Here We Go Again – Polygyny Revisited

Backlit_Pink_Rose_Interior_With_Drops_(209284324)Mark has been spending a lot of time visiting the local masjid, and arab friends. I know he’s trying to find a way to bring Bimbo back to the UK. We are however practising a strict “don’t ask don’t tell” -policy, so I don’t know exactly what options he’s considering.

I don’t even know how his #2 reacted when he retracted the divorce. I suppose she considers it his right and she must just obey her “husband”. Well well, it’s not my problem. He’ll be going to Oman for a visit after easter, maybe things will come to a conclusion after that. :/

I’ve been out in the garden all day trimming the roses. Now, I’m completely beat. I’m looking forward to a long shower and a glass of wine before Graham comes home.

Tomorrow, we’ll be going to the Chilterns, and my daughter’s coming to visit. 🙂

19 thoughts on “Here We Go Again – Polygyny Revisited

  1. Hie Fiona!
    Hope you are doing good and taking good care of yourself…
    Well Fiona, I think Its been more than atleast THREE MONTHS since his #2 wife is in iddah…
    So I would really like to know how long does IDDAH period lasts? I mean How long if a wife is in iddah is considered finally divorced? Is it fixed for all or it can also be altered according to Husband’s will??

  2. Hi Successful, so good to see you again! 🙂 Yes, you’re right – iddah is 3 months. Mark took her back in November – when he decided to come back to me. I think that when he understood he couldn’t give me up, he knew he needed her to make it through somehow. Maybe to balance things, I don’t know. He just told me it was his “condition”. I accepted. I think this time, we might all make a better job of it… 🙂

  3. when you first announced the wife was in iddah , a few thoughts came upon me. The first being yayy! He finally got rid of her! Then I figured mark would want to go back to being monogamous with you and since your readers know how strongly you feel towards grahm (spelling?) I didn’t think you’d ever leave graham. I figured mark would get upset . If he didn’t take back bimbo, then he’d eventually get someone else in her place ; he likely couldn’t stand to see you going away every few days while he’s at home alone. especially now that you’re expecting. On the bright side, at least you already know what you’re getting with the other. Think positive, things can be better this time. It’s also apparent that mark loves you very dearly, although he’s way upset about you having a baby with grahm, at the end of the day, he wants to stick with you. He loves you unconditionally . Don’t worry, be happy 🙂 unsure if you already answered but what’s the babies gender? I’m excited for you!

  4. Hi Fiona,
    Thanks for filling in the picture a bit for us, re Mark and his #2. Please tell me that you’re not helping pay for his trips to Oman. D.

  5. Good question Dale! I’ll get back to you tomorrow – I’m at a function tonight and can only write short messages using my phone..

  6. Hi Fiona

    I’m wondering how you feel about your husband reentering marriage with his second wife? Does it still hurt or have you found peace? I know many women eventually find peace in polygamy and even happiness. It’s all about allowing your husband happiness isn’t it? You know, I believe you are a remarkable woman, no man would have stayed with you through this otherwise. But it’s time for you to see that his second wife is not to blame, you should wish her happiness too. Do you know yet what your husband has planned in order to get her back to the UK? Are you ready to welcome her? God speed to all of you

  7. You will surely burn in hell for making a cuckold of your husband and disobeying him and Allah!

  8. Hi Fiona!
    I’m very glad I’ve found your blog, I’ve been reading it chronologically these past few days (am now halfway July). Since you write about your life so openly, I have some questions about your life and your story that might not sound very nice, or maybe overly critical. So before I start asking them, firstly: I think you are awesome! Your husband takes another wife and you respond by taking another man? Brilliantly epic! Also, you explain a lot about your situation (and polygamy in Islam, which is while nothing close to me very interesting to read) in a very thorough yet easy to read way. So, with all these feathers stuck up your bum, my critical questions. I hope you don’t mind, I don’t mean to be nasty. Really, really not! But I have a reason for wanting to know al about this.

