Polygamy – the Returning Patterns

495px-The_DrunkWhen men who want polygyny turn to islamic ย polygamyblogs, we can see a repetitive pattern,

It starts with the man saying he wants polygyny. He says he wants to marry a certain woman, and he wants this woman. Even if the wanting part is unislamic, he feels sure he will be forgiven this sin once he marries her.

His wife however is falling to pieces. She is hurting, screaming and begging for mercy – for herself and her children.

The husband turns to the polygamyblog to ask how he can make his wife accept his taking a new wife, without him loosing the comfort of a happy wife giving him peace and good service at home. He also writes that he simply can’t understand why his wife of 8,15 or twenty years is upset about him doing something that is permissible e.g. marrying a 16 year old he has fallen in love with. I mean, it is allowed and he is man enough to have two wives!

The women at the polygamyblog flock around him and tell him what a considerate man and Believer he is since he is looking for ways to make forced polygyny easier on his wife! This proves that he will surely be a good husband once he has taken on the hussy in marriage. He writes again and says that strangely enough his wife can’t accept the idea, she is getting worse actually, she is vomiting and loosing her hair and crying all the time. He says he has been trying to mention it every day just to make her get used to the idea, but strangely it does no good. And now she has told the children who seem to mind that he is tormenting their mother. The poor man i so distressed. How can they do this to him when all he wants is to be able to fuck the sweet little girl every other night and give her half the money they saved to put the children through school?

The women at the polygamyblog tell him that there is nothing he can do to comfort his wife, to ease the pain. SO they recommend he marries #2 quickly. He must remember he is the man and the head, he must do what he wants because what a man wants is decided by Allah, what a woman wants is guided by satan. So if he wants polygyny that is Allahs doing, if his wife wants a complete father for her children, a husband who doesn’t fuck a young girl every other night and brings her bodyfluids and bacteria back with him and force his wife to have him invade her body with the traces of the other woman still on him – that is satan’s doing.

So they say end her life quick. Shoot her like a dog! You’re a man, it is permissible. Force her to live polygyny! You have a right to treat her like a mad dog, like a whore. Because your muslim. It is your right. And islam is all about rights.

And so the crime against humanity continues.

44 thoughts on “Polygamy – the Returning Patterns

  1. Is it better for him to see the other woman behind his wife’s back, as so many people do in society today? And, sorry to say, your last 2 paragraphs are just unnecessarily horrible.

  2. Maybe, from a utilitarian point of view it would be better to see her behind his wife’s back. But the best thing of course , the only good thing unless he divorces or allows his wife polygamy too, would be if he respected his wife and his marriage and stayed faithful. Humans aren’t animals. A man has a brain, not only a dick. He can think, he can tell right from wrong. Even muslim men know polygyny is against nature, that is why they need to warp the quran to allow islamic forced polygyny to make excuses for this abominable practice.If a woman falls in love with a man other than her husband, what would you say then? That she better act on it or contain herself? Think about it! So your argument is null and void.
    Yes, the last to paragraphs are horrible. But they aren’t even a shadow of the extreme horrors of islamic polygyny.
    Thank you for your comment Surayya Cheema, please come again.

  3. You can’t blame Islam for the state of some Muslims who actually step outside of the teachings of Islam.

    And you may or may not agree but my personal thought is that chastity and polygamy with a limited number of partners is considerably better than having an ever increasing number of partners.

  4. I absolutely agree with you that polygamy with a limited number of partners is better than unlimited partners. This blog i pro polygamy. But polygamy must be just that – polygamy! Equality is a basic human right so polygamy must be allowed for men AND women or not at all. Polygyny only is a crime against humans rights. Especially when polygyny is allwoed without consent from the first wife. No. Polygamy must be consensual and gender equal.
    If you read my blog carefully, I don’t blame muslims for doing things outside of faith and quran. I would never blame christians for e.g. infidelity either since that is not in the bible. Everything i write about that is warped and misogynist is either based on quran or sunnah. Sad to say.

  5. I agree totally with you on everything you said.There is no equality in polygamy under Islamic law.Also men who indulge in a second wife & force it on their first wife are the whores & they really don’t love their first wife because they could care less about how it rips her up inside.They are selfish , cold hearted hipocrites using God to justify their lust.

  6. Okay, I see where you’re coming from now. I think it’s just one of those commandments that doesn’t make sense to everyone. Muslims do a lot of things just because God commands them to and think it’s wrong to question it. I personally think it’s often better to question things to get a deeper understanding of them.

