Georgie Porgie Puddin’ and Pie

7c565-keep-calm-and-you-can-do-it-13Yesterday Mark, my first husband, texted me in the early afternoon.

“I need you”

Just so.

I called him. He was having difficulties talking, I could hear his voice almost breaking into sobs even as he answered the phone. I was really worried and asked what had happened. He said he didn’t know. He was just so low.

Ok. Reality had set in. He’s back from Oman and he knows things over there won’t change in the near future. I’m with Graham, and we’re back on our three day schedule. Loneliness got to him.

He said as much when I ran over to see how he was. He felt lonely, miserable and jealous. He had been picturing me and Graham, thinking about everything he has lost. He screamed at me that I was still trying to get back at him for marrying #2, that I was happy just to torment him. I sat there in the kitchen, letting him rave and get it all out of his system. I know the pain. I know he needs to vent, needs to know I see his suffering.

I held him, comforted him. I told him I understand. He just needs to readjust, try to find the polygamy routine again and not let it get to him. I know it’s difficult. I told him to remember, the fact that I have to leave him, that I love somebody else, have responsibilities in another relationship, doesn’t mean I love him less.

I reminded him he’s free to leave should he wish. It made him angry.

When I came home again, Graham said he would understand if I spent the night with Mark. He said he could understand what he must be going through reentering orbit. I said no. This need to work according to what we have agreed on or not at all. I can’t allow us to play mind games, power games with each other. Graham must know his time is his, Mark must be able to trust that his time is his. There’s no other way.

If I had been a muslim man, forcing this lifestyle on my first wife – the guilt would kill me.

5 thoughts on “Georgie Porgie Puddin’ and Pie

  1. Hello everyone

    I wonder those of you in polygamy – is it worth it? What makes it worth it? Please don’t take offense I really want to know.

  2. Wow. Given the fact that Mark is the initiator of everything plural in your marriage, had I been in your shoes Fiona I’d probably tell him to suck it up and put on the big boys. Did he forget how badly marrying his 2nd destroyed you or does pain only register when it’s his own? Sorry Fiona….I have zero sympathy for Mark.

  3. Hi Fiona,
    There is something I don’t understand in your post, and I hope you don’t mind my asking. It is this sentence; “he knows things over there won’t change in the near future.” I recall your saying that he offered to pay for her college fees, correct? But what exactly did he expect to happen in Oman that is not unfolding according to plan?

    I assume what Mark is experiencing is the reality of his life; his first wife now has a second husband, and his second wife can’t make up for the loss. Is this what he is actually upset at? Or is it as you say something about his #2 and her situation?

    Thanks, and hang in there.

  4. Hello Dale,

    If I read my first husband right, his #2 was in a terrible state when he left her. She had somehow managed to convince herself that he would be able to take her back with him, or she would be able to make him stay in Oman and leave me. She obviously tried to live some kind of Pretty Woman fantasy. Well, it came tumbling down and she was devastated – angry and spiteful, sad and hopeless. He feels awful about it, and very powerless. He confessed to me that he had tried to convince his parents to accept #2 as their daughter in law, but they have refused again. I think he was hoping that would have changed things, and my mother in law could have brought the girl over to see him whenever she visits. Well, nothing came of that.

    Mark needed me when he came back, he needed the closeness and the strength of our love. And I think that somehow he believes that when his need grows, so does mine. He forgets how it was in the beginning when he had “married” #2 and left me over and over to be with her when I needed him the most… 😦 I mean, the fact that Mark needs me, doesn’t change the fact that Graham does too. I have had to remind Mark of this and it hurts, all over again. But I need to stand my ground this time. I can’t let Mark walk all over Graham. I do everything I can to help Mark – but only when Graham doesn’t end up paying for it!

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