Anyway, I brought Graham because it was his night. But this friend of mine has also been a close friend of my first husband’s for more than 20 years and he naturally wanted to be there too. So, he came too. I have never been to a social function with both my husbands before and it did feel a bit, well, different. I wasn’t nervous about people’s reactions, most people there have known about my being polygamous all along. And I wasn’t really nervous about my husbands either, they have been getting along fine lately, and seem to be adjusting to our new way of life. I know living together, being neighbours, has sometimes been tough on them but things have been working out fine.
No, I was nervous about my own behaviour. I like being close to my husbands, I like it when they show they love me, put an arm around my waist, hold my hand – you know. Most of the time you never think about doing those things, they just come naturally. But now, I had to concentrate on not doing any of those things. I didn’t want to be affectionate to one husband before the eyes of the other. This is hard enough on them anyway. But it was very difficult to change my body language! I really had to concentrate! At one time, we were talking about something that happened at university and my first husband and I laughed and looked each other in the eyes, enjoying the memory. And I could see right away that Graham found it hurtful, being left out, not sharing the memory, not sharing the look that passed between us, not sharing the laughter.
And when we came home from the party, it felt a bit weird to give my first husband a kiss on the cheek and leave him at his front door while Graham took my hand, and we both left to go home to the annex next door. I know what that would have felt like had I been my first husband! 😦