    1) You often say “don’t do to your buddy what you wouldn’t want for yourselfs”. Then: Mark married a (consenting) girl, snooped behind your (gorgeous) butt with the little bimb, and told you later about it like it was fact, swallow it and live with it, biatch! Not so nice. But, also, YOU married Graham, bedded him behind your Marks’ unknowing back and dropped exactly the same bomb on him. For Mark, your polygamy was just as devastatingly surprising and hurting as it was for you. While it is definately “do unto him what he has done to you” that is not a “don’t do upon another what you would not enjoy yourself”. As in, just because he hurt you, doesn’t mean it’s okay you hurt him back/gives you the right to do the same. You didn’t enjoy the hurt, why do it to him? (Don’t get me wrong, I do totally fully 100% understand why you did it and I don’t find it unjust or mean. But I’m more ‘an eye for an eye’ kinda gal, I’m afraid. You were not walking the… talk? Talking the walk? Whatever, English sayings are so weird.)
    1b) Your men live under the same roof, or on the same estate. Would you accept Bimb there as well (or close by) if she were to come back? Your men accept each other for your sake, so shouldn’t you accept her…? (If not I get it but, wondering. Also, how are Mark and Graham going along nowadays?)
    2) I know you hate Bimbi’s guts. Andaaien I get that. But you often say that she isn’t your responsibility. Likewise, you aren’t and never were (or will be) hers. The fact that she married your husband while she knew you didn’t know is not commendable. But it isn’t she that did the nasty thing. She wasn’t in a monogamous relationship with you. She never promised you to be honest, faithfull and an fulltime spouse for you. You weren’t her concern. Mark is the one that did the betrayal, the breaking, causing the pain, taking half your marriage and all the trust away. Not Bimb. Sure she’s a passive agressive pain in the rear, you are jealous and rather see her in a boiling pit of lava… But you forgave Mark. How can you not forgive her (not for being stupid and manipulative, those are of course inexcusable and unforivable sins. Duh. But for marrying your spouse) but love, trust, cherish the one that did betray yo uso awfully?
    3) On that same note: you love Mark. You and he have been through half a life together and that creates a bond so strong it physically hurts when it’s broken. But he, the one that you trusted most ever, broke your trust, forced you into something terribly degrading and mysagonistic. He went LOOKING for another YOUNG bride behind your back. You once said somewhere that you suspect Bimb was even younger than 18 when he ‘married’ her. Not only that, he treats her like he is superior, by the archaic nasty masculine pigsty-rules you so very much hate that you dedicate almost half your blog to bashing them. While you were crying and dying from the pain he got his biggest hard-on peepee pleasure thinking of your tears and pain while fucking her. (you said that somewhere, that when he told you about Bimb and then left to bang her it was extremely arousing for him.) Again, I repeat: Your pain made him horny.
    ……how, how, how could you ever come to forgive that pain, that hurt, that broken trust? How can you forgive a guy for banging a barely legal suppressed backward girl? How can you, after all that, trust him again like before, laugh and open up yourself like before, to someone who not only hurt yo uso bad but also enjoyed it sexually? Someone who is in a relationship wich is everything you (and I) despise, because of the unequality and the abuse? Is having half a life of shared moments really stronger than that? I don’t, really I don’t, get how you could continue to love him as a partner. I could get it that you’d still see his qualities as a father, as a nice guy (mostly) with witty humor, and be amicable as exes together. But opening up your heart again to the person who stepped on it, told you to ‘just endure it’ and then even ejaculated on the shattered pieces that crunched under his heels…. You either have to be REALLY forgiving, or having a bit of Stockholms. Okay, that sounds like I think you are stoopit, and I absolutely don’t think that you are. You seem very strong, independant and are extremely articulate. But I do have a major case of WHAT DA FUQ?! whenever I read you being happy with Mark…. Tell me more! I want to understand. Or more, hear your reasoning. I think I do understand, it’s love. I can’t wrap my head around feeling SO strongly for another to forgive that, that’s probably why… I wanna know more.

    My (European, atheist) parents had a so-so marriage. A few years ago my mum fell in love with another guy, who told her alllll the sweet nothings my drunk fat dad didn’t tell her anymore, and chirped of open marriages and polyamory. So she started something with him, and told my dad later on that she loved him, didn’t want to leave him, but also loved another man.
    My dad went all shades of crazy. Couldn’t work, lost 30 kilo’s. Tried to commit suicide several times. I had to stay with him for days on end to make sure he didn’t hurt himself, and received more than one goodbye call when I did sleep at my place and he tried to kill himself (aka manipulate my mom in dumping the other guy). After the last time he did that, my mom dumped the other guy, my dad found another lady, went off with her (she’s really nice), and divorced my mom. (then mom’s dormant bipolar disorder woke up after 52 yesrs of sleep and all kinds of drama happened, again with me as the social worker of the family, but that’s not poly related.)
    They both moon and croon about how things went, and how they miss each other still, and bla, bla, bla. So, compared to what I see happeing around me I think you did an AWESOME job of not messing up in the terrible confusion that is polygamy. I hope you do understand that I really do see how strong and wise you are in all this. Mu questions above are more of the deeper understanding sort, I try to understand the crazy behavior in (forced) polygamy. I do absolutely not condemn your choices (and even if I were, it would not be my place or of interest to you). So I hope I did not offend you, and if I asked something to harsh, I’m very sorry.

    Also, trying to type this stuff on a broken iPad in a foreign language while trying to make some sort of sense… it be hard, y’all!
    Good luck to you, your little baby and your two big ones, and dftba!

  9. Did you know? You English speaking folks say “it’s a feather in your cap” when given a compliment. We Dutch say “you get a feather pricked in your *** (meaning rear end)”. I THOUGHT something looked off in my previous post. Ehm… 🙂

  10. Hi Fiona,
    I don’t think Mark can legally bring the bimbo in to the UK, its against the law to bring in another wife (Thank God) when you are legally married to a first wife.

