I am Maya. I am first wife I have two cowives. I agreed when my husband wished to marry again because it is law where I live that the wife must agree. I agreed because i saw it as my duty and also I wanted to make hubby happy and also I found some pride in thinking I could sacrifice myself in polygamy and share with my sisters in islam.
You know the pain I don’t need to tell you. It truly is the worse pain ever. But I lived through that al-ḥamdu lillāh. The pain that cuts like knifes is gone now.
But it is strange. Even when the pain was when it was the worse, I didn’t think I want divorce. I never wanted it then. But now I am thinking maybe I will have to divorce. My husband was patient when I was hurting and crying and he helped me pray and was caring of my feelings and also I think feeling guilty for making the pain. But now I have a so empty feeling. My home is like a revolving door to my hubby. He runs between families and never really has time to be only to run between. I feel many times like a widow or something and I dont long for his return any more it is only disruptive and I feel like a part time servant to him and a 100% single mummy. It would be easier even because then I would not have to text him for opinion or permission about things! He is even sometimes sleeping at his brothers house because he is tired of all families, children and wives. I would have been angry with that earlier because I was all about my rights and afraid of to loose him to another wife but now I am more better and calm without him.
I loved him much and maybe still would have loved him but I do not love a man who is here one minute and gone 2000 and never is ALL here but always in a part somewhere else.
So my question is now what I should do. I have had advice that polygamy is worse in the start it gets better. But for me is it simply not true. I want real advice. I am a religious woman but I believe one can be good without to be religious. So I ask of you who are wise and have experience – what can I expect? What will my life be? What should I do?
Allah ar rahman ar raheem wa barokatuh