A Free Polygamy Blog – For Everybody

gg4603327This blog is for everybody and anybody who wants to discuss polygamy. And if you happen to go off topic – well so be it πŸ™‚ That’s ok too.

You’re welcome here.

And if you come here to contradict me, or even condemn me, fine – you’re welcome.

The only things I won’t allow are threats or other illegal activities.

Another blog stated that this blog will accept anybody, and it’s true. That’s what this blog is about.

And another thing – if you want to contact somebody who’s a contributor here, you can just contact me on norfolkfiona@mail.com, and I’ll pass your e-mail address along. So if you want to contact somebody here without anybody else knowing about it, just send me an e-mail.

Thank you all for being here.

41 thoughts on “A Free Polygamy Blog – For Everybody

  1. I believe this blog serves an important purpose. There are so many hurting women out there, they need a place to vent without being condemned. I read every post, even if I don’t post very much. I’m glad you’re giving so many people hope Fiona, and a sense of self worth. Thank you.

  2. I think this is a sad place full of bitter women who complain about the law of God and nature. It’s like a blog where men would come to complain about not being allowed to give birth. Polygyny is permissible for men. End of discussion. You would better spend your time talking about how to have happy marriages in polygyny, and how to fight bitterness. That’s my dime’s worth.

  3. Excuse my language people.

    //I think this is a sad place full of bitter women//

    Really? Shall i direct you to another blog. where you will find “Good”, “charming”, “Welcoming”, “Open Minded”, and humble down to earth ‘MUSLIMAHS’. Even the very breath they take they are poisoning environment.
    Thanks God this blog is not administered by a muslimah.

    // Polygyny is permissible for men.//
    Not for men, for muslim men perhaps. Perks of being a muslim man.

    // End of discussion.//
    (thumbs up!) Now that’s like a genuine Muslim. Ending conversation before it begins because they know they will loose their ground and they shiver in their pants, putting their religion up for criticism.

    //You would better spend your time talking about how to have happy marriages in polygyny, and how to fight bitterness. //
    Well the solution is there. Since a muslim man can bang upto four muslimahs in a row, so while he is busy with the first one, rest should make dua, have patience and wait for their turn. And they shouldn’t bother him too much with their stupid complaints otherwise muslim man can beat the sh*t out of them.

  4. Between i want to highlight issue of cross cultural marriages. Because it is a serious issue and people should be aware. From stories of you respected ladies we can conclude that if you are non muslim and western ladies than marrying a muslim in general and Pakistani in particular is a bad idea.
    Even if the guy is a good human being and is not marrying for green card, it will be difficult for marriage to survive.
    i wanted to give example of a Pakistani Cricketer turned politician and philanthropist Imran khan, who by no means was a bad and selfish person married a girl from England Jemima Goldsmith(daughter of Sir James Goldsmith). And both of them were good people who work for the welfare of people. Their marriage ended after 9 years of marriage because of Cultural Differences. For those who don’t know them can read their story here:

    http://www.indiatvnews.com/politics/national/imran-khan-jemima-khan-journey-love-marriage-divorce-12739.html

  5. “Polygyny is permissible for men.”

    Nope.

    YOUR man, maybe.

    MUSLIM men, maybe.

    MY man, NEVER.

    You sound like a whipped dog.

  6. Ahahaha πŸ™‚
    And this guy disappears when we ask him questions! That’s why this time he made sure to include “end of the discussion” lol

  7. Oh my laugh an comment was for unchained’s comment above
    //and you just can’t stay away from us *bats eyelashes*//

  8. I also believe that cross culture marriages are to be avoided. Sadly. Maybe it can work if a western man marries a muslim woman. But that is forbidden, so she must be really strong to do that. Western ladies however should not marry muslim men. That is my conviction now, although it pains me to say so.

