Thank you for writing truths and honesty about polygamy. I am now soon also in polygamy and I can’t stand it. I have tried evrything to make my husband have mercy on me but I am fail with it he will marry soon another woman. I can not have this life. He is now buying things for her house and for her mahr in gold and is enjoying all so much with so much happiness and I am bleeding to death. He says I must love what Allah swt permits and understand a man needs many wifes to have sex and children. I say I will divorce but he says a woman who ask divorce because polygamy will never be allowed Jannah. Now I am afraid. His new marriage is taking my life and marriage happiness will it also take Jannah from me? I can not stay with my husband in this I am hating him so mutch and I can not almost look at him because he is doing this and is disgusting and I hate him. But I am afraid if I will end up in Jahannam. I ask at another forum and they said even the smell of Jannah is denied the woman who asks divorce because of something Allah swt permits and I am cursed if I make my husband angry. What do you think? I am not ably to live with my husband and I wnat divorce but I am afraid. //Ayesha
Answer: Dear Ayesha,
I am not muslim. Some of the questions I get, like yours, are very difficult to answer because I’m not muslim. I know many scholars would give you the answer you say you got from an islamic web forum. That a woman can only be granted a divorce by a sharia court if she has a valid reason. Opposing something allah permits is not a valid reason. Hence, she won’t be granted a divorce, and even asking for one might cost her paradise according to a hadith. Other, more moderate, islamic web sites might say that she is in her right to ask for a divorce if her husband becomes polygamous, but trying to bear it and showing patience is much better and will give her great rewards from heaven. They are of course trying to guilt women into accepting polygyny so the patriarchal oppression of islamism can carry on.
There is no way a woman should be forced to stay with a husband who has tried to force her to live polygyny. Such a husband is a criminal, an abuser and oppressor and he is much more likely to go to hell than you are. That’s the way I see it.
What kind of god do you believe in, a god who will punish a faithful wife who is forced to leave her marriage because she can’t stand sharing the man she loves, or a god who will punish men who cause their wives the most excruciating pain and suffering by giving half their life to another woman, by fucking other women and in doing so desert their wives and children, abuse and oppress them and expose them to the risk of vd:s, and often also break the law of the country where they live? Honestly?
So my advice is go ahead and divorce your husband. Right now. Make sure you don’t become one of the women who are abused by forced polygyny! Make sure you don’t become one of the women who show men that they can go on forcing women to accept polygyny. Leave him now, and keep your soul and integrity intact!