I am Afraid to Ask for Divorce from my Polygamous Husband Q&A

84876-moveQuestion: Salam Fiona

Thank you for writing truths and honesty about polygamy. I am now soon also in polygamy and I can’t stand it. I have tried evrything to make my husband have mercy on me but I am fail with it he will marry soon another woman. I can not have this life. He is now buying things for her house and for her mahr in gold and is enjoying all so much with so much happiness and I am bleeding to death. He says I must love what Allah swt permits and understand a man needs many wifes to have sex and children. I say I will divorce but he says a woman who ask divorce because polygamy will never be allowed Jannah. Now I am afraid. His new marriage is taking my life and marriage happiness will it also take Jannah from me? I can not stay with my husband in this I am hating him so mutch and I can not almost look at him because he is doing this and is disgusting and I hate him. But I am afraid if I will end up in Jahannam. I ask at another forum and they said  even the smell of Jannah is denied the woman who asks divorce because of something Allah swt permits and I am cursed if I make my husband angry. What do you think? I am not ably to live with my husband and I wnat divorce but I am afraid. //Ayesha

Answer: Dear Ayesha,

I am not muslim. Some of the questions I get, like yours, are very difficult to answer because I’m not muslim. I know many scholars would give you the answer you say you got from an islamic web forum. That a woman can only be granted a divorce by a sharia court if she has a valid reason. Opposing something allah permits is not a valid reason. Hence, she won’t be granted a divorce, and even asking for one might cost her paradise according to a hadith. Other, more moderate, islamic web sites might say that she is in her right to ask for a divorce if her husband becomes polygamous, but trying to bear it and showing patience is much better and will give her great rewards from heaven. They are of course trying to guilt women into accepting polygyny so the patriarchal oppression of islamism can carry on.

There is no way a woman should be forced to stay with a husband who has tried to force her to live polygyny. Such a husband is a criminal, an abuser and oppressor and he is much more likely to go to hell than you are. That’s the way I see it.

What kind of god do you believe in, a god who will punish a faithful wife who is forced to leave her marriage because she can’t stand sharing the man she loves, or a god who will punish men who cause their wives the most excruciating pain and suffering by giving half their life to another woman, by fucking other women and in doing so desert their wives and children, abuse and oppress them and expose them to the risk of vd:s, and often also break the law of the country where they live? Honestly?

So my advice is go ahead and divorce your husband. Right now. Make sure you don’t become one of the women who are abused by forced polygyny! Make sure you don’t become one of the women who show men that they can go on forcing women to accept polygyny. Leave him now, and keep your soul and integrity intact!

13 thoughts on “I am Afraid to Ask for Divorce from my Polygamous Husband Q&A

  1. I must ask sister why you turn to this blog? Are you only looking for somebody to take your side and tell you to go ahead and do what you want in denial of what scholars and Islam tells you?
    You know that Allah has allowed your husband to marry four wives. He has shown you kindness and consideration and has consulted you on the matter. He is not obligated to have your permission. But you are not grateful that he has consulted you and been honest with you. Instead you come here and slander him and ask for advice against Islam. You also say that you hate what Allah has permitted. Have you no fear for Allah? You must repent, sister. Thank Allah that he has given you a kind husband who lets you know his intention of getting a second wife to give you time to prepare! Thank Allah that he is willing to grant you the possibility to share a good husband with a good sister in faith! Go and ask your husband’s forgiveness. Even the thought of divorcing your husband over something that Allah has made permissible to him puts you in danger of the wrath of Allah! Tell your husband you are happy for his happiness, that you thank him with all your heart for his honesty and kindness, that you look forward to welcoming your cowife and sharing your husband as Allah has commanded you, tell your husband you will never be disobedient again and maybe he will forgive you which will please Allah!
    Remember also sister that a man can love more than one woman and his love will not be diminished. Your new cowife will not mean that your husband loves you less. If you submit with a good temper, show your husband that you love your cowife and the happiness he finds with her, you will be rewarded, Inshalla!

  2. Salam sister,

    I am a practicing muslim,and I understand Islam to be peace and justice.Allah says in the quran that he has created spouses inorder to live in a manner that is blissful for them,and humanity at large.Now with that being said,Allah has also allowed polygamy in the quran,but he has also allowed diovorce.If you can not stand living with this man,who I belive has betrayed your trust and love ,than you have every right to seek divorce,and there is no Islamic law that can say that you will not enter Jannah.Allah knew the nature of women,therefore did not force polygamy on them,so do not listen to this misogynistic, disgusting interpretaions of Islam.There is no way any scholar can even claim that a woman does not have the right to leave this marriage that is killing her.What logic is there in this,should u sever for his need to have sex with mutilpy women,which broke his marriage.ARe they serious,what type of justice is this for the women,when they are told to stay in marriage,and be sextaullay and emotional avaible to a man ,who choose to hurt her in such a horrific manner.Please sister,do not listen to any of this,the Prophet ask Ali to divorce his daughter Fatima, when Ali propsed to another women,but Ali decided to stay with Fatima,and never marry another women.If muslim men want freedom to practice their rights,than muslim women will practice theirs.If you want divorce,than go ask for it,and if they refuse make a big show,if you are in Canada I and sooo many women will protest with you .By the way if he is in country where its is against the law,it is forbidden to practice polygamy even in Islamic perspective,so brothers do not take the laws that suit u,and leave the rest.Sister look at the spirit of Islam,which is Justice,and ask u self are u given justice,if not than take it yourself.

    Salam

  3. Salaams Sister

    I am sorry for your situation. If you have the means to leave this man you must do that. A man who wnats polygyny and believes it’s his right will not change. He will never be a good muslim husband living islam. He is living his lust. Leave him and take a good husband instead.

  4. Pingback: Divorce, Death, and Diptheria | Sugarmytips

  5. No religion asks u to be a martyr at the cost of your Husbands lust!!
    Divorce him,or u will die every moment…

  6. And what are u afraid of dear??
    You are already in hell,What can make u feel worse??
    Don,t be a doormat,Know ur worth and let him know u as a person now…

  7. I’m a Muslim woman I love 2 guys at the same time. So don’t tell me that only men could love more than one person. Educate ur self

  8. Remember educated urself. Not only men can love more than one person. Women also. What do u think many women cheating behind their husband. Open ur eyes stupid. Many Muslim women cheating behind their husband but they never get caught. We are humans mean no one perfect

  9. Fuck him,
    Our phophet peace be upon him had no choice
    It was the midevil times
    Women were raped and treated as secs laces that’s why he toke 4 wives to protect them. It was a mans world otherwise those women would be abused.
    If my husband did that to me if commit suicide or I would leave and live a life alone worshipping Allah being with my children iv I’d had any.
    Allah is forgiving I I hope he would see my good side after the divorce of me not re marrying or associating with another man just being decent living by myself or with decent family member I.e my brother or sister etc etc,
    I FEEL YOUR PAIN u are not alone my sister xx
    But let us be the women who make a change and SHOW we are strong moral muslim women who do not put up with Pologamy!
    Please do not become another sleeze bag,
    Leave him and give ur heart to Allah or re marry.
    If something breaks ur heart or feels immoral leave it. And leave the rest to Allah please x it know I’m a year late replying in the comments I hope u read this and u have left him, I wish there was only one woman and a man in marriages and a better moral world.
    All crimes can be tolerated but this is digusting in my eyes for THIS day and age. Lots of love and care for u,
    If u live in a eastern muslim country love with family x il pray for u , I’m so sorry for what u have to go through it brings me to tears.

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