Question: Could you please tell me honestly how does a first wife feel about her husband after he has married a second wife? Everybody tells me it will be good, I will learn to see my husband again the way I used to and soon everything will be normal. But I have a feeling this is not true. I am feeling already my feelings changing, and I think when he has married I will never feel again for him as I used to. I would very much need an honest answer even if a hurtful one!
No, things will never be all well again. You will never feel the same about your husband again. You will feel:
* Hatred. You will be hurt. The pain and suffering is beyond words and it never ends. You will hate him for doing this to you. Every time you need him and he isn’t there you will hate him. Every time he hurts you by talking about her you will hate him. Every time he leaves you to be with her you will hate him. Every time he comes back from her and expects you to welcome him back you will hate him. Every time you see your children suffer because their father is polygamous, you will hate him.
* Disgust. You will see him with her in your mind. Over and over again. You will feel her on his body. You will know every time he comes home and smells of soap that he has performed ghusl after having had sex with her. You will be disgusted by the fact that he will be having sex with her, wanting her, when he could have been having sex with you. You will be demanding he brushes his teeth again when he comes home because you can’t kiss him with her bacteria in his mouth.
* Mistrust You can’t trust him. He has let you down in the worst way possible. You are no longer his main priority, you are no longer his main investment. Your children won’t be his most important love and asset. He will no longer do anything for you and the children. You are not to him what he is to you. And you can’t tell him any secrets any more. And you can never ask him what he did yesterday, if he has seen that movie, why he suddenly loves new food, if he can attend your son’s football match. He is not half a husband. He is half a stranger.
* Contempt. You will despise him because he will not be able to be just. He will not be able to fulfill your needs, or even your rights. You will despise his weakness, the way he let his base desires cause you and your children this irrevicable pain. You will despise him because of the inevitable lies. You will despise his selfishness. You will despise the fact that polygamy clearly shows all men’s deficiencies, weaknesses and faults.
* Pain. The sight of him will cause you pain. Everything he does, says or thinks will cause you pain. His deserting your children will cause you pain. His leaving will cause you pain, his coming back will cause you pain, he will be pain, every breath will be pain. And all this pain is brought on you, simply because your husband feels it is his right to fuck another woman.
This is what you will really feel about your husband when he has married a second wife.
Let nobody fool you into believing otherwise.
And let nobody fool your husband into believing otherwise.