Q&A Hateful Islamic Answers for Women Without Rights in Polygamy

In islam, a woman can be held in complete bondage by her husband

In islam, a woman can be held in complete bondage by her husband

Assalam!

I wrte some weeks ago to a q&a forum to ask advice about my situation. I married my husband at young age n I have 6 kids 3 are fine n the last 3 are paralyzed neuro disease n he wants to remarry I can’t fathom the pain that I am feeling I feel dead sick tired I care for 3 paralyzed children in this case is it okay for him to remarry n start a new family n I’m toiling in distress with very sick children does allah permit for a man to marry if yes how do I swallow it how in the world can I bear this is it in my situation permissible for him to go off n live his life n leave me to suffer emotionally n physically? This I wrote. I think maybe is restriction on husband when he has sick children and in this is not prssoble for me to live I can’t cope now and if husband gone half time I will go under. I hopes the fatwa would say man has responsibilitie to his sick children and not have more families if it is like this but the answer I get has killed all hopa for me! They write:

Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’aan majeed: “What! Do you say that you believe but will Not be tested?!Sister. Most time the difficulties and pains we find ourselves in are due to our own lack of ilm in Islam,patience and utterly disobedience toward Allah Ta’ala and Nabi Sallalaahu alayhi wa sallam.Sickness and hardships are the result our sins and Allah Ta’ala in His Mercy is purifying us so we can be able to enter jannat in pure sate , free of sins.Often Allah Ta’ala shows His special love and nearness toward one of his beloved slaves by inflicting him/her with many trials, hardships and pains.

Sister. I can not imagine what your life is like.And i can truly imagine how exhausted your are and that you want somebody holding you and caring for you.But let me tell you.Only Allah Ta’ala is You friend and feels your pains, worries and hears your cries.Do not see your amount of children and your 3 paralyzed children and your husband’s desire to marry another women as a burden or perhaps as punishment.Indeed its a great blessing for your and may guarantee safe entry into jannat.You take care over your 6 children, of whom 3 are like new born babies, a full time care yourself without help.Sister, this indeed is a big test on your imaan and also a special Rahmat from ALLAH Ta’ala on you as you cant imagine how many sins and faults of yours are forgiven this way and how much Allah Ta’ala prevents you from indulging in other sins and time wasting in which you would have indulged in if all children were fully healthy and you faced no problems.Every time you have to wash, feed, clothe, diaper your 3 paralyzed children, the special Mercy and divine Help will be send down on you .Insha allah, if you are in need of assistance and help in advanced age or times of sickness, than your 3 healthy children will do help and serve you with pleasure as you have set a wonderful example of serving and care taking.Your children are supplication daily for you and so do the angles which witness your trials, provided you don’t complain.Imagine all your children would have been handicapped and your husband or you as well. How would you react then?

You should try to talk to your husband and plead for some help perhaps through a nurse, maid or family member to help you with your household cores and specially the 3 disabled children?!Also try to pray your namaaz on time, do your tasbee fatimi after each namaaz and before your go to sleep as this is an adviced remedy and help for mastering your care taking and household cores and health.Try to read as much as quraan as you can. I know is quiet a challenge but Nothing is impossible.Try to read the manzil after fajr and before going to bed and blow it into your water and on your sick children . Do only drink this water and cook only with this water.

Its has been proven to cure even paralyzed children and change d behavior to good .
And too , make dua for your husband and yourself to be able to deal with whatever Allah Ta’al has decreed for you and talk to him in humility about your problems .

After all he is the ruler of the house and in status above you.

He surely suffers too from the situation in the home and cant see his children being in this condition either.
When I look into question it does not appear that he is divorcing you and leaves you and the children all alone or that he violating any point of your rights or the he his mistreating you.

