin was born (or before), so it’s difficult to know what’s what. Actually, my Gp told me, appendicitis in mothers isn’t all that uncommon. Pregnancy and labour can cause all sorts of unexpected changes in the body. I could swear that my hair (I’m a strawberry blonde) is a darker red now! πŸ™‚

  10. He calls me every second day, but when I was ill he called and texted a lot more of course.

    I think he is feeling very insecure. He asked me not to call him, he’d call me. I only send texts. So, they’re probably spending time in a hotel and he doesn’t want me to call when he can’t hide it from her. Obviously she’d give him a hard time, and also he doesn’t want to talk to me when she is listening.

    It is difficult. We’re all hurting.

    But there is great happiness too.

  11. That’s it Fiona. While the happy times outweigh the sad times we continue. It’s when the reverse happens we reconsider maybe?

    I miscarried recently. Being Ramadan my husband has sought refuge in his religion.

    Is Mark with no.2 to coincide with Eid next week? Their days must be fairly quiet while fasting?

    Anyway my husband becomes harder, colder during Ramadan. It saddens me a bit as he is a very caring, gentle man. But I’ve been in his mindset, i understand it.

    Our divide is getting bigger…

  12. @lifeisgood, thanks for your opinion. By the way you will probably come across a man called Rashad Khalifa. He brought across some good, such as trying to reduce the sectarian problems, but after doing further research, I found he probably got an inflated ego later on, perhaps due to the increasing number of his followers, and introduced new concepts in his second so-called ‘authorised’ translation of the Quran to ‘prove’ his messengership, which in his first edition did not do so. Also some errors were found in his mathematical calculations. He even removed two verses of the Quran. Edip Yuser seems to be partly a follower of him and partly disagreeing with him.

    Apart from those innovations, the two translations of the Quran I posted are quite refreshing to read. The second translation of the Quran has received quite gud reviews on Amazon from avid readers of the Quran. I am still learning along the way as I read further.

  13. “It is difficult. We’re all hurting. But there is great happiness too.”

    That is so important. It is easy to fall into a habit of focusing exclusively on the hurt, and on wanting to fix it, and in do so doing neglect to experience, and be aware, and be grateful for the fact of happiness. Moments of happiness are like a gift.

    Thank you.

  14. Oh, I’m so sorry! ❀ Sometimes, I think women are actually helped by feeling the corporal pain too – for men the pain is all in the soul.

    Mark is coming home on the first of August, so he'll be in Oman for the 28'th. I know he was looking forward to experiencing Ramadan/Eid in Oman. My parents in law always celebrate Eid with a huge party – however Bimbo won't be invited so I don't know how they'll handle it!

  15. Hold on. Are you saying your in-laws do not like #2? (I have not yet read all of your blog, I must have missed that.)

  16. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage lifeisgood, I hope you are OK. I understand the problem of getting harder and colder. I have that tendancy too, when I am distressed, and feel that I can’t communicate. It is a very hard habit to break once it develops. I have as much trouble tackling the shell I have developed as solving whatever caused it. So I know what it’s like from the inside, but I imagine it must be miserable to deal with from the outside.

  17. My parents in law refuse to accept her, and have told Mark they will never have anything to do with her, under any circumstances.
    They don’t dislike her, they’ve never met her.
    They hate what Mark did to his family, and have sided with me from the second they found out.

    Thank god.

  18. Thank you. I was actually avoiding bringing more children into the confusion that is my marriage, but once the life is there the loss is incredibly painful.

    Im the opposite Dale, wear my heart on my sleeve, so its good for me to remember others are different.

    Thx Mariam i had come across him and wondered same as you.

  19. Kudos to your in-laws! Like, major, major kudos! I did not expect this. I know you wrote he is half-British, but that his Gulf family do not accept what Mark did to his family is major in my opinion. Are your children speaking to their father, how is that current situation?

    I am asking because it is so hard for me to understand how he went through with something so damaging and selfish, with no one except for maybe some peers supporting the idea. Especially not family.

