Polygamy, Family and Summer

Backlit_Pink_Rose_Interior_With_Drops_(209284324)Back in London.

The rose garden is beautiful. I hide there with Tamsin while the city is swamped with tourists. I’ve discovered there’s a guided “Downton Abbey tour” passing outside our house – obviously they have shot some of the London scenes in the neighbourhood. It’s rather interesting to listen to the tour guides through a window, but it’s a bit annoying to have tourists all over the place, taking pictures. Still, I’m happy to be living in Downton Abbey-land, and not in Harry Potter-land 🙂

As I told you earlier, Mark has been planning things concerning his #2. He told me while we were in Scotland that he’s going to Oman to spend the rest of his vacation there.

Ok. I can’t stop him. I don’t know what he envisions, what kind of future he is planning. I’m just going to let the ball roll, see what happens. I’m going to use his absence to spend long lazy days in the Chilterns with my second husband, my daughter and my friends who love to visit. My son and daughter will come and stay too.

I’m building and uniting a family here.

God knows what Mark is doing.

I really do think women are much more suited to be polygamists than men are.

16 thoughts on “Polygamy, Family and Summer

  1. 10 days in Oman, 2 days there and back again, 12 days all in all.
    He’ll be staying with his parents, Bimbo still lives with his aunt and he can’t stay there since an old friend of hers lives there too. Last time, I know they stayed a couple of nights in a hotel. 😦

  2. *sigh* total clusterfuck. Well, he created it. Let’s just hope Bimbo doesn’t pull another stupid move like before. Has he seen her since that email/talaq episode?

  3. He has been careful to visit once every four months, to ensure she has no legal grounds for khul, that an Omani sharia court would accept….

  4. Ohhhh…wow. I had no idea he’d…er…kept company with her since the email/talaq episode. I really wonder what he is going to do. As I said before this status quo can’t last forever. Well, I hope you and Graham and the children all have a wonderful time in the Chilterns…it sounds like just the thing you need 🙂 ❤

  5. Your post today just reminded me of something I read quite recently.

    On a blog about the unfair treatment of second wives by many men, the author had the following to say.

    One sister told me, on the night of the wedding, her husband’s first wife called up and told him she was leaving with their children and not coming back… He said ok, have a nice life…. and the wedding went on….. and 4 days later she was back in his house…. This was because of the strong will of the husband. The man was strong, stood his ground, and was not afraid of his wife… Mashallah, it would be wonderful if all men could be like that. But, unfortunately, most men run scared when challenged by the first wife. The truth is: if they leave they will be back. They usually love their husband and he is the one supporting his children. They will not bite the hand that feeds them. We must encourage our husbands to challenge their wives. ~`http://hoffie1.wordpress.com/unfair-treatment-of-2nd-wives/

    After reading that I did not know what to say

  6. Fiona,

    Do you think he is just doing it to level the playing field? If he has to share you with Graham then he’ll make you share too?

    Do you think he’s trying to force your hand to leave Graham?

    Either way it won’t resolve the problems he had with her. He divorced her for a reason.

    On another note do you ever think Mark may try to get some custodial rights over Tamsin if you divorced? Could he have rights to her as your legal husband whilst not the bio father?

    It will be interesting to see what your feelings are while he’s there, it may be different emotions from last times.

    What if he did get yemeni bride to the UK, would he expect to take Tamsin to visit her? Does she know Mark can’t have kids, does she know about Tamsin?

    Do you have future concerns as Tamsin grows? How the lifestyle will influence her.

    Sorry for all the qns, whatever you choose dont stop your blog, I think it helps many people.

  7. Hi, and welcome!

    Yes, unfortunately that’s exactly the kind of c**p pro-polygyny muslims keep feeding people 😦

  8. No, not all Muslims and certainly not Islam itself. What my major concern is how that author thought that jerk was a good and strong-willed guy for telling his helpless and devastated first wife and kids to ‘have a nice life’ and to trap her into a polygamous marriage. Some people have no hearts. Please make a post on this Fiona, it might just be the only thing to cool down my anger.

  9. I think Mark is experiencing real angst. He built himself a maze, and he can’t find his way out. He is feeling a bit schizo about it all – he loves Tamsin and is extremely happy to have her in his life. He is hurting in polygamy, same as everybody. He is on a guilt trip regarding #2. He is hurting awfully because our son still doesn’t want him in his life.
    Graham is the official father of Tamsin, we went through a lot of paper work and meetings with authorities before that was done 🙂
    I don’t know if Bimbo knows about Tamsin. He says he has told her about not being able to have children, but in polygamy you can never trust your spouse to tell the truth.

  10. Fiona,
    “but in polygamy you can never trust your spouse to tell the truth.” I know what you mean. In my own situation, which is still status quo ridiculous, I’ve gotten so entrammeled in the sense that I don’t count, my feelings don’t count, and I always have to phrase things in a way that accomodates his world, that I’ve lost any sense of what it is like to just react and speak without calculating.

    PS, what I ithought were lost posts reappeared out of the mist. So glad you got to spend time in Scotland and in your grandmother’s house. I’ve only been to Scotland once, and have never forgotten it. But I spent many happy times in my grandmother’s house, and never forgotten that either.

  11. Dale,
    I don’t know why, but several posts had ended up as spam – I just found and posted them. I know exactly what you mean. When Mark told me he was polygamous, my world fell apart. At first I was too deep down in my hole of despair to even try to reconnect with him. After a while though I found myself playing games, trying to accommodate him in a way that that would make him return to me, and me only. The feeling past, but the urge to submit was great. “I’ll be your doormat if you just give her up and come back to me”. This of course is one of the reasons why men enjoy polygyny.
    I love Scotland. Beatrix Potter wrote her stories in the Lake District, but to me Scotland is very B.P.ish 🙂

  12. Yes. It’s like the worst form of emotional blackmail.

    When I told my husband I couldnt be muslim anymore he jumped on the polygamy bandwagon. For a brief time I though gees I better do something here.

    Then after a few months I just started resenting him for it. Like what a moron if hes trying to encourage me back to islam, polygamy aint the way to do it. I lost respect. Some of that respect has grown more recently due to the fact he’s taking alot of heat over my choice but still stands by me (for now). Bit like Mark getting ridiculed by his arab friends Fiona.

    But we cant go on like this forever either.

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