Sister, their could be a bigger problem then having a Co-wife.You could be divorced and all by your by yourself, he could beat the hell out of you, you could be widow in a Syrian refuge camp….There are many Muslim women who need a husband and men have desires too which need to be fulfilled in a lawful way.How can he do this if he cant marry? You want him indulging in zina?Whenever a man takes another wife it DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE FIRST WIFE OR THE HE DOES NOT LOVE HER ANYMORE.The nature of man is different than of women. A man rarely comes out his shell and shows his emotions and talk about his feelings.But understand well that sharia grants superior right to the husband and as long your right of a separate living space( i. e a room with a key), food , 2 sets of clothing during 1 year( 1 in the summer and 1 in the winter) the mehr at the time of marriage are not violated than you have no reason to complain.A man can marry 1, 2, 3 or 4 women all at once or in steps for any reason and does Not need the permission of the wife !Even if he can’t maintain them .The marriage is validThe risq is in Allah’s Ta’ala handsAllah Ta’ala will test Muslims with health, wealth and children.And women in spacial are tested with jealousy as this is their jihaad to fight against jealousy if the husband takes a 2., 3. or 4. wife.Women are by nature jealous and can’t tolerate to share their husband with any other woman be it mother in law or another wife or sister in law, or girls friend..

Please please, this fatwa is killing me. I understand they say is so difficult for husbnad to see his three sick children he wants to live with other wife to rest half time but this mean I am with tham all time and half time alone!! They are his children to…. This fatwa has hurt my soul and I can not believe it is right like this. Why should he be allowed to leave his children it says nowhere in the Quran a husbnad can leave his children half time no? And even if he cant maintain us he can still marry again. I am sorry sisters but I am hating my religion now may ALlah forgive me I am full of hate. /womanwithoutrights

175 thoughts on “Q&A Hateful Islamic Answers for Women Without Rights in Polygamy

  1. Alexandra,
    I followed the link you provided to the Isam discussion forum. Are you the Sister with 6 children, 3 of whom are paralyzed? Head shake. You don’t sound like the same person, but it appears to me that you are. Please clarify.

  2. Thanks for your response Saad. This topic on whether the right hand possess is within the context of marriage (as it should be, or the whole context need to be in the context for having relations and such), whether her marriage with her husband is considered null and void after being owned in the context of holy war or taken in slavery (not sure why it should be so, unless she willingly became a Muslim and her husband didn’t).

    The verse 60:10 seems to be an extension for verse 4:24. I am still researching though. In that context ‘right hand possession’ can be denoted as ‘someone with whom you have contractual rights’. It would be good if more light is shed on this matter, especially by someone who is well versed in classical arabic.

  3. No, sorry haven’t been there. My mother used to attend Westminster Cathedral when we were in London. Our family priest was Dutch, a Fransiscan. He told me it doesn’t matter if I don’t find God, because God can always find me and since God loves us all, I’ll be ok. 🙂 I can buy that.
    Stephen Fry is one of my favourites, I had the honour of meeting him once at a country weekend. Lovely man. Jeeves and Wooster is my favourite!

  4. ‘someone with whom you have contractual rights’ – exactly. Thanks.

  5. As salaamu alaikum
    sister alexandra I have visited sheik and been to the masjid and all say my husband has right to marry again and is no in quran to say sick children is a hinder to this and I should practise my religion better. The sheik here said I shall be gratefull for this test it shows Allah thinks I can carry this burden and polygamy is a womans jihad and I can go to jannah if I stop complain about husbands new marriage and this is all I get and from forum too. My husband was very pride when sheik say I must obey his wish in everything when it is halal and say I must pay for every word I say against it with anger from angels. I dont know what I do now I cry all time and can not live this life and maybe is better for my children if I die and they can have the new mother my husband marries.

  6. Sometimes I am so, well, not envious, I don`t have that in me, but, parts of your life Fiona, I wish I had that, and most certainly meeting Mr. Fry. My favorite is “A bit of Fry and Laurie”, and of course, Q.I. Stephen Fry is the only person in the world I have seen do the “air-quotation-mark” properly, not flicking down twice, just the proper once…*chuckles* He is a most remarkable person, an institution in himself.

