Are you Really telling Women to get Out There and Find Second Husbands Too?

imagesQuestion: Hello Fiona,

I’ve been reading your blog and quite enjoying it. You’ve got a great sense of humor and you seem to be a smart lady.

But I have to ask, are you really saying to women who have polygamous husbands that they can go out and get second husbands too?

So who will look after the children if their mothers go courting while the husband is tending his other family? And have your thought about the STD:s? How will the husband and his other wives be safe if his first wife has sex outside marriage? Or even if she “marries” another man as you suggest?

And what if her husband falls ill or something, should the first wife then be excused from visiting him in hospital because she is taking care of her other husband?

And who will make the decisions when there are two husbands? Can’t you see that this would lead to chaos.

And I’m sorry if I’m blunt Fiona (but you don’t seem to shy away from candid language) but I don’t think men would be a ble to share their wives intimately. I think men would find it gross and unbarable to know that their woman had been intimate with another man. They would never allow it. Most men don’t want a woman who’s ever been with another man. Having a wife who alternates between me and another man – no way! I would feel like she’s dirty and full of his touch. And I would picture the two of them – no way could I live with that.

You see, sex is more important to us and we think about it differently (and more! 🙂 )so it would never work.

And if she has babies, who will be the father?

I don’t think women could ever be polygamous. No way.

I enjoy your blog though!

Answer: Hi Isaak, thanks for your kind words about my blog.

Your first question is about the children. Children are always the equal responsibility of their parents. In polygyny, who will look after the children when the husband scuttles off to his second or fourth wife? 😦 If the woman has a second husband, there will still be a man and a male role model around the house even if the real father is off shagging somebody else. My suggestion is that the father and mother take turns with the children.

I have thought about STD:s believe me! I have a husband who married a teenage hussy su yes, it’s crossed my mind. In polygamy, any kind of polygamy, I believe all concerned should have regular check ups, and share the results with each other. I also would like to remind you that men get STD:s just as much as women so muslim men in polygyny ought to have a check up every month or so and share the results with their wives.

In real polygamy, the polygamous  wife is just as married as the polygamous husband!

If a spouse falls ill, I hope the other spouse will help and visit – this surely is not a question of gender?

In polygamous marriage, just like in monogamous marriage, I think decisions must be based on consensus. No biggie! Muslim men, and men overall, just have to learn to view and treat their wives as equal parties in Family Inc.

Here’s a surprise for you: Women in polygamy have exactly the same feelings about sex as you do! We find it gross and utterly disgusting that our husbands are being intimate with other women. We feel exactly the same way, and our imaginations show us exactly the same excruciating pictures!!!! Please read and understand this. To all men out there considering polygyny or living polygyny: This part of sharing your spouse is just as painful to women as it would be to you!!! Imagine it!! Picture it!!! Read my post “Love for your brother…” and try to understand. A polygamous husband is disgusting to all his wives because they know that he comes home carrying the touch, bacteria and acari of other women to his bed. He is contaminated by perpetual disgusting bacteria. He is disgusting because he is like having to share your home bathroom and toilet with other women who crap there without cleaning it after themselves. No quick shower would make a toilet a vessel another woman would like to drink out of!

Paterinity can nowadays be settled using a simple 2 min test.

Thanks for your post. Come again! 🙂

6 thoughts on “Are you Really telling Women to get Out There and Find Second Husbands Too?

  1. This is the best description ever! A toilet some other woman has taken a crap in. That’s exactly how I see my husband when he comes home from #2!! Thank you Fiona. I have tried making him understand why I can’t stand him touch me ever again. He doesn’t seem to understand exactly how revolting he has become to me by choosing polygamy. I will tell him he’s a toilet this other woman is crapping in before sending him back to me. Maybe that will make him get it finally. If it werent for the kids I’d be outta here in a sec.

  2. I have allways been shy and the intimate part of marriage was scaring and dificult and it took time to be with my husband without shyness and afraid and negative feeling. I wanted much love and trust to open up to my husband and I was very happi to feel that rtust n love growing. My trust and intimate is greatest gift for my husband. When he married my cowife is violation and not to describe the pain and I have cosed myself completely. I have never be good at to speak my feeling now I can speak not at all with my husband and I can never never never never never never be intimate gain with him. Forgive me. To know that he is in that intimacy the sacred bubble of intimacy with her and then believes I can trust and love physically with him too is something I can not understand. I am thinking now how I can tell my parents he has a new wife and if they can allow me come home.

  3. Where do these men get the idea that the intimacy aspect of polygamy doesn’t affect the wives? Jesus H Christ! It’s the number one thing that freaked me out and I hear it time and again from other wives.

  4. It freaked me out too, still does. Intimacy is about bonding, about opening up your innermost core to somebody else. Of course it is extremely hurtful to have your spouse share that with somebody else. I have talked with Mark about it, and he says that he thought men could separate sex and love, because that’s what people claim, right? But he said that making love is exactly that – making and bonding and sharing love. Men and women are exactly the same. He couldn’t help falling in love with #2 as he was making love to her.

  5. Fiona,
    Are you saying, (11:50 AM) that Mark expected to separate love and sex, and that he expected to keep feelings of love just for you? Isn’t that admitting that he married #2 just for sex? Did he say this to #2 when he married her; “oh, BTW, this is just for sex”?

    At least Mark is honnest. Unlike most of the other men that come on this blog and talk about Allah, orphans, and what’s halal, when really, it’s all about getting opportunistic sex. (We all know that, and can be spared the BS.)

  6. Dale,

    I think what he is trying to say is that he thought he could control the degree of emotional involvement. That he could e.g. decide to love her without falling in love with her. :p But of course it was about sex, he was very honest about that with me if you read his story under “From monogamy to polygamy”. Doubt that he’s been honest with her though…

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