This is my division in what I own, so do not blame me for what You own and I do not own

polygamy-femaleI must spend equally on both my spouses, and share my nights equally between them.

I am however not required to love them equally or share intimacy with them equally.

According to islam, allah granted the polygamous spouse the right to love one spouse more, to have a favorite, to have as much sex with one spouse as you want as long as you have sex with the other spouse every four months.

I am also allowed to show favoritism, as long as I don’t leave the other one completely hanging or abandoned.

Just and fair in polygamy means spending equally and sharing nights equally. Nothing more. I am not required to love equally, show affection equally, share secrets equally or enjoy intimacy equally.

“This is my division in what I own, so do not blame me for what You own and I do not own” – my heart, my soul my love.

Do I have a favorite? I think all polygamous spouses have a favorite. It’s unavoidable. I do however favour different qualities in both my husbands, and I love them both. But I can’t feel guilty because I find sex with one of them more enjoyable, or because I like going to the cinema with one, but prefer going to art museums with the other. That I love to do different things with my husbands, that I love different things in them is of course one of the reasons why I choose to be polygamous.

So having a favourite, wanting a favourite, is actually at the heart of polygamy.

And this is of course why men have made sure that it is allowed to have a favorite spouse.

5 thoughts on “This is my division in what I own, so do not blame me for what You own and I do not own

  1. Salam

    I am a second wife. I am not the favourite. You hear a lot about second wives being sex toys and husbands love them more and abandon the first wife. In my case it is not true. He courted me with very much passion. He made love to me with so much words, saying I was his star and his air he needed to breathe. I believed him and married him even though he had not told my co. When we were married he told her. I have since realized he married me to punish her. They love each other extremely much and with great passion and they play power games. I was part of a power game. It was third world war in our marriage when he told her. I soon learned that when they have fought they enjoy making up… And when the game with me ended, I was no longer needed. He doesn’t love me. He never did. Second are lied to just as much as firsts. He gives me my rights. I get money and food and everything I need. He makes sure I am ok. He gives me equal nights but only intimacy every 4 months. My imam says I have all my rights, I can not demand love or intimacy more than that. But he has made it very clear to me he doesn’t love me and he only does what is right, not that he wants me. I love him still and this hurts. I am now trying to compete and it is humiliating. I feel like the ugly vase you must display when the relatives come because they gave it to you but the rest of the time you are in a cupboard unwanted. Polygyny is cruel because it is a game with emotions where men have all the power. It is like the Hungergames, and who survives? And the husbands can send survival packages to the favorite wifes…

  2. So get out of the marriage then! Why do you stay in it? No-one is forcing you to stay in this miserable condition. You have choices and you have options. Use them and just walk away and don’t look back. Start your life over and find happiness elsewhere!!!

  3. Salam

    I am sorry to hear that life has given you a rotten egg,but sister why don’t you either demand where this imam is getting the logic that once every four month is all that is required.Please sister learn the deen,do not expect men to translate it to u.Islam teachs that men and women have equal rights,and that includes love and intimacy as much as the women want.It is logically to u,what is taken place,does it create peace and happiness in your life,if no than it is not Islam.The biggest mistake that women make is to say that they have no power,but u give away your power.Refuse him sex,than let him take u to the imam,and tell him that what you have been told is not Islam,but male control,and there is no place in Islam.Please listen to lectures that are given by women,because they speak about women’s rights,and u must take things in your own hands.Sweety,you teach people how to treat you,so do not ever assume you have no rights ,because your Lord has ensure that for you.
    Look Luck,and remember love does not hurt

  4. Salam sister,

    I have just listened to a lecture on women’s rights in Islam by Tariq Ramadan ” Tariq Ramadan Empowering women’ please listen to this lecture.He speaks about women and have the right to been seen as human beings ,and demanding their rights.

    Good Luck

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