    Dale, I am “posing” as OP`s friend with her dilemma. I pulled the parts of her OT that I felt relevant and put it to the “audience”, and just fyi, I am faking being a muslim.

    (Please do ignore the other post I made…*blushes* That is my mind racing with answers to the islamic variations on the theme Fiona, Mark and the third wheel, a topic I have laid to rest in my head and here)

  7. I saw an interesting documentary by Stephen Fry, where he tried to describe life with bi polar 2, I believe it was called (please correct me if I’m wrong). It opened my eyes to many aspects of the condition I hadn’t known before.

  8. Enter this please Fiona, after me writing Dale, ;

    The post in ummah-forum is in relevance to the starting topic of this thread. A topic i think we may have long forgotten and OP has not returned either. I posted a request for a fatwa at Islamway which was denied since only one side was heard, and at the same time put it to the ummah-forum to get lay-peoples opinion.

  9. That is one of the first things I saw when my friend, who saved my life by google and discovered bi-polarity and the “mystery” that was me and finally sent me in the direction my doctors had not seen
    “The secret life of the manic depressive”

    Part one;

    Part 2;

    Seeing his documentary made it more then OK when I get my diagnosis, I am in very good
    company 😉

    Very interesting watch for anyone, to see so many famous people and how they all have coped. I so remember the question “If you could have pressed a button and it would all have gone away and your whole life would have been bi-polar free”.
    I voted absolutely no, being bi-polar has taken me places in life I never would have been if I was not and the idea of a “square life”, as it entails where I come from, common-law relationship, a couple of kids, a toyota, possibly a pet, then a break-up, another relationship, this time making a bravado of a marriage since the last one turned out to be a mistake and to reinforce that this one is gonna last,another kid. *Hands off button*

    I have to watch it again, there was one lady I felt extremely sorry for, she was in the air-force I think, she was atleast one of the most active and pro-active women I have ever seen (possibly part due to her bi-polarity, the drive) now totally crippled by the depression and mostly confined to her house. That was scary and heart-breaking.

  10. Oh, there you are wifewithoutrights, I am sorry we have hijacked your thread.

    It is very hard to advice you not knowing where in the world you are. Please inform us.

    First of all, no, your children will NOT be better off without their mother. They need you more then ever, they love you and will forever.
    I know depression, believe me, and you must be in a major one. Is there a way you can please go see a doctor and talk about your depression. When in depression one cannot help oneself, hardly others. There is medication that can help you.
    Just put this thought far away, you have to keep walking, one step more, one step more.

    I will give you islamic advice;

    Surat As – Shahr (The relief)

    Did We not expand for you, [O Muhammad], your breast?
    And We removed from you your burden
    Which had weighed upon your back
    And raised high for you your repute.
    For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
    Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
    So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship].
    And to your Lord direct [your] longing.

    http://quran.com/94

    If you have time, set off a little for yourself and engage in dhikr to try to calm your mind.

    As for the shayk saying that your angry words will earn you curse from angels, this is not true. There is only ONE act that is mentioned in the sunnah where a woman is subjected to the curse from angels;

    The Prophet (pbuh) said,
    “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, if he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

    This worry you can put right out of your mind, it is simply not true.

    Not only is this “shayk” lacing in compassion and understanding in the destruction of lives he is aiding, but also in his religious knowledge and remembrance.

    Please tell us where you are in the world, your situation and possibility for help is greatly dependent on this.

  11. Maryam i have no problem if somebody wants to sign up for polyandry even if they are muslim. i don’t like it for my self but then i wil never sign up for polygyny either and as i said it is not that common where i live.
    As for polyandry in the quran is discussed i would say i will ask my trusted scholars to interpret shed some light on it. And it is important for me how prophet and his companions practiced Islam. if they is any example of polyandrous marriage from prophet or companions with slaves (let alone free women) i will have no trouble accepting polyandry as islamic.
    Fiona and you say(and i will partially agree) that males have been interpreting Quran and making allowances for themselves. but it is not true for every male scholars.
    otherwise maryam we can also say that i will only accept a female prophet. because our male prophet made allowances for males, we need a female prophet now.>> No Pun Intended.

