Mercy on a Second Wife?

NiqabpureMy husband’s #2 is freaking out again.

Everything has been calm through ramadan, I’ve been told she went into religious hibernation, praying and fasting, keeping her usual drama in cheque..

Now, she’s back to her old self.

Obviously she is beginning to see that this is the way her life will be from now on. The first shock has worn off, her silly dreams of things suddenly becoming better for her have died and she has at last faced the fact that her own stupidity and greed has landed her in a dull dull dull existence.

So she has started her Skyping, texting, mail-bombing et.c. again. She is screaming about how unfair everything is, about her rights as a “wife”, about how my husband should use my wealth to have her back, to give her everything the same as I have blah blah blah..

She texted like 20 times today, and she’s been trying to get my husband on Skype. She keeps breaking down, crying and blubbering and my husband just can’t take it. He knows he is responsible for this, even if this silly cow has done a lot to bring herself down..

My husband was supposed to go see her in November. Now, he is asking if I would consider letting him go earlier, maybe sometime in September.

Part of me wants to show mercy. This is a very young woman, alone and depressed, afraid and poor. I would want to be kind.

But then I remember this is the girl who showed me no mercy whatsoever. This is the girl who took my children’s father away. This is the woman who “married” my husband even though she knew it would destroy my life and hurt me irrevocably. She did it behind my back and afterwards she ranted it was her “right” and she has done everything to keep making my life hell.

Why should I show mercy?

Why should I be kind to her?

She is a disgusting, lying manipulative whore, a home wrecker and a cheap piece of shit.

I wish I could find a reason to help her, to be kind to her.

12 thoughts on “Mercy on a Second Wife?

  1. My first wife is had very much problems accepting my second wife. Is causing many problems and my second is very hurt and sad. I understand first wife was hurt but is important remember second wife never did wrong and husband never did wrong. Is a right to marry second and first wife would do good to be generos and understand that it could have been her that needed a husband. Why hurt and be angry with second who only wanted a good husband and children like first wife? Is a very ugly thing to be selfish and is also not good to make husband have problems and anger in home. You should be mercy with your cowife and show her kindness and your husband will be happy for it and love you for it.

  2. Why not show mercy and be kind without a reason? Just do it because you are a kind and merciful person – just be a better person then she was! Or do it for your husband out of kindness and mercy for him!

  3. You are right of course. I want to be a better person than her, I really do. But it’s a struggle. It’s like trying to forgive the person who murdered your child. I want to be able to do it, not least for my own sake. I want to find the strength. But it isn’t easy.

  4. I don’t agree. I believe that we must tell the truth. I believe that we should not do unto others what we would not have them do unto us. I believe we must never harm another person on purpose, for purely selfish reasons. I believe we must keep our promises, honour our word. There are many things in islam I don’t like, but the fact that some claim that men are allowed to marry plural wives without their first wife’s permission, and that some claim that muslim men are allowed to marry more wives without even telling their first wife is abhorrent and despicable. It is amoral and disgusting. It is inhuman. These men, and the people who claim that this is right, that there could be a god who would condone this, are animals. Worse than animals, they are monsters.

  5. Why do first wives believe the seconds are out to destroy their marriages? What gives first wives the right to feel morally superior? We seconds married honorably, just like they did. We love our husbands, just like they do. We want to live in peace with our husbands, have our time with him, our lives with him just like they do. Why should we be considered home wreckers and less worthy women? We are wives. We are just as honorable as first wives. We are wives, not mistresses or hoes!

  6. Yes, because you are better than her. You will graciously allow her to be comforted for a short amount of time, at your leisure. Then, you will get your husband back.
    Because YOU are the gracious one, YOU are the mature one and YOU are the superior one. 🙂

  7. Fiona,
    I wouldn’t show mercy for her, but I’m a bit selfish. 🙂 I’m also not Muslim. That said, I can see how in # 2’s mind she really is hurting. This is a young, naive and uneducated girl who was encouraged by her family to become polygamous and didn’t grow up with the same logic as you. As we already know, in her culture, men are the breadwinners with money, so being young and growing up with different norms; I get why she is annoying and has a hard time getting it all.

    “…showed me no mercy whatsoever…took my children’s father away…“married” my husband even though she knew it would destroy my life and hurt me irrevocably.”

    One could easily replace the word “she” with “my husband”. After all, he was the one to make the decision -if not her, it would have probably been someone else.

    I can sympathize with her from the outside. However, if I were in your position, I wouldn’t have any sympathy for her. I wouldn’t grant my husband permission to see her early. and I don’t think anyone could persuade me that I’m the better person by giving my husband permission to sleep in another bed for a few days and make promises to her about things getting better. I grew up with different norms, so my response is no surprise compared to many muslim’s responses. Good for you if you’re ok with him visiting her. After all, I don’t foresee status quo for her getting any better. 🙂

  8. No, most are not just as honorable as first wives. If the marriage is done in secret without the first wife’s consent *and* knowledge, then yes. In reality that is what second wives are: mistresses/hoes/homewreckers. I know it’s the not the way anyone wants to see themselves but its the reality.

  9. No, second “wives” are selfish, manipulative assholes who think it’s ok to shit on someone else’s family, then whine to anyone who will listen how unfair it is that everyone hates them.
    If you trampy assholes suffer, it’s no less than you deserve for willingly becoming another woman’s lifelong burden and the source of her heartbreak AND HER CHILDREN’S.

  10. I will never understand a woman willingly “marrying” another woman’s husband – knowing it is happening behind her back, against her will and with her children paying the price. Forever. Some women actually “marry” a man, knowing his first wife is pregnant. Men can claim this is their right, but they would not be able to do it if women weren’t willing to do this to other women. It is revolting.

  11. Well, LS, when the second’s mission in life, once landing a married knucklehead, is to drive the pesky first wife out the door, I think it’s safe to call the spade a fucking spade. My #2 did everything her pathetic liittle pea brain could drum up to destroy my marriage. It backfired, bigtime.

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