Question: Asking men about feelings is most of the time useless, and I have a question I have always wondered about polygamous men but I have never been able to ask. When a husband marries a second the wives will often behave different. Maybe they will compete, maybe they will manipulate and backtalk, maybe they will try to be the perfect wife. If one wife tries to be perfect, cook the best food, be all sweet talk, be sexy, does he compare and feel less in love with the other wife? I f a wife is angry and jealous will it make him love the other wife more? Does one wife and her behavior change the way he feels about the other wife? I hoped maybe you would know and could tell.
Answer: Very good question!
Let’s see. My husband has tried backstabbing Graham a couple of times. Saying things like if he weren’t half a man he wouldn’t have opted for half a woman, that kind of thing. When he does, it only makes me feel less for him – it doesn’t alter the way I think about Graham. So I would say badmouthing is a bad idea. I have noticed also that trying to badmouth my husband’s #2 only makes him feel protective towards her, so I don’t do that any more. If I can help it. When my husband acts jealous, hurt, but without stabbing at Graham – I can’t help it but I find it endearing. You know, it makes me feel he really loves me. Graham is not at all jealous, and sometimes I find myself wishing he were, just a little bit…
They do sometimes compete. They know I compare – all polygamous people do. It’s unavoidable. That’s ok, I like it. When one of them gives me gifts, dresses up, does things for me around the house – yeah I love it. But it doesn’t make me feel less for the other spouse.
The only thing they can do that actually makes me alter my feelings for the other one is when they make life difficult. Nagging, anger, bad temper – that is bound to make me long for the other spouse and think of them as preferable… Really.
So to sum up, one spouse can only make the polygamous partner love the other spouse more – not less.
Hey – I never even thought of that before you made me stop and think.