Semper Eadem

imagesOnce, Mark asked me if it would be a good idea to get a divorce. That way, I could marry Graham and our baby would be legally his, without a fuzz. And of course, it would allow Mark to marry his #2 legally so he could bring her back to the UK.

Mark said we could divorce legally but agree to stay married as common law spouses. Sort of change everything while everything stays the same.

I said no. A big fat no.

I’m not about to become my first husband’s “consort” while Bimbo becomes his wife. There’s just no way I’d agree to that. I would never be able to stomach having her as his legal anything…

Mark hasn’t mentioned it again. (No, Graham has never asked for it either. He is way too fair to do that!) Mark’s planning something though, god knows what… He’s been getting phone-calls he hasn’t wanted me to overhear, and I can tell he’s been putting away money. Now, I find some messages in Arabic on our laptop.

Yes, I’m tempted. Google translate is only a few clicks away.

To read or not to read, that is the question….

10 thoughts on “Semper Eadem

  1. I don’t get the hush-hush don’t ask don’t tell thing… It seems more stressful to always wonder than to just know. I view open communication as something wonderful and usually just ask my partner directly rather than investigate or let my mind get the better of me… It’s kind of nice to just say, “hey this has been on my mind, can we talk about it”. If I wasn’t comfortable enough to do that, then yes my fingers would go to google translate 🙂 😊 that would be me in the past, these days it just feels sooooo gooood to be open and honest.

  2. So would you rather actually divorce him and live with Graham than settle for this arrangement he proposed.

  3. This is going down similar to what my ex did. Out of nowhere in December he proposed a divorce, but maintained it would only be on paper. He would move out, yes, but we’d still be “married” for all intents and purposes – he wanted the divorce to ease #2’s mind since he wanted to be with her again and she didn’t want to be a wife with a “#”

    He also did lots of hush-hush conversations. Because I have access to his cell records online as well as the passcode to his cell phone voice mail, I knew damn well something was up. The voicemails were deleted immediately upon hearing them but every now and then I’d catch one. I knew something was going on, but I had absolutely no plans to stick around and live with whatever it was. So I went and filed for divorce.

    Here’s what I think. I would give him what he wants, on YOUR terms, Fiona. If you cannot live with the notion that Bimbo is legal anything, you don’t have to. Kick them both out of your life and move on. I know you love Mark and he loves you, but that he crossed that line and actually proposed getting a divorce (even if only on paper) tells you something, doesn’t it? See, that’s how I felt when my ex brought it up. When he crossed that boundary, that was it. I knew we’d taken our own marriage as far as it could go. I very calmly told him that’s fine, but the divorce in my world is REAL and I’m hitting the road – and I did. He was distraught but too damn bad. He wants Bimbo, he can have her but count me out – I took the revolving door out of my house and out of my life. If he wants to go to that woman he can, but he’s staying gone. I meant it and followed through. Best thing I’ve ever done.

  4. Oh and yes, hit the Google translate by all means!!!!! When my #2 left long rambling voicemails in her crappy Hindi, I recorded them and let one of my Indian friends translate what I couldn’t figure out LOL….I have a HUGE file of her drivel on my laptop 😛

  5. Dear Fiona,
    Mark says so he can marry her legally and bring her to the UK? He has no idea what life is going to be like with her, he barely knows her. (Or it seems, himself.) Did he ever think when he married #2, that you, he, she, a newly introduced person, and soon another, would all be the result? And after this, does he still not grasp that the future is not just about her sweetness and his experience of tenderness?

    Even if we think of ourselves as serious and responsible people, even when we marry someone and plan for the future, we don’t really think beyond what we know. To some young people, 40 looks old. To some people, 60 looks old. I have some of my oldest relatives who are 95 and 96 living with me. To me and to them, that’s old. I never realized what 90+ would be like, until I saw it with my own eyes, and interacted with it everyday. And I still can’t grasp it.

    Everything I have ever read about polygamy is written for young people. All this stuff about being equal, etc…., it’s all written for young people. People who talk in this high minded way are totally unprepared for reality.

  6. Right now, I think Mark is beside himself with confusion and pain. I think the entire situation is frightening to him, he doesn’t know where he will fit in this new constellation, and I do believe age has to do with it. He’s beginning to fear growing old alone. He is having to watch me now get all the benefits from polygamy that he once wanted for himself, while he has lost almost everything. He still hasn’t reconciled with our son, our daughter is still so hurt by his actions that their relationship is oh so fragile. Yes, Mark is afraid. And he has begun to think that maybe his young #2 might be the salvation.

  7. Fiona, I want to mention something based on common knowledge. Many women from developing countries marry older, mismatched men just because they are their ticket to a country with better life full of luxuries that they can never get in their country. Once these women become citizen or permanent resident they often show their true color. Not that this info will affect Mark’s decision in any way, he will do what he wants to do. There is high chance that once she gets permanent residence in UK she might start making other plans. She is young and Mark cannot give her any kids. I think sooner or later she will start looking for men of her age and someone who she can have a normal family life and kids.

  8. I believe so too. But since when did polygamous men base their decisions on logic and a sense of reality?

  9. 1. Yes.google translate. 2.help him bring bimbo here…you love him and this is what he needs to cope with yalls situation. It will only get harder for him when the baby is born. And he may become bitter 3. Make sure he can not damage you financially or anything like transfer money into his account…blah blah..

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