  12. Yes Saad, we do indeed need a female prophet now! Thing is, I don’t believe many women have the hybris it takes to become prophets or tyrants. I think they are mostly made of the same stuff.

  13. Dear Op,

    No man, muslim or otherwise, could want what you describe your husband wants, and be an acceptable husband, father or human being. I find it difficult to believe that scholars would actually tell him to go ahead with his plans, and tell you to bite the bullet. Have you really described the situation to them the way you did here? I too wonder, like Alexandra, where you live. I am astounded by what you write, and hope you can get better advice, and help, than you’ve received to date. Take care

  14. Saad, have you checked out verse 60:10? I mentioned earlier it might be an extension to verse 4:24. By the way I was reading this website on ‘right hand possession’:

    http://www.quranix.net/?RTQ=1&L=en&NA=10&S=4&SA=3

    It also talks on polygyny. Basically its very similar to Fiona’s idea on polygyny. In between though it starts comparing with the Western world, which I am sorry if it offends you there, don’t know if that is needed. Since I am not good with classical arabic, so I am still being skeptical with the website. But it makes more sense.

    One thing I just learned from the website, is that the stoning to death for married adulterers is an idea taken from the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 22:20- 21), and something introduced into Islamic law after the Prophet. The proof is, in verse 4:25 if a man marries a believing woman with whom he has contractual rights with, and she commits lewdness after marriage, her punishment will be half of that of a free believing woman. Since there cannot be half of a capital punishment, hence it does not exist for married adulterers. Hmm.

    I wish my understanding of classical arabic was better. Regarding polyandry, I am not so sure myself. Maybe in exceptional cases it may be permissible, but I got to check further. And by the way even if polyandry was permitted, I myself would not go there. Maybe it is because from the woman’s perspective we are more instinctive and heart-based. So even if outwardly there may be appeal to polyandry for some women, for example having multiple men to provide, protect, love and cherish a woman, increasing her sense of security for herself and her children (DNA testing is there is differentiate the correct father), first thing we still refer to our heart. We know that it is not possible to cut the heart into several pieces, male or female. And that we can at best give 50% of time to each partner, or less. That would make us feel extremely guilty. And our children deserves both parents who are focused on them and each other. Anyway, the guilt would be too much to take for a lot of women. And the increased responsibility on our part may not be appreciated, since each partner still gets less time. Each partner focusing wholeheartedly on each other would make for a good base for an ideal marriage with less guilt. That is my opinion.

    And yeah I do wish we had female Prophets. Sheikh Hamza Yusuf and some other scholars actually refer that Maryam (ASWS) might be one. Not sure if there were more. And during the Prophet’s time, under the partiarchy and tribal society system, many women also didn’t speak up on what thy felt they deserved. The ones that did, they got their fair share apparently by the Prophet. But many didn’t, maybe in fear of being chastised or seen a certain way by their society. Regarding polyandry, DNA testing wasn’t available either, which is the main reason given by majority of people to be the factor against polyandry.

    Maybe in today’s world, women leaders would be useful, and women scholars, to give both men and women their fair set of rights, so no one feels undermined but equally powerful (in their own way), in a way that feels right.

  15. // I am praying too her husband isn’t a Muslim, I think we saw enough language on that one too unfortunately.//

    maryam Pakistanis and muslims have earned their reputation. ‘IF’ their are some good people among Muslims and Pakistanis who have done some thing good for Humanity they should be given equal airtime.
    We have 1.6 billion muslims and 180 million Pakistanis and people who are involved in terrorist activities and cheating people abroad are not majority. Real problem is peaceful and ‘good’ muslims are not doing anything about it(while they are the one’s who should be more loud).