  20. Mark and our daughter are working on a still very fragile relationship. My son has not spoken with his father since it happens, and first even told his fiancΓ© that his father was dead. My Parents in law have finally accepted Mark back into the family, but refuse to accept #2, or even pretend that she exists.

  21. I understand your son very well. When I pictured my own (very beloved) father, hypothetically, doing what Mark did, my feeling was exactly that, complete rupture of the relationship. My feeling would be, from hypothetically envisioning myself in that situation with my very own father, that telling my future life partner my father was dead would not be a vicious act against the father. I feel, for me, the father I hold treasured memories of from a childhood would have to physically and really be no more since he had secretly married someone younger than myself without telling my mother. At least that is the only way I could reconcile a wonderful father in the childhood, with someone doing such a thing when I am grown – the two being two different persons in the same biological shell.

    By the way, I am in an agnostic-somewhat agnostic marriage, and we are of Christian and Muslim (minority sect) family background. I read several blogs of “apostasized” or otherwise at least partly de-converted Muslims because my own apostasy from my (Christian) faith as an adolescent is an experience I feel a little lonely about. Most European agnostics of my generaton (mid-1980s) were already raised in relatively agnostic families. One of these former Muslim or sobered up Muslim blogs led me to your blog and the story of your life. I just thought I should share some information, and not only ask you questions.

  22. I’m glad you found me! πŸ™‚ And thank you for sharing.

    I’m still hurting over the break in relations between my son and his father. I have come to realize though that this relationship is not for me to mend. I know it is agony for Mark. His only son.

  23. Things are good, thanks for asking. M is flying home in November to work on the house and will be away awhile…til March. I’m jealous πŸ˜› We plan to spend some time together with and without kids before he goes. In the meantime he is there and I am here, and I’m pretty content with the status quo.

  24. I was happy to see Lah write Ana because she say what I want say but can not write so good words. Polygamy is worst thing in life. Men have lovers and force their lovers on wife and takes all money fromwhat family earns together many years. Women have only pain and poor from this.

  25. Hi erendira, welcome! You are so right! It’s all pain and poverty for women in the muslim world, who haven’t got 3 times as much as the usual pension in the US, as some do according to the IRS πŸ™‚

  26. I’m thinking about M’s family, or rather, family by marriage in one example., and how polygyny has affected them. I’ve said before that the practice is not widely acceptable there, and any time the conversation has turned to it, the younger women recoil in disgust. The older ones reacted with less vitriol.

    Kashmir isn’t a “Muslim” country, per se. India controls the part he and his family are from and where they all live today. Pakistan and China respectively control other regions. It’s a disputed territory. In any case, the region IS Muslim majority and pretty much runs unofficially as a Muslim country, very separate and apart from India in that respect.

    Anyway, my point. Sorry if this gets long by the way…..my experience with knowing polygynous families in Kashmir:

    1. M’s younger sister married a man whose father has had 2 wives for decades. I believe they’re close to the 50 year mark. He entered his first marriage with #1 with full disclosure – at some point he’d marry a second. He did, and it’s been pretty smooth sailing for them all these years. M’s sister’s husband sees both wives as mum as they raised the kids together. One of M’s best friends is one of the children of the second wife, I think? I don’t know which sibling belongs to which wife, I’m not sure even they remember LOL….these two women are besties all the way. They are what I would consider the ideal polygynous family, a real rarity, yes, but there they are. These two women love each other. And yes they’re educated. One is a retired pediatrician, the other a retired accountant. The husband is the owner of several houseboats where tourists stay when they visit the valley.

    2. M’s brother married a lady whose brother has two wives. One is Kashmiri, the other a German national. Kashmiri wife couldn’t have kids, and it was HER idea he marry a second. He knew the German lady from her frequent visits to Kashmir, she was on board, so they got married and she had a baby (whose now around 10 or so yrs old) and 2 years ago the Kashmiri wife also finally had a baby. The German lady lives 6 months in Germany, 6 months in Kashmir. The two women are cordial. Not besties, but cordial. I picked this guy’s brain about the whole setup and it seemed so out there to me, I couldn’t fathom how his Kashmiri wife handled her husband having another wife. Little did I know then that I’d find out for myself in the future.