    I believe that when Islam came into being, men were allowed an unlimited number of wives but women had no rights so this commandment for men to limit the number of wives they had makes sense. I understand the wisdom behind this. Also, men aren’t supposed to have more than one wife as a lot of people think, it’s just permissible in certain situations, e.g. in the time of war when there are a large number of widows who need support. Men are stronger, physically and in terms of managing the home, and have been given the responsibility of taking care of their family. Women are also strong, very strong, but aren’t burdened with having to take care of more than one partner no matter what state the world is in. That’s the way I see it; I can’t say I’m fully representing Islamic thought.

    Please excuse me for any impoliteness and ignorance on my part, I’m under a lot of exam-related stress.

  7. Women are stronger than men, e.g. when it comes to enduring pain. Our constitution is stronger, that is why we live longer. So based on strength, women should be heads of family. ๐Ÿ™‚ I understand what you say about the history of polygamy. Sadly the muslim leaders have forbidden slavery (not totally but still) but not polygamy even though the arguments for both are the same. But islamic men are not willing to give up on anything that gives them sexual enjoyment. And if you read fatwas, and legislation in islamic nations, you will see that whatever you say polygyny, even forced polygyny, is allowed. Even you are defending it, saying that itรคs better than infidelity. But only for men. Don’t you see how warped that is? Sorry, I don’t men to be rude – it’s the issue I question, not you! And good luck with your exams!

  8. Thanks!

    I think what I’m trying to say, in blunt terms, I sometimes think it’s more of a curse than a blessing for men as well. It’s permissible because sometimes it seems necessary. If men use it for their desired alone, that’s selfish beyond words and they clearly don’t have enough faith in their own faith and in their God.

    I’ve lost hope in a lot of Islamic nations and their ridiculous legislations anyway. I’m part of the Ahmadi sect of Islam and we’re discriminated against in so many of these countries by people who say only God can judge, there is no compulsion in religion and most importantly accept the Hadith that states that if a Muslim calls someone an unbeliever, then he/she is one him/herself. And then they continue to judge and issue fatwas that aren’t part of their beliefs to their own benefit. Of course, this is some not all.

  9. I still don’t understand why a man who says he loves his wife would otherwise act so upset when he likes/lusts another woman and his wife and/or family does not give him permission or approval to proceed to marrying her in polygamy. Or wants to look for another woman and his family doesn’t like so. I wish some honest men would try to answer this question of mine, without simply saying ‘it is allowed’, or creating excuses and illogical biological reasons, which knowledgeable people or those who trusts their instincts better can see right through. I have seen such questions several times on websites and always wondered it. And even more warped are the answers given by apparently knowledgeable women and men. Sometimes they give half an honest reply, then maybe feel guilty about being honest and in tune with their instincts, so they proceed on to give a warped second half of answer. No wonder we Muslims keep the topic of polygamy under wraps in society in general, to prevent opening a can of worms in discussions which go against our natural instincts.

    I very much apologize to non-Muslims who take this behavior as part of the original Islam. Islam is about finding the truth. We are given hearts and instincts for a reason. Our society today is much more about equality and women empowerment than any other time in history (which I am sincerely glad and thankful about). We should gather knowledge about our rights better, and follow our natural instincts to keep growing and developing our society. Forced polygamy should have no part in society, even if it may be quite common. More men need to be educated about this matter as well. Some of their thinking is still stuck in the traditional patriarchal and male superiority ages. Laws need to be re-written to suit our evolving societies too. I am glad Fiona created this blog to open our eyes better on a topic we may not have gathered much information about anywhere else, on patriarchy, both open and hidden, and crimes against humanity. Particularly in today’s evolved society we should have no part of this. I am sure Fiona got a big mixture of responses on her blog and her views, and I appreciate her courage and strength on it. I don’t though agree with her on several parts on Islam she brought up, but also I don’t quite blame her, because that is the impression she got from several of the imams and practicing Muslims as a non-Muslim. Her interpretations on polygamy in the Quran though made a lot of sense. Please keep up the work you are doing Fiona. I very much wish you health, peace and blessings in your life.

  10. It would have been better if my husband had divorced me. I would have understood if he had left me and did not love me but I can never understand why he wants me to live like a living dead in hell and says he loves me.