  16. Saad, I totally understand and feel what you are saying here
    //But terrorism is not our Pakistani culture//
    People who do not make any effort to do some reading, research and take a few people’s or media’s word and start bashing a whole country/culture can never understand this. Pakistan has a rich culture (if you subtract Islam or the recent influence of extremism, brain washing of innocent people). When i think of Pakistan, i think of mystics, sufis, quality literature, music and much more. Ana can’t even put an effort or show an interest in learning the original language of Quran. So we shouldn’t expect her to understand Pakistan any more than what some western women duped by few Pakistanis say on her blog and what she hears in news. Being a Punjabi, i have high regard especially for quality Punjabi literature originating from Pakistan.
    Saad, I grew up relating cousin marriage to Muslim religion. Ana and company blame it on Pakistani culture. Can you share some good resources on origin and practice of cousin marriage in Pakistan. Also happened to see your Facebook page long time ago and saw your status “Divorced”. I was surprised as you never mentioned that here but i understand it may not be something you are comfortable mentioning. Just curious if this has something to do with your interests in polygamy forums or trying to understand women’s thinking etc..

  17. Saad and Unchained,
    Read this and wanted to give my input
    //and it is islam because of which there is gender segregation in our country resulting in social abnormalities. because indian punjabis and pakistani punjabis are same people but i don’t think there is that much gender segregation in indian punjab that we have in pakistani punjab.
    Had Laila been here she would have shed some light on it as she is from indian side of punjab.//
    I can’t say much about Kashmir but Indian Punjab is also very patriarchial and does have some gender segregation but women do have say in many things, are very outspoken and can even dominate over men for many important matters. Your and my definition of gender segregation can be very different. So let me give examples or let me go into my usual long story telling mode 🙂 thats what my husband says and thats my default mode. He jokes that i am not a good summarizer and i strongly agree with him 🙂
    So in Punjab majority religion is Sikh. In a Gurudwara (Sikh temple) men sit on one side and women on another so its segregation but not as extreme as in Mosques. After entering the common hall, men and women kneel and bow their head in front of the holy book at the same location and then go in different sides of the same big room. Its not a big deal if a man comes to talk to a female family member or even if a man and wife sit together towards the end of the room. Basically its not socially accepted for men to try to sit close to and mix with unrelated females. other than religious places, there are many occasions like weddings and other festivals where men and women can have a fun social interation e.g. grooms brothers, friends checking out bride’s sisters/friends 😉 and vice versa. Everyone know this happens but nobody tries to keep women hidden from unrelated males. What follows is boys/girls enquiring about sach other through sister/brother in law, aunts/uncles. Most higher education institutes are what we call coeducation i.e. same college for both genders and no segregation except separate living hostels for men and women. So college, univ campuses are only places for unsupervised gender mixing but we did have classmates like Saad’s shy friend who went speechless in front of female classmates 😀
    In my college it was strange that male visitors can come into our hostel and see their family, gf briefly during day in a common guest room. Mens hostels did have guest rooms but no females ever used those guest rooms 🙂 it was an unspoken rule but in many other universities especially Delhi, Bombay and such large cities its common that female friends, relatives can visit men’s hostel. Now its common for students to rent out rooms and even live in together before marriage. Its not socially accepted and is only done by men/women living in big cities, far away from parents/relatives.
    In rural areas its not common for women especially unmarried women to roam outside their homes without company of a family member. Company can be a related male or female i.e. aunt, uncle, father, mother, brother and sometimes its acceptable if women/young girls of same age are in a group. This happens mainly for school/college going girls they are always supposed to travel along with one or more fellow female students or dad/brother drops them at school. My grandma couldn’t complete even her middle school because she didn’t have a company to go to school in the next village 😦 but things are very different now. With so-called green revolution and Punjab becoming a prosperous state around 1960s, people got educated and many immigrate to west and adopt some values from West.
    So i think Punjabi’s in general were and to a large extent are still a patriarchial society but add Islam (on Pakistan side) to it and you get very patriarchal society with extreme gender segregation. Overall in Indian society too there is gender segregation leading to many problems like poor social skills and understanding of opposite sex, youngsters doing things in secret because those are not socially acceptable and ending up in wrong company/being abused/blackmailed, some men considering their right to molest women who are at a time/place a ‘respectable woman/good girl’ is not supposed to be. BUT the degree of segregation and problems resulting from influence of mainstream Islam in Pakistan make the Indian side of Punjabi’s, Kashmiri’s or Indians in general look relatively much more progressive.

