And for love to live through a life long marriage, it has to be founded on mutual respect, consideration, attraction and friendship.
Marriage is about giving and taking. Giving willingly and gladly, and taking carefully and gratefully.
Marriage is not about equity, it’s not about rights. It’s about putting somebody else’s good before your own, about teamwork and togetherness.
I have never been able to understand the islamic view on marriage. It seems to be all about rights. And the rights are explicit. “The right of the husband to demand sex even if his wife is cooking”, “The right of the husband to be obeyed”, “The right of the husband to forbid his wife to leave the house”, “The right of the wife to be fed, as long as she doesn’t refuse her husband sex”. etc.
Islamic scholars defend this view on marriage by saying that married life is not a Hollywood dream, so it must be regulated and Allah has granted men certain rights and women other rights, one degree lower.
I know for sure, married life is no Hollywood dream. But I also know that the only true foundation for love in a marriage where husband and wife respect each other is equality and mutual giving. Voluntary giving.
I believe that islamic equity as basis for marriage is also the basis for inequality, oppression and pain in marriage. This view on marriage is what brings about islamist horrors like this – muslim men in search of wives.
I know men from western countries have raped in war – but they wouldn’t call their victims “wives”.
It says a lot about the difference between the status of a wife in the West, and a muslim wife.