Question: I am struggling with this right now alhamdoulillah it is all a test from Allah to know ourselves better and to challenge ourselves. I have met the first man in my life that I think is better than my own father but he is married with 2 children and one on the way. He wants a second wife as his first wife chose to move back to her home of origin to be close to her family and leave him alone. Even though she isn’t able to provide him with the marriage he wants, he won’t divorce her because he feels fully responsible for her and won’t abandon her. I respect this and feel guilty for even entertaining the thought of him doing this to her in my head. I don’t know what to do. He is incredible and sweet and caring and gentle and a good Muslim mashaAllah… but he already has a wife and I am so afraid that this jealousy will eat me up inside for the rest of my days if I marry him. The thought of him going to visit his wife and being with her physically and emotionally wrenches my heart and turns my stomach and it is not even my right to feel this way right now as I am not his wife. I am at a critical point and must make a decision. I cannot speak with my family about this as they are A.) not Muslim and B.) would never accept this situation. They would think that I’ve settled instead of getting what I deserve. If a man loves you more than words can express, wants to take full care of you like a Muslim man should, treat you like his wife, his best friend, his sister, his daughter, his mother, his princess and his queen and give you the world if he can… are you settling for less because he already has a wife?
Answer: Dear Kat,
I can feel your pain. But I must tell you, I can feel hers too. She is married to him, she is expecting his baby. I am pregnant too, and I can’t imagine the pain if my husband, the father of the child I’m carrying, would tell me he’s taking another wife. The thought is unbearable. No woman should ever have to go through that.
Remember, men can only do that to their wives, if other women are willing to aid and abet. Yes, I can see you love this man. But already, that means that you have committed a sin according to islam. There is no such thing as mixing or falling in love that is allowed if you are a believer. You have fallen in love with another woman’s husband. A woman who is pregnant with his child.
How would you feel if that happened to you? Do unto your sister what you would have done unto you!
The jealousy, the pain in sharing, the nausea in knowing he has been making love to her just before he comes to you – it’s all nothing compared to the sheer betrayal.
So, think of his wife. And do unto her what you would have done unto yourself.