“I need you”
I called him. He was having difficulties talking, I could hear his voice almost breaking into sobs even as he answered the phone. I was really worried and asked what had happened. He said he didn’t know. He was just so low.
Ok. Reality had set in. He’s back from Oman and he knows things over there won’t change in the near future. I’m with Graham, and we’re back on our three day schedule. Loneliness got to him.
He said as much when I ran over to see how he was. He felt lonely, miserable and jealous. He had been picturing me and Graham, thinking about everything he has lost. He screamed at me that I was still trying to get back at him for marrying #2, that I was happy just to torment him. I sat there in the kitchen, letting him rave and get it all out of his system. I know the pain. I know he needs to vent, needs to know I see his suffering.
I held him, comforted him. I told him I understand. He just needs to readjust, try to find the polygamy routine again and not let it get to him. I know it’s difficult. I told him to remember, the fact that I have to leave him, that I love somebody else, have responsibilities in another relationship, doesn’t mean I love him less.
I reminded him he’s free to leave should he wish. It made him angry.
When I came home again, Graham said he would understand if I spent the night with Mark. He said he could understand what he must be going through reentering orbit. I said no. This need to work according to what we have agreed on or not at all. I can’t allow us to play mind games, power games with each other. Graham must know his time is his, Mark must be able to trust that his time is his. There’s no other way.
If I had been a muslim man, forcing this lifestyle on my first wife – the guilt would kill me.