Graham tells me he told my son about Mark’s divorce, about everything that’s been going on. Apparently, Graham is hoping this new turn of events will open up a door for Mark and my son to somehow get in touch again. Graham said my son was happy about #2 getting out of our lives, but he didn’t know if he could forgive his dad. Ever. I think Graham proves again what a wonderful man he is by trying to reconcile my son, the boy he loves and treats like his own, and Mark.
I have stopped trying to push my son into forgiving his father. I know too much about the pain and torture of forced polygyny to expect my son to be able to reach out to his dad, or accept any kind of initiative from Mark. You can help somebody recover from abuse and torture, but you can’t make them love the abuser.
I have been contacted by many children with polygamous fathers. They all speak of agony, loneliness, feelings of insufficiency, abandonment – and the unbearable pain of watching your mother’s perpetual suffering. Many speak of trying to win your father’s love, trying to make him stay, end the torture. Their stories are heartbreaking, horrendous tales of the endless heritage of pain left by forced polygyny.
I believe a child can learn to live with having a polygamous father, they might even be able to keep up a relationship, allow the father to be a part of their lives.
But I don’t think a child can ever forgive a father who has forced polygyny on his family. They might accept it.
But they will never forgive.