First I’d like to thank you so much for keeping this blog. I came on the internet a couple of months ago searching for advice. I’m an American woman, and I’ve been married to a muslim man from Quatar for 8 years, I became a muslim revert seven years ago. We have been happy, sure we’ve had our ups and downs like everybody else, but all in all I’ve considered myself very fortunate.
Some months ago, my husband told me he was planning on taking a second wife. He took me out for dinner to one of our favorite places, and dropped the bomb. He obviously wanted me unable to simply blow up, and made sure we were in a public place 😦 I sure did blow up later though and I told him there’s no way I’d accept polygamy.
He left it alone for a while, but I studied him and waited and I could tell he was still thinking about it, and up to something. And sure enough, a couple of weeks later he told me he had already vowed to marry a young woman, a daughter of one of his business associates. I don’t have to describe to you the pain, hurt and anger, you’ve been there. I begged him not to do it, I begged him to show mercy. He told me all the things your husband told you, how this would benefit me, that polygamy is his right, that I must want for my sister what I want for myself, the whole garbage can. I thought I’d divorce him, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to it. And then the thought festered: why should only he be allowed polygamy? Why couldn’t I use this chance to find some new happiness too? I started reading up, and I came to the same conclusion you have Fiona – if polygyny is allowed, polyandry must be too.
I found a datingsite online for polyandry dating. I was very scared at first, wondering what kind of freaks would hang at a place like that 🙂 And yes, there were some nutcases, but I also met a few really nice men there. One man especially. He’s in the army, and he thinks polyandry would allow him to have a marriage and a happy wife, even if he’s away a lot of the time. He’s a real gentleman, and yes, I’m falling in love with him.
So I told my husband I’ll be getting married again too and become polygamous if he does. He was totally shocked when I told him. He yelled and cussed and raged. Finally, he brought some people over from the masjid to talk sense into me 🙂 Afterwards, he decided not to believe me. Obviously the masjid people told him I’m only trying to frighten him, and women react like this to scare their husbands, trying to prevent them from taking second wives. So they recommended he marry as soon as possible.
So right now, he’s preparing to get married on Friday. He’s trying to be real sweet and loving to me, trying to keep me sweet too. Well, I’ve told him I’ll be getting married on Saturday then. He simply shakes his head and tells me to stop trying to make him change his mind. No matter what I say, he simply won’t believe me.
So it seems like he’ll be getting married on Friday, and I’ll be getting married on Saturday. I wonder when he’ll believe me? When he calls on Saturday to check on me and I’m not there? Or when I’m still not there when he gets back next Friday? I don’t know.
But right now there’s no way I can make him believe I’ll be taking a second husband. I wonder why he doesn’t believe me? //Gina