A married woman writes to a muslim forum to get advice. She has fallen in love with a man who also loves her. He wants to marry her. The woman is already married, happily so, and she is feeling confused. She obviously loves both men.
The woman and her new love have both prayed istikhaarah.
They have both felt that the answer to their prayers have been favourable, that Allah approves of their love and marriage.
As I see it, the solution is simple. She should avail herself of the permission given to muslim women to become polyandrous that we can find in 4:24 Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess. If a woman gives herself in marriage so that she becomes what the man possesses, the quran clearly permits her to have plural husbands – in fact she is not restricted to only four the way men are.
Is this the piece of advice she gets? 😀 Oh no:
To explain further: if a Muslim woman prays istikhaarah about marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and family, and praying istikhaarah about hurting her children, and praying istikhaarah about hurting a husband who is treating her well and taking good care of her. So she is praying istikhaarah about betraying him and stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and hers will be destroyed at her hands. She is praying istikhaarah about responding to great kindness and good treatment with a great wrong and denying the rights of one who has treated her well.
All of these factors and many others apply to the istikhaarah prayer that you offered.
As for the positive result that you say your friend got, undoubtedly this is a case of the shaytaan making following one’s whims and desires appear attractive.
A man with a similar problem however gets this advice from the same site:
It is permissible for a man to marry one or two wives, up to four, if he is able for that both financially and physically, and he thinks that he will be able to treat his wives fairly.
It is not essential for him to have the first wife’s permission in order to take a second wife. Most women would not agree to plural marriage and they think that it is impossible to live with it. This is due to many reasons, including the biased media which regards plural marriage as a crime and an action that will make the first wife feel that there is something wrong with her.
The wise man must look at his family and how prepared they are to accept a plural marriage; he must weigh up the settled life that he has now and what may happen in the future, and think thoroughly – without emotion – about whether he needs a second wife, and how able he is to take care of two households and two families. He has to pray to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah) before making any move towards marriage, and he has to make a good choice, so that he will not feel regret. (Source: islamqa)
That a man is only allowed polygamy if he is sole guardian of orphans and failing in caring for their wellbeing is not mentioned here… Nor the fact that women hurt just the same as men, that mens’ polygamy ruin their families just as bad, that mens’ betrayals are stabs in the back and just as horrible…. No.
Men have rights, women have duties. Men are allowed to twist the words of the quran however they please. Man’s every desire must be fulfilled and woman must pay the price. That is what this islamic website preaches.
Read the quotes above and tell me, how many of you believe that islamic misogyny is created by men, how many of you believe that islamic misogyny is shaytaan making following one’s whims and desires appear attractive?