    Take care x

  11. They’re eating their own now, did you notice? They let the men off the hook for being MINO (muslim in name only) but now are practically trying to tear Jenny a new one because of *one* comment she made about not letting her husband’s oldest son take her Jewish children to a mosque. (As if any of them would let their muslim children dare be taken to a synagogue). It’s funny…these women will speak filth about other people in their own families (first-fourth wives, in-laws) and refuse to speak with them and advise the people they like to do the same but the second you’re on the outs with them, they think you have a weird obligation to do everything under the sun for people that 1) don’t give a crap about you and 2) you have nothing to do with (i.e. the ridiculous comments about Jenny bringing her husband’s ex-wife and the entire family to the USA on her dime).

  12. He wouldn’t bring her on the basis of marriage for the reason you stated, Freya. He’ll do some kind of workaround – like the student visa she had before.

  13. Hi Allie, I have been reading the blog too and the jealousy that some if women have with a stranger (Jenny) having a lavish life and having control on her husband and in laws is unbelievable. You can think how jealous they will be with the co wives !
    Interestingly the other Laila there is seems like she has some sense when it comes to treating different faiths with respect and being accepting of other ways of life. I feel sorry for her life situation. She has a much older husband I think she said she is 30 year younger than first wife so she will even more age difference with husband. She is struggling to have a baby I wonder if it has something to do with her husband being older with poor sperm quality . She clearly wants to celebrate some of festivals from her culture which husband doesn’t like. It’s so sad that in the name I religion people force lifestyles like polygyny and what to wear, what days to celebrate on ech other. Comments from this Laila character on 411 sometimes make a lot I sense and sometimes she talks like a brainwashed woman like many other. I hope her sane and intelligent side of personality wins and she can get out of all this while she is still young. And there are many other that I worry about. The Spirited being another one. Her Pakistani husband cheated on her and married the other woman when she became pregnant. He is still not a citizen of US/UK. He is with her because she is his ticket to permanent residence in a developed country. He doesn’t even have to pay for her much. This woman is living like a sigle woman dependent on her parents going to college and all. If I was her I would report this mans cheating and illegitimate marriage to authorities and have this guy sent back to Pakistan. If not that extreme I would just divorce this man this man and let him figure out how to take care of himself and the illegitimate child and wife. Even threatening divorce will have this guy singing different tunes but she is sitting there playing all patient and good Muslim wife role while the other woman is getting everything that a legally wedded wife gets while doesn’t even get what a muslim wife deserves. Oh my God I can go on and on about what poor choices many women there are making! They all seem to direct their anger towards other woman than on the real culprit. The men are clearly taking advantage while these foolish women are busy bitching about other women or co wives!! Oh my my blood boils reading and commenting on all this. May all these women get the strength to do the right thing and live their lives with dignity

  14. Sorry the typo The Laila person claims to be *20 years younger than co wife. I think the Islam religion is the only excuse or a faith that justifies her marrying a married man and hurting a woman 20 years her senior.

  15. And yes the Commentator Gail on 411 seems to be someone who has ethics and is a good hearted person. I really like one of her posts where she described how her kids question some of the things from religion and her idea of God and religion. I think this person is a genuine and good person. I cannot believe Ana is still keepin her there and not blocking her 🙂 like she does with anyone who doesn’t agree with her point of view about polygamy and religion.

  16. Divorcing Fiona and marrying #2 legally is the easiest way to bring her here but looks like Mark loves Fiona and is not willing to let her go on any cost even after her becoming polyandrous and having baby with another man. Look at what this man has brought upon himself by listening to Arab men’s club’s advice of him getting a new young Muslimah wife. These men do not seem to have any idea what women can do they think all women are like their Muslimah mothers, wives who will not do anything against their wish

  17. @Laila

    Spirited’s situation is actually worse than that! Her husband can’t even afford to support her. They’re *both* living with her parents. I think part of her issue is that she’s Pakistani and has been divorced once already. There is a huge stigma on divorce for women in Pakistan and there aren’t many Pakistani men willing to look past it.

    To a certain extent I think many women there are actually enjoying the martyr aspect of it. Passing themselves off as the ‘cool’ and pious wife. If they wake up and take charge of the situation they’d have to admit they were being played for fools and had their religion used against them.

  18. Oh then I missed that part of her story. I didn’t know Spiruted is divorced. I see why she isn’t trying to divorce her current husband then. I understand the stigma in Paki culture and being a woman of Pak origin divorcing 2nd time is going to be extremely difficult decision. I think her Paki husband married a divorcee only for US citizenship otherwise no Paki unmarried man marries a divorced actually went the divorced men want unmarried virgins as wives. Now I have a whole lot of sympathy for this young lady. I am glad she is going to med school and all. It’s interesting how we sometimes worry for people we have never met or even know that they are real 🙂

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