Polygamy is Painful

S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12A woman who had been forced to live polygamy described it as the most painful thing. She wrote:

I really don’t know anything more hurtful than a man claiming he loves you only to say the same words to another woman.

These words went straight to my heart. They are so true. It’s not that he has betrayed you that hurts the most, nor that he has broken your heart. What hurts is that he claims he loves you.

One of my best friends had a husband who cheated on her. When she confronted him, he said he had kept it from her because he didn’t want to divorce because of the children. he said that he didn’t love her anymore.

She was badly hurt of course, and they got divorced. But when she and I talk about our experiences, she says she would go through her divorce 100 times rather then experience one day of what I went through when my husband told me he had taken a second “wife”. Why? Because she knew her husband was a cheat and a liar, because he didn’t care for her any more or what she felt. She could understand it. She could cut the ties and move on.

In polygamy, a husband says “I still love you” or sometimes even “It makes me love you more”. This is the real pain. This is what makes you sick to the stomach.

Causing somebody the worst of pains when you don’t love them anymore is understandable. Doing it to somebody you love is sick. Sick, warped and nauseating.

This is why a cheating spouse is understandable although despicable. This is why a man who uses religion to cause his wife the utmost of suffering, to force her to submit to his right to fuck another woman, love another woman, give her half his time, half his money, half his semen, is the worst kind of abuser.

I really don’t know anything more hurtful than a man claiming he loves you only to say the same words to another woman.

2 thoughts on “Polygamy is Painful

  1. Fiona,
    Thank you for answering my other questions, and I hope you don’t feel I’m being rude in asking them. Your post though brings up another question for me. I know that the name Fiona is an internet handle, as mine is also. But where you are, your husband’s choice to marry a second wife is not a secret, right? How about your choice to have a second husband? Is this a public fact?

    I can only imagine the blow to his image that this must be for your first husband. Women of course are just supposed to stuff it. Nothing will ever bend the brains of people like Amir and that Shabazz guy. They are too blissed out by the belief in their divinely ordained superiority.

  2. Dear Dale,

    I don’t mind at all! I am here to share.. πŸ™‚

    When my husband had told me and the children about #2, we broke the news to all of our friends. We didn’t want any more lies and subterfuge. We didn’t tell his family though. Partly because my husband asked us not to since he was very much afraid of their reaction, partly because I felt he needed to own up to it himself. Some time ago they found out anyway, I described it in an earlier post. That’s when they found out about my polygamy too.

    My friends and my children already knew of course. My friends have all been extremely supportive. They all thought I did the right thing, when I used the part of my life my husband gave up to love again. Everybody has been very supportive. My publisher is dying for me to write about it… πŸ˜‰

    As it turned out, my parents in law have supported me as well. They see that my husband brought this upon himself.

    My husband has not told his collegues about being polygamous, and he hasn’t told them about my #2 either. He works for a company that would not take kindly to polygamy I believe… He has been forced to tell some of his arab friends because they visit us from time to time. And yes it was devastating to him. A couple of them have tried to make him divorce me, and he has cut them off. He has also told one of the local imams who has tried repeatedly to make me mend my ways and become muslim. No luck.

    I believe you’re right, the Amirs and Shabazzes of this world are beyond rescue. But it is extremely frustrating, since there are women out there who will live their lives with them, their misogyny and abuse. 😦

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