  11. @First wife. That is exactly what I wish I could get the answer for, from men who may do so and can be honest about it all. Why they will give mixed responses to their love for their first wife, which can be more confusing and emotionally disruptive than clearer answers, if she wants so. These men can see the pain clearly in the wife and that they are the ones causing it. The second wife is a contributor, but not the cause necessarily. She is blameworthy as well of course, but after all she is an outsider. The husband is the one who is supposed to have integrity and lives with his wife and knows her inside out. Or maybe doesn’t really know her that well. The world, despite being more evolved and on equal rights than before, is still stuck on some male patriarchy thinking and assumed definition of femininity for women. Still the whole thing doesn’t make sense. I am not even sure if these men know what love means. At least giving hell to the beloved is not supposed to be within the definition, when you and your partner are sane and fine. I am sorry First wife if my response caused any more disturbance to you by any way.

  12. Surayya Cheema, You mentioned about men cheating and stated polygyny is better than cheating. For men to be able to cheat there has to be other woman involved. According to Islam there should be no mixing of sexes. Both men and women should lower their gaze in front of members of opposite sex. Then these men with intention to cheat or having lustful feelings towards other woman they should be punished for their sin not rewarded with a personal young whore to fuck.
    And how about the women who cheat. If given equal opportunity ๐Ÿ™‚ women also cheat. We all know this very well. So using your logic, all the marriages breaking due to women cheating can be saved by allowing them to marry more than one man. After all it’s better than cheating!

  13. Well of course they shouldn’t, it’s first and foremost that men and women don’t mix and if they do they’ve already gone against the teachings of Islam and been selfish. Men aren’t allowed to marry another woman just for lust in Islam anyway.

  14. First Wife, you said it all. “Living dead in hell” indeed. I do have to ask you – what made you stay? Please understand that I don’t point fingers in asking that question, because I too stayed for quite awhile and found all the justifications in the world to do so. I’m just wondering, since you aptly described it as hell, why you didn’t get out as soon as he married another?

  15. Hi Fiona,I am very curious so forgive me.Do u have fb.i really want to see ur and graham pictures.Okay here is my question how is now Mark doing.Did he know his children hate him and consider graham as their daddy instead him.how does he feel about it?

  16. So if marrying for list is unislsmic what is Islam doing to protect Muslimahs from these unislamic men who marry for lust. Islam has fatwas punishments for women doing anything unislamic but when it comes to men there is nothing. Rather the Imams and such encourage polygamy and their only suggestion to suffering wife is that jealousy is to make Duah and pray and pray to Allah. It’s sad how women are abused in the name of God/Allah.
    You replied to only one part of my comment. What is you stand on women cheating and a similar solution for that problem

  17. Hi! No, I’m not on facebook. My line of work makes me a public figure so I stay away from social media. I’m tall and slim and have long flaming red hair. I look really English ๐Ÿ™‚ Mark is very good looking – a bit like Alain Delon ๐Ÿ™‚ Graham is more an ordinary rugger kind of Brit ๐Ÿ™‚ Mark is on a roller coaster. One day he’s coping just fine, the other he cracks. I try to give him space, and I work hard right now to keep my marriages separate – difficult though since I carry Grahams child with me. :/

  18. I see he should have thought about the future when he was getting involved with polygamy.By the way how ur and mark parents react about Mark polygamy and ur polyandry.I am new here so i really don’t know many things.What are you expecting girl or boy? Congratulations hope she/he will be a healthy child.

  19. Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t know the sex of the child, as long as it’s healthy that’s all that matters. My parents are dead, they both died in a car crash. Marks parents sided with me in all this, they believe Mark brought it upon himself. My mother in law is English so she understands me perfectly. My father in law is from Oman but he was brought up here and is very liberal. He loves me ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. Whenever i think about your situation I feel bad for Marks other wife. What was your husband Mark thinking when he made decision to marry this girl. He cannot father any children so all he can give her is monetary support and companionship which i doubt that a 45 year man is a suitable companion for 18 year old! If a real choice was given to your co she would definitely chose a younger, unmarried man. This whole thing was wrong. I fully blame Men in these situations because they are the ones who made this decision. Mark as well as you co wife’s father is to blame because i know women don’t have a choice in these situations. I am happy for you and Graham’s baby but its so sad that your co cannot ever have children unless she divorces or to be more correct Islamically unless your husband frees her from marriage.