  9. //Maybe it can work if a western man marries a muslim woman. //
    depends on muslim woman what kind of person she is. i think any woman who can handle muslim man can handle any one across the globe. πŸ˜‰

  10. Muslim men tend to usually be faithful to their wives as part of religious teachings, if polygamy is not involved. Even men mislead on the concept of polygamy will think several times before deciding to get another wife. Cheating is a great sin in our religion, so the easier path to get access to a woman without marriage is greatly cut down for them. Unless he doesn’t care about religion in this regard, or any regard. I heard from friends in countries like Nigeria, Christian women sometimes get married to Muslim men since they stray far less than their Christian men, and are more trustworthy.

  11. Thank you Saad, I did briefly check your and others comment. I also saw your comments on Ana’s blog. The post where you discussed Prophet Muhamad was a little surprising for me. I had to stop and think is it really you and how come Ana published that on her blog. I think she might have approved it half asleep or while being busy with her favorite man in the world “wali the bestess” πŸ˜‰

  12. Saad, I think there were a lot of things at work regarding Imran and Jemima, not the least of which is living in the public eye. Celebrity divorces are very commonplace because it’s not a “natural” way of living as a couple or a family. You’re in a fish bowl, with everything you do or say up for public scrutiny. You see the exact same thing happening here in the US with Hollywood actors and actresses, politicians, sports figures, etc. While I do see that culture clashes also had their role in the case of Imran and Jemima, undoubtedly, the bigger problem for them was their position in Pakistani society.

    M and I did not have culture clash in our marriage, not here in the US nor in Kashmir. I know when he came to America there were a lot of things that made him go “WTF” as a young 21 year old newlywed husband and father (he was previously married to an American lady), just as there were things in Kashmir that made me go “WTF” too, but those didn’t really have an effect on us as a couple, just us as individuals.

    Polygyny in our marriage was not M just waking up one day and deciding since he’s Muslim he can have another wife. He wasn’t influenced by his Muslim friends or family. We were drifting apart and during that time he met “N”. They had an affair and, because she’s a Shiite Muslim, she insisted on a “Mut’ah” marriage. When I figured out he was seeing someone, everything blew up. I thought that was it – I was looking at it in terms of M having an affair, not another wife at that time, and in my devastated state of mind I thought our marriage was over, right then and there (maybe that would have been best but it didn’t happen like that). After the dust began to settle and the question “where do we go from here” arose, only then did actual polygyny become a part of our marriage. He wasn’t going to give up his whore, he adamantly did not want to divorce me, and I wasn’t going to give up my husband to that bitch, at least not that easily. So the solution was he have a proper Nikah with N and marry her and we’d TRY to live polygyny, since both his and her religion allowed for it. And I did my level best to accept the new reality of my marriage.

    Culture had very little to do with it, other than the permissibility of polygyny for a Muslim man. However, if M had not been Muslim, I guarandamntee the outcome would have been no different. They would have still kept seeing each other, he would have still divided his time, only without the “Nikah” which was essentially meaningless anyway as far as I’m concerned. There was no document signed between them whatsoever. I was the legal wife. She was his other woman. Even after I converted and tried to live as a Muslim (this took place between my discovering the affair and their Nikah), I never was able to really view her as anything other than “the other woman”, in good part because of how it all started, which was most definitely NOT Islamic and was an affront to our marriage no matter what cultural perspective one views it.

  13. I believe in many countries, cheating is part of the culture. I believe it has to do with viewing women as commodities. Men cheat and marry plural wives, when they view women as subordinate and commodities. I can tell you, I’ve never heard of any man among people I know who has cheated (well, except for Mark who chose polygamy). I asked Graham, and he doesn’t know anybody who ever cheated either. I hear muslims talking about how men in the west keep cheating on their wives. It’s a myth. Of course it happens. But not at all like in countries where women are considered less than men.

  14. I find it intriguing that ummof4 says Muhammad was a polygamist, hence polygamy is always good. I mean, Muhammad was a slaveowner too – does that mean that owning slaves is always good too? And if not, why one and not the other?

  15. i remember when i joined this blog you were the first person after Fiona obviously i came across, Laila. And you rightly pointed out that Ana and company are talking about a serious problem caused by pakistanis but all of it could have been said in a way that sounds less racist and demeaning to people who haven’t caused harm to anybody.
    Ana does say that this blog post is not targeting every Pakistani but i have read their posts, (when they start discussing my people) the way they mock and dehumanize all of us it was my right to hit them back where they feel most.

