Do you Love me More?

S%C3%A9pulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12I had a very nice evening with my first husband yesterday. We went for a walk after dinner, chatted, had fun while fixing the screen my husband had bought to keep flies out of the conservatory.

We popped some popcorn and settled down to watch some TV and have a snuggle.

I felt so relaxed and happy.

And then he asked: “Don’t you love me just a little bit more?”

It startled me. So I asked him where that came from. And he said he had overheard me talking  to Graham on the phone as I was getting out of the car earlier. He said he felt I wasn’t as warm in my voice as when I talk to him, and I hadn’t said “Love you” when we ended the call.

I admit – I felt so sorry for my husband. He must be feeling so insecure, so thirsty for validation to be holding on to straws like that.

I told him I love him very much. That he’s the father of my children and nobody else can take his place. He held me tight and said “But do you love me more? Isn’t our love special?”

I told him our love is special.

5 thoughts on “Do you Love me More?

  1. Based on your experience, do you think it is better to divorce someone rather than turn polygamous? For example, would it have been better for him to have divorced you before taking number 2? Would you have been less hurt or angry? Would he be on better terms with his children? Ideally, everyone would stay together, be faithful, and live happily ever after. But realistically, which is better, polygamy or divorce?

  2. I think it varies. It’s like asking if it’s better for an alcoholic to stop drinking altogether, or to keep having some wine every other day and some whiskey on weekends. Maybe he’ll feel just fine even when he’s on the wagon, maybe he will spend the sober days in misery, longing for another drink.

    My children would have been able to accept had my husband wanted a divorce. They would have been hurt and sad, but they would have understood. What my son couldn’t accept was that my husband expected him to buy the “daddy didn’t do anything wrong and mum and you must accept that I’ll be going between you and this new woman I’m fucking” – scenario. My son believes it’s misogynist, abusive and perverted. Like rape. He feels like his dad is a rapist. And having a rapist for a father is worse than having a divorced dad.

    So I’d say, when children are involved, divorce is a lot better. But if there aren’t any children, I believe polygamy can work just fine – as long as everybody has equal rights in polygamy. Polygyny or polyandry while denying your partner the right to be fulfilled and in love while your are getting satisfaction somewhere else is not an option – it’s just disgusting.

  3. Hey Fiona!!
    I am just a student and while preparing my presentation on “DRAWBACKS OF VARIOUS RELIGIONS” , i came across ur blog.I really beleive in equality and hate those who consider women inferior specially women themselves.Moreover through ur blog i came to know that THE ONLY THING WE CAN TRUST FULLY AND HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER IS OURSELF”. Also one should take full responsibility of her life and be self thing i dont understand is “how can some1 fall in Love with some1 when he is already deeply in love with his partner “?
    also do u beleive in Astrology and Destiny because ur husband being polygamous then ur meeting graham all that cannot be just a series of Coincidences?? do u think Astrology affects married life and many steps of couples are predestined?? I am not married nor having a boyfriend just curious to know…..

  4. Hello, and welcome!

    You are right, the only person you can control is yourself, and even that only occasionally. To be self reliant is the only way to have power over your own life, and this is why so many religions try to make us dependent, especially women. Making women economically dependent on men is the best way to render them powerless. This is why muslim family values are misogynist – as are most other religion’s.

    I know it is possible to fall in love with somebody while still loving somebody else. I believe however that it’s not possible to be in love, infatuated, with two people at the same time. It is possible to love and have loving relationships with more than one person. I know. I love both my husbands deeply.

    Sorry, I do not believe in astrology nor do I believe in fate in any predestined way. I used to believe in people. I don’t much any more.

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