  18. // This topic on whether the right hand possess is within the context of marriage (as it should be, or the whole context need to be in the context for having relations and such), whether her marriage with her husband is considered null and void after being owned in the context of holy war or taken in slavery (not sure why it should be so, unless she willingly became a Muslim and her husband didn’t).//

    Maryam as for your question why marriage of a free woman became null and void if she was taken in slavery. It was tradition of slavery 1400 years back. And Quran didn’t intervened in it (though it took steps to slowly abolish the slavery). Important point is that, A master had more rights over his slave men/women then their wives/husbands. (slaves were at whims of their masters they could do with them what ever they wanted.)
    Between i can quote an ‘hadith’. i am not sure if it is Sahih or not. but it will give you some picture of society 1400 years before.
    [Abu Dawud, vol. 2, chapter 683 – “On the Marriage of a Slave without the Permission of His Masters”
    #2074- “Ibn Umar reported the prophet as saying: “If a slave marries without the permission of his master, his marriage is null and void.”]

    //Saad, have you checked out verse 60:10? I mentioned earlier it might be an extension to verse 4:24//
    Yes Maryam this is the verse you are talking about?

    [ O ye who believe! When believing women come unto you as fugitives, examine them. Allah is Best Aware of their faith. Then, if ye know them for true believers, send them not back unto the disbelievers. They are not lawful for them (the disbelievers), nor are they (the disbelievers) lawful for them. And give them (the disbelievers) that which they have spent (upon them). And it is no sin for you to marry such women when ye have given them their dues. And hold not to the ties of disbelieving women; and ask for (the return of) that which ye have spent; and let them (the disbelievers) ask for that which they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah. He judgeth between you. Allah is Knower, Wise.(60:10)]

    //I wish my understanding of classical arabic was better.//
    I am in the same boat maryam.

    // And by the way even if polyandry was permitted, I myself would not go there. Maybe it is because from the woman’s perspective we are more instinctive and heart-based.//
    i can understand that. With on thing i agree with ummof4(of 411 blog) that their are men who can manage polygyny but that does not mean they can jump in it without taking both wives on board. same goes for polyandry, their are women like Fiona who can manage polyandry well and maybe they like it more than monogamy.

    //And during the Prophet’s time, under the partiarchy and tribal society system, many women also didn’t speak up on what thy felt they deserved.//

    From what i have heard Maryam.
    (Free)Arab women at the time of Prophet were independent and strong. You have examples of women like Khadija(RA) and Hinda(Wife of Abu Sufyan) and Aisha(RA)(who commanded army of men). though they were from Elites common women had a say in society too.

  19. //Saad, I grew up relating cousin marriage to Muslim religion. Ana and company blame it on Pakistani culture.Can you share some good resources on origin and practice of cousin marriage in Pakistan.//

    Laila, i think Cousin marriage is common in all Muslim countries. It is in accordance with the teaching of the Holy Quran and our Prophet had married his daughter with his uncle son. But problem in Pakistani culture is that both males and females have a family pressure to marry in their families even if they dont want to, they are expected to oblige to family tradition and that is something really bad.
    i will have to do a little research on its origin though.

    //Also happened to see your Facebook page long time ago and saw your status “Divorced”.//
    LOL i don’t know what i was thinking when i updated my marital status as “Divorced” i think i was feeling funny at that time 😉 (only thing i remember is, that day i picked up a fight with my best friend and from that day we never talked again, in fact we never met after i got admission in an engineering institute.) And i didn’t remember to change it actually you have reminded me now.