  16. Fiona i have never met a single person in 22 years who is polygamous in Pakistan. i am not saying there are no polygamists of course there are. but i have never met anyone.

  17. You know, before Mark got tangled up with Bimbo, I had never met a polygamist either πŸ™‚

  18. //You know, before Mark got tangled up with Bimbo, I had never met a polygamist either πŸ˜‰ //

    you are living in England i think. and i am in Pakistan πŸ˜‰ a country full of muslims and that too bad ones.

  19. Thank you Unchained, that filled things in a little. And thank you also for my new acquisition; guarandamntee! That will have a “forever home” in my vocabulary.

  20. I am a woman who`s first marriage was with a nominal pakistani muslim, although he came to Norway at 26, he was norwegian through and through, he loved it here and was never keen on going back.
    We lived with his uncle for an extended amount of time. He was religious. He came to Norway when he was very young. We talked about this period of his.
    When he came he got a job, as so many others of them, at a big brewery in Oslo. It was customary then that at the end of the week all the employees got to take home a case of beer if they wished. He told me that he drank with all his pakistani friends, they lived alone here, wives and children back home, went to clubs and (not explicitly, but it was understood) had relationships with norwegian women.
    Then he got older and scared of Allah, and when we lived with him he did his daily 5`s and was always at jumuah, observed the fast and got allotted to go to Mecca and performed it. He told me about the preparations, he was over the half-crescent moon when he got the message, and from then till he left, he was locked up in his room preparing.
    He was a lovely man though, generous and open to us living as we pleased and never pressured his nephew to practice, nor did he preach anything to me.
    But, his “regression-story” always stuck with me.
    The only “muslim” about my ex was aversion to pork, something I understand as it was ingrained in him from childhood.
    We talked about it and he said it was not for religious reasons, he could not stand the smell, a lot of it is smoked. I asked him, if he absolutely knew it would taste good, would he eat it? Yes, of course he said.
    So the next day I made meat-loaf in a bread-pan. He asked what kind of meat is this, I said it`s very finely minced beef, new on the market. Oh how he devoured that loaf. I think I had about 3 slices, the rest he gobbled down. We definitely had to get us some more of that, STAT.

    He threw a hissy-fit the next day when I told him what he ate, but could not really carry the argument much further then me pulling a lie as he had said he would eat it if he liked it, and he did at first taste.
    I never pulled the stunt again and he did not eat no more.

    Well, there was this other time….
    His father came to stay with us, they had not seen each other in years, and it was ramadan.
    I went to school at the time, he worked in our store, he drove me to school before he went on to the shop.
    The first day I woke up at 03:30 of someone cooking pakistani food in the kitchen, a room adjacent to ours, oh gawd, the smell. That was a horrible month, smellwise.
    When he dropped me off at school we always gave each other a kiss, that morning it was a dry peck. I was late so I just hurried out the door. Thought in the day, are we having an argument I am not aware of?
    So, when I was off school and got to the shop I asked him about this frugal peck and he said he was fasting and that kissing and that kinda stuff was not allowed when the sun was up. I pondered.
    When we got home I told him that I thought this was great and that we should both utilize this month to search in our spiritual self. I would rekindle my affair with the catholic church and he with islam and that we should abstain from sex the whole month so he really could focus on ramadan as it must be exhausting juggling all those spices in the middle of the night, I got tired because I woke up from the smell, he had to fast, that had to take it`s toll, and he should go to mosqe with his father and uncle and really ramadanly buckle down.
    That put an immediate end to that hypocrisy.
    The next day I got a proper kiss, we ate lunch at the store, but kept up appearances with his father, respect for him and giving the illusion of “the good son” was not a problem.

