Help me Explain to my Husband who Wants Polygamy

imagesQuestion: Hello Fiona and thank you for this blog and all your story and sharing.

I am needing advice. My husband started talking a little of polygamy last year more in a general way how I felt and what I thought. I didn’t think much about it I said it must be up to each to decide how best live your life. This year he started saying maybe polygamy was for him how would I feel about that. I was startled and it made me feel very bad to think about having another woman share my husband especially the intimacy part as you can maybe understand. I also feel very bad about the children and any children he could have with another woman. But I am not against polygamy I think it can work good if all agree and live close maybe same area so children can see their parents every day.

What I want to talk about is that I have been thinking now for many moths and my husband is pressing me for an answer. And I have met a man I am interested in. He is a wonderful man whose wife died and I met him at the playground he was there with his daughter and we got to know each other and we have fallen in love. He says he is willing to share me and be polygamous. So I am thinking if I should tell my husband I am willing to say yes to polygamy but only if his second wife lives in our street and only if he agrees that I am allowed to have a second husband too. I love this man very much, if I hadn’t had very strong morals I would have wanted to have an affair woth him but I don’t want that. He i s christian but not very believing. I could have two happy marriages and my children would always have a man around the house. Where I live there are many mormons with polygamy so I don’t think anybody would find us strange.

Do you think it’s a good idea?

And what do you think would be a good way to bring this up with my husband? How can I tell him this in a way not to hurt him and make him say yes?

I would be very happy to have help

I love your blog Fiona.

Answer:

I believe it might be a good idea, if you and the new man are very committed to each other and to living polygamy. If you are, the only way to tell your husband is straight. It’s an all or nothing situation.

Just tell him: If you want it, I want it too. Take it or leave it! We can both of us be polygamous, or none of us.

This is the litmus test of a real man. Is he secure, loving and respects you, or is he insecure, selfish and considers himself your superior!

As you say, this would also be a way to make polygamy work for the children.

Please let us know what happens! Good luck!

One thought on “Help me Explain to my Husband who Wants Polygamy

  1. It sounds a bit like your husband has been grooming you for the past year or so. This is the advice they are given by the way, don’t spring it on your wife out of the blue instead just gradually discuss and get her used to the idea. The fact he is pushing it more now may indicate he has someone lined up etc.

    At least he’s being upfront with you?

    It certainly would be a test to see how he reacted. But on a more serious note, are there religious factors that could complicate this for you? For example Fiona’s situation works because she has no religious belief that her husband could hold her up to. So in the way she accepted Islam was his choice, he accepted it was not hers so she could be polygamous.

    If you and your husband have shared religious beliefs that allow him polygamy, but not you, I would be a little careful how you approach the discussion. You may find he backs off the whole idea, although I think once the polygamy seed is planted it’s very hard to uproot.

    I would also suggest the younger your children the more difficult this situation would be. Things like childcare arrangements, would the other wife be looking after your kids while you are in the other marriage? Your children are obviously young and I think that does complicate it for you.

    You may also end up pregnant and presumably you would have to have a DNA test to confirm who is the father? Would you be comfortable living like that? And would children from both men live with you? That means when your 1st husband comes home he may be living with children from the 2nd and vice versa? I guess some women in polygamy live like that.

    I hope I haven’t been too personal. Every situation is different. Talk to him and see what happens.

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