Can a Polygamous Husband be Just to his Wives?

7c565-keep-calm-and-you-can-do-it-13I found this statement on an islamic website, concerning why women are forbidden plural marriages in islam, while men are allowed up to four wives. The person who asked the question wanted to know since nowadays it’s very easy to ascertain who is the father of a child even if the mother has several spouses:

You have to know that Islam prohibits a woman to marry more than one man, this is not just to protect the progeny, but for many other wisdoms. These wisdoms are known by some people and not known by others. Therefore even if it is confirmed that the father of the child can be determined by DNA testing, still this does not change the ruling due to several reasons. If the woman is busy taking care of more than one husband, which one would she obey, taking into consideration that people differ in their nature and character? One wants to travel and the other wants to stay where he resides, one wants to have sexual intercourse with her at a specific hour, and the other wants the same at the same time. One wants hot food and the other wants it cold, and other unlimited matters. So how can life be acceptable with the above conditions? In addition to this, she has to fulfill the need of her husbands whether in relation to sexual intercourse or else. If we assume that their needs are at the same time, how can she fulfill them? If she is impregnated by one husband and then others have sexual intercourse with her, then they have committed the prohibition, from which the Prophet  warned saying: “It is not allowed for a man who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, to have an intercourse with a woman who is pregnant from another man.” [Ahmad and Abu-Daawood]

In addition to the above, if the woman has many husbands, it is not safe for fatal disease to spread, like AIDS and other diseases. (Source: Islamweb.net)

I’d like to take this opportunity to answer these questions, since I am living polyandry. I will also ask some questions of my own.

 If the woman is busy taking care of more than one husband, which one would she obey, taking into consideration that people differ in their nature and character?

Well, I have married men who are quite able to take care of themselves. Neither of them is handicapped or a retard. Men who can’t even take care of themselves probably shouldn’t have a wife in the first place. My husbands are indeed very different in nature and character. The obvious solution of course is to obey neither of them. I consult both my husbands and I expect them to consult me. We live in a democracy you see, and obedience is something we expect from a dog, not a spouse. But my question to you is, how can a man obey and take care of four wives, and how can he accommodate their desires and needs in a just and fair and equal manner?

What if one wants to travel and the other wants to stay where he resides? 

Easy – I draw lots on whom to bring when I want to travel. If a husband is given the opportunity to travel with me and declines, he forfeits his days and nights. Isn’t that just how you want it solved too, when a polygamous husband wants to travel? So what’s the problem?

What if one wants to have sexual intercourse with her at a specific hour, and the other wants the same at the same time?

I need to ask – how do you propose a polygamous husband solve this problem? Huh? You say a husband must take care of each wife’s sexual need, so how does he solve this? You say he must treat his wives equally and justly – so how does a polygamous husband give his wives sexual satisfaction should they all be desirous of it at the same time?? I can have sex with both my husbands within half an hour’s time, easily! And guaranteed! Could all polygamous husbands promise the same?

One wants hot food and the other wants it cold, and other unlimited matters. So how can life be acceptable with the above conditions?

Ah, let’s see. This is a tricky one. Hmmmm. Wait! I know! They can both cook the food they want! Problem solved! Aren’t I a genius?

In addition to this, she has to fulfill the need of her husbands whether in relation to sexual intercourse or else. If we assume that their needs are at the same time, how can she fulfill them?

You really did get stuck on this one didn’t you? Some kind of pervert are you? Only one thing on your mind right? Nudge nudge. Well again, I, as a woman, can have sex with how many men I want, at any time. If my husbands need sex, they only have to ask. They live next door to each other so if they need sex, they’ll have to wait 30 minutes tops! How long does a wife in polygyny have to wait? Huh???

In addition to the above, if the woman has many husbands, it is not safe for fatal disease to spread, like AIDS and other diseases.

Well, no. Not if the husbands only have marital sex, which of course should be a given thing, no? So if they are all healthy and only have marital sex, no problem. Or are you saying all men are cheating dogs?

To conclude: There is no problem for a woman to be polygamous. But what about men? Can a polygamous husband be just and fair to his wives? Can a polygamous husband make sure all his wives get their sexual needs met when ever they need it? Can a polygamous husband make sure his wives are taken care of emotionally whenever they need it? Can a polygamous husband be there to mend the fuse and open the tricky jar whenever a wife should need it? Can a polygamous husband make sure every wife has a nice meal ready when she needs it?

You tell me.

4 thoughts on “Can a Polygamous Husband be Just to his Wives?

  1. A polygamous husband can never be fair and just. The ultimate unjustness of course is done when he has a right to take a second wife against the wish of his first. The ultimate unjustness is also that he has this right, she has not and some say she hasnt even the right to leave. The ultimate pain is caused when he does this so polygamy most of the time starts with the worst transgression against another human being that anybody can do. To mde it would have been better if he had left me or even killed me.

  2. A husband can be just to more than one wife but sometimes it is difficult. Mostly because wives often do not act with patience and love but with jealousy. When a husband allows that it will be difficult to be just because he will want to please his wives. This means that when wives try to get more than is their right it’s themselves who lose out! A husband is not required to let everything go and satisfy his wife the way a wife is required. So that part of polygamy is no problem. And a husband is not required to cook for his wives or serve his wives. So a husband can be just and fair as long as he is not ruled by his wives.

  3. Omar:
    “So a husband can be just and fair as long as he is not ruled by his wives.”

    Your last sentence should more correctly read “So a husband can be just and fair as long as he is empty headed.” That would be a more logical conclusion to your post.

  4. Pingback: R U Good At It? Sex That Is | Stirring Trouble i

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