    We divorced for reasons of different wishes in life, we never had a culture clash. I was younger then him, he wanted a family, I was not at all ready. He later married another norwegian woman, they had kids and have a very happy norwegian family.
    I think his lack of religious commitment came from a family that had so much problems that religion was never on the table.
    When I went to Pakistan he had been away for so long he had a lot of business to do and I was left a lot at home and the only one open to speaking to me was his younger brother. The two elder kept their distance, one with clear distaste.
    The younger one, same age as me, was on me from the start about a dude called Muhammed and how great he was.I must have cut him short very fast as I did not even get a grasp that he was talking religion. I started talking Michael Jackson and asked where the closest video- and cd-store was.
    I remember how we really bonded him and I.
    We spent the day me teaching him to dance to Michael Jackson, then we headed to the video-store and rented “The Piano”, I pulled out one of the many whisky-bottles we had brought for gifts and the night ended with both of us slightly drunk and bawling our eyes out at “The Piano”.
    I think my husband had his most confusing moment in his life when he entered the living-room when he came home and saw us, but also one of the best chuckles when he heard what I had “done” to his brother, who had pestered him too with Mo and Allah. We continued our “trip” in movies and he even took me to the actual movies, an absolutely absurd affair, I was the only woman there and I am not sure if they watched me or the movie more.

    Years later, the very first person I ever chatted with on the internet, was a pakistani living in Canada. We spent every single day “together” from that day, hours on end, talking, coming to the point where we started to discuss if we should get married. No, we did not meet in person first, but we had spent more time together talking on chat and cam then I had ever with any other man I started up a relationship with. He was in addition a believing muslim, so sex before marriage was out for him.
    He wanted to raise his kids as muslims, so then I had to check out if that was something I could support.
    I had discarded Protestantism and Catholicism and their god, so I knew I was not going to become religious, but I knew so little, perhaps it was just a bit of hokum-pokum here and that I as an atheist could pluck out with my humanistic approach to life.
    Oh boy, was I wrong.
    I could not believe what kind of religion/ideology I encountered. I quickly picked up on the fact that islam is not just a religion but also a political ideology. I read and read and I went to forums with muslims, in total disbelief, asking the them to refute what I had understood it as in my head. They confirmed and confirmed.
    In the end I knew more then them.
    So we talked and discussed, argued back and forth. My “pet-peeve” became that he could not marry a kafira (a term I also quickly picked up on and held with as much pride as any talib to his fire-arm defending islam), logically he had to choose.
    In my mind you can not! believe in a book that says I am not marriage-material and dirty, just ignore this section and marry me.
    There was yet another reason why marriage between us was difficult. He was engaged to a young lady from her parents village since long before he met me. This he did not tell me until after we had initiating conversation about marriage.
    We talked a lot about humanism and in my naive, yet defensibly still ignorant view, he could not live his life for others, if he wanted to break free and marry me he should.
    Upon visiting this topic back again more and more information came through. He told me that if he was to marry me he had to flee Canada, hide himself with me and that he could never go back to Pakistan again. He had told his closest and “safest” brother about me and he had told him about the repercussions of such a choice, although, not out loud, but in his heart, he supported him whatever he chose. There is always the odd duckling out.
    He elaborated further and told me that his mother probably would never be able to set foot in the village again for shame and that the young lady would have been so shamed that her options for marriage would be slim to none, and this was the first time I heard about becoming a second wife. This was most likely then her only option.

    After almost 5 years of an exhausting love-affair spiced with heated religious debating from my side, fervent deflecting from his side he said he did not believe anymore, I had convinced him he said. I told him to write his testimony of leaving his faith and give sound reasons. He could not and thus he could not be trusted in anything but lip-servicing me.
    The severe destruction of two other lives also weighed heavily on me and I, and although it was his decision, his life, I found myself arguing, after all the religious stuff was said and done, that he would probably become happy with her as she was a devout muslim woman, I saw her as a beautiful bird in a cage, and he was the nicest man I had yet to meet, and that they could make a good marriage and life together.
    And so they did, and his first born, a daughter, is named after me.

