Lamentations of a Second Wife

Second WIfe

Second WIfe

A Second wife is a woman who marries another woman’s husband.

Men can talk all they want about their rights to polygamy, selfishness is part of human nature, but it’s women who are the enablers. Men would not be able to force women into polygamy if other women didn’t enable it by marrying married men.

I’m not talking about women who are deceived by liars, women who marry men without knowing that they already ahve a wife, maybe children too.

I’m talking about women who marry men even if they know that the first wife hasn’t even been told because the husband knows she will be devastated. Or women who marry a man even if they know the first wife is begging her husband not to do it, is crying and screaming with the pain, suffering immensely, maybe also trying to protect children who are suffering too. These women are the scum of the earth, walking cancers to the body of society.

In islam, these women are doing the morally recommended thing. Islam teaches that it is a good thing that will be rewarded to become a second wife, sharing a husband. The reason of course is to make sure men can persuade women to become second wives. And in islam of course, men aren’t obliged to ask their wife’s permission to marry again, or even to tell her about it.

This gives second wives some kind of moral high ground. They can shatter a family, destroy the lives of other women and children, and claim that this is the right thing to do – all in the interest of men and their base desires.

This is what it can sound like. There is a muslim woman who chose to become a second wife to a man who first didn’t tell his first wife that he planned to marry again, and then simply said she must submit to his will and live forced polygyny. The first wife is suffering extreme pain and living a life of excruciating agony as a result. The second wife is off on holiday with her “husband” and she writes to complain about the first wife being angry about nasty texts the whore has sent her out of spite. She complains that the first wife is crazy since she can’t be happy her husband is off on vacation fucking his new wife-whore.

This woman has stolen the husband of another woman, willingly destroyed another woman’s life, taken half the rest of her life away – killed it if you will. The hoe says she can’t understand why the wife doesn’t like it that she’s off fucking her husband on a holiday.

You purposely “marry” another woman’s husband and destroy her life – and are surprised and sad that she would destroy your holiday by forwarding nasty texts of yours to her husband? What kind of person are you? Can anybody really be that stupid, or are you just evil?  You don’t understand what she’s angry about? Ahum, let’s se – maybe she minded that you destroyed her life? Maybe she didn’t appreciate that you helped her husband lie to her, cheat on her, and force her into polygyny? Maybe she isn’t grateful to you for fucking her husband while she is lying alone night after night crying and screaming because of the pain you have caused her? Did you ever think her attitude towards you could have been influenced by any of that?

This hussy claims she’s not bothered by the real wife’s pain. Well, of course not. If you had any kind of morals, any kind of backbone, any kind of heart or soul, you would not have committed the heinous crime against humanity that you did. Aiding and abetting a man in destroying the life of his wife, forcing her to live a life of perpetual physical and mental rape, is despicable and horrid. But you obviously have no shame, no heart, no soul. All you have is base selfishness, greed and lust.

It’s interesting to be given this glimpse of a second wife’s black soul. Her utter disregard for her fellow woman, her selfishness, her lack of emotional and intellectual intelligence explains to us in part how women can become second wives.

It also clearly shows why such whores are, and must be, despised and shunned by society.

78 thoughts on “Lamentations of a Second Wife

  1. Fiona I found it interesting that you say “Women tell me they start to wear sexy clothes, cook new food, ….. , try to better and wilder in bed in order to win a word of love or any indication that he “loves you more”. Women understand this is humiliating but they can’t help themselves since they see this as a survival strategy. And the men are happy because this was what they wanted.” You surely just answered your own dilemma, this is what he wanted but the first wife didnt give it to him so he found it elsewhere. Maybe if first wives don’t stop all this after the honeymoon period he wouldn’t look outside his marriage? As for forced polygamy, I am sure everyone here is aware that divorce and Khula are permissible in Islam. …. (I removed from your quote “obey without ever questioning” because that should never part of a marriage and if your husband wants that I would question why you ever married such a man).