  21. I think its time that you husband takes a decision to let her go and have a good life and family while she is still young. He has ruined his life by making you do something that is not reversible. He should at least now be man enough to admit he started all this and at least save the young woman’s life. I think your husband should sponsor her to come to your country for study or something. He should fund her education and help her start a new life in UK. This is the only thing he can do to prove that he realized his mistake and is trying to fix things.

  22. Welcome to the blog Jasmeet! Your names indicates your are from Punjab, India. Hor ki Hal chal ne es blog te kive pohache ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. He was thinking, like all men in polygamy, only of himself. He wanted to be needed, loved and looked up to. But he made himself believe he was doing it to give a girl a better life, and us a better marriage.

  24. I’m not sure yet, but I’m sad to say I believe he has something completely different on his mind…

  25. You are trying to scare women from polygamy. Do you understand you maybe deprive women of good husbands, children and homes? Men are allowed many wives as a test to provide fro them in kindness. You are trying to take that kindness from them. All the ugly things you right is making women think of other things that thne benefits of a husband who can give you children and protect you. You are selfish!

  26. Wahamin, Where in Quran its said that polygamy is a test of kindness for men. Where do you get all this from? the religious scholars? the men’s interpretation of Islam. Nobody is depriving women of good husbands, children and homes. We are talking about dignity, equal right and just treatment to everyone irrespective of their gender. You sound like someone who cannot think of women beyond being dependent on men for their living and unable to take care of themselves and their children if needed. If given equal opportunity women are capable of doing everything from educating themselves and earning a living and providing for their children. The man who marries second wife is the one who is depriving his wife and children of 50% time, love and financial support of their father and husband. I fail to understand what you mean by ‘good husband’ and ‘good home’. A good husband doesn’t go to sleep with another woman while his wife is hurting, crying and all alone. On one side Islam believes that men are protectors and providers for women and children on the other side its ok to be absent from their home and sleep with other woman. What if someone breaks into his first wife’s house and rapes her or harms her kids. How is this man a good husband and how is he protecting his family like Islam says he should? by being absent from his home 50% of time?

  27. should have included translation of last sentence for everyone. I just asked in Punjabi “How are you doing and how you ended up on this blog”

  28. Also i am not sure if we are scaring women from polygamy or not but looks like people like you are scared that if women read this stuff and started thinking about their rights how are they going to continue taking advantage of women.

  29. Fiona, i remember reading somewhere that you spent money your husbands trip to go to Yemen and marry this other woman. Is Mark dependent on you financially?

  30. No, Mark has a rather well paid job, but even so with the costs of living in London he can’t really afford to send his #2 money and travel there very often.

  31. Wahmin brother/sister . When Allah created (First Man) Adam he only created one Eve (First Lady) for him and showed us we can only have IDEAL FAMILY LIFE in monogamy. otherwise that was the start of human species, so Allah should have created at least 10 Eves for Adam to produce more children.
    more over Islam did not allowed polygamy nor did it started it. Quran was revealed to a tribal society which was already practicing polygamy. Islam however did not forbade it because if Allah had forbidden it, it would have been for eternity. however now the circumstances are changed and islam gives you the right to legislate for/against polygamy. since it will be a man made legislation it can be changed but if allah had forbidden it, then it would have been forever.

    regarding the verse of polygamy in Quran you can ask it to any learned man who has knowledge of Quran, he will tell you it was revealed after the battle of Uhud (confirm it from any one, that was the time when this verse was revealed,after battle of uhud ended) that muslims fought in which many muslim men died as a result children became orphan and wives became widow. At that time muslim men were asked to take care of those orphans. (keep in mind that was a TRIBAL and martial society). after that Allah said if you cannot deal justly with these orphans because (you already have your own children) than marry their mothers. please read the verse below:

    ูˆูŽุฅูู†ู’ ุฎููู’ุชูู…ู’ ุฃูŽู„ู‘ูŽุง ุชูู‚ู’ุณูุทููˆุง ูููŠ ุงู„ู’ูŠูŽุชูŽุงู…ูŽู‰ ููŽุงู†ูƒูุญููˆุง ู…ูŽุง ุทูŽุงุจูŽ ู„ูŽูƒูู…ู’ ู…ูู†ูŽ ุงู„ู†ู‘ูุณูŽุงุกู ู…ูŽุซู’ู†ูŽู‰ ูˆูŽุซูู„ูŽุงุซูŽ ูˆูŽุฑูุจูŽุงุนูŽ ููŽุฅูู†ู’ ุฎููู’ุชูู…ู’ ุฃูŽู„ู‘ูŽุง ุชูŽุนู’ุฏูู„ููˆุง ููŽูˆูŽุงุญูุฏูŽุฉู‹ ุฃูŽูˆู’ ู…ูŽุง ู…ูŽู„ูŽูƒูŽุชู’ ุฃูŽูŠู’ู…ูŽุงู†ููƒูู…ู’ ุฐูŽู„ููƒูŽ ุฃูŽุฏู’ู†ูŽู‰ ุฃูŽู„ู‘ูŽุง ุชูŽุนููˆู„ููˆุง ูˆูŽุขุชููˆุง ุงู„ู†ู‘ูุณูŽุงุกูŽ ุตูŽุฏูู‚ูŽุงุชูู‡ูู†ู‘ูŽ ู†ูุญู’ู„ูŽุฉู‹ ููŽุฅูู†ู’ ุทูุจู’ู†ูŽ ู„ูŽูƒูู…ู’ ุนูŽู†ู’ ุดูŽูŠู’ุกู ู…ูู†ู’ู‡ู ู†ูŽูู’ุณู‹ุง ููŽูƒูู„ููˆู‡ู ู‡ูŽู†ููŠุฆู‹ุง ู…ูŽุฑููŠุฆู‹ุง (4: 3-4).
    “And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry [their mothers] that are lawful to you, two two, three three, four four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly [with them], then only one, or those which your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice. And give these women their dowers also the way dowers are given; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and consume it gladly. (4:3-4)”

    The addressees of the above quoted verses are “the guardians of the orphans”.
    kindly take your time out and go through this page in detail you will definitely not agree with all of it but it may change your perspective little bit.

  32. wahmin brother again i would say that it is not correct, Islam allows or encourages polygamy no it does not. however it did not forbade it because of the reason i mentioned above.

  33. Saad, thank you for explaining the verse. I hope people will hear you. Fiona tries to explain same but people just say she is non believer and trying to misguide Muslims.
    I also read that word ‘orphan’ in Arabic and in those times was used for both orphaned children and widows. That makes sense because when the bread winner died in those times all dependents children as well as wife became orphans.

  34. i have heard it first time from you that orphan was used for widowed women so i reject it nor affirm it.
    anyways in that verse “orphans” clearly means children because it is said if you can’t do justice with orphans marry their mothers. if it was used for women, than what does this verse trying to insinuate? that those men should marry their mother in laws too? I don’t think so

  35. I read the info on the link shared above! It is hard to believe so many people accept this as truth !

  36. Wahamin:
    There are certainly many problems with internet communication; the ease of causing misunderstanding, and the temptation to bring out and display primitive emotions. However nothing astonishes me as much as reading the thoughts of people like you, and I never would have had this opportunity without the internet. (And the reason I say people “like you” instead of just “you” is because of the parody you yourself put on the screen before me.)

    Wahamin, the next time you say things like “You are selfish!” stand and look in a mirror when you say it.

  37. Saad, In translation [their mother] in square brackets means these words were not there in the original verse but have been added to help interpret the verse or add clarity by the translator. I am not a language scientist but thats what i i understand about the usage of [ ]. I have to find the source where it was discussed but i clearly remember that it was discussed how word ‘yatima’ in Arabic was also used to describe not only orphaned children but also widows. Anyone knowing Arabic please help us with this

  38. laila this is what i earlier talked about (having so many schools of thoughts with different interpretations of the words/texts).
    anyways personally i find this to be the obvious and best translation of word orphan(children).

    we have a law in Pakistan that states if anybody wants to have a second wife. he will have to take (written)permission from first wife other wise he cannot. but nobody takes it seriously like the rest of constitution.

    both for polygyny or polyandry i believe one (muslim/muslimah) has to take written permission from his/her partner otherwise he/she is being selfish. and if your partner is not happy than you are not doing justice to him right from the START and it means you are going against what Quran says if you can’t do justice between them marry only one, so stop right there. And in 99% cases your partner will not agree so there will be no polygamy.

  39. I agree. And the consent laws are ridiculous as long as they are ignored, or the only punishment is a ยฃ50 fine, or the slaughtering of a goat. I believe polygamy can work if everybody is fully on board, and equal. If polygamous men were forced to consent to their wives marrying a second too if they open the door to making their marriages polygamous, I believe we would have a completely different ballgame.

  40. You know, I’ve found myself automatically looking for one after many posts on this blog LOL!

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