    I was now not in love with a muslim anymore, I was a full fledged Kafira, fervently debating against islam, but we still though remained close friends.
    His father died and he went home in haste. He called me every other day at least. A few days after the janazah, an unknown woman with two children in tow turned up at the door.
    To everyone’s shock she was his fathers second wife who came seeking her and her children`s inheritance. They had boy and a girl. It was pandemonium! (The islamic mathematics of the dividing of the inheritance is enough to cause havoc, pardon my facetiousness)
    This was his fathers love-wife. His mother was in grief and now she came to find his secret life and would never get closure on her feelings towards the man she married at 15, the father of her 8 children.
    How they resolved it I do not know. He fled the scene back to Canada and left it to the family.

    After this,with all this knowledge of islam I found myself, in line with your point of view Fiona, stay away from muslim men.
    From my experience with my father in law, no matter how much he is clubbing with you now and is having “western fun”, when marriage hits and family life is to be established, the possibility of reverting to family-roots and islam, with demands on the wife is great.

    However, this was a bit of a conundrum for me, the clubs and pubs I hung out at offered the best music in town to dance to (arabic) and the men who went there and among the group that I had previously preferred to date and have relationships with, were muslims and now I found this whole affair “haram”
    Now what to do? Because after this long internet-affair was over I was really ready to date properly again, but never a muslim, not even nominally again, in the possibility that he might want to dig up his roots that I was working on pouring verbal acid over on the internet.
    So I put up a dating-profile. The man I met was as pale as they come. I guess I had learned extremism from all the muslim forums I frequented, I picked up a Welch-man πŸ˜›
    A lovely affair that sadly did not last due to reasons unimportant.

    My recently butt-kicked ex is from “hindu-land”. When we met (online, but he was not far away) he had some wishy-washy statement on his blog that he believed in a higher power. I critically questioned him on this and it all fell apart as it was just blah-blah he had blotted off in the box of “religious standpoint”.
    So we met. 13 years later, a year living in his homeland with my mother in law, two years living with her in my home, I can honestly say that we have had no culture-clash.
    I have always been open to other cultures but have had a very strong inner culture of myself. My humanistic self.

    As a last not, about pakistanis. I have made it a point to ask (almost) every pakistani guy I met whom he first had sex with. The majority of the answers was their in-married aunt, a few banged their teacher.

    Unchained, I have to find a way to puzzle out your story, through search perhaps, I am, and I am sorry if this is insensitive, so curious as what happened in your married life.

  21. What a story! I wish I had time to write a lengthy answer, but I’m headed out with Mark and Tamsin. I’m so glad you found this blog, I’m looking forward to lots of discussions with you! πŸ™‚

  22. Saad, no…M is Sunni and yes I know they don’t recognize “Mut’ah” marriage, but I highly doubt it bothered him that it is essentially fornication. I mean, we lived together a year before we married, after all. But M is not exactly an observant Muslim….he’s more agnostic than anything. No daily 5, no Jummah, no Roza, never been to Hajj.
    LOL…Dale, “guarandamntee” is a common phrase around here and I use it a lot πŸ™‚ Another one is “clusterf**k” LOL…I love that one. Like “traffic this morning was a total clusterf**k”
    Alexandra, wow, that IS a story. You’ve definitely gotten a good course in “culture clash 101” all right!

    Seems I am the topic du jour at Ana’s. In the Lust and Desires thread. And boy oh boy is she twisting my history (and current sex life) all up into a clusterf**k!

    It’s amusing how they’re pondering about us being intimate when he visits, Ana going on about how since legally we’re divorced and I left Islam I can go with other men, etc etc. and I didn’t bother with having M give me talaq so he can give me some with a clear conscience when he visits. Uh….Newsflash, oh ladies of the 411 cult: I get up, I go to work, I come home, I spend time with my kids and grandkids, and I go to bed to do it all over again on the morrow. I have had sex with one guy and ONLY one guy in a decade. Sorry to disappoint y’all over there πŸ˜›

  23. Well the super short version is, we got legally divorced, I moved a state away and we’re working on trying to patch things up over the next year or so πŸ™‚

  24. πŸ™‚ Ana has said many times that her husband’s other woman is not a proper wife, but a girlfriend. Ana says she has no proof they were ever married, and if they were the marriage is still unlawful since Ana says Carolinah is not muslim and Ana doesn’t accept marriages to women of the book. So, Ana is married to a man who is living in zina – this is what she describes. And Ana is condoning it. So who is she to judge other people’s sexual morals anyway?

