I’m the Alfa-female in our Polygamous Marriage

polygamy-femaleI’ve been out shopping today with a friend who’s moving to a bigger flat and needs some new furniture. Been a long time since I went shopping and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We had lunch at Waterstones, Piccadilly, and I have come home with a bag of books I’m looking forwards to reading. I just love Kate Morton.

I’m feeling great and my friends tell me it shows. My hair is getting a bit curly, isn’t that funny? I never knew pregnancy could make your hair curly 🙂

I’m spending the evening with Mark. We are making plans to go to Scotland next weekend to visit friends, and we’ll be spending the evening talking about what more to do once we’re up there. I feel a strong need to spend quality time with him. I need to feel I’m his lover and his wife, I want to take the strange feeling out of our relationship.

Mark came back. Basically I suppose, because he loves me. Partly I believe because he’s not willing to give me up having sacrificed so much to keep me.

He tried at first to give me a lot of ultimatums about our relationship, time spent with him, never to bring the baby along during his time with me that kind of thing, but I wouldn’t have it. I told him polygamy is a thing between the adults, the baby isn’t bound by any rules. In the end he gave way. He came back with only one condition. He said he couldn’t go through with his divorce now, he couldn’t take the pain of a divorce while he also had to live with the pain of my having a baby with Graham.

I was furious. I mean, after all we’ve been through? And what about his #2? Would he keep her hanging again? Mark just said that since she was still in iddah, he had a right to take her back. He also said he was going to look at new ways to bring her back to the UK.

So here we are. Back in our dance macabre.

But you know what? I’m at peace. I’m having a baby. Both my husbands have agreed to act as fathers. I’m happy.

Let’s hope it stays that way.

6 thoughts on “I’m the Alfa-female in our Polygamous Marriage

  1. I had a very strong feeling he wasn’t going to go through with divorcing #2 when you got pregnant, if she was still in iddah. These men are such simpletons, truly predictable.

    BTW just wanted to update that I am divorced. My husband announced in December he was going to reach out to #2 again, this after all the work I, and I thought he, had put into trying to repair the damage he and she had done. I told him fine, but if he goes back to her he can count on the revolving door being removed. In other words if he goes he can stay gone. By just after Christmas he took me up on it and we split. I truly haven’t been happier, I moved out of state and found a nice house, while the ex pisses and moans that I have deserted him – in between his constant pursuit of #2. They are playing some fucked up kind of cat and mouse game. Not my problem anymore though! I don’t have to care, that is the beauty of divorce. I only wish I had done it when the ex first got with that wretched female.

  2. Good riddance!! 😀 He so clearly didn’t deserve you. You sound happy, I’m glad 🙂 Is he still trying to get back with you? :0 You know, I still don’t understand these men who believe they can go have new wives, families, relationships whenever they want, expecting their first wives to just suck it up, while all hell breaks loose as soon as a woman shows some kind of independence.. What goes around comes around is what I say… 😉 Is he paying maintenance? Just a question: When you look back: were you divorced because of his actions or hers?

  3. Is he trying to get back with me? Good question. At first he was; I don’t think he truly believed I’d leave the state and if I did that I’d be miserable. My standard of living instead has improved hugely. I have a beautiful, albeit haunted old house and 2 of my adult kids are here along with 2 grandbabies. I got a job.
    He doesn’t pay any maintenance which is fine – I earn more than he does. #2 is a part time cashier at one of the largest big-box stores and he probably is helping her out. I work for an athletic shoes and supplies corporation making a decent living. So I’m good. I want nothing from ex.

    I’d say we (it was a joint petition for dissolution) divorced because too much damage had been done over the course of polygyny and when he decided to start it up with her again, I knew that was it. By the time we filed he wanted divorce as well. I wouldn’t say she did it….the EFFECT of her contributed to it for sure, but this was he and I all the way. By the time we got to this point I was DYING for my freedom.

  4. I should mention that while he wanted divorce too it wasn’t for the same reason….he wanted to prove to # 2’s family that her crazy behavior came from her, not because he pushed her into plural marriage. That the divorce is just paper to him and he still loved me etc ad nauseum. I let him know this divorce is real to me and I’m not the game player he is, and I meant it. Since then I think he finally got the message that I’m out. That’s when the whining about my deserting him started but that too has abated. He still calls me daily just to say hi. Idiot.

  5. Thanks for clarifying about Mark being “fixed” in the last post. I had completely forgotten about that and it being an issue with him and #2 etc.

    Do we know how far along you are, Fiona?

  6. I’ve been told to have a bag packed on May 29, or there about. 🙂 I’ve actually already got two bags packed, one in each home. Wherever I am when it all starts, Graham will be the one by my side while I give birth. It’s funny, when you study religious rules and texts, be they muslim or christian, giving birth is considered one of the reasons why women are weaker and less spiritual or “worthy” than men, or less capable of leadership. I’d say it’s the exact opposite. Being able to give birth proves that women are stronger than men, and have been given the greatest gift of all – to bring new life into this world. Men should stand in awe of their wives. Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a husband should prostrate himself before his wife! 🙂

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