I wrte some weeks ago to a q&a forum to ask advice about my situation. I married my husband at young age n I have 6 kids 3 are fine n the last 3 are paralyzed neuro disease n he wants to remarry I can’t fathom the pain that I am feeling I feel dead sick tired I care for 3 paralyzed children in this case is it okay for him to remarry n start a new family n I’m toiling in distress with very sick children does allah permit for a man to marry if yes how do I swallow it how in the world can I bear this is it in my situation permissible for him to go off n live his life n leave me to suffer emotionally n physically? This I wrote. I think maybe is restriction on husband when he has sick children and in this is not prssoble for me to live I can’t cope now and if husband gone half time I will go under. I hopes the fatwa would say man has responsibilitie to his sick children and not have more families if it is like this but the answer I get has killed all hopa for me! They write:
Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’aan majeed: “What! Do you say that you believe but will Not be tested?!Sister. Most time the difficulties and pains we find ourselves in are due to our own lack of ilm in Islam,patience and utterly disobedience toward Allah Ta’ala and Nabi Sallalaahu alayhi wa sallam.Sickness and hardships are the result our sins and Allah Ta’ala in His Mercy is purifying us so we can be able to enter jannat in pure sate , free of sins.Often Allah Ta’ala shows His special love and nearness toward one of his beloved slaves by inflicting him/her with many trials, hardships and pains.
Sister. I can not imagine what your life is like.And i can truly imagine how exhausted your are and that you want somebody holding you and caring for you.But let me tell you.Only Allah Ta’ala is You friend and feels your pains, worries and hears your cries.Do not see your amount of children and your 3 paralyzed children and your husband’s desire to marry another women as a burden or perhaps as punishment.Indeed its a great blessing for your and may guarantee safe entry into jannat.You take care over your 6 children, of whom 3 are like new born babies, a full time care yourself without help.Sister, this indeed is a big test on your imaan and also a special Rahmat from ALLAH Ta’ala on you as you cant imagine how many sins and faults of yours are forgiven this way and how much Allah Ta’ala prevents you from indulging in other sins and time wasting in which you would have indulged in if all children were fully healthy and you faced no problems.Every time you have to wash, feed, clothe, diaper your 3 paralyzed children, the special Mercy and divine Help will be send down on you .Insha allah, if you are in need of assistance and help in advanced age or times of sickness, than your 3 healthy children will do help and serve you with pleasure as you have set a wonderful example of serving and care taking.Your children are supplication daily for you and so do the angles which witness your trials, provided you don’t complain.Imagine all your children would have been handicapped and your husband or you as well. How would you react then?
You should try to talk to your husband and plead for some help perhaps through a nurse, maid or family member to help you with your household cores and specially the 3 disabled children?!Also try to pray your namaaz on time, do your tasbee fatimi after each namaaz and before your go to sleep as this is an adviced remedy and help for mastering your care taking and household cores and health.Try to read as much as quraan as you can. I know is quiet a challenge but Nothing is impossible.Try to read the manzil after fajr and before going to bed and blow it into your water and on your sick children . Do only drink this water and cook only with this water.
Its has been proven to cure even paralyzed children and change d behavior to good .
And too , make dua for your husband and yourself to be able to deal with whatever Allah Ta’al has decreed for you and talk to him in humility about your problems .
After all he is the ruler of the house and in status above you.
He surely suffers too from the situation in the home and cant see his children being in this condition either.
When I look into question it does not appear that he is divorcing you and leaves you and the children all alone or that he violating any point of your rights or the he his mistreating you.
Sister, their could be a bigger problem then having a Co-wife.You could be divorced and all by your by yourself, he could beat the hell out of you, you could be widow in a Syrian refuge camp….There are many Muslim women who need a husband and men have desires too which need to be fulfilled in a lawful way.How can he do this if he cant marry? You want him indulging in zina?Whenever a man takes another wife it DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE FIRST WIFE OR THE HE DOES NOT LOVE HER ANYMORE.The nature of man is different than of women. A man rarely comes out his shell and shows his emotions and talk about his feelings.But understand well that sharia grants superior right to the husband and as long your right of a separate living space( i. e a room with a key), food , 2 sets of clothing during 1 year( 1 in the summer and 1 in the winter) the mehr at the time of marriage are not violated than you have no reason to complain.A man can marry 1, 2, 3 or 4 women all at once or in steps for any reason and does Not need the permission of the wife !Even if he can’t maintain them .The marriage is validThe risq is in Allah’s Ta’ala handsAllah Ta’ala will test Muslims with health, wealth and children.And women in spacial are tested with jealousy as this is their jihaad to fight against jealousy if the husband takes a 2., 3. or 4. wife.Women are by nature jealous and can’t tolerate to share their husband with any other woman be it mother in law or another wife or sister in law, or girls friend..
Please please, this fatwa is killing me. I understand they say is so difficult for husbnad to see his three sick children he wants to live with other wife to rest half time but this mean I am with tham all time and half time alone!! They are his children to…. This fatwa has hurt my soul and I can not believe it is right like this. Why should he be allowed to leave his children it says nowhere in the Quran a husbnad can leave his children half time no? And even if he cant maintain us he can still marry again. I am sorry sisters but I am hating my religion now may ALlah forgive me I am full of hate. /womanwithoutrights