  25. Ana sounds more like she is trying to willingly victimize herself to attain Paradise. But then, there could be other issues beneath the surface. She once said she threatened divorce to Alex many times over the years, but then one of the reasons for not carrying it out is the idea of starting all over with another man, who also has his own baggage to deal with. So she is staying in her current marriage.

    You guys can check this post by her:
    http://polygamy411.com/listen-to-your-wali-islam-marriage-polygamy/

    She describes in the article how she got married to Alex, and her experiences after marriage. She is clear on it all, and admits disregarding her wali’s advice and warnings and marrying Alex was a mistake, and that most likely Alex chose polygamy to have a break from Ana and a relationship outside their marriage. Yet now she changes her mind and says (in a reply to Gerard) that Allah had a plan so he destined polygamy for Alex. I guess that is her coping strategy. But she should keep it to herself, not spread to other men and women on it, hence continuing the cycle of oppression.

  26. Ana said that the reason Alex chose polygamy was because he couldn’t take the pretending to like the Muslim life (something he pretended to like before marrying Ana) anymore, so he decided to leave Ana part-time to go live with non-Muslims. And yet she now says Allah destined polygamy for him. Lol.

  27. Thank you Fiona πŸ™‚

    I’m flattered that she thinks I’m so irresistible to the menfolk though and that I have the energy to go chase some d*ck around πŸ˜‰

  28. Unchained, I had a look around and got your story now. I have to ask, and feel free to ignore me, but what makes you want to patch up again with him?

    Both my marriages ended by them cheating, and I can put up with a lot of nonsense, but cheating, not.

    My pakistani husband, he had bought a pub/restaurant some half an hours drive away from where we lived, still with his uncle. I worked with him at our store, I really liked it there, but when we sold that and he got the pub, I never took to it, did not like the people who frequented the place, so I stayed home as a house-wife/half student for some time.. We spent quite a lot of time apart, but he always came home after closing up and I got up and made him breakfast and we spendt some time together.
    We sorto knew that we were starting to want different lives, he wanted a family, I found that first of all that I was too young and also with his pub/restaurant-life of his, I was not willing to commit to pregnancy and children. They were never a desire for me anyways.
    However, we had talked and decided to stay together and see for a little while, we had a very good relationship, we never argued and he agreed that the time was not right for children with this new work-place.

    Then he started to sleep over, he said he slept at his doorman’s flat. I knew the guy, he had just separated from his wife so it made sense and he got some more sleep.
    One friday he came to pick me up, I was going to my mothers for the weekend, and he showed up with a strange car. I asked him who`s car is this. Oh, it was the doorman`s girlfriend`s car. She did not have to go to school that day and his had some probs, so he borrowed it.
    Oh, that was quick getting a new gf I thought, he just separated, oh well, co-dependent men!
    Before he dropped me off he had some things to purchase for the restaurant. He went into a store, I stayed in the car, got bored. So I opened up the glove-compartment and in there was the papers to the car and a cell-phone. Mind you, this is about 17 years ago, so cell-phones was not common, neither he nor I owned one.
    I looked at the papers and the name of the holder. I knew that name. I used to have en excellent memory back then. It took my brain about 30 seconds to remember, I have seen her name on a business-card in his wallet. She was not a student, she was an insurance-agent. I knew immediately.
    Back then, the phone-company had a line to call to get numbers.Information. It was vastly expensive,2 pounds for 45 seconds, so even by today’s standard, a costly affair. You would phone them only in emergencies.
    I grabbed the cell-phone and dialed the number, from a cell-phone it must have cost a fortune. I briefly explained to the lady on the other end the situation and asked if she could put me on indefinite hold.
    Oh, most certainly she said, and I put the cell in the back of the car under a blanket to make sure the connection would hold as long as possible.