  2. So this is the best argument you were able to come up with! Honeymoon phase is a well known and scientifically proven phenomenon and it doesn’t stay forever. It ends and then comes the REAL married life phase 🙂 with its ups and downs and sometimes rough patches. If both spouses work on it together they can eventually reach a stage where they can be even more wild 😉 and happier than honeymoon phase. The key is if they work on their marriage together not if the man enjoys the honeymoon phase but when it comes the time to work on real married life like a grown man then he runs away from it like a little boy to go get another toy to play with.

  3. Laila. The answer then is to marry a man and not a boy. And yes it is the best argument I can come up with, because of experience. Of course the honeymoon phase doesn’t last but once a second wife appears the first wife always makes more effort again. When my husband took a second wife I tried to endure it but couldn’t and got divorced. At the end of it all I reflected internally, rather than just blame him (perhaps due to my age) and found that I had too had suddenly made a real effort once No 2 arrived. I started wearing nicer clothes, trying to get closer to him, making more effort, etc … Why? Why did I stop doing that and then suddenly expect it to work once his attention was elsewhere? I am not suggesting men are blameless, far from it, but I am suggesting women should reflect BEFORE its too late and he half way out the door.

  4. SalEl,
    Did you consider why you stopped dressing nicely in the first place. If you weren’t same to begin with something might have triggered that. Do you think its a woman’s responsibility to make all the efforts. I think a man can do a lot of things to motivate his wife who is uninterested or maybe depressed etc. (i am not labeling you depressed i am just making a general statement here). What is it that stops women from making an effort towards their husband? Is it all their choice or fault? I think never, both parties are responsible one might have a bigger role than other and that bigger role may be man’s or woman’s case to case basis.
    There are some things that women have no control on. Like body changes, hormonal changes and aging. Is it fair for a man to go take a younger wife. Isn’t that very disrespectful to someone who once was a young woman and gave everything to this man and his kids.
    If brining in the competition to get your attention seems logical or you consider it a reaction to your action (not dressing nicely and paying attention to him or his needs) then using the same logic its ok for married women to start enjoying and encouraging attention from other men when their husband doesn’t treat them same as he did during the honeymoon phase and especially if he is eager to exercise his so called religious rights to court and marry other women (unless you believe that you as a woman don’t have equal rights as a man, your husband)

  5. I am wondering abut this person Cupcake formerly Laila (Had i known this earlier i would have used another Alias for myself )
    I might be mixing rings but i think the the story of ‘Laila” from Ana’s blog didn’t mention that she knew about the man’s first marriage. i think she came to know about it a lot later after investing into him emotionally. I might be wrong but thats what i remember reading there.

  6. Sorry for typo i meant ‘about’ not ‘abut’ and ‘mixing things’ not rings 🙂

  7. I just finished defending my dissertation a couple months ago. I still have a habit to read what i typed and look for typos and other corrections i need to make 🙂

  8. Hi Laila. Thanks for your reply. Yes of course I considered why I stopped making an effort and of course both husband and wife must continue to make an effort, not just the wife. A decent husband should try to solve any issues within his marriage before looking elsewhere, even if that is simply saying to his wife he is getting bored and together considering how to apice things up again. My comments were not to blame women or say we need to work harder and let men do as they like, it was simply a recognition of what you were saying about first wives suddenly making more effort once No 2 is on the scene. All marriages move out of the honeymoon stage and into the “settled and comfortable stage”. Sexy nighties are replaced with jersey pyjamas, each others needs start to be replaced with our own needs, etc. The truth is marriage is work, it doesn’t take care of itself and both partners need to recognise this and keep working at it, not just rush out to find someone more exciting (albeit temporarily more exciting). All I am suggesting is it is rare that blame is totally one sided and women need to reflect on their part in the loss of the marriage.

    As for all the comments about second wives being whores and a cancer on society … What about the second wives who don’t know he is already married until its too late? What about all the lies he has told her about the first wife … Just like he lies to her about the second? I was totally shocked when No 2 told me the things he had said about me to get her to marry me. I was mentally ill and under a doctor. We lived in a 5 bedroom home and he never slept with me (actually we lived in a 1 bedroom flat). Basically we had no marriage but because he was such a nice guy he couldn’t divorce me hahaha. The truth is she is not a whore, she is a normal woman who went through hell to decide to get into such an arrangement and he is just a pig who lies to both of us to meet his selfish needs. Yes some women know exactly what is going on and choose to marry a married man with small children but before we judge we should consider what he might be telling her. Just my experience.

