Q&A Why Doesn’t He Believe Me?

imagesDear Fiona,

First I’d like to thank you so much for keeping this blog. I came on the internet a couple of months ago searching for advice. I’m an American woman, and I’ve been married to a muslim man from Quatar for 8 years, I became a muslim revert seven years ago. We have been happy, sure we’ve had our ups and downs like everybody else, but all in all I’ve considered myself very fortunate.

Some months ago, my husband told me he was planning on taking a second wife. He took me out for dinner to one of our favorite places, and dropped the bomb. He obviously wanted me unable to simply blow up, and made sure we were in a public place 😦 I sure did blow up later though and I told him there’s no way I’d accept polygamy.

He left it alone for a while, but I studied him and waited and I could tell he was still thinking about it, and up to something. And sure enough, a couple of weeks later he told me he had already vowed to marry a young woman, a daughter of one of his business associates. I don’t have to describe to you the pain, hurt and anger, you’ve been there. I begged him not to do it, I begged him to show mercy. He told me all the things your husband told you, how this would benefit me, that polygamy is his right, that I must want for my sister what I want for myself, the whole garbage can. I thought I’d divorce him, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to it. And then the thought festered: why should only he be allowed polygamy? Why couldn’t I use this chance to find some new happiness too? I started reading up, and I came to the same conclusion you have Fiona – if polygyny is allowed, polyandry must be too.

I found a datingsite online for polyandry dating. I was very scared at first, wondering what kind of freaks would hang at a place like that πŸ™‚ And yes, there were some nutcases, but I also met a few really nice men there. One man especially. He’s in the army, and he thinks polyandry would allow him to have a marriage and a happy wife, even if he’s away a lot of the time. He’s a real gentleman, and yes, I’m falling in love with him.

So I told my husband I’ll be getting married again too and become polygamous if he does. He was totally shocked when I told him. He yelled and cussed and raged. Finally, he brought some people over from the masjid to talk sense into me πŸ™‚ Afterwards, he decided not to believe me. Obviously the masjid people told him I’m only trying to frighten him, and women react like this to scare their husbands, trying to prevent them from taking second wives. So they recommended he marry as soon as possible.

So right now, he’s preparing to get married on Friday. He’s trying to be real sweet and loving to me, trying to keep me sweet too. Well, I’ve told him I’ll be getting married on Saturday then. He simply shakes his head and tells me to stop trying to make him change his mind. No matter what I say, he simply won’t believe me.

So it seems like he’ll be getting married on Friday, and I’ll be getting married on Saturday. I wonder when he’ll believe me? When he calls on Saturday to check on me and I’m not there? Or when I’m still not there when he gets back next Friday? I don’t know.

But right now there’s no way I can make him believe I’ll be taking a second husband. I wonder why he doesn’t believe me? //Gina

64 thoughts on “Q&A Why Doesn’t He Believe Me?

  1. They way you described it, it seemed like he was on the brink of schizophrenia! πŸ™‚

  2. Precisely why I told him he and that bitch had a lot in common. She is certifiable. Classic Borderline Personality Disorder which is just a hair’s breadth from Schizophrenia. The difference is he went more or less back to normal when it all ended – she however has gotten worse. And dealing with it all gave me PTSD to a fair degree I think.

  3. If you pardon me being nosy, how does he talk about her today? Does it sound as if he misses her? Or is she a taboo topic?

  4. Weary contempt, with a few well-placed effwords. She texts him the alphabet and selfies and other crap to the tune of 60 to 80 texts a day. He quit responding and finally quit deleting them so that eventually his text messages will fill up. He doesn’t text and no one else texts him. He would block her entirely but is afraid she will come to his workplace and follow him to where he lives now, so he just let’s her text to her heart’s content. She is insane.

  5. Hey Gina.I understand your feelings right now but cant give you any solution.Your husband now will know and realize that women are not their dolls that they can play and throw away anytime they wish.Whatever you decide do it in a cool head and be practical.And that cowitch of your will now feel the pain of the pain.She should have understand from the very first time.As for you i am glad ur okay.Please tell us how your cowitch react about divorce and your second marriage.Honestly i dont feel sorry for her.please tell us

  6. Unchained pardon me if i annoy you.Since i am new here i probably miss ur post.whats your story and what happened to you and ur husband

  7. I liked the word too. IMO there is something monstrous and warped about a woman who is willing to marry a married man, knowing his wife is dying from the sheer pain of it.

  8. As a Pagan I generally don’t like when the term “witch” is bandied about and used to describe a horrible person, but I can’t help but find the play on words funny in this instance πŸ˜‰

  9. BTW, his “unlimited” texting isn’t quite so “unlimited” anymore…heh…I told M a long time ago that even though I have all the power in the world to do so, I won’t block her number, as I don’t feel it’s my place to do so, and I didn’t πŸ˜€

    She texted him til 4am this morning according to his online account. He never once responded, hasn’t spoken to her in awhile now. Yet she keeps on and on. Definitely a few cards short of a full house :/

  10. Considering society’s image of witches, I’m not even offended by “cowitch”, lol. I’m a witch, sure, but when I see “cowitch”, I automatically think of the Wicked Witch of the West!

  11. Wow Gina your story is something special! Please let us know how things proceed. Your first husband is an *#Β§$%** though, quickly thinking about divorcing his new young wife. She will be considered “damaged” by prospects for marriage, and may have to settle for a much older man if she wants another arranged marriage. I hope you and her are going to be fine… For your husband, this will have basically been a time marriage aka “Islamic” prostitution or one-night-stand.

  12. Gina. I think the best thing you can do is not divorce your man and not ask your first husband to divorce his new woman. Trying to go back to the way things used to be seems to be impossible at this point. I think your old husband will hold a huge grudge and become bitter. Dont leave your new man for a man that hurt you the way he did. Kindly tell your old husband that you love him and you know he loves you but you both have new relationships. Oh and make sure you use some of the stupid lines he tried to use on you.

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