    I seem to go ice-cold in these situations, remembering back to my last convo with my now ex a few weeks back, and said nothing before we were at the bus-station. I then told him that I knew and to hand over every single krone he had.
    He kept with him cash, I knew. (a time where cards were also not usual, we went to the bank to withdraw money and he ran a lot of the business under the table),
    He had a black pouch with the earnings and money for expenses I remember, it usually contained about some 4000/4500 GBP.
    He said no, I said hell yes. If you don`t hand over the money now I will go back in the weekend, knowing he could not leave the bar and Uncle was in Pakistan, and smash all the windows in the apartment. That will cost you more!
    I got the money, and it must have been spring or fall, my last act before I sent him off was to put my dirty shoe in her sandy-colored car-seat and and really rub it in.
    On sunday my brothers had arranged a van and we went back and cleaned out the apartment, including his clothes.
    I left him one sock.

    After the storm had settled and he knew he was in the wrong, we made up and had a friendly tone. He came to get a huge Indian brass-pot, he was now opening an indian restaurant. I knew what buttons to push so his pants came off, what is a drop in the sea and one last time?
    I noted what underwear he had on, and as soon as he was off I called the insurance-lady and told her what pattern it was.
    They did not end up together.

    I had written about my fresh x too, but thought better of it, still too raw and I give away too much in my anger.
    Suffice to say he has realized he has ruined his life. For many reasons that I chose not to divulge, at least at this time, he will never be able to find a relationship again. His cheating was not physical, this I know, but it makes no matter.
    He is texting me things that he thinks I will reply to, adding in questions about things I know a lot about, sends me links he knows I will find interesting, asking my opinion and believes that if he just gets me talking again I will eventually, like ever before, I will take him back.
    I have found in my life that the most irritating feeling is to be ignored. Any attention, negative or positive, from me now would be good attention. I just delete straight and hope he gets so irritated he develops a rash.
    I can take a lot of ridonculous behavior, I am a rubber-band that you can stretch far and wide, but when you cheat, I snap, and there is no way putting me back.

  29. @Saad
    As Laila said, I too was very confused and wondering whether the comments you wrote over at Ana’s was your’s or not. And that Ana actually published the comments, since she would have otherwise blocked them as she did a lot of times. But otherwise, I was wondering about it for quite a while. So reading your comment now I know that it was merely to hit them back to where they feel the most, because of the attacks on Pakistanis you had received there.

  30. Living in United Arab Emirates, I have heard stories about other men who became polygamous. One religious man who is rich and Arab and gave a lot of money to my father’s charity organization in Bangladesh a few years ago had four wives. I have never really personally met a polygamous man either. My older sister working there said she met an Emirati man whose wife divorced him because he took another wife. But the man wasn’t a practising Muslim anyway and also cheats on his current wife with women from Europe, etc. Other men who my sister asked on polygamy said they like it since men are more inclined to cheat, polygamy gives them the avenue to have multiple women. The naive ones (who don’t understand or know the negative result of modern polygyny) might bring up on helping other women and so. Bah. Cultural mindset plays a role as well, and misinformed religious conditioning.

    One family friend in Bangladesh, a fairly good man, a couple years back married another woman without his first wife’s permission after fifteen years of marriage, to a woman less than half of his age (he was in his late forties). He picked the girl from a village, perhaps because villagers are easier to control because of their lack of education. She later ran away back to her village stealing household items like fridge, television, etc, lol. But the man brought her back later though. Not sure what happened after that. His reputation among other people fell down for this. I think even if more men might be inclined to take another woman, they know what a disastrous effect it will have on their wife, children, and his own reputation, so they don’t bother. Otherwise most people I know and am around with just seem to live normal everyday lives.

  31. //So reading your comment now I know that it was merely to hit them back to where they feel the most, because of the attacks on Pakistanis you had received there.//

    Maryam i have to make my position clear here. i have no problem if they highlight problems caused by Pakistanis. because there are Pakistanis out there destroying lives of people. My problem is, they should not dehumanize and demonize my people. You know what happened to Jews in Germany? They were demonized by Nazis.