  9. Thanks for your comment SalEl! Yes, your are right, many women are deceived by the men who want them to become #2. My experience is, most men lie in these situations. My wife does’nt love me anymore, we have no sexlife et.c. blah blah. BUT, and this is the dealbreaker, as long as he is honest about already being married and the new woman marries him just the same, without having made certain for herself that #1 is perfectly fine about it and entirely on board with polygamy- she is a whore and an abomination. He is committing a crime against humanity, and she is aiding and abetting.

  10. Assalamu alaikum

    My husband married again when we had been married 4 years. We had a son and I was expecting our daughter when he said he will marry. I always try to look good for him I dress in cloths he likes and yes I try to have nice nightgown but it is very hard to look sexy when you are seven month pregnant astaghfirullah. I was still young so it was not he needed a younger wife and even I was seven month pregnant I always had intimacy when he wanted. So what more could I have done? My husband said he wanted to be able to have intimacy even the month after I give birth so he wanted another wife. So where do you blame, SalEl? Should I have been more sexy and wear more sexy clothes? I think any real person, even men, should be able to live without intimacy a month inshallah. I hate his other wife very much for she married him just before I was having our baby and he was on his 7 days with her when I had my daughter inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji’un. Maybe polygamy has been good for the ummah but it is not good for the men and not for the women. Ma’a salama

  11. Wa alaikum salam Noor. As I said, women should examine their own behaviour as well as their husbands and if they find, like you, they have done their best then my prayers are with such women and my total disgust is with men who feel they can’t control themselves for a short time, particularly when their wife is having his baby at the time. Of course there are different circumstances in each marriage but I feel it is wrong to judge everyone in the same way, like saying “second wives are whores and a cancer in society” without recognising that sometimes it is the emotionally detached or lying men who are at fault but sometimes wives must also share or take the blame, because I for one can say my ex husbands second wife was far from being a whore or a cancer, she was simply a good woman who was lied to. May Allah bless you for your patience and suffering. Wa salam

  12. I had been reading Laila’s comments in one of Ana’s latest posts a couple months back, and from what I read, she was quite young when she married him. She knew about his marriage to his other wife before marrying him. The husband was planning to get married to her without informing his first wife till perhaps after marriage. Laila persuaded him to at least inform his wife about deciding to get married a second time. The husband informed his wife, she didn’t believe him and laughed it off or something. About a month later or so, he informed her he already got married a second time as he said. The first wife got a shock, and didn’t believe him, till she realized that yeah, it was true. Since then Laila has been facing hell from the first wife. She gave up a lot of her rights in the early years of marriage. She couldn’t have children from the husband because of his infertility issues and suffered miscarriages. She is full of resentment most likely because of the suffering she endured throughout her marriage.

    By the way I just wanted to say, Laila also said the husband cheated on her after he got married to her. That was also a shock to her and unexpected. When she asked him whether he wanted to marry her too he said no. Although he knows as well Laila wouldn’t like it if he married a third time. I guess all this plus the humiliation she probably faced from people on having an affair and then marrying her husband has added to her deep resentment and anger inside.

  13. I wonder what these second wives are told by the husband-to-be before they get married. I am pretty sure they would not list sex and sexual variety as the primary reason. Especially since the first wife is left so neatly out of the picture in many cases. In other cases its for having children. These two seem to be the main reasons for polygamy in majority of mainstream modern polygamy. I wish the polygamous men and wives who are not the first would be more honest why they would want to spend a lifetime in such a polygamous setup. But otherwise, like Fiona said, if less women were willing to be in a polygamous setup, there would be less chances for men to engage in it. But then it is also sad that the men would need other people to decide for him whether or not to get involved in polygamy. Unless everyone involved freely agrees to it and there is more honesty and less selfishness involved, it wouldn’t be so bad as a lot of cases today.

