Polygamy – Grieving a Father

walkI had a long talk with my son yesterday. He has been granted a one term scholarship in the US through his college and is leaving in a couple of weeks. He has been extremely excited about it all summer, but now when reality is setting in he is starting to get some jitters. The worst thing for him is leaving the girlfriend.

A few months apart may not seem a big thing to you and me, but to a young man in his early twenties having his first serious relationship, four months seem like an eternity.

Yesterday, suddenly, he said he wished he could have talked about it all with his father. I asked him if that meant he actually wants to talk to him. My son shook his head, no.

“I would have wanted to talk to my father. My real father. My dad who loved us and was a part of this family. I don’t want to talk to the man who left us and hurt us to be with another woman, or child rather. No. But I would have wanted to talk to my father.”

And I realize that my son has gone through the exact same process concerning his father that I have done with mine. Our fathers both died and we have been forced to grieve them and find a way to go on with our lives.

My father died in a car crash. My son’s father died by choosing polygamy.

4 thoughts on “Polygamy – Grieving a Father

  1. So sad Fiona,
    Sorry about your father, prayers to you and may God continue to give you strength.

    So sad for your son, a decision his dad made knowingly and destroyed his relationship, something which was not an accident and could have been prevented.

  2. I understand how your son feels. I know many who feel the same about their fathers. Men believe that since they have the right to plural wives, having plural wives is right. They believe their families must accept. But more and more families do not accept, and the fathers belief that it is their right only makes everything worse. Men should understand that choosing polygamy can cost you not only your first wife but also your children. Especially men in western countries must understand this. So polygamy men are even worse selfish. They choose a new woman even at the price of not only the first wife but the children. Polygamy is a clear message to wife and children “I am choosing myself before you. I am choosing my base lust and selfishness before you”. Important to women and children to remember when their daddies become polygamos…

  3. It is horrible to hate your father. I know. My father would live his life over the family between his different families. He never lived with us with the pain with my mother’s suffering with our missing him. He would feel above that and use his right to move between his wifes to never have to get involved with the pain and the suffering he caused. I think this is how many men can live with the hurt they bring to their families by being polygamous. I hate my father for all the pain and all the nights my mother sat white faced at home when he was with other wife all the nights I heard her cry in her room.

  4. Dear Zawway, welcome to Polygamy 911.

    I get posts and mail from many many children suffering in polygamy. Many of them feel just what you describe. You are not alone. Men follow their base and selfish desires and believe women and children are their for their convenience. Muslim polygynist men are the ultimate sinners in this respect. I hope you manage to find happiness and peace knowing that it’s okay to hate an abusive father, it’s not your fault. You have every right to hate him. Don’t ever blame yourself. Blame him.

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