    3. M’s nephew, the son of his eldest brother, went and got himself an Italian wife behind his wife’s (who is his cousin) back. To my knowledge though he never admitted marrying her. M found himself in the midst of that drama and inadvertently was the one who told the wife about Miss Italty….he’d gone to Delhi to pick up carpets for his brother’s shop in Ladakh and here was his nephew with Miss Italy, staying at the flat they all use when they go to Delhi. His niece asked him if her husband was with anyone in Delhi and he said he was with the “Italian Client”. Niece had been suspicious for awhile, and boy did the shit hit the fan. She was hysterical. She almost committed suicide. And of course she felt trapped due to being a cousin and all that family getting up in the middle of the mess. M’s nephew was furious at M for telling his wife, but he truly had had no idea about his nephew’s frequent “business trips” to Italy, so he thought Miss Italy was a client. That tension STILL exists today between M and his nephew. And the wife Stockholm Syndromed herself into also blaming M….WTF. Wifey was compensated with the role of “head daughter in law” in that she runs the home of M’s parents (now deceased) which is a veritable mansion, money, car, lavish vacations. They had 1 daughter when all this blew up and now have 2 more kids, the youngest, a son, born earlier this year. Still, this woman, M’s niece, is bitter, angry, greedy, and a royal bitch on wheels. She was VERY nice to me, and I’ve talked to her a lot. I still remember the sadness in her eyes one time when M was gone 2 months to Ladakh and her husband was in Italy. “It is so hard when the husband is away, isn’t it?” I wanted to cry seeing her hard mask slip and the pain shine through. I couldn’t understand why/how she endured it. I do now.

    I’ve spoken to the wives in each of these situations and the clearest thing I took away from it is that polygyny, while still difficult by definition, is made much more bearable at the outset if people just fucking communicate BEFORE the fact and not lie, sneak around, and humiliate the wife. That’s why I go utterly insane when I read these fatwas, or those idiots on 411 state that the first wife doesn’t need to give consent or even be informed. Anyone who reads anything or speaks to anyone about this can see, as in my examples, just how damaging that kind of mindset is.

  27. Eid Mubarak!!!!!!! Now I REALLY wish I was back in Kashmir….Eid is so much fun there….

  28. Season’s greetings! πŸ™‚ Do you have any special dishes to prepare?

  29. I had a ham (LMAO) and cheddar sandwich from Subway, followed with peanut butter and jelly. No celebrating here. Now if I was there, you better believe there’d be some serious cooking going on. I’ve been craving Kashmiri food lately.

  30. πŸ™‚ I was just asking since I had some kind of memory of you being a wiz in the kitchen!

  31. Ah…yes, I can whip up some good food when I have the time and inclination, both of which are lacking these days!

  32. I’ve been searching high and low for some really good new indian recipes – lamb for instance – if you ever feel like sharing I’d be so grateful!

  33. You know, at work we recently moved to a new building and this IT guy had to install all our phones and networks and get them running. Turned out he’s an Indian food fanatic. Add to that he is EXACTLY my type (except being about half my age) we hit it off grandly. If only he wasn’t so young *sigh* Just kidding.

    Anyway, he emailed me asking for a recipe for authentic Chicken Tikka Masala. I had to explain to him that CTM isn’t actually an Indian dish – it originates in the UK, but I did give him the recipe. It’s pretty complex, as most curry-type dishes are, what with all the spices and cooking techniques. I certainly didn’t learn the craft overnight. M can cook circles around me now since he’s been in the Indian culinary field professionally for some time. Gotta love a man that can cook ❀

    I do have some really good lamb dishes from Kashmir I can email to you if you'd like. Unless you want to start a recipe thread lol!

  34. Me too. I’d really like some of the regulars here to share at least one of your favorite recipes. Unfortunately I can’t contribute. If you tasted my cooking, you’d know why.

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