Telling Lies in Polygamy

imagesI sometimes find myself telling white lies. Lies to prevent my spouses from getting hurt.

Like, one of my spouses took me to a really fancy restaurant for our anniversary. He had pre ordered everything, we had the best table, my favourite wine.. It was fantastic. And then he said he had always wanted to take me there ever since we walked past it once and talked about how wonderful it would be to go there to celebrate something. He asked me if I was happy to finally go. I said yes. It was such a wonderful surprise. The thing is, I had talked about it with my other spouse too, and he had taken me there the year before. I chose not to tell. I pretended I had never been. A typical white lie. The kind of lie that is unavoidable in polygamy. Most of the time it’s about small things.

Sometimes it’s about big things. Things like who is my favorite, whom do I love more. I hate those lies really, but we tell them in monogamous marriage too – don’t we? We want our partners to feel special, beautiful and loved.

Mark tells me he has told #2 that he will never divorce me. He says she exploded when he told her there was no way that was going to change. She screamed, cried and threw things at him. She said it was keeping her a prisoner i Oman. Mark says he offered her talaq again, but she refused. Adamantly. Instead, she demanded he renegotiate with me, give her more visits, time and money. He tried to explain to her that it’s not only for me to decide, he has a job and he can’t up and leave whenever she wants him in Oman. Obviously she is having problems understanding this.

I won’t give him any more money to go to Oman, not if I can help it.

Mark tells me that he also told her he can not have children. Strangely, this doesn’t seem to have affected her as much. She just said it’s just as well since she doesn’t want to be stuck in Oman alone with a child. I can understand that, but I’m still surprised. I would have thought she would want a child so she could use it to hurt me, and to blackmail my first husband emotionally and financially. Strange that. I need to think about it.

I have been having such a wonderful time with Mark. We have been so close, talking and talking, wrapped up in our old fourposter that I inherited from my grandmother. πŸ™‚ He bought me a beautiful little golden butterfly locket, and today we’re going shopping for a bracelet to put it in.

He’s home and I am happy.

Tonight, I’m going back to Graham. I want to tell him how much I love him, how much I’ve missed him. How extremely grateful I am to have him in my life.

8 thoughts on “Telling Lies in Polygamy

  1. It’s so good to hear you’re happy!
    I can’t help but laugh at how the tables have turned on Mark. He is stuck financially supporting a girl he can only rarely see and when he does, she screams and cries the whole time how unfair the situation is to her. Meanwhile, you visit Graham frequently. πŸ™‚

    I can’t help but wonder… does Mark really not have some sort of plan to bring #2 geographically closer to him again? I couldn’t imagine him being ok with this arrangement for an indefinite amount of time without going crazy.

    For now, enjoy your time with Graham! :))

  2. Thank you! πŸ™‚ Mark says they are looking at options. One would be getting her in to an Omani university and then apply for an exchange student’s visa when she is like half way through. I don’t know about that though, I mean honestly – she is STUPID. I don’t think she’ll be able to make it. I didn’t say that though. I’ll leave it to them. Right now I’m heading home to Graham. πŸ™‚

  3. Hello, this is my first visit here. Okay, I’m confused… You have 2 husbands, and one of them (Mark), has a second wife? Mark is muslim? How does that even work… How can a practicing muslim man “allow” you to be shared with another man, since that is not allowed in Islam? I’m not trying to be rude or anything, just genuinely interested.

  4. Hello Sara, and welcome!

    Mark has accepted polyandry for many reasons. One is that he believes he brought it upon himself by forcing me into polygyny, he thinks of it as some kind of punishment. Another is that he has come to see that polygyny is a crime against human rights, and if polygamy is to be accepted it must be equal. He has also come to the conclusion that if the verse about islam allowing polygyny is to be read to allow all men polygamy, not only those who are in charge of orphans and fearing they won’t be able to care for them, than the verse about women being allowed to marry more than one man if she belongs to the man she marries must be interpreted just as broadly. So actually, he now believes that Quran allows polyandry just as it allows polygyny – the only difference being that the Quran has been interpreted by men.

  5. Hi Fiona, thanks for replying. I actually started understanding a little more about the situation, while browsing around your site. I’m curious though, which verse are you referring to, which can be interpreted as women taking other husbands?

  6. “Also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess. thus hath Allah ordained”. If the verse about polygyny can be interpreted to mean any man can marry plural wives, it is just as accurate to interpret this verse as meaning that any woman who is willing to give herself in marriage can be wed by plural husbands. πŸ™‚ Only difference is, only men have been doing the interpreting!

  7. Yes, and I’d like to point out that the same demographic group which regularly says stuff like “well when I say mankind I really mean men AND women.”

    Good. I’m glad to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.

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