Seeing her name appear in my mail list still makes me shudder. The nasty mails she sent me are part of it, but what hurts the most is the memory of how I felt when her name started to show up in my husband’s mail. Those first months of polygamy were beyond words painful, even thinking about them now makes me feel sick. I have learned to live with the fact that those wounds will never completely heal, they were too deep, too fierce to ever mend. When I was hurting the most my husband was happily falling in love with this girl and when my husband forgot to shut the computer down I sometimes found their love messages and I couldn’t help but read them.
When your heart is being torn out of your body, when your soul is burning up from the hellfire of betrayal, the pain is indescribable. And in this, to have to watch your husband’s happiness, his disgusting shame facedness – there is no way I can put words to the anguish, the humiliation and suffering. And even though he tried to hide it all from me, of course he couldn’t do that since we still shared half our lives. I read their messages of love, talking about sweet love making, about longing, about missing each other and about what they did – with each other and to each other.
So her name in my mail list makes me jump.
She wrote to thank me for giving up time so my first husband can go to visit her. Problem is, she referred to him as “our husband”. This girl really is infinitely stupid.
She also writes that she is making duaa that I will find it easy to be separated from him. So, what does she expect? Does she want me to thank her?
She finishes off with promising that I can trust her not to speak ill of me, nor do anything to upset my marriage.
She “married” my husband behind my back, she has lied and connived ever since she committed this heinous act – so now she’s not going to upset my marriage??
I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should just trash her mail and not bother about it. There’s nothing I can say really.