  14. Thanks for this update. This lady the “Laila’ from Ana’s blog also says she is from a Punjabi Sikh family. I know some Punjabi sikhs and i can’t even imagine the stigma or converting to Islam and then marrying a married man. I feel for her because looks like she did so much for this man and what she got in return in hell from first wife and cheated on by this man. I am not sure if its husbands infertility. I read some posts too. She is recently considering selling her business so that she can live less stressful life which might be causing miscarriages. How i see it is that basically she will get dependent even economically on this man and no way out for her from this marriage. It hurts to know such a hard working young career oriented woman got caught up in all this.

  15. I agree, women need to wake up and stay united then men won’t be able to do as they please. Most women end of considering the 2nd wife an enemy whereas the real culprit is the husband. Fiona, you too have been very harsh on #2 but i understand anyone in your place would have those feelings. Your #2 consented but we know how women are conditioned in those countries. If your #2 was given a real choice between your husband and an unmarried man living in UK who is as rich then i am sure this young girl will choose a single man who can father her children and can also provide for her.

  16. It is funny how first wifes always spew hate over second wifes. Why didn’t you make him stay with you only in the first place? If you were only half a wife why are you angry he needed another one? All polygamous men have bad first wifes who wasn’t enough to satisfy him as companion and as bedmate. I know because my husband has told me and all the first wifes a re all the same bitter old frustrated hags 🙂

  17. No, what’s funny is homewrecking slutbags with over inflated ideas of their importance are stupid enough to believe the lies these polygamous men spew to get them into bed in the first place.

    If we first wives were so terrible then these men are free to get a divorce. But they don’t – and that really chaps your ass, doesn’t it? 😀

  18. Looks like you are second wife and believe in your husband’s lies 🙂
    If first wifes are bad and all that you said why don’t those men divorce them and spend 100 percent of their time with second wife 🙂

  19. Why didn’t you make him stay with you only in the first place and leave his first wife? If you were only half a wife why are you angry he’s still married to his first and still enjoys fucking her? It is funny how second wifes always spew hate over first wifes.

    Rolled my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my skull.

  20. Hahahaha guys you are all so witted and funny people. Thing is this male supremacy and women aiding the men, to continue making other women feel second-class so they can feel better about themselves and praised, has existed for centuries. Even people who are highly educated and exposed to modern society are not quite immune from this old conditioning. I am glad blogs like these exist, to clear the fog from our eyes and to give clearer vision to what is going on so we can have a broader understanding and wisdom about a given situation.

  21. Not only is the second wife a whore but so is the husband who stabbed you in the heart & started the whole thing to begin with. I think it is even more his fault then anybody elses

  22. Wow. I cannot believe I was once contemplating conversion to Islam. This religion makes this world the perfect brothel for men. Women first worry about giving it whenever he wants it – so that he won’t take another wife, even if they are 7 months pregnant – and still end up “legally” cheated on. I can’t tell how disgusted I am by this lifestyle.

    And then I think of the lovely lesbian and gay couples I know. Much respect for each other. Much love for each other. Yet it is them religious scholars condemn as “animals”. Who are they kidding?

    Religion has started to trully disgust me from what I have read here.

  23. Lol! “My husband has told me.” Yes of course he has, dear!

    Watch out when your darling husband gets a third one 😉

    In the meantime enjoy your promiscuous lifestyle!

  24. Oh how did i miss these posts!
    So Miss Cupcake (Laila of polygamy411), You yourself are saying that your polygamous husband married you to fill a void in his first marriage. He already had a wife and kids but all he was missing was good sex that he wasn’t getting anymore from his wife. So he decided to fill that void= SEX. He promised to provide for a 19 year old and she gave him what he needed. Marrying a really young woman was a great idea on his part to prevent the what happened in his first marriage. Oh did i also read in one of your posts that your husband isn’t really interested in having any kids with you because he is very needy and is afraid that you will get busy with kids like his first wife!!!

  25. “You are no different than a polygamous man.” WRONG she is very different because she isn’t the one who decided to make her marriage polygamous. She just made lemonade out of the lemons that life gave her.

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