    Anyways time and time again Ana says that we are not talking against every Pakistani but that is not true i hope you have read Gail’s posts(i know what her Pakistani husband did to her and i am ashamed).

    i was telling Ana and spirited that for reasons they mock my people Islam is part of the problem.
    And i stand by what i said. Islam has caused gender segregation in my country that has resulted in Social Abnormalities. Islam is partially responsible for terrorism in my country. Islam is also responsible for patriarchal mindset of muslim men that results in women oppression.

    As a side note, I don’t believe in Islam of Al Qaida but they are not any lesser muslim than i am. and their version of Islam is not any lesser islamic than my peaceful version of Islam.

  32. //As a side note, I don’t believe in Islam of Al Qaida but they are not any lesser muslim than i am. and their version of Islam is not any lesser islamic than my peaceful version of Islam.//

    Um, so basically, if for example if one of us among peaceful Muslims go and join Al-Qaida somehow, killing and destroying lives of innocent people, it is fine as long as we perform our five daily prayers, wear modest clothing, follow other parts of Islamic law, and talk with mild manners outwardly?

    So the suicide attacks and bombings of different targets is okay? They also oppose man-made laws, and want to replace it with a strict form of shariah law. Strict form includes man-made male interpretations of religion, and some misinterpretations as well, because of what I have been seeing, some things in Shariah law is actually not Islamic, but parts taken from the Old Testament in Christianity, which started being followed sometime after the Prophet’s death.

    I just read this from Wikipedia:
    “As Salafist jihadists, they believe that the killing of civilians is religiously sanctioned, and they ignore any aspect of religious scripture which might be interpreted as forbidding the murder of civilians and internecine fighting.”

    Lol. Then they might as well blow themselves up to when there are fights among themselves. Which they probably do.

    In the Quran, in verses 2:178 and 25:68, we see the law of equality and compensation has been provided, for cases of murder, and the victim’s family has a right to choose either method for justice. And that a person who kills another human being without a strong proper reason will receive penalty. In verse 4:92 there are some different rulings for accidental murder though. In verse 2:190, it talks about war in self-defense itself. In verse 4:29, we are told not to kill ourselves, so suicide is forbidden.

    So yeah, if al-Qaida decides to purposefully ignore all these ayahs and go bomb innocent civilians and have suicide attacks, they are ignoring a list of Quran’s ayahs and taking matters into their own hands. And this is a massive ignoring they are doing, murder itself, which isn’t a simple matter. So their version of Islam is clearly against the Quran, and yet they ask for strict Shariah laws to be implemented and pretend to be practicing Muslims. Even though they are against some sects in Islam and bomb them for that, they seem to have their own branch of ‘al-Qaida’ sect which specifically allows them to ignore parts of the Quran so they can fulfill their mission. Great.

  33. πŸ˜‰
    my Question is
    Who will tell which version of Islam is correct? Nobody.

    //Um, so basically, if for example if one of us among peaceful Muslims go and join Al-Qaida somehow, killing and destroying lives of innocent people, it is fine as long as we perform our five daily prayers, wear modest clothing, follow other parts of Islamic law, and talk with mild manners outwardly?//

    Not Okay for me. but the point is that it is Fine for Jihadists. they cite Quran as a reference to their activities. Like you, i don’t agree with their interpretation of Surah Tauba. But it does not matter if i agree or not, they are blowing themselves up in Pakistan killing innocent muslims “IN THE NAME OF ISLAM”.

    // In verse 4:29, we are told not to kill ourselves, so suicide is forbidden.//

    Ask a taliban, he will tell you this verse cannot be applied to war. When people fight in wars they are already risking their lives. Between Quran condemns killing of innocent but people of Pakistan (who are being killed by jihadists) are not innocent in their eye, in fact we are apostates. So according to their understanding of religion killing Pakistanis is in accordance with Islam.

    //So yeah, if al-Qaida decides to purposefully ignore all these ayahs //
    Puposefully? πŸ˜‰ No way they are sincere to their religion and their love for Islam is so strong they are ever ready to sacrifice most precious thing they have for Islam i.e. THEIR LIFE.
    i wouldn’t question their sincerity and commitment with Islam.

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