    //Just curious if this has something to do with your interests in polygamy forums or trying to understand women’s thinking etc..//

    i am clueless how females think laila, i don’t know, maybe i like to know how females think however one thing is for sure i do like talking to people from different cultural backgrounds and i am very interested in anthropology. And i would have opted for social sciences but my parents wanted me to be an Engineer 😉 .

    As for pakistani society is concerned, if i had to define it in one sentence i would say we are a CONFUSED society. We don’t even know our priorities. Between Pakistani women have no restriction as far as their dress code is concerned like women have in Saudi Arabia and Iran.
    And we are teaching four types of syllabus at schools in pakistan. On one hand we have Western education system (A-Level/O-Levels) than we have English medium schools then Urdu medium schools and on other extreme we have madrassahs. So you can imagine we are preparing 4 types of nations in Pakistan. And all four have a communication gap resulting in total confusion.

  20. //We have 1.6 billion muslims and 180 million Pakistanis and people who are involved in terrorist activities and cheating people abroad are not majority. Real problem is peaceful and ‘good’ muslims are not doing anything about it(while they are the one’s who should be more loud).//

    You are very right. Most of us are not involved in terrorist activities or going abroad and cheating on people. I think a lot of people are simply trying to live lives; studying, working, saving money beside their regular expenses, etc. And trying to follow their religion, such as praying on time, going to the mosque, living peaceful lives, etc. Maybe the idea of trying to tackle real world problems is too much for a lot of people. Sometimes it requires having time out from other people and doing a lot of reading and forming own opinions, and also asking real life people on their opinions. For many people this deeper thinking is exhausting and also scary to an extent. So they prefer leaving it to more knowledgeable people and following them on it. Now some of these knowledgeable people are genuine, compassionate and intelligent, but also some can be mistaken themselves or following their own desires on some parts, and feeding people on it.

    Many people I have seen do have strong and good opinions, but they are usually opinionated among themselves. Perhaps they feel they need to be more knowledgeable to address it to a bigger public. Or they are afraid of being attacked. Or due to lack of supporters or more stronger opposition their voices are drowned out.

  21. The woman would have got a very different reply from this prominent fatwa site.

    http://seekersguidance.org/ans-blog/2011/01/26/can-a-husband-marry-a-second-wife-without-his-first-wifes-permission/

    Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
    Question: Can a husband marry a second wife without his first wife’s permission?
    Answer: Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
    The fatwa of major Arab and Indo-Pak scholars is that it is generally wrong and unwise in our times to marry a second wife, without consulting wise and knowledgeable scholars (even though it is in itself permitted), because of the harm and mess that inevitably results:
    a) the harm to the first wife;
    b) the troubles with the second wife when the first is upset;
    c) the harm of not giving both their legal, emotional, and material rights;
    d) the harm to family relations;
    e) and, also vitally, the harm to one’s children…
    Marrying another woman is not just a question of providing for both…
    Faraz Rabbani
    Wassalam

  22. Not really all that different in my opinion. “It sure is permissible, but unwise” :p And you shouldn’t ask your wife – but scholars!! Sounds like another contributor who said that it is absolutely permissible, but bad manners. Makes forced polygyny sound like the equal of farting at the dinner table 😦

  23. My feeling exactly, Fiona. A guy seeking justification for polygyny will just as easily find the green light in that answer as the OP’s husband got in his.

  24. http://askthescholar.com/question-details.aspx?qstID=2258

    Question:

    Salamu aleykom Shiekh Ahmad Thank you for your efforts to spread the knowledge.I have small question about polygamy. Is is required for husband to have his first wife permission to marry second time?Jazaka Allah

    Answer:

    If you married your wife in a culture where monogamy was the norm, and you never mentioned to her about your option to marry a second wife, then you owe it to her to seek her permission to do so. For as the Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us, we are bound by the terms of our marriage contracts. Since there is no reason to limit such terms to the written ones, they should also include those which are simply assumed or taken for granted in a particular milieu or society. If, therefore, your wife would not have married you–if she had the prior knowledge that you would exercise the option to take a second wife– then it was a tacit agreement you had agreed